One More Year Ch. 01

Besides, Jamie reliably attended. I'm not exactly going to admit to it, but that might have — maybe, possibly — been a factor. I did have enough other reasons to be there that I could pretend that the perks of his presence didn't appear on the list of reasons I'd have to recite in my mind as I forced myself to get ready for class. On its own, my crush certainly wasn't powerful enough to drag me out of bed on a Saturday morning — but then, very few things were.

That day, class wrapped up mercifully early, after about an hour. They were supposed to be about that long, but we technically had to prepare to be there for up to two hours, because the general idea was that we would cover a concept in its entirety in each Saturday lesson, then do the textbook exercises and refine the topic over the week. So it still felt like a treat that it was over that quickly — the previous week, Mr. Farrier had gone the full two hours. That was not a good Saturday morning. Not that this one was, but at least the toll on my brain had been lighter.

Ellie was double-booked for some tennis thing that the school administration still needed to reschedule. She'd had to run out of the class slightly early, with Mr. Farrier's permission, of course. I'd agreed beforehand to wait for her if the class ran short. I hadn't thought that the lesson might end so early, and that I'd have to spend a whole hour waiting, but it was a bit late to do anything about it.

So I walked to a nearby cafe, which turned out to be a massive mistake. The wind outside was howling and unseasonably cold, and by the time I got there my ears were ringing and my eyes were watering. I was severely regretting not having caved into my impulse to be lazy and take my car there. I bought some breakfast, gobbled it down at a table by the window where I could stare broodingly at the palm trees outside, nearly being uprooted by the force of the gale.

Fortunately, it was a quick enough meal that I didn't have time to start identifying with one of the trees — assailed, struggling, barely hanging on. I'm a sucker for a good metaphor, but I was already feeling decidedly less miserable on a full stomach. It was just a small part of my Saturday, after all, and at least I was up and doing something, no matter how boring. I guess that was better than doing nothing, and I could always use the homework as an excuse if my mom tried to rope me into a family event this weekend that I didn't want to do.

I fought my way through the wind back to the school, and before getting in my car to wait for Ellie, I headed to the bathroom. The bathrooms at our school are of decent, modern construction, and most of them doubled as changing rooms for sports and physical education classes. It had three individual showers at the far end, after the bathroom stalls, and just next to the entrance there was a long wooden bench.

Which is where I found Jamie, casually reclining and playing with his phone, looking far too relaxed for someone hanging out in a bathroom. Especially this one. The combined use of the spaces had pretty much conditioned me to always be nervous in there, even if there was no one else there. It always felt like you were just one wrong look away from someone accusing you of checking out their dick and calling you a fag — which seemed mortifying, whether it was intended as a joke or not.

"Heyyy, it's Jayyy." He said in a mellow voice, looking up as I came in.

People who didn't know me well usually called me Jason, since they were more likely to know my name from class lists or academic award ceremonies. But my family had been calling me Jay forever, and I generally preferred it. Jamie had called me Jay since I'd introduced myself that way to him. It was a little thing, but it fed into the feeling of asymmetric familiarity that always had me off-balance around him.

"HI, Jamie." I said, lowering the volume of my voice halfway through. I'd started out too loud because after being out in the wind, my ears were ringing in the sudden silence of the bathroom. "What are you doing here?"

It sounded like an accusation, and I nearly winced. I was always like this around him. Around a lot of people, to be honest, but especially him. Something about being alone in a room with him just caused me to pick things to say that were pretty much guaranteed to massively misfire.

"Just staying out of the wind. Can't mess up my hair, you know." He winked, of course.

"Oh... ok." It still threw me off. I'm only human.

I went to go pee, hoping that I hadn't awkwardly broken off what should have been a conversation, and hyper-aware that he could probably hear me. After I was done, I tried to wash my hands quickly, and get out of there as fast as I could to avoid any further awkwardness. He was looking up at me as I approached on my way out though, clearly in the mood to chat.

"So why are you still hanging around?"

"Oh, I'm waiting for Ellie, she has tennis."

"You two dating now?"

That got on my nerves a bit. Boys and girls couldn't spend time together, ever, without being accused of that. It certainly would qualify as what my brother Brian would call 'classic high school bullshit'. I had other complaints as well, since the last thing I was thinking about when I was hanging out with a girl was romance, but I let it slide. I certainly wasn't going to launch into a lecture about heteronormativity and platonic friendships in the middle of the men's bathroom.

It was uniquely uncomfortable to be asked that about Ellie though, especially by Jamie. We'd both actually asked her out, although he was the only one that met with a degree of success. I'd sort of been pressured by a friend into picking a 'crush' on Valentine's Day a few years earlier. Since I thought at the time that you were supposed to just arbitrarily pick a girl, rather than feel something, Ellie had come to mind. She and I had gone to primary school together, halfway across the country, and the fact that she'd coincidentally landed in the house right next door to us seemed like destiny. It certainly felt like as good a reason as any. When my 'friend' spread it around that I 'liked' Ellie, she didn't react badly, so I worked up the courage to ask her out.

