Only in a Dream Ch. 03

She said, "No."

As horny as Natalie seemed to be all of the time, Brad wondered if she had been screwing around with anyone else during the week while they were apart.

"Is the baby even mine?"

Right after they first broke up, Brad was hurt, but Natalie was adamant, she didn't want to be with him anymore. She was two months pregnant when the breakup occurred, by the time the baby was born, Brad had not seen her for seven months. It was another month before he found that she'd had the baby and by then, Brad was for the most part, over Natalie. He realized that he had been 'in lust,' not in love, and was in a way, glad that they had broken up. There were just too many things they didn't agree about, Brad saw that it would have never worked between them.

After Natalie gave birth, Brad visited her and the baby a few times. One time, she asked him if he'd ever thought about getting back together. He told her he hadn't really thought about it and she never said anything again.

He could never see any resemblance between him and the baby, but that didn't mean anything. She didn't necessarily look like Natalie either.

Less than a year later, Brad met Kathy. Then, he was really thankful that things had never worked out with Natalie. Now he new what being in love really was. After they had been together about two months, Brad took Kathy to meet his one year old baby daughter. Natalie was not there, her mother was babysitting. That was the last time Brad saw the baby.

While he was in the hospital from his accident, he received papers from the court indicating that Natalie's mother was seeking custody of the baby. Unless he wanted to protest it, he didn't need to appear. He was in traction at the time, and just couldn't seem to fit it into his schedule, so he never appeared. After Natalie's mother gained custody, she took the baby and moved away.

At times, Brad wondered about where they were, what the little girl looked like, if one day she might come looking for him.

"Has she already scoped me out?" he wondered.

He'd seen a few girls that were about the right age that looked an awful lot like Natalie,

"Could one of them possibly be my daughter?" Brad asked himself.

One day, ten years after he'd last seen the baby, Brad received a phone call from Natalie's mother. She explained what had happened, why she'd gone after, and gained custody of the little girl. Seems Natalie had gone out on a date and left the baby with her one evening, in fact, if she remembered right, thought it was the evening that Brad had brought Kathy to visit. She said Natalie never returned that night, she showed up three years later, after she'd (Natalie's mother) gained custody and moved.

"Your daughter really wants to meet you. We aren't seeking any support, or money or anything, she just wants to meet her father," she told him.

They lived in a small town one hundred and eighty miles north, about three hours away. Brad agreed to go and see her, but Kathy wasn't so sure if it was a good idea or not.

"You don't even know if that little girl is yours or not," she said, concerned.

"That's true, but my name is on the birth certificate and she believes I'm her father, so we are going to see her," Brad said firmly.

It just so happened that Brad's days off were going to fall on the weekend the upcoming week, so he, Kathy, and their children made the trip up for a visit. Once he laid eyes upon the little girl, he knew she was his daughter. When she stood next to his daughter with Kathy, there was no doubt. They looked so much alike, that she could have passed for Brad and Kathy's child.

He was then glad he had made the trip. Both of his daughters now had a sister and his older daughter now had a father, he could quit looking at little girls, and wondering if one might be. . .

His older daughter now has three daughters of her own.

"Unreal," he thought.

Brad's other encounter was one he would rather forget. Brad's grandpa had died about a month before Natalie gave birth and he began to drink a little, it helped numb the pain. There was a girl that he had been out with a couple of times, more as friends and drinking buddies than romantically (though they had made out a couple of times). She was very pretty, but she had been with a lot of guys and Brad didn't want to get involved with someone, that a lot of his friends could say,

"Hey, I fucked her too."

Her older sister had had the hots for Brad for as long as he could remember, but he was never interested. Something about her rubbed him the wrong way. If she'd had a better attitude and personality, he might have considered it, because she was by no means, ugly.

One night at a party, he drank way too much and felt like he needed to lie down. He found a bedroom, went in and passed out. He had been there, only for a few minutes, when he thought he heard the door to the room open and the sound of someone moving around. A short time later, he felt a naked body in bed beside him. He passed out again. He had a vivid dream as he drifted in and out of his drunken stupor. He awoke in the morning to what he thought had been a horrible nightmare of having sex with his drinking buddy's older sister.

