One Day at a Time

"God Sienna...." He held her close, tight.

They returned without a word, both numb. Both letting go of each other, for no reason. Again.

In the next couple of years Dylan had fewer and fewer relationships. At twenty seven, women didn't stand his overworking obsession and his emotional absence from any form of involvement.

He stayed long hours in his office and made a name for himself with his work, which boosted his confidence, which in return made him treat people with less patience and gentleness. More or less, most of his friends had moved away, gotten married or made new friends since he wasn't available and, truth is, not fun or challenging anymore. Women who didn't know him were still drawn to him, even more now. He was on the man side than the bad boy he used to be. He had a stubble that suited him and had gained more muscle that slightly showed even under his shirt. Charming but lonely.

Sienna began a true relationship with a thrilled Patrick. He was there for her in every aspect. He cooked her dinner when she was tired after a whole day working on her projects, he put an article about her whenever he could through the publishing company he was working for. He kissed her with all his heart and made love to her, pinching himself to make believe this was really happening.

She was beginning to embrace grey in her life, beginning to understand that nothing in life was only black or white.

Dylan was always in a corner of her mind but she was enjoying Patrick in her life. In fact, she couldn't have made it so smoothly if it wasn't for him. Strange as it sounds, it always felt like all this time she was cheating on Dylan, like she was Dylan's girl and had a break with Patrick. Foolish concept, as Dylan never had her as a girlfriend.

They had ran into each other, with several meters between them and dates by their sides. They weren't in talking range but their eyes met. For the rest of the evening they were virtually in place and with their dates.

Sienna missed his voice, his tight hug and his smell. She noticed his stubble and his manly ways along with his growing arrogance. She felt sorry for all the women by his side.

Dylan missed all of her, but mostly his hands in her hair and having her in his arms, talking to her. He missed talking openly to anyone, he hated his need to be tougher and tougher. He also hated Patrick. He hated that he was feeling tired of holding back his emotions.

Over those couple of years, he had a growing number of lonely nights, when the only memory that kept before drifting to sleep was their two times together, their two times he let himself a little loose to express, the moments he hid his face in her hair and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. She hadn't betrayed his trust. He missed her terribly but he wasn't ready to admit it. Not yet.

Sienna was now approaching twenty three and Dylan was already twenty eight.

She had grown more refined ways and a far more quiet and cheerful personality than she used to have as a teenager.

Dylan was getting more handsome but more stiff. He had everything he wanted but didn't know how to enjoy it more than a couple of days in a row. He was acknowledged and financially very well off.

One night after work Dylan decided to go to Johnny's, a long time forgotten small bar, lacking the high class people, his work had gotten him used to deal with. Fate had it that was the same night Sienna and Cassie went to Johnny's to discuss a serious dilemma Sienna had.

He spotted her as soon as he took his far away seat on the bar but kept watching her as she confided to Cassie. He made rings with his smoke and took sips of his scotch feeling warmth growing and a smile inside him. When the girls made a move to stand up and leave, he quickly grabbed his cell phone and his drink and headed over.

Cassie was happily surprised, "Dylan, long time no see! I hear rumors here and there but nothing had prepared me for the Dylan in flesh! Oh, you remember Sienna?"

Yeah he did. Every day.

Cassie went on, "How is life Dylan? Are you with Ann now or is she history?" Dylan laughed quietly, evading the question. His laugh was a perfect match to his gorgeous voice.

Cassie said they had to leave and Dylan offered to drop them to wherever they wanted with his car. Cassie accepted. Dylan had planned it so Sienna was left last, so he told her "I hope you don't have to wake up early tomorrow" and without waiting for her answer, he increased speed and drove to the seaside. He was tense and didn't seem to care to open up a conversation. Sienna inhaled his scent, his very tension and his skillful driving.

He parked the car and opened the door to get out. Then he opened her door "Come out, baby girl, it's quiet and the moon is filling out."

He lit a cigarette and leaned his back on the car, side by side with her, holding her hand tight, almost squeezing it, and looking up at the clear sky.

"What's up, Sienna?" he asked, touching her face. God, he had missed her more than he thought. "Trouble in paradise?"