She'd turned me down, but we'd stayed fairly friendly. Not so long afterwards, Jamie had asked her out, and she'd said yes. Not that it had meant much. We were all still very much young and innocent, although more innocent than young, since I vaguely remembered that thirteen-year-olds had gone much further at my previous school. At Elohim, however, walking around the school holding hands was rebellious enough to be thrilling. It broke the 'No opposite-sex physical contact' rule, which was just one of many rules that perpetuated my schools crazy-Christian reputation.

Jamie and Ellie's 'relationship' had lasted a week, which was pretty standard for those types of relationships, because eventually the thrill of rule-breaking wears off, and your hand needs a break. I was still insanely jealous and outraged the whole time they were dating, but in retrospect, I'm fairly certain my jealousy wasn't directed where I thought it had been.

"Hah. No, she's just my neighbour. I'm giving her a ride home."

"Sure, man. Sure." He winked again. I wondered, with vague amusement, if he still thought I was trying to date her.

"Um... You?" I hoped he could figure out what I was asking and respond appropriately, because I wasn't entirely sure I knew.

"Oh, my parents are taking my sister to this thing." He shrugged. "I don't remember what. I'm stuck here till much later."

"Oh." I shifted on my feet. "I've got my car here. I can give you a ride home too, if you want."

That came out quite coherently, pretty much as fast as I thought it. I felt annoyed with myself. I guess I was a bit smoother when I had ulterior motives. Like getting cute guys into my car.

"Really? That'd be awesome, man." He pushed himself into a more upright position.

"We still have to wait for Ellie. She'll be done at ten, I think."

"Oh yeah, that's fine. You're still saving me like two hours. At least."

"Okay, cool." I stood still for a second, thinking. "I um... I was just going to hang out in my car."

"Oh yeah. For sure, man. Let's do that." He hopped up, shoving his phone in his pocket and grabbing his bag. We didn't talk much on the way to the car, hurrying out of the wind as fast as we could.

We both climbed in, cold and windswept, throwing our backpacks in the back seat.

"Nice car, man. Birthday present?"

"Yeah, from my dad."

"Cool, man. Very cool."

We lapsed into an awkward silence. I don't know if I was supposed to brag about what speeds it could get to, or the engine size, or something like that, but I just could absolutely not. I knew precisely nothing about my car other than that it was big, comfortable, and gun-metal grey. Okay, I knew it was a Nissan Juke, because those words were on the outside. But that's pretty much it. It kind of reminded me of the bat-mobile, kind of like a blend of the one from the Tim Burton movies and the more tank-like thing in the Christopher Nolan trilogy — but I definitely knew that that wasn't a cool way to talk about it.

My dad had just driven up in it the morning of my birthday. He didn't live in the country, so I thought it was just his rental, but then he'd put the keys in a box and handed it to me. My mom was pissed off, because she'd gotten me a PlayStation, and felt like my dad was trying to show her up in some sort of weird divorce-parents contest. I think he'd just gotten an amazing deal and got excited about it. It was second-hand, but barely used.

I'd had to spend some time convincing my mom that the PlayStation was the more exciting gift, which wasn't exactly difficult. After a weekend locked up in my room playing games rather than driving anywhere, I think she was eventually convinced. Where was I supposed to go without a driver's license, anyway? I only had my learners license, a terrible sense of direction and no social life. Not exactly a good recipe for teenage hijinks. My test for my driver's license was a few weeks later, as soon as the traffic department opened up after New Year's Day. It was stressful, but I'd passed, and since then it'd had been pretty great having my own car, even though I'd only really used it to go to school so far.

"You can connect your phone and play your own music, if you want to." I gestured vaguely at the radio. "There's a cable, and bluetooth."

"I don't know if I have anything good." He said, pulling out his phone. "Don't you have music?"

"I think I left my phone at home." I lied, patting my pockets. My phone was safely on silent, in the front pocket of my bag. Mr. Farrier could be an ass sometimes if your phone went off in class, and I didn't need the aggravation. But there was no way in hell I was showing Jamie my taste in music. I have a weird, eclectic mix of stuff I like — classical stuff I picked up from music classes, 30s-40s-50s jazz that my grandad had loved, a blend of pop, punk-rock and cartoon theme songs by way of being influenced by my various siblings, and a random mishmash of things I'd heard in movies and advertisements. I didn't want to have to explain myself. Not to Jamie, anyway.

He shrugged, and connected his phone and started playing some unobjectionable classic rock.

"So," He turned to me. "How's school going?"

I just sighed.

"That bad?" He laughed. "It's only the second week."

"Yeah, my optimism really didn't last long."

"I don't get it." he had a way of twisting up his face that I found adorable. "You do more than just okay."

"I guess. But that doesn't make it fun."

"I hear that, man." He grinned. "Still, I'd rather get your grades. I feel like I'm working my ass off, and it's still getting kicked."

I just nodded, letting the conversation lapse back into silence, which was a bit more bearable with the music. As much as I'd like to commiserate with him, I didn't feel like I was working as hard as a lot of other people in school. Not that I really had a good idea how much everyone else was working. Everyone was always complaining about how overloaded with schoolwork they were, and I'd never really felt that way.

