One Way to Graduate

Still, that feeling passed quickly, as he kept them moving along.

"You added ramps to the sidewalks and stores." Nora said simply.

"Well... yeah. Anything new these days should be accessible, shouldn't it? I think it's a law."

Nora didn't know for certain, but the fact he had still considered people like her in his community design brought a certain flutter to Nora's tummy.

"I mean it's the 21st century, you shouldn't have to ask for a ramp, right? You deserve better. Formaggio's on Main Street doesn't have one," he pointed his thumb at the half-eaten pizza, cold by now. "I gave a guy a push up the steps like... a month or two ago?"

It took Nora a second to reply, but Ethan had grown used to taking a breath so he didn't interrupt her. "As good as that place smells. A ramp will not help me. See. I am a very tough customer. Pizza parlors do not like it when your Mom brings in a blender."

Nora made her best attempt at the sound of a roaring motor spelling a pizza's demise as the speaker recited its lines, and Ethan let himself chuckle, starting to get her brand of humor. "Yeah, letting pizza be my big pitch was pretty dumb, sorry."

Almost on cue her open mouth drooled a bit more down her chin and he gave her a wipe, unable to ignore the blushing smile and batting eyes she lent him when he did. Ethan knew this kind of casual care must be banal for her, but it still felt oddly intimate for him, and what's strange was... she seemed to know it?

He looked back at his screen once another dose of orange crush was being savored.

"You know, honestly, this could be far more accessible. I could put bump stripping leading to the bus stop for the blind, and the sidewalk could be wider, and you know you could just have every business' front door be motion activated, and..."

Nora just watched the boy in front of her as he gestured at his screen with a passion and consideration she wouldn't have expected from "Vicky's dropout brother," as she had known Ethan before tonight. He went on and on, extrapolating different points of issue for people of all abilities, it was like a floodgate had been opened, but Nora couldn't help thinking he was being so serious: like just cause she was here, he had to accommodate every disability ever.

Well-meaning as his intentions were, Nora rolled her eyes and began cooking up her own 'suggestions' while he spitballed, as she had just a few pet peeves built up over the years... like how his apartments needed narrower halls and smaller bathrooms, big clawfoot tubs, and shaggy carpets; and she even gave him some notes about moving outside in a big chair, making sure the sidewalks and park paths were all brick -- all different kinds, if possible! The more her body shook, the better, like a workout! She didn't need to mention the massive pothole her Mom had hit outside. "...more of those, please!"

Ethan got the joke immediately but sat through the whole spiel, shaking his head with a grin while Nora squealed over top of her own words, wishing they had a bit more tongue-in-cheek. "You think you're sooo funny," he smirked at her.

"Aaaaahhhhhh" she looked up to confirm, 'you bet your ass', tongue flexing out and back, firmly not in cheek.

"Okay, but opposite day aside, this is what I'm talking about! I never would have thought of the bricks. Maybe I should get more of your thoughts sometime, based on your... uhm... experience. I mean... this whole model is just a dumb idea to get back into school, or maybe an internship in the city, but we could sort of collaborate on this... if you want."

Ethan looked back at Nora, having not at all expected the evening to go down this rabbit hole, and found her far more lit up and invested than he imagined, even if she couldn't express that excitement physically, beyond some agitated squirming in her chair, her balled fists pawing at the table unsteadily.

"I would like that." she typed, and he nodded, smiling at her.

"Yeah... me too."

The two of them held eyes for a second too long, both kind of understanding what the other was thinking, almost. Ethan knew he was muting her with his stare but he couldn't imagine any words to fill the space, any that would match this feeling of acceptance and relief after he had been so wound up about the whole thing. Her excitement, and the chance to explain his ideas without pressure, had just dissolved a huge block he didn't even know he had.

Nora finally broke off, to say, "Did you forget about something? A-S-S-H-O-L-E?"

He had indeed, by about the fourth letter being spelled out to him by the steady, pre-recorded voice, he knew exactly what he had to do.

Connecting their computers via a different port -- one which wouldn't give them both a heart attack this time -- Ethan opened a Dynavox configuration tool, and found himself faced with a lock screen. He looked at Nora, disappointed with the roadblock. "I think the princess is in another castle. If there's a passcode I can't change any--"

"1. 2. 3. 4." Nora's computer spouted as her eyes ticked each button.