He rolled over and there she was, lying there naked, an. . . And. . . So was he, holy sh. . . "Yikes!" She had even brought her own condoms. She put one on him and climbed on.

Then he remembered, that during the night, someone had opened the door to the bedroom and turned the light on, and a girl's voice,

"Ewwwe, there's somebody in there fucking."

"Oh my God!" he thought he'd dreamed that.

That last thought creeped Brad out, he'd see that girl (woman now) out around town, usually in Walmart, and she still gave him the willies. It had almost made him scared of the dark, it gave a whole new meaning to the phrase,

"Things that go bump in the night."

He also quit drinking after that episode too.

As Kathy's past came to mind, he felt a hint of jealousy towards her ex husband, and wished circumstances would have been different, it pained him to think about what she went through.

Brad kind of felt the course of events surrounding her first marriage, and the fact that he'd had a child with Natalie made it even between them. But, even tho she was three years older that him, the thought of her ever being with anyone else really tore at his heart.

Kathy was born in California. Her father owned and operated a filling station and life seemed to be good. When her father got to be in his forties, he got restless, sold the filling station and purchased a semi truck, becoming an over the road truck driver.

After that life changing event, it wasn't long before Kathy's parents were having marital troubles. A couple of years after the purchase of the truck, when she was seventeen, her parents problems led to her mother leaving everything behind and running away, back to Ohio. Kathy would be eighteen shortly, but she had no means to support herself, so she didn't really have a choice.

Kathy was very angry at her mother for taking her away from her life and her friends without even letting her say goodbye to anyone. They had only taken what they could get into the car on short notice, then fled in the middle of the night. Her father followed them to Ohio, her mother and he reconciled, but it only lasted for a few months, then her mother divorced him. Kathy's whole world was falling apart. Torn away from her friends and stuck here in this little town, not knowing anyone, she just wanted to go back home.

When her aunt introduced her to her husband's younger brother, Kathy was excited a little, because he was older than her and she thought he was handsome. Fred Carter was twenty one, three years older than Kathy. He was infatuated with her immediately, and wanted to go out with her. Their first date went well, she thought he seemed nice and they got along well, so they started dating. It was just casual, more like friends going out. She liked him, but didn't really feel a romantic connection with him. He would kiss her goodnight, but there was never any necking, and absolutely no sex.

After they had been dating for about a month, he pulled her close and kissed her. She returned his kisses a little, then pushed him back, saying she wasn't ready for that yet. He then pushed her down to the ground, held her down, and raped her. It wasn't violent, he didn't give her any bruises or anything, just held her down and forced himself on her. She tried to resist, but he was too strong.

She didn't want to lose her virginity like this, she had saved that for someone special, now this jerk had destroyed any chance of that. She felt so guilty, and from then on, she associated guilt with sex.

She never told anyone, as she didn't want to cause trouble in the family, because of Fred's older brother being married to her aunt. And besides, would they believe her?

Brad was the first and only person Kathy ever told about the rape, that was only last year, after Fred had died. She knew Brad would have found him and hurt him. Not that she cared, just that she didn't want Brad to get into trouble.

She stopped dating Fred and told him to stay away from her. Her aunt was saddened, she thought they were doing so well and had a future together. Kathy had also become friends with Fred's sister, Angie, before Fred and her had ever started dating. Angie thought they were a couple and thought there would be a wedding.

A few days after she broke it off with Fred, Kathy, now a senior, met Dan Martin when he approached her at school. He was about six foot two and very good looking. Kathy wasn't even sure if she wanted to date right now, after the ordeal with Fred, but Dan persisted and she finally started dating him. He came along at just the right time, Kathy was hurt over what Fred had done to her, then there were all of the problems she was having at home. Her mother could see the type of guy Dan was (just like Todd), and told Kathy that she didn't want her seeing him. Her life at home, only got worse, she and her mother fought more and more about everything, including Dan.

