One Tiny Problem Pt. 02

"Yep. Good ones, too. Hot yoga. I'd love to show you sometime. You can come with me. Oh... I'll need some dry clothes, too. Anything is okay."

"I doubt I have anything small enough." I don't know if she specifically meant my boobs or body size. She was like 36DD or something pretty huge and I was 32B on a puffy day.

"Baggy works. Whatever you've got. I just can't wear this to the party." I pointed to my sweaty shirt and pants.

"Got it... Jake, let's leave her alone. Wait, you want a drink? There's an LSU guy here who thinks he's the absolute top shit of all bartenders in the whole south. He can make anything. What can I get you?"

A drink did sound awesome. I was super thirsty from working out and I hadn't eaten a single thing since breakfast. "Tell him to whip me up a big Blue Hawaiian."

"What's that?"

I laughed. It wasn't that fancy a drink but Baton Rouge, Louisiana wasn't exactly a world capital. Maybe it came from Hawaii and then only made it a bit in from the west coast, I wasn't sure. We drank it all the time in Seattle. "He'll know, I bet. There's always the internet."

Mary Sue got the shirt back on Jake and led him out of there carefully, and after they were gone and the door closed I stripped off my damp shirt and bra. It felt great to let my skin breathe. I looked at myself in the mirror, front view, then side view. Not bad 32B's, I thought. 32B's that wanted to have a big-muscled guy grab the shit out of them. It was as if every day I worked this job in this town I got hornier and hornier and it was about to boil over at some point.

So I told them I was going to stay for their party. Would I find a big dick here to fuck me? Maybe. At least I could try to meet some people my own age. That would be a start. Any chance sweet Mary Sue would have any grad students at her party? It was a long shot. More like grab students. I laughed at my stupid joke.

I finished with the toilet after a long while, getting distracted reading the magazines they had stashed in a little wicker rack there, when Mary Sue knocked.

"I got your drink--you done with your shower already?"

"No," I laughed through the cracked door. "Not even started."

"Here's your Blue thing. He made a whole blender of it, so we both get some. I hope it's good." She said this happily, pushing open the door. When she saw that I was topless she grimaced apologetically and zipped the rest of the way in, closing the door quickly behind her. She looked to see if anyone had peeked in from the hallway. "Sorry."

"No problem," I said, taking the drink and slurping it right away. It was fucking huge. Louisiana big-ass portions meets Hawaii. Just what I needed. I gushed, "Oh my God, that hits the spot. You are an angel."

She smiled, pleased with my reaction. "Wow, look at you. You're so skinny."

"Slender, Mary Sue. We call it slender!" I Iaughed, looking down at my own tits and belly.

"Damn. You need some southern comfort food to fatten you up. Let you fit in with the locals better!"

"Maybe," I laughed, raising my glass. "Anyway, here's to Jake! I'm very glad that wasn't any worse."

"To Jake!" she repeated, and raised her glass, taking a big slug. We both swished the drink in our mouths and swallowed eagerly.

"Fuck, that tastes good!" she said first. "What's in that, rum?"

"Damn straight!" I echoed, enthusiastically. "To Jake!" I said again, giggling. Why the fuck not? He'd brought this girl and me together.

"To tiny dicks!" she said, and burst out laughing.

"To micropenises!" I said loudly.

Fuck, I'd definitely stepped out of my professional role already. And I was only a few swallows in. The alcohol was seeping directly into my massively dehydrated bloodstream and straight into my brain's inhibition centers, disabling them effectively. I knew I should be drinking about a liter of water before hitting this stuff.

But it felt good to unwind. So fucking good. I realized that Mary Sue was the first real friend I'd connected with in Baton Rouge. We both drank more. And smiled at each other.

"Fuck. I'm only going to drink with topless women from now on," she said. "It breaks the ice so much better."

"Indeed. You want to catch up with me? Pretend we're in Iceland or someplace where they sit around in jacuzzis like this all the time."

She smiled and raised her glass. "To tits!"

"To big tits!" I said, heartfully.

"To tits of any size and shape!" she echoed, and we both took big slugs of the blue beast. We were already about half way through these fucking huge glasses of the stuff. I wondered if there was going to be another blenderful waiting for us. I decided that since I was staying at this party, I was going to make that happen.

Then Mary Sue stood up and whipped her shirt over head and unhooked her bra, throwing it dramatically into the sink.

"Yeah, I remember those," I said hazily, looking at her full breasts. "The field hockey physicals."

"That's right! I forgot about that. You've already seen these babies."

