All Comments on 'One Slip: The H20wadr's Ending'

I always look forward to your wonderful tales! I only wonder why you even took this story in this direction. Since you did and with your expertise why such a short disjointed, unbelievable! ending. I will still look forward to your new stories but this was surely not your best effort.

Of all the endings to Patricia51's "One slip". there had to be one that was so cynical that it was convoluted and senseless. This one was it.

Cheers!

this was crap

i'm sure like most readers will feel,i'm not happy with the outcome as told in the story. the bad guy wins big time!

however thanks for making the effort to offer an alternative ending to a story that has had a lot of exposure.

regards,

don

...the FBI, which has been running a surveillance operation for over a year, intercepts the letter. At which point the entire group ends up in a federal prison, getting gang raped in the showers.

The end.

This submission was way below your usual standard. Please don't do it again.

that was the author's take. and so OK, im giving it a 25. hey, at least its not a 00. its for the time and effort( probably short time and not much of an effort).

Not your usual effort or style--You gave no new insight to the characters plot, meaning behind the story or anything. Not your good stuff H20wader--in fact downright terrible. I usually like your writing--pull this one and try again.

Your story was pathetic. It made no sense at all. You made the whole story out to be a 'mafia' like operation with executives parading their wives and daughters for business. Which big business operates like that!!!!!!!!!!! I have always enjoyed your story but this really was silly. Good luck to you.

lwyslv

I normally love your stories but this one made no sense to me at all.

Keep Writing

Bob

I am very disappointed. I don't know why it was so inadequately thought out and submitted.

I do look forward to the author’s next story submittal.

PT

Another fan of your writing... This one was just lacking. It made no sense at all. Even beyond the random direction, and the impossibility of what's being asked.

Sorry.

I normally like you stuff and can't wait to read it. I had to go over this a few times to get what was happening. I've read all the alt ending in the past. But this left me shaking my head. You normally set up the scenes a little too well at times. You added so many new characters with no development, It doesn't look like you wrote it. The premiss could work but you didn't give it time to get there. Sorry but you lost me on this one. Were you going for comments written by the most number of pissed off readers? I think DG has the record for that this week.LYG

Why did you waste my time and yours?

surely??

The only thing that bears any relationship to Parricia's original is the names of a few characters.

This is beyond good or bad, it's disturbing. It feels as if you have been using the original story as a platform to convey some dark angry feelings, unrelated to the original, only we are not informed about it . It touches on some ring of cheating women; it touches on state wide corruption - frankly it sounds a bit paranoid to me. As if that's how things work all around you, only we don't know about it...Da da da da dadada... Now I wonder what is it that you are REALLY angry about? Maybe then we could get a more coherent story.

my god man get real

This could not get any worse...from any standpoint!

You should have left well enough alone. Your ending sucks big time. The only thing your ending suggests is how big a slime ball Gil Gentry is and that you have the audacity to indicate that he sees himself as a good guy. What a crock of shit! This is one time that the original ending was enough. I hope you have a day job that pays.

The best things about this story are that it is short and not worth taking seriously.

Another caricature of the original story. I know you can do better.

Stop tying while on drugs and get it together, then try writing a story.

What a simpering piece of shi#. This so called ending to said story is an insult to a fairly good story.

Go back to school and graduate from the sixth grade and maybe you will learn hot to evaluate a story.

ABSOLUTE CRAP

If you can't write a decent tale, stop writing!

Not a lot of give in this crowd I guess -

It is as valid an ending as any other - no reason to think it could not happen - it does not require any thing more than some corrupt people - there are plenty to go around.

I could like something like this!

The story was so unrealistic and outlandish that it was was actually funny and entertaining. And, it was well written and original. Therefore, I rated it 5*****s.

But saying that it was a nice twist to the other bullshit versions of this story which basically made her innocent of any wrongdoing(she was drunk, horny, he drugged her, she was hypnotised.) although I hate cuckold/cheating stories I do at least appreciate this humorous story so thanks.

You went way off the deep end with this one. Fucking horrible.

Because if yes, well... I would love to see it in the cold light of the day...

Stupid, crude and not worth reading.

Unfortunately, the skillful writing of the original author seemed to attract mostly untalented wannabes who 1) could not continue the story without a complete change of POV; 2) Had to introduce some standard LW devices to try to hide their lack of originality 3) Were so obsessed with punishing the wife for a one-time cheat that they ignored a work-obsessed husband whose initial lack of attention set the situation up, or the criminal intent of the seducer.

The original story was so well-written that few could (or should) have accepted the challenge. Even the late Josephus - possibly the only one with enough talent of those who tried to step up to the mark - missed the target.

Not one of your better efforts, IMHO.

was that bullshit? Did anybody even understand what the fuck that was supposed to be???

Out of all the endings for Patricia1 story, this one is BY FAR the worst. Not only is this story implausible, but it feels like you wrote it in about 15 minutes. Total, unbelievable pile of horse pucky.

Hey H20wader, when you get through sucking your neighbor's dick (cleaning it off for the neighbor after the neighbor fucked H20wader's boyfriend in the ass), go straight to Hell. They are gleefully waiting for you.

Nobody has the kind of power necessary to make those demands of a judge and successfully get away with it, because the judge is open to review by others. Still, if I read it with Gil being an asshole of extreme delusions of grandeur, I find it hilarious. Don't know whether you intended it that way, but thumbs up for that.

