All Comments on 'One Wild & Sexy Date'

wawwwwwwwwwwww.......people, please take the tiime to leave a public comment, i'd love to have something written here about my story....love it or hate it.

First of all... you should always run spell check. IT will catch most of your spelling errors and typos.

Awoken is not even a word, you might have used awakened :) also, your dialogue is stilted, sounds unreal, or like the characters are strangers, or something like that.

I also have trouble with dialogue so I am not a good one to give you advice here. Your story is alright, but sort of boring. Maybe you could spice it up a bit by losing some of the descriptive words that do not do much for you and how many pet names does bec have? Maybe just choose one and stick with that.

All in all, it is a fair effort, but it felt like your heart wasnt in it and if what you are writing doesnt excite you, it probably wont excite your readers either...just a thought :)

good luck in future endeavors, maria

you need to find another tense. Writing in the first person present tense is nearly impossible to pull off. At least make it past tense, like it happened a few days ago. Have a few people read it over and offer suggestions on dialogue and stucture. Use spell check. Or do like Sarahhh and offer more revealing pictures for nice comments. You appear to have the figure for it. It works for her. With experience and some effort to improve, you can be pretty good. A tad more emotion will also help.

I'm only interested in these stories for their potential for sexual stimulation. From this point of view they're excellent.

Loved it - and it formed a very nice basis to a naughty afternoon with my own older man... to all the grammar police - get over it...

Thanks PinkDasie!

xxx