"It's all a blur. Seeing about 50 tits in one afternoon, I don't remember much of anything. The wrestling team, though. Jesus. Let me tell you. Those guys can do the penis. Let me tell you."

"Ah," Mary Sue said wistfully. "I miss that. I've almost forgotten what a big dick feels like."

"This thing happened..." I said, already feeling the alcohol hitting hard and knowing I was saying too much, but also not caring. "With the wrestlers. I was seeing guy after guy, for hours, I mean the dicks just didn't stop! And by the end I was giving up on all the polite protocol, I was just like drop your fucking shorts and lay that fucker in my hand."

"No way!" she spit out some drink from her lips. "You didn't!"

"Well, almost. It felt like it. This one guy. I'm not going to tell you his name--I'm not that drunk yet! I had him naked on the exam table with his legs spread open; Jesus, his dick was so long it went straight across and then bent down the edge and hung there."

"You are shitting me."

"Maybe a little..." I smiled and took another drink of the blue. "Then I had him stand up and do a squat--fucking naked--and I pulled on his dick. I'd never done that before."

"Wait. His dick was just hanging down below his body while he was crouched down? Swinging in the breeze?"

"Yeah."

"Shit. That's fucking hot. And he was looking at you all submissive, like lady please just let me stand up and put some clothes on?"

"Yeah, I guess!" I laughed.

"Oh my God. Was his cock like dragging on the floor? You made him rub the head around in the dirt?"

"No, I didn't make him squat that low. Ha ha, you have quite an imagination. That sounds too cruel."

"But you were milking his cock. Yanking on it?"

"Not really yanking. First I wrapped my hand around the base. Snug like, with my thumb and fingers, so I could get a good feel." I demonstrated the motion with my hand in the air. "It was a big cock, even though it was soft, and I could barely close all the way around it. Then I made one long, slow--really fucking slow--pull," I laughed, "sliding all the way down to the tip."

"Fuckin-A..." Mary Sue was entranced. Maybe she would be a doctor after this. "What did you tell him you were doing?"

"Checking his penis."

"And he didn't say anything? Like what the fuck are you doing, lady?"

"No. Are you kidding me? I'm the doctor. I'm in charge. And those guys liked it, anyway."

"You didn't jack him or anything, did you?"

"No, God no." I thought about Jake, guiltily. I didn't think she knew about that. It was his fault though, for Christ's sake.

"Did you see his pre-cum dripping down to the floor?"

"Jesus, I hope not. I didn't check. But while I held him I could feel the blood rushing in and his shaft thickening up. When he stood up, his dick wasn't flopped down anymore. It was on the diagonal. I didn't want to embarrass him too much or have it swing around and hit me or some shit so I ended it there. But Jesus Christ, it would have been easy to take it to another level, playing with them. I could have said I needed to check their urethra at the penis head, or something."

"Oh my God..." Mary Sue said, "Is there any medical treatment that requires you to stick a fat cock into your mouth?"

"Ha ha, no... Nothing that they taught us, anyway!"

"Fuck, I miss sucking on a fat cock. You know that I'm dominant with Jake. But a big cock with the right shape and I'll just melt like butter..." She mocked it with an open mouth and going all silly with her head. "Fuck... they could yank my tits or fuck me in the ass or do anything they wanted with me if they've got that."

"I won't tell Jake you said that!"

"Actually you could, he would get turned on by it. The idea that if he had a fat cock that he could enslave me. It's true, actually, you know. But he's just a little boy down there and he knows it."

Our laughter faded and then we both quieted down. I looked at her and sipped again. That story really turned her on and fired up her fantasies. I decided that she was a good match to Jake's needs for being dominated.

"How is it going with Mr. Pink Panties, anyway? Are you guys good?"

"Yeah. Jake's a good guy. But... shit. Your stories of the big dicks are making me squirm." She pulled on her tits while she talked, absent-mindedly, teasing a nipple. That surprised me, but I was cool with it. Talking about sexual things puts one in a mood.

"Jake's amazing," she continued. "I mean he's such a great guy, really cares about me, and he's incredible at oral. Sucks like a vacuum cleaner and takes me all the way every time. Which is not like most guys. I'm sure you know!"

"Well, I'd like to know more, for sure." I laughed nervously. "I don't really have... well--" Mary Sue saved me from more confessional-of-a-sex-starved twenty-something by interrupting.

"With Jake it's like good lesbian sex--I get off but there's no dick involved. Christ, Jake's dick isn't good for anything except he could do that scissoring thing lesbos do. After a while I just get crazy and absolutely need a real dick inside of me. I mean any dick. Like even if it was a little dick, at least I could feel something!"