"What?" Ethan looked at her incredulously.

"1234," she repeated alongside, "Uhhhhah!"

Sure, the passcode worked on his first try, but Ethan found himself scrolling through language menus and permissions toggles with his eyes glazed over. He couldn't hold his tongue.

"Your mom put the password as 1234... right in front of you." It wasn't really a question, more a realization.

It took a moment, but he dared not turn his chair before the voice spoke, "Yes. What is the matter? It looks like it worked. Did it not work?"

Ethan flipped a toggle or two and saved the config with the same filename so no one would notice a change. "Yeah it worked, but don't you think it's kinda fucked?" He swiveled his chair to look at Nora and her brow was twitching, furrowing unsteadily as her eyes held steady on him, obviously prodding him to continue. "You're... pretty much an adult in there, and you still have parental guides in place and... you know the password, your 'rents didn't even come up with something hard to guess, they just relied on you not being able to push a button or touch a screen to... free yourself."

Nora glanced at her screen, ready to hop to her Mom's defense, but she hovered over the "No" button long enough there were like a dozen denials entered into the composition box. She cleared everything and began a new sentence, hitting the Question folder and selecting "Why", before the autocomplete "is" and back to the home screen "that". Here Nora savored the feeling of creating a new word shortcut and typing out "F-U-C-K" and looking at the save button only for it to... save! No warning popup!

The cursor wobbled and wandered as Nora speedily flipped until she was on her last page of buttons, words, symbols, meanings, unreachable syllables... "fuck," past tense, "fucked."

"Why is that fucked?" Nora heard her tablet finally say the word properly, not just spelling out the unpermitted words this time, but letting them ring from her voice!

Distracted by the feeling of shedding a few more tethers, Nora quickly added a few more swear buttons and started riffing with her eyes, as pumped as the first day she got her tablet, turning off pre-compose, inundating Ethan with, "Fuck. Shit. Titties. Bullshit. Asshole..."

Ethan couldn't help but be swept up by Nora's absolute beaming and squealing at him once she heard the young girl's voice finally recite a half-decent impression of Carlin's seven dirty words, and he let the password issue slide. Nora's evening had been hard enough already, and Ethan simply swallowed his concern; she needed a win.

"Oh shit, what have I unleashed here?" he teased, to which Nora replied with another stream of insults and cusses in glee.

He gave her some more soda while her eyes were busy.

"Thank you for my graduation present. Ethan. You are a fuck-ing amazing friend for doing this." Nora smiled so hard at him her eyes almost squinted shut.

"Of course, Nora. You're a really special girl... I mean... if there is anything else I can unlock, these hands are here." he winced at his wording and let a smile suffice as Nora typed back.

"I told you! You are handsy, asshole!" she laughed, tensing completely and squealing.

It was only when Nora didn't untense that Ethan let his smile fall; and when her eyes rolled up to the left he reached out to shake her shoulder; and when her jaw opened so wide it cracked, he felt for if she was still breathing; and when her face pressed hard to the left he tried to make eye contact again, calling her name; and when her wrist tethers were taught enough to strum he ran to the door to get Vicky; and when he touched the doorknob he heard behind him, "Don't leave me."

Chapter 7

Ethan spun round to find Nora still in the midst of... a seizure? Her whole body was tense -- tenser than usual -- but her eyes, while unsteady, were trained on him. He left the door to fend off the blaring music and dashed back toward Nora just as her chair started to rattle, her knee bouncing, her body beginning to spasm and far more aggravated than before, grunts escaping her throat. What the hell was going on?!

"Nora!? Nora!! What is it, what should I do?"

Nora's entire body tensed, even her lungs refusing to let her breathe for a terrifying moment, before devolving into a tremor, and then a squirming, and then the large movements began. Her hands hit the tabletop and her body bucked forward, shoulders digging into the bars keeping her pinned to her seat, her head tipping forward to hang and lose all the sweet orange buildup into the waiting bib, before her neck fired it back into the headrest, with a moan of pain.

All she could think was, 'of all times, why now??'

Her body seemed intent on escaping the braces and tethers and security of her chair, all without any input from her, the passenger inside.