Kathy didn't have any place else she could go either, it seemed her other relatives here, all had similar troubles.

She started feeling rebellious, almost to the point she didn't care about anything anymore. Her mother had yanked her away from her home, her life, her friends in California and drug her here to this God forsaken little town. She had hardly any friends, almost all of her possessions were left in California, and now she'd been raped.

Kathy knew she couldn't say anything at all about what Fred had done. If her dad or her brother either one found out, she suspected that they would kill him, and she didn't want that.

The final blow was when her mother let the man who would eventually become Kathy's stepfather, move into the family home with them. And here she was, telling Kathy, who was now eighteen, who she could and couldn't date??!!! And yet, she let a man move into her own bedroom?!

Kathy had managed to keep Dan at bay, her only sexual encounter was still the rape. But, extremely upset, thinking she was getting back at her mother, she had sex with Dan. He had been trying since their first date, so she just gave into him one night. They only had sex the one time, Kathy didn't like it at all. All of the girls at school raved at how wonderful sex was supposed to be but. . . She tried to get into it, and did feel a little sexual attraction towards Dan, something she never felt at all with Fred. She really just didn't feel that much of an attraction to Dan, either. He only kissed her a little, all he ever talked about was going out and getting high and how much he really wanted to have sex with her.

Kathy's guilt kept her from really getting wet, she was reluctant to let him enter her. After he did, it was no different, it hurt this time too, even tho, Dan was so much smaller than Fred. She was relieved, when it only took him a short time to finish.

He assumed that he'd taken her virginity, because she did bleed. But, it wasn't from a broken hymen, it was from friction and lack of lubrication. Dan then removed the condom and threw it out of the window of his car.

"Oh my God, that's so gross. What if somebody finds that!! she thought.

The guilt she felt afterward was horrible and lasted for weeks, she cried herself to sleep for several nights. Kathy avoided Dan after that, she knew she had made a big mistake by giving into him. She didn't know if her mother somehow found out about what had happened or not, but her mom forbid her from seeing him anymore and told her she couldn't leave the house.

"I'm eighteen, I can do what I want," Kathy told her mother.

Her mother's reply was,

"As long as you live under my roof, you'll do as I say, or you can find someplace else to go."

Fred's sister and Kathy talked on the phone frequently, so Angie was aware of all the conflict in Kathy's home. She told Kathy that she could come stay with her for a while as soon as she was out of school if she wanted.

Graduation was just a few weeks away, so as soon as she was out of school, Kathy went to stay with Angie at her home, which was located about six miles out in the country. Unknown to Kathy, Angie had ulterior motives. When she had asked Kathy to come and stay, she told Fred that Kathy was there, and tried to patch things up between them. He started coming to Angie's several times a week, under the guise that he was just visiting his sister, but he was really coming to see Kathy.

At first, she was repulsed, especially when Angie started pushing them to get married, and had even started planning the wedding.

Kathy wanted so bad to go back home, but things had gotten even worse there. Seems Kathy's brother had gotten into a fight with mom's new man, and her grandma had him (the man) arrested. Kathy's father kept trying to intervene and the police were constantly being called. It had turned into an all out war zone, so Kathy spent more and more time at Angie's.

Kathy almost felt like she could never go home again, there was too much turmoil going on there, and wasn't sure what she could do. She confided in Angie about the situation.

"You and Fred are going to end up married anyway, why don't you two just go ahead and get married now?" she said, "Then you'll have your own place."

After her conversation with Angie, she thought about it for a while, Kathy rationalized that this might be a good way out of her situation.

Call it mother's instinct, but Kathy's mom had reservations about Fred, and didn't particularly like the idea, but what could she say, Kathy was eighteen, and was no longer in her home, she could do what she wanted.

Although he had raped her, Fred was handsome; it seemed like he loved her; he had a good job and lived on his own; and his sister was already planning their wedding.