"Oh?" I asked, curious if she acted on this need.

"So there's this guy Bo. It's funny, he's what we call 'the other Jake' because he's been best friends with my Jake forever. His first name is actually Jake, too."

"Yeah, I know. He's the quarterback. Jake Bo-Champs," I pronounced the beautiful French name Beauchamps the way I heard Jake say it. Which is to say, totally wrong. But locals will be locals. "De-troit" is hardly correct either.

"What? You do?"

"Jake told me. I mean, your Jake did. Jake #1. Told me about Jake #2."

"Jake #1," she laughed. "for my Jake. I like that. But wait... Jake told you about Bo? I wonder why." She went quiet, with a puzzle on her face.

"I did a medical on him. We did talk about his penis, you know. He stripped for me. I had to ask him multiple times before he would undress."

"Did you try to hold it?"

"What do you mean hold it? I couldn't even find it!" We both burst into laughter at that. Mary Sue raised her glass again and I joined her.

"To micropenises!"

"To dicklettes!" I echoed, and we both slammed our drinks.

Jesus, it was fun to light it up with another girl. I had no idea how much I missed this.

"Do you know how much Jake would love to see this?"

"What, us just talking?"

"You topless like that. He'd go ape shit. He'd grind himself raw and shoot cum everywhere."

"Why? I have such small tits." I grabbed my own tits and squeezed them. It felt surprisingly good. Mary Sue had been touching herself as we talked, so it was easy to join her. Inhibitions were heading south anyway with repeated application of the Hawaiians.

"You don't understand. He loves small tits. Like Kristen Stewart's. He fucking loves fucking Kristen Stewart." Mary Sue's blood alcohol levels were climbing also, it was evident.

"Really? No way. I thought big tits like yours were the only thing guys wanted. Lots to grab onto. And to do that motorboat thing... I'd like a guy to do that to me sometime, just to know how it feels."

Mary Sue took another big slug. It was hitting her harder now too, and she gushed, not taking the bait on my motorboat comment. "You know that movie she's in, where she strips down for the doctor. And she lays on her side, her little titties, skin so nice and perfect, little bitty nipples, and the doctor puts his stethoscope on her heaving breast?"

"No, I don't think I've seen it. But I can imagine. Sounds hot."

"It's a good scene. But Jake asked me--fucking begged me--to put that scene on repeat and give him my vibe so he could rub one out on himself. It was one of our first dates and that's when I learned about his whole small penis shit. He would go abso-fucking-lutely nuts to see me talking to you with your tits out like this. You know... you look a lot like her. Like a young, blonde version of her. Same tits."

"Wow," I said, reflecting on all of that. Shit.

We both drained our drinks to the bottom. Have to get more of those. They were working wonders.

"Wait," I said, processing something she said earlier. "What about Bo? You said something about him."

"What?" she said, now reluctant.

"Come on, dish to your new girlfriend. Are you fucking Bo?" I prodded.

She blushed. "Okay, I'll spill. But don't tell anyone!"

"Jesus, of course not. I sure as hell wouldn't as a doctor and I wouldn't as a friend."

"I told myself it was okay because I'm dating a guy who has no dick. I mean, I'm not even exaggerating that. They guy literally has almost no dick. It's never going to give me pleasure. Don't I deserve some compensation for that?"

"Hmm..." I thought aloud.

"Every now and then--while I've been dating Jake--it builds up and I just can't fucking stand it, I get so horny and I need to get fucked. Fucked right, I mean. Like actually fucked by a real man. It's a physical demand of my body. All those years of evolution, right? Some of us believe in evolution in Lousi-fucking-ana!" She laughed. But I stayed serious.

"You're cheating on him? How often is every now and then?"

"I don't know, every month or so?"

"And Bo is who you're fucking? I thought you left him after the ninth grade?"

"I did. Jake told you that? Why? Shit."

"He might be a little obsessed with Bo and his dick. I guess. But it doesn't matter."

"He's not gay, do you think?

"Not that I can tell."

"I do make him wear girl's clothes, but I thought that was just for the humiliation kink."

"From what I read on it, that's probably right. But you've never made him get fucked by a guy?"

"No. Shit, that would be wild. I have used toys of course, when I peg him. He likes that, and I get off on it too, I gotta say. The power trip I guess. His little expression when he's about to cum and I'm jacking that toy in there hard. Ah fuck..." she smiled. "But Jake fucked in the ass by a dude. Hmm, I wonder..."