She was about to eye her tablet and tell him what was happening, but just as Nora realized the tracking wasn't following her restless shaking, Ethan grabbed her head and held it firm to the headrest as her body shook and arched, one hand on her forehead above her glasses, while his other hand held one of her arms down so it wouldn't block the sensors. She was way stronger than he would have imagined her to be, his agitated breath near her ear.

"Hey, shhh, it's okay. What's going on?" he asked, obviously terrified, "Should I go get Victoria?"

No!! Nora looked downward hard before realizing he couldn't see her signal. That's the last thing she needed! Sure, Vicky knew the basics of her care from school, but this had only happened once with her there, and the reluctant caregiver had frozen completely; a contrast to the firm, decisive hands holding her restless body now.

Nora tried her best to focus on the screen as her eyes glanced up-left intermittently, her arms pulling hard at their tethers, each fist wishing it were curled against her chest painfully, wrists rolling against their immobilizing braces; Nora's ankle orthotics suddenly tightened in her shoes as even her feet tried to twist. Her body bucked forward and back over and over as if someone was giving her the Heimlich -- and it didn't feel much better -- but luckily her shoulder bars and Ethan's hands kept her mostly in place. Still-- repetitive, intense movements kept Nora from even breathing easily, her tongue thick in the back of her mouth, and typing was slow.

Ethan felt so far out of his depth, afraid this cute girl was about to die in his room.

"I am fine. Wait. Hold me." she finally made out, opting for quick and short. And he did as instructed, aghast that the girl violently convulsing in front of him could call this 'fine'. And Nora would have admitted -- if words were less precious -- that she was in severe pain, but this was far from her first dystonic episode and if she didn't want probes in her brain to quell the fits like the specialist had recommended, then she just had to wait for these storms to die down.

Yet as much as she hoped this might be fleeting, it just wouldn't die down! Nora was already burning from pretty much every muscle, rubbed raw by her restraints affixed for this very reason, and as embarrassed as she was of exposing her... 'workings' to Ethan, she needed to do something more than wait it out.

Ethan held on from behind the chair as the girl inside flexed and bucked, her slim body moving in a way he didn't want to think about right now, all the while acting like this was... normal? Luckily she began typing again, and he watched Nora page through screens and scan for what she wanted to say, in between full body spasms, until she reached a page called 'Emergency', and selected something called 'Dystonia.'

"My name is Nora. I am okay. This is not a seizure, it is a storm of uncontrollable movement overriding what I want to do. I am still conscious while this happens. I need some water, and a pill, but it is kind of complicated. Are you able to help? Please press 'Continue.'"

Mustering something akin to confidence, Ethan told her he was... and with a tap, the instructions poured out of the tablet's speakers in sections. He let go, and anxiously left her to spasm helplessly while the script autoplayed in front of her.

He set to work. There was a pouch on a hook behind her shaking chair, almost like a plastic IV bag, ending in a thin tube which Ethan followed to a little plastic pump before the tube snaked around the seat and under Nora's shirt. The thought of a tube entering his body did not feel... comfortable, but Ethan tried his best not to think about it.

Taking a small bottle of water from her hanging care kit, Ethan hastily dumped it in the feed bag before sorting through more pill bottles than he had ever seen for the one the instructions called for. He held Nora's head steady again so she could confirm with a glance to the up-right, away from her reflexes, that it was correct. He smashed two pills on his desk with the butt end of the bottle and brushed the powdery bits into the bag, before shaking a bit to dissolve it faster, finally hitting a green button on the tiny pump.

Nora just had to wait -- that's all she could ever really do -- and hope her Mom's prepared instructions were clear enough, before Ethan returned and held her tight into her seat again, his strong hands resisting her body's best fight. "It's done, it's... going in."

Sure enough, the water started moving along the feed line, up Nora's shirt and into the g-tube port on her belly. It wasn't audible but she felt the familiar coolness enter her tummy.

"Thanks for poisoning me. You are the best!" she typed while her neck pulled and tensed. She held whatever poker face she could manage for juuuust a second, but inevitably a squeal and a big prankster smile cracked through!

"Oh my god, you're terrible!" he balked, heart beating like crazy, "Now, of all times to make a joke! Can't make it easy on me, can you?"