I've never left a negative comment before but that was utter bile. Crawl back under your rock, and please stay there.

Now that was a kick in the head -

And as possible as any other idea - damn - you got a black side to your imagination -

'Nuff sed.

May be the worst story on Literotica.

Just horrendous.

Your crap or the cuck stories you linked to. Yes I do it's yours.

bang, bang, bang if that didn't kill you. You can borrow my gun.

that doesn't finish the story?

Polygamy has had a very LONG history in the world. Do you know WHERE? Dictatorships. A powerful Cock in the Mouth decides he wants a ton of girls. Since boys and girls generally get born in equal numbers, that means when the Inca takes on 10,000 women, 9,999 men are left with blue balls. And don't forget his ministers.

What killed polygamy? Democracy. Those 9,999 other men aren't happy. And if they CAN tell the Cock in the Mouth to go fuck himself, they WILL!

Nor let us forget these wives, who just LOVE to be passed around as party favors. I mean, I was talking to the wife and she said "You know what is hot? Having some asshole I hate grope me and make me have all kinds of sex I dislike and pass me around like a party favor."

Oh...sorry...she said the opposite of that!

So...in a website which has happy cuckolds who never get divorced and embrace their sub status, or which has men with Mustangs who cheat their insipid wives out of everything...here we have a power trip fantasy. I am guessing you aren't putting yourself in the shoes of the husband who is forced to share.

Nope, didn't like it. Because it broke suspension of disbelief about three ways past Sunday. Because it characterizes women in ways that they are not. Because it has men accepting things that they MURDER people over in ample quantities.

Essentially, not because it is poorly written, but because I do not believe it, am not emotionally engaged in it, and find it morally repulsive.

You cannot have all three in a story.

Sad to say, but things like this go on more than any of us would want to admit. Greed and power are two powerful motivators, and some will seek either or both regardless of the cost. Good story from a different angle, just not one I cared much for.

This is just the worst, purely garbage, I hesitate to call it a story at all, from an author that barely achieves mediocrity at his best.

At least the author is honest when he calls his writing "ravings", fits this piece to a tee.

A silly look at political and corporate corruption. He does not have a fool proof scheme, he has dementia.

Thanks for the offering.

It is almost like you picked the stupidest end you could think of. Knowing that it was so bad that people were going to tell you so.

Why? Just so you could feel like an intellectual and quote Shakespeare.

The only positive? It was short. Thankfully damn short.

Donna and Steve didn't just go to the local police. They went to the State Police and the FBI. Tom, Gil, The Governor and the rest were all convicted under the Rico Act and spent the rest of their lives in prison. It would have been a no-brainer. The films didn't have to show rape, they just had to show the acts. And once the dominoes started to fall, the how network fell like a house of cards. Your ending was simply ludicrous given the facts of your story. Having been in construction I especially had to laugh at the concrete part. Steve simply has an independent engineer observing all the pours (standard procedure in lots of buildings) and nothing gets refused or needs to be ripped out and replaced. Test cylinders would be poured and tested. Failure of the concrete would be the suppliers problem, not Steve's so he would have had no problems at all. One other thing. You don't think Donna and Steve had all their conversations recorded on their I-phones? Awful ending that didn't meet the facts of the story.

It snot.

And I do mean SUCKED!!!!!

I tried to find one of your many stories that I could stomach, but I can't. Not one. I'll be the first to cry enough!

And it's not a valid ending bc it does not fit the facts of the first story.

Nuf sed.

First he writes possibly his worst story ever. Then he gives you links to all the people who did the same story way better than he did!

Pathetic attempt to piss off as many people as possible.

I too would love to see this story expanded but I have one major question.

In the most prestigious corner office sat Joseph Howard, the managing partner, and John Randolph, Director of Human Resources. The two men, good friends and golf partners for over twenty years, were enjoying a cup of coffee. Susan, Joel's secretary always made the best coffee.

Who in the hell was Joel?

The story sucks, and the author too. Why ruin a decent story?

Actually it was the worst of ALL the ones written. Sorry

Lol

Worst possible Ending.

Unadulterated Hogwash

Do everyone a favor & retire.

Gay as fuck

if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all

Tried very hard to ruin a good story. Worst sequel ever written.

You should change your name to H2OMoron. Worst sequel ever.

Not a valid ending. What's to say Steve might have more to say about the resolution. Cynical, boring and incomplete.

Went off the rails. Don't really see the connection (except for the names) to the original story. Cynical world view (probably shared with many others).

Might have had more impact if there was an epilog where Steve shot Gil (and the judge) after the Judge let Gil off.

Very poorly done

Certainly the worst sequel of any on this site. Does not follow from the original premise of Patrica51 's storyline. Perhaps a valid storyline by itself but to debase an excellent story with your pathetic drivel is just very sad.

Idiotic sequel

Lousiest ending by far.

This epilogue went off on a severe tangent. Super dark; It doesn’t keep to the spirit of the original. A cursory review of the other comments concur. 1-star.

Frankly, I'm disappointed.

Not too good, not well thought out, and I think it's not up to your normal level of storytelling...

...sorry for the 2, but it was disappointing in several ways.

Absolutely hated it, 1*.

Drinking heavily while writing is clearly a bad idea for an author.

Very weak!