Sienna felt like time was running back quickly. She felt seventeen again, desperately in love with Dylan. "Kind of Dyl. Patrick is moving away and I am to blame. He wants something I can't give him. I don't really know what to do."

"That Patrick again. What does he need sweetie? What more could he possibly need?" he added lowering his voice.

"Marriage. And kids. And me, a hundred per cent."

"I can see why. What's your objection?"

"I want to work, to make things, to be creative. He understands that but he wants to marry me."

Dylan took her in his arms and looked straight into her eyes. "He's smart, he senses he can't have you a hundred per cent. You're mine Sienna, I've told you that. And he feels it, he knows it."

Sienna couldn't reply. Her mouth was dry and half open in astonishment. He held her closer and kissed her. Between her lips, in her breath he kept saying "You're mine Sienna. No one can change that.... You're mine," and then he kissed her for real. She had almost forgotten how it felt to be kissed by Dylan, the overpowering feeling that she had no control over.

"What will you do, Sienna?" he asked finally.

"I'm staying here. I have barely started taking jobs. My friends are here.... But he loves me. He truly loves me Dylan."

"He deserves someone to love him back. Sounds like a nice guy. Come on, it's really late. I'll take you home."

"That'd be my sister's house. I left, remember?"

Dylan didn't speak. "Get in, Sienna."

Sienna knew. He was struggling with himself again. He wouldn't take her at her sister's. He would take her to his home, which was what he did, but what surprised Sienna was his phrase, "I'll take the couch. Sleep tight" and let her have the bed. She felt like he was resetting the clock. She had a big smile on her face before she slept as he wished her.

Dylan felt proud of himself. It was the first time in five years that he took care of her.

"Good morning, sweetheart. There's warm tea for you. I have to leave. Be here by six," ordered Dylan and left.

She thought she was daydreaming. She wanted to fully enjoy staying here, on Dylan's bed but she had to go to her sister's and pick up her stuff, plus she had to check her mails and work on a new presentation. She wanted to think about Dylan, his smell on his shirt and his voice calling her sweetheart. He had never called any woman he ever was involved with, beyond her name, rumor had it.

At six, she was reading a book when Dylan returned. He murmured "Good" when he saw her there. Casually, he just said, "I'm cooking dinner tonight" and he took his shirt off, got in the shower and under ten minutes he was in a plain white t-shirt, with half wet hair, heading to the kitchen. She glanced at his moves and felt her stomach tighten.

Dinner time was relaxed. Dylan even tried to make small talk. Sienna talked about her dreams and about her designs for the first time with Dylan and saw a different side of him; a new side which was more than good. He had a sharp mind and a dominating personality, an aggressive way to ask for resources or recognition, businesswise. No wonder he got successful, after a few years in his firm.

While Sienna was building her CV with Dylan, on his couch, she said she had experience working for a publishing company. "I had done designs for books Patrick reviewed...." She said trailing her voice off at the mention of Patrick's name.

"He was nice to you, wasn't he?"

"More than you can imagine."

"Oh, I can. He was claiming you for almost three years."

"He had me Dylan. We were really together all this time."

"No you weren't. You were mine. You are mine Sienna."

She felt blushing with anger. "This is a huge no Dylan. He won me fair enough. This is the arrogant side of you talking. When I missed you, all I had to do was to remember the way you turned your back to me when you felt like or justified it as right." Her throat ached from the strain. It was a good time to let out all those hurt feelings she kept bottled up for five years.

Dylan looked at her, changing feelings by the second. He started feeling angry but with a short, although painful transition, he saw the mistakes he had made to both her as well as to his life. With a small growing fear he saw her slipping away from him, Sienna, the one that was the most reliable person in his life to be there.

He looked at her for a tiny moment and then held her tight on his chest. Sienna was pleasantly crushed against him and without having to look into his eyes, she let herself cry for everything. Cry for what she owed to Patrick, cry for having him go away, cry for all those dark, lost nights thinking of Dylan.

He didn't move a bit, he held her tight and breathed heavier than usual to stop his own tears that were building. He held her with both his arms, differently than five years ago, more firmly, more caring, more sincere.