Amid the squirming and rattling and the pain and anxiety, the two couldn't help but laugh in their distinctly different ways, and Ethan relaxed somewhat, fear turning to embarrassment as he realized how close the two of them were, and how much she still needed him there.

"What? Am I not easy enough?" Nora typed with another messy smile between spasms, adding a loud "Ahhhhh-eeee" at the end.

Had she just said what he thought she said?

Glowing red, he admired Nora closely as he held her from behind; her cute nose and freckles, her surprisingly straight teeth, and the sharp hazel eyes trying to look back at him, even when her neck had other ideas.

When Ethan first saw Nora, it had been impossible to tell what the girl inside felt when she had barely any control of her body, her expressions, her body language; and the lack of tone to her 'voice' didn't help either. But between her over-the-top displays of emotion bursting through her shell, her ridiculous humor, and a certain... intuition, Ethan was starting to read past the broken façade, to understand who Nora really was, and he had this feeling her innuendos -- her 'mistakes' -- were something more. Yet it gnawed at him that he couldn't be sure, because if he was wrong... he didn't want to be wrong.

Just as the most violent motions were starting to subside, a quiet "guhhhhh" interrupted Ethan's reverie, and he followed Nora's eyeline down to her chest, the bib in disarray, her shirt all stretched and twisted from the convulsions; her green v-neck revealing one cup of a lace bralette, threatening to reveal more. He didn't have to hear the tablet's "Please" or see the blush on her cheek before he readjusted her shirt, her back arching conveniently, and then pulled the bib down to cover most of her exposed skin and cleavage.

Nora was self-conscious, but only because she didn't usually wear something so... the words 'impractical' and 'age-appropriate' competed in her head. To be honest, she was more likely to have a sweatshirt on at home or school, like the one she had received from the university as part of their welcome package, which was already on its way to threadbare with how often she asked for it when being dressed. No; she didn't usually wear something that highlighted her chest so much, or something that had a risk of exposing even more when her body was bouncing up and down in a rare storm; or when her arms were outstretched and pushing together; the list goes on...

But what had changed in the last year of school, her senior year with Vicky as her assistant, is how she saw boys sneaking looks at the long-legged, stylish, vapid girl by her side, and how much Nora realized she wanted to be seen that way too, even if it was awkward and fleeting, maybe unrealistic. Not as a curiosity, like most saw her, but as a young woman with goals and a life and desires and significant roadblocks, that's all.

Desire and courage were two different things though, and there was her Mom to deal with too, who bought all her clothes and had to be convinced that even this simple outfit wasn't 'impractical.' But using that word put her down, made Nora feel like maybe she was a lost cause, like: 'Life with CP is hard enough, why complicate matters?' It had been her Dad who stepped in and said something to her Mom that saved her, she didn't know what.

All that effort for a form-fitting v-neck with long sleeves; the lace bralette was a whole other story -- with definitely no rescue from Dad.

But to her surprise, the battle hadn't been pointless! She was sure she caught Ethan looking before he fixed her bib. She was sure of it!

Nora had spent her whole life watching people from her fixed perspective; looking up from her chair, or a bed, seeing their emotions pass across their faces effortlessly, transparently, when they thought no one was looking. Nurses and caretakers were the worst, especially back before she had a voice when they took her intelligence at face value; while Nora was stuck behind a mask that had its own ideas, they had zero filter. It was easy to pick up.

And honestly, once she noticed him that way, Ethan wasn't any less obvious than those jocks watching his sister; his eyes wandered across Nora's body at every chance they got, no matter how much he tried to recover.

'Too late, caught you,' Nora couldn't help but giggle inside.

It was clear, Ethan was undoubtedly affected by watching her move -- even if little of it was 'her', per se -- and yet he was still a perfect gentleman who squared her up; straightening her glasses again and more importantly pulling up her neckline and relaying her bib -- more modestly than she wanted, but far better than it was.

But now that the anticonvulsant meds were working and she was quieting down into that same-old, slow, athetoid twist in her chair, and now that the fire in her muscles was cooling to a dull ache she would surely feel in the morning, his hands were still holding her, and she could appreciate how close he was, undistracted by life inside a jackhammer. His touch was so much firmer and more real than her parents or caretakers' perfunctory duties throughout the day. He really held her, carefully but honestly. Nora wanted to touch him back, hold him tighter in return, but that had never been in the cards for her...