Occasionally I'd forget to do a project and have to rush the whole thing the day before it was due, but I felt like that was just because I was disorganised and lazy. It was just easier to not talk about it. I felt like I'd already passed a social test — being gloomy about school was a good, safe topic of conversation. Everyone hated it, for their own different reasons.

I glanced over at him. He was just sitting there, tapping along to the song and doing something on his phone, completely at ease. He could envy my academic prowess all he wanted, but I would have traded that in an instant for his confidence and comfort with himself. I was so jealous of the fact that he could walk into any room and make friends, no matter the situation. I was always uncomfortable, unsure, impatient. It was kind of exhausting.

Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw him looking at me, but when I turned my head he was still just looking at his phone.

"Hey, it's Ellie." I nodded towards the school gate.

Ellie was a tiny girl, short and thin, but she compensated by filling up the space around her with expansive gestures and her clear, lilting voice. Neither of which, at that moment, were helping her battle the wind. She eventually managed to struggle her way to the car, and seeing Jamie in the front seat, she climbed into the back. Her hair, usually in a tight bun, had clearly not held up well in the ordeal of playing tennis in this weather. Wisps of her ashen blond hair circled her angelic face, giving her a slightly embattled look.

"Hey Jamie," she said politely, "Hey Jay."

There was a hint of curiosity in her voice, which seemed fair. Jamie and I never hung out.

"I'm giving Jamie a ride home."

"Yeah, my parents are busy until twelve."

"Right. Well, I'm quitting Tennis if they don't fix this scheduling thing." She began to brush the errant strands of hair behind her ears. "Or if the weather keeps being this awful. Caitlyn was there, by the way."

"She's going to fail her ass off." Jamie settled back as I started up my car. "I don't get how people can skip these classes."

"Lea's planning on dropping it soon." Ellie said. "She's just working up the nerve to tell Mr. Farrier."

"Good luck with that." Jamie smirked.

"Is Caitlyn dropping it?" I asked, hopefully.

"No." Ellie sighed. "She just wanted to miss today because it's her birthday party tonight. She wants my notes, but I didn't really take good ones, and I don't know what I missed after I left."

She paused, as if about to say something else.

"I'm not lending you my notes so that you can copy them and hand them over to Caitlyn." I said pointedly.

Ellie never cared about maintaining proper notes. She just barged into my house and stole mine before tests, usually. I didn't mind, as I usually had a neater rewritten set by that point, because even I couldn't read my own handwriting sometimes. If she could read the original notes, she honestly deserved to have them. But that was usually too late for her to share them with anyone.

"I know, I know. I'll just put it off until she gets annoyed and asks someone else, I guess."

"Are you guys going to her party?" Jamie asked.

"Might as well. It'll probably be good, right? She knows a lot of people." Ellie held up her hands as if physically weighing the option. "Plus, if we don't go to parties now it's going to be prelims and then finals, and no one will be partying."

"Yeah, I hear she's got like a hundred people coming. It'll probably be the biggest party we see for a while. What about you, Jay? Going?" Jamie asked.

"Me?" I scoffed. "I'm not invited."

"Jay," Ellie shook her head dramatically, like I was a lost cause. "It's not that kind of party."

"What kind of party is it?" I asked.

"Rich girl, whose parents are out of town a lot, makes everyone suck up to her for free drinks and food." Jamie said.

"Yeah, exactly, a typical Caitlyn party." Ellie said, causing Jamie to laugh. "Jay, you need to come. Seriously."

"I don't know." I grimaced. "Caitlyn hates me."

"Caitlyn hates everyone, and everyone hates her." Jamie said. "It's normal — you'll blend in."

"She's not THAT bad." Ellie said, a bit half-heartedly. She waved her hand dismissively. "Plus, it's not like she'd kick you out. A lot of people will be there. You might not even bump into her, and even if you did, she wouldn't make a scene."

"Yeah, she wouldn't want to share the attention." Jamie smirked.

Ellie looked like she was going to say something, but then just nodded emphatically.

"I don't think I'll really know anyone."

"You'll know us." Jamie shrugged.

"Yeah," Ellie bounced on her seat. "We should all go together. Jamie?"

"Sure. You live close, right? I can get dropped off at your place, and we can walk there."

"Okay, cool." Ellie turned to me. "Jay?"

"Ummm..."

"Oh come on. It'll be fun. You need to have more fun. Jamie, back me up." She held out her hand to him, imploringly.

Jamie turned to face me and grinned. I groaned inwardly, frustrated with myself for wanting to do something that would give me more time to hang out with him.

"Okay, fine. I'll go." I could probably have told Ellie no, but Jamie sitting there next to me made it difficult. Impossible, even.

I didn't want to think too much about it, because then I'd have to examine my motives.

"Cool, we'll meet at Jay's house," Ellie said to Jamie. "It's the big white one next to mine. Just text us when you're there. That okay, Jay?"

"Yeah, fine." I sighed, defeated, but not entirely unhappy.