All Comments on 'One Night with Mom Ch. 01'
by beaverhunt
- 19 Comments
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoYour English needs work. You go from 1st to 3rd person quite a lot. Make sure you edit your stories before posting.
goducks1almost 6 years agobut the writing really needs some editing and cleaning up. your story ideas are very clever. you need to work a little more on your writing.
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoI agree with the others: I like the potential of your story, but the 1st/3rd person switch-ups and editing really distracted from it
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoIt's one thing to suddenly switch POV in the middle of a story and continue with the new POV, but it's another to switch back and forth in the same paragraph.
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoBring nylons and lingerie into this, hotels,dates, everything..even after the rest come home..make this a thing between mom and son.nit the rest of the family..
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoThe premise (a game of strip poker) is one that's way over-used, in this genre of erotic literature, to begin with. The dialog is absolutely abysmal. Finally, there's the switch between narrative styles - first-person (I,she) and second person (you) - often within the same paragraph.
Obviously the author couldn't make up his mind which style he wanted to use, which makes this a story that should never have been submitted in the first place!
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoMom turns the tables, punishing son for his grammatical errors.
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoI love how these comments convince me to not waste my time with your story.
Morlan502almost 6 years agoHave someone read your story to proof it. Then it will be more interesting.
Anonymousover 5 years agoHowever you do need an editor, and proof reader to catch errors. Try to keep writing.
Foxterot7aalmost 3 years agoA good story; however, I like character and emotional development. Gave it a 4 rating.
LSantiagoover 2 years agoyou ca proof read but your pace is very good . many a good story in this genre is ruined by a slow pace,
You can proof read abd spell check all you want but be who you are
01Timber67about 1 year ago3⭐️ story,, I don’t understand the yours dick out of her mouth meaning,, should it not be my/mine ???
beaverhunt@beaverhunt