Kathy thought maybe she could learn to love him. He did take her virginity, she reasoned. She thought it may absolve some of her guilt about sex too. Kathy let Angie make all of the arrangements and there was a wedding, she reluctantly married Fred. Kathy knew she'd made a horrible mistake on her wedding night. She laid in bed and cried, while Fred had his way with her. He fucked her three times that night. His cock was huge, she wasn't turned on at all, moisture was almost non-existent inside of her vagina and he hurt her, terribly.

She had absolutely hated it this time too, she felt so guilty and so ashamed, like this was wrong somehow. This was her wedding night, she was supposed to be happy, but she wasn't and she was stuck, she had married him.

Maybe her mother had been right. She had always taught her that sex was for making babies, nothing more. Men were the only one's that got any pleasure out of it, and anything more than straight, regular intercourse, lying on her back, was absolutely wrong, period. Even if it was with her husband, because if she had anal sex, or God forbid, performed oral (man's pride as her mother called it), or even so much as touched a man's penis with her hand, her husband would accuse her of being a whore.

"If it starts to feel good for you, it's wrong!" her mother said, "And Ladies don't act like that."

Kathy's mother was not really that religious either, so why she believed the way she did, was anyone's guess. Then, her mother had let a man move in with her??? WTF??

After their wedding night, Fred rarely approached her for sex. Which was fine with Kathy. A year went by, they only had sex about five times. Each time, Fred would just come into the bedroom and do the same thing he had done when he raped her. No foreplay or anything so much as a kiss. He wouldn't even say anything, he'd just push her down, pull her pants off and enter her.

She very quickly learned to despise him, but Kathy felt that she had made this mistake on her own, so she stuck it out, hoping that things would get better.

They didn't.

Then two of Fred's brothers started making passes and dropping hints that they'd like to have a little piece of her. She told Fred, but he acted like he didn't really care, so Kathy then became scared that one of them would rape her the same as Fred had.

She loved to watch romantic movies, fantasizing about having a love like that, and wondered how she'd gotten herself into this mess. She hated that little prick in California, but she almost wished she'd gone back there after he'd called her. She didn't think he was near as bad as Fred.

Kathy wanted so bad to have a love like in those movies, but as much as she tried, she couldn't make herself fall in love with him. After two years of marriage, nothing had changed except, Fred couldn't seem to hold a job. He was constantly doing something stupid and getting fired from wherever he worked at the time. He rarely, if ever, bathed, and Kathy quit taking birth control pills because Fred barely made enough for them to survive, it was just another expense they couldn't afford. He hardly ever touched her anyway.

Kathy was in bed with a bad case of the flu, with a temperature of one hundred and four degrees. Fred came in drunk that evening and went about 'getting some.' She protested but, to no avail, he wouldn't stop. So she finally let him have his way, so she could just get it over with.

Kathy became pregnant.

Nine months later, she gave birth to a baby boy. She put the baby in between them in bed, then after a couple of weeks of getting woke up in the middle of the night, so Kathy could feed the baby and the like, Fred moved himself into another bedroom.

Mission accomplished.

Fred became a little more responsible and managed to get and keep a job in a coal mine. They purchased a new mobile home to replace the old one that Fred had owned before they were married. Kathy wrapped her life around the baby and the new home, they made things a little more tolerable.

In the two years following the birth of their son, Fred only approached Kathy for sex twice, he was drunk both times and it was in the same fashion as always. She had never gone back on the pill, so luckily, she didn't get pregnant either time. They seemed to get along pretty well, so long as he didn't try to touch her.

After five years of marriage, once again, Fred came in drunk, and unbathed. He pulled Kathy to the bedroom to have sex with her.

"No, I don't want to!" she told him.

When he protested, she held her ground, the ensuing argument woke the baby, now two. The baby came into the bedroom and tried to get to his mother, while Fred was trying to tear her pants off. In the struggle, the baby was knocked to the floor and started to cry. He was unhurt, but it had caused enough of a distraction that Fred backed off, he was pissed, and headed for the front door.