When he felt her crying reaching to an end, he took her face, framing it with both his hands and looked deep into her eyes, her muted green eyes that were blurred now and softly kissed her lips. "I'm sorry Sienna, I'm sorry baby girl.... I couldn't see all those things before.... I only knew what I needed.... Sorry baby.... please, let me make it up to you." He kissed her as softly as he could again and again. His own dark blue eyes were wet. This was a first for the mighty, aloof, coldhearted Dylan. Sienna still felt hurt but Dylan was more familiar to her than herself, his face was in her dreams for many, many nights. She hid her face in his chest again. Relieved,happier. "Oh, God, Sienna," was the last whisper she heard before she slept in his arms on his couch.

When she woke up she was alone in the apartment. She felt at some point when Dylan woke up. She missed his warm, tight hug around her but she was spent and slept through.

She made herself a strong coffee and grabbed her drawing pad. She worked on real pads and then digitalized them for further editing. That way her work had an original feel. She had no project to rush her so she did whatever came natural.

It had been hours since she started but she only realized it when Dylan sent her a message to get ready for a small weekend trip. She wondered; Dylan hated small or large trips and avoided them as hell. She rushed to the shower.

When Dylan returned, he saw her tidying the place with her hair up, gathering stuff and having a pale red face from around. He paused and rephrased what he had in mind "Hi there, sweetie. We have to go somewhere. My sister is getting married. You probably never met her, she's older than me and is having a baby soon, so.... It's a two hour drive and we'll be staying over for one night. You need to pack one dress at least."

She glanced at her suitcase terrified. "Not one dress?" he caught her look.

"A couple of skirts, doubtfully for the occasion and a couple of shirts.... Do they count?"

He formed a small smile. "Although you look wonderful in anything, I'm pretty sure my sister has a closet full of dresses. Be yourself, honey, I don't care about what they'll think. But I have to go. Pack for one night, I'll be right up." That simple, casual talk had Sienna warmed. Dylan was acting normally and that made her put her guard off and smile back. That was another first.

His paternal house was big and luscious. He was nervous about how Sienna would react. He feared he would see lust the for rich, he had seen it in his early days with his then girlfriends. He was examining her as they parked and were ringing the doorbell. He would have been enormously relieved if he had known that Sienna too, felt trapped in that kind of places with more rules than love.

His mother answered the door, giving orders here and there to numerous people working, taking care of tomorrow's reception.

"Dylan! You are here as promised, imagine that!" Sienna was beginning to understand what Dylan was running away from, and how the remarkable young man wasn't at all appreciated by his own family. She brushed her hand over his, reassuring him of nothing in particular but of everything. "Hi, mom. Um, this is Sienna."

"Dear, what a beautiful young lady. Too bad he's not the marrying type dear!" she said as she moved on. Sienna grinned. She was confident she knew him better than his mother but did not comment. He was as tense as he could be.

His mother returned urgently, "Dylan, we weren't expecting you to bring company so there are no spare rooms," and turning to Sienna asked, "Do you mind dear sleeping with one of the bride's maids? Follow me." Dylan was more than happy to see Sienna not being as frustrated as he was, in fact he saw her enjoying all this messed up situation.

Dylan's sister was a replica of her mother. All of the family had the same arrogance in common where Dylan made giant efforts to be caring and get away from all that. She realized now the commitment issues he was having.

All women in the house were immersed into this wedding thing and the dresses and their makeup. Sienna was glad she had packed a book and some drawing pads. She also had to endure comments on Dylan and herself, how long had any of his girlfriends survived him and so on. Dylan heard a couple of those comments and the only thing keeping him from swearing or punching was Sienna's 'never mind' smile.

The wedding setting was beautiful and Dylan was bored to death. He stood waiting for the ceremony to begin, while desperately scanning the place for Sienna. When all women started coming, shortly before the bride, and took their places, Sienna was among them. He stood speechless for a moment; he had never seen her dressed up before. She had borrowed a long, light brown, slim dress matching her hair. She wore nothing else, no jewelry or make up and he caught the very essence of Sienna, at that exact time, being both airy and earthy.