"I hate to say, but Mary Sue--can I give you some tough love? Cheating on your man is wrong, even if he has no dick."

"Yeah, I know. I've been worrying about it a lot. Bo has a new girlfriend anyway. She's here at the party. A wild one. Michelle. So my friend-with-benefits is off the market."

"It's good you aren't crashing their relationship."

"Bo wouldn't do it. Anyway, lowkey I'm kinda scared of Michelle." She laughed. "But like, actually for real. I wouldn't want her to catch me with her man's nine inches deep inside, no matter how good that cock feels in there."

"Bo is hung that well?" Jesus, I was lit. I would never have asked her this an hour ago.

"Oh fuck, yeah. You didn't examine him yet? He's a solid nine inches. And thick. When he fucked me the first time it took like half an hour for him to get me warmed up enough to take all of him."

"Jesus. I'm going to stay up all night thinking about that. I didn't think the cervix could take nine inches."

"It takes a while to adjust. But it works. And feels pretty fucking amazing. Like you're totally full down there. There's no air gap anywhere. Just his cock pushing into you in all directions. And it keeps coming at you."

"Holy shit. Where can I get one of those?"

"Wanna trade places and you can have my dickless boyfriend instead for a few nights!"

"Ha ha. No... you're the one that signed up for that. Hey--" I changed the subject. "I want another one of those drinks. But first, look, I want to say thanks for talking tonight. I really enjoy this."

"Fuck yeah, girl!"

I giggled. My defenses were down and I couldn't resist going there. "Can I tell you something? A secret?"

"Fuck yeah!" She said this universally applicable response again and looked at her empty drink glass. We both wanted more.

"You can't tell anybody."

"Scout's honor. Lips are sealed."

"That package there. I ordered it after we talked, at the high school. I was curious and wanted to learn more."

"Can I open it?"

"Yes. In fact, I want to give it to you. Just don't tell anybody it came from me."

"Jesus, now I really want to see what's in there."

Mary Sue popped up, bouncing her big tits. She bent over to grab the Amazon box and tore it open. Then she started laughing. Big guffaws.

"It's a chastity belt. Oh... my... fucking God!"

I was blushing; I was so embarrassed. "Mary Sue. You can't tell anybody this was from me. You swore!"

"I know--I won't," she said, laughing so hard she could barely talk. "Is this for me to use on Jake?"

"Yes. Well, I don't know. I thought maybe."

"You know you bought the woman's belt, right? There are ones for guys, they have a metal pouch thing in front where the cock lays. To lock it down."

"So it's wrong?"

"No! That's what's so fucking funny! It's perfect! He has no cock, so the woman's one will fit perfectly. Jesus Christ, I'm going to have to make him wear this sometime soon. Listen, I need a drink; I'll get you one too. Let me see... where can I hide this thing?" She opened up the sink cabinet and wedged it under there.

I sat on the closed toilet seat with my head slumped in my hands. I was so ashamed that I had made this impulse purchase, and then confessed it to my new friend. She could tell, and bent over and kissed me on the head.

"Julie, it's great. You didn't do anything wrong. Thank you so much." Then she threw her shirt back on over her protuberant boobs--forgoing her bra and instead stuffing it under the sink to join the chastity belt--and turned to slip out the door, muttering, "My doctor buys me a chastity belt! Fucking hilarious..."

When I recovered sufficiently I jumped into the shower. It was long and it was hot; that was all that mattered. I tried to clear my head from the Blue Devil and that entire wild, wacky, wonderful conversation.

The next thing of significance that happened was a loud knock on the door and Mary Sue's voice. She was all business this time, no more easy times of toasting Jake's micropenis and drinking the blue devil.

"Julie! Jake is out here. He got real dizzy all of the sudden."

Fuck, I thought. He did get banged up pretty hard after all.

I was still in the shower. I'd probably used up all of their hot water; I had been in there for so long. My skin was wrinkled up like a prune. Mary Sue poked her head in through the cracked bathroom door. "Should I do something?"

"Bring him in. Just sit him on the toilet there."

"Bring him in?"

"Yes. Please. Put his head down between his knees."

"Aren't you naked?"

"I'll put a towel on. Sit him down, now."

"Okay. Just a sec."

I heard the commotion but returned to the bliss of my hot water, secure behind my shower doors.

"He's down."

A different voice popped up from the hallway. A young woman's. "Mary Sue!" It sounded urgent.

"What now?" she yelled back over the sound of the running shower, annoyed.