He hurried to her as he saw she was kind of lost. Put his hand on the small of her back and stood there, not trying to take a seat. They stood during the whole ceremony speechless, each for his own reasons. Sienna felt grown up for the first time but somewhat scared and Dylan, well Dylan just wanted to take her out of there, as he hated ceremonies.

Once they were all guided to their tables, where the dinner was to be served, he whispered in her ear "Follow me" and they were at his car in no time. "Let's leave Sienna."

She nodded yes, but asked "Our stuff?"

"If there aren't any valuables, I don't care, leave them. They can send them later, for all I care."

Sienna stopped him once more "Your sister's dress?" And pointed to the dress she was wearing. "She won't miss it," he answered and started the engine.

Back home, he didn't even turn on the lights when he unlocked the door. He took her in his arms and kissed her and took her dress off and felt her body "I've missed you so much, baby."

He made love to her, he put all his new found feelings in their mating. "I wanna taste you sweetie, lay still" and went down on her, the first time he wanted to do that to a lady and wasn't actually asked to. He felt this familiar ache in his chest while he wanted to make her his, urgently. He whispered her name countless times before they finally slept together.

Dylan was giving in, in his feelings, little by little every day. Sienna was kissing him when he woke up and when he returned from work, before dinner and when he did something for her. In a month he was so used to her he couldn't remember what it was not to have her in his arms when he was home.

And yeah, he discovered new things in their lovemaking; Slow, rough, urgent, caring, half naked or even brutal. Sweating every time.

The fairytale lasted for four months and Dylan grew accustomed to using the word 'girlfriend' for Sienna. He even put his arm around her shoulders occasionally, when they went out shopping or to the movies.

One sweaty night, when he was on top of her and he held her face tightly next to his, when they were coming together, he whispered in her ear "I love you, Sienna."

One day Dylan felt something that rang a bell in his mind. Lately, Sienna was way too absentminded and didn't run to kiss him like she used to. She never initiated sex anymore and accepted it reluctantly. Dylan would never ask her what was wrong, but he felt a sting and got angry over time. There was something on her mind and she shut Dylan out of it.

A couple of weeks passed like that and one afternoon he decided to return earlier, take her out for a walk and open up the subject. He was proud of himself for the way he was handling it.

On the way home, he saw Sienna, his own Sienna, outside a fancy hotel, downtown, hugging a dark blond, tall guy, of about his age. They looked pretty intimate with each other and he was caring with her. A lot. He parked at the first opening he found and called her. "Hey."

"Hey, Dylan! Listen, do you have anything planned for tonight, because we need to talk."

Dylan put together the puzzle pieces. Her absentminded behavior, her lack of interest in him, the tall blond guy and her serious 'we need to talk' voice.

"Where are you Sienna?"

"Long story. I'm meeting an old friend."

Close to the truth, he thought and felt the ache in his chest multiply a million times. Betrayal.

She went on, "I have some things to tell you Dylan so..."

His voice, deep and sarcastic, broke her sentence.

"Don't bother Sienna. Go pick your stuff and leave. By midnight I'm planning to be home and I want you out. Understood?"

He remotely heard her voice "Dylan, babe, what's wrong?" as he was almost smashing the phone, pushing the decline button to the point of breaking the glass.

Sienna had no clue. She didn't know what to think and felt so numb. She didn't even want to think or rationalize anything. She picked up her stuff and made a few phone calls to make sure she had somewhere to stay for the night. She left her key inside the apartment and closed the door.

Of course she wouldn't question Dylan, she wouldn't beg. He already knew that, he already knew her so well.

Almost two years later, in a somewhat business outing, Dylan run into Cassie. Cassie was with her fiancé and Dylan with yet another blonde.

"Cassie," he greeted her.

"Dylan," she retorted coldly, trying to avoid him.

"Hey, Cassie. What's up?"

Cassie had already turned her back to him. Awkwardness was spilled all around.

"You should know better than me, Dylan," she replied and turned her back once more.

Dylan wasn't a patient person. He excused himself and Cassie and took her to a more quiet part of the room.

"What's up, Cassie?"

"I expected more of a man out of you Dylan, that's all. You make your own choices, I can't judge you."

"I see. Sienna had her own version of the truth." Saying her name after two years, was painful.