All Comments on 'O'Scouries Valentines Day Wife'

I've just got round to reading your Valentine story. I enjoyed it very much. I don't know if you have done sequels or any similar stories but I liked your character and it was really sad that his daughters weren't his. I would like it if you could either correct this or give him some other children. Otherwise a really good story and we'll written. Thank you for the pleasure you gave me and I hope you write much more.

5 Stars of course. I only wish that he would be more prolific. To show other writers what they lacking, and cause me to enjoy the hell from reading this genius creations!

Good luck Jim. Ross.

I liked it 5* worth

The warning/threat he gave to his ex-father-in-law, when he was leaving her lawyer's office, was a dead give-away to the stories mystery question....Why?

I loved your story. I like where there´s a reconcilliation despite what might have happened in the past. This man had to have known what he was getting into by marrying a girl that gave it up to him even before the first date, What I don´t agree with is why bring something up that will have no part in the story? Volume one should have never come into the story if you weren´t going to say what was in it. Or was it supposed to be just a filler when you couldn´t think of how to keep the story going a little longer?

You my friend can really write. I loved your descriptions. The ending might have been a bit hurried, but the twist at the end was surprising & fun. This can happen if you are obsessed with someone. I know ! It happened to me, but with far fewer men. Sometimes you just can't help yourself. The slut just drives you fucking nuts and you end up forgiving her every time. I know. Batshit crazy, but it's like she controls your brain & body. I don't claim to understand it. I just lived it.😝💧

Story good but really unfinished. Too bad

I don't usually like cuckold or incest stories( no idea why I'm reading your stories then Mr. Author)... but I love the way you go about your stories. The built up. The meandering, navigating through events and emotions.

For some reason... I felt sad seeing the two get back together. Sad and heavy.

I don't know about most people, but I believe sexual intimacy is more than just momentary fun. It is healing. It is bonding. While the story never tells why she started cheating... I felt sad to see two people who actually bond despite everything... fall apart. I wished.. the story continued and there was something in her past, in her diary that made him reconsider. Not take her back as a wife... but at least let her back into his life.

This story left me feeling... sorry for both your characters. Not one, but both.

It's the author's story. Accept it for what it is, really good. What do you think that the husband should have expected? He screed her in her dorm at 3:00 A.M. without ever even taking her out on a date. Nice girls at least expect a meal or at least a few drinks. She was a nymphomaniac, whore, and loose girl when he met her. Nothing changed, and in her own way, apparently loved him. As for the husband, he loved her and the girls, regardless of her actions. You can't help who you love or who loves you. It's really not wimpy to do what you want to do. Maybe it's self destructive, but it's not wimpy.

Entertaining. First story of yours I have read. Enjoyable. Still, I felt a bit disappointed with the conclusion. Like I missed a page at the end. Alas, I hadn't. Sigh...

For crying out loud, why do you guys always leave a story hanging!

I'm the only 100 you ever had...

and she said...were...

That's it! I kind of got a kick out of his banging her once in awhile but, in their relationship, that was a demeaning character assaylt and THAT would be...No More!

Other than that, I enjoyed the story, Thanks!

2ndThoughts

She fucked EIGHTY EIGHT other men (picked up bartenders, etc,) came home and fucked him right after several of them, and never infected him with an STD?? Write that one up the the Guinness Book of World Records.

I liked how he set the stage to get rid of her but then to become a weak kneed pussy and let her enjoy her cake again?? ... Ptui !! .... He proved that his PI had him pegged and that he deserved his contempt. (sure has mine)

chucky

You generally have a better sense of humor albeit sometimes black in your stories. You should have had the father drop dead in the lawyers office of apoplexy. Then you could reasonably have some reconciliation trading dead obnoxious father for cheating slut wife.

Why is it that when arseholes want to criticise a story, they are always anonymous? Another enjoyable read. Thank you Mr. Scouries

A bittersweet story that became a bit too unbelievable toward the end.

Paddy and wife Slutty had sex at least once every day yet she still found the time to screw 88 guys,several a number of times? Get real!

Even though vol 1's contents are never revealed,I'm thinking that Papa Reggie broke Slutty in at an early age and is probably the father/grandfather of the 2 daughters.The way it's left up in the air I'm not inclined to think it's Ramrod McGirk,or one of the other 86. (Don't think Slutty would be including Daddy in her volumes 'cause it's just too heinous.

While kind of far-fetched,it was an entertaining story.

bullshit. you don't leave your teenage children, even if you aren't their biological father. asshole.

and why the fuck she was such a whore? no explenation. no regret. no apologies.

and he fucking TAKES HER BACK???!!! fucking cuck.

total CRAP.

Loved the characterizations, your people (mostly) appear as dimensional individuals, unique and flawed. Technical quality is superb. Thank you for sharing your work!

Write by the numbers. I thought you were supposed to be such a pro. Hell, I didn't read one word that I hadn't read in countless other LW stories. You are clearly a legend in your own mind.

This is the first one of your stories that I've read. Loved it! Plus . . . fantastic ending! Spectacular. As a work of erotic FICTION: . . . let the reader's minds boggle! *Still chuckling

I know endings like this one are in vogue with some authors. JPB is the master of leaving the reader wanting more - a real ending if you like. This was one of those stories. A nice buildup and then the "thud" at the end. I, for one, don't want to use my imagination to finish the story. I want the author to finish it for me. I may like it or I may hate it, as is the reader's prerogative. But when you leave me hanging I automatically hate the entire story. Therefore I gave this story a one. NOT because it wasn't well written, but because you had no ending.

I'd love to know if she's just a slut or if something happened. I'll admit that i don't think you can love someone and treat them the way she did. So delusional?

The outcome of this story is bizarre. I have met some sluts in my life and the fact that they are sluts is not that easily concealed. If only for the fact of over 80 sexual partners and apparently unprotected and often random sex the odds are some kind of STD would have raised it's head if nothing else tipped him off. As far as love goes, it goes right out the window when you find out it is all a lie. As far as the kids go, you explain the situation to them, and you move on. You are NOT their father, and you never were. Harsh, but true. The end does not make sense in any healthy way. He needs to move on. If her father was raping her, then he needs to die. That would be the logical outcome, not re-engaging with a mental case ex-wife.

Bullshit.

It seems to me that she never really loved him at all. He was just the best she had found and she had had a very fucked up childhood. The fact that she went from him and their first times together and then on to the hockey player shows no real emotional connection. I imagine the same was true after their wedding. That she couldn't bring herself to talk to him about being raped and the resulting pregnancy and instead let him be a true cuckold tells you that her emotional make-up just isn't right.

She didn't even seem to care that much about the divorce or the fact that the diaries probably killed him inside or discovering that he isn't the father of their two daughters or even who really is their father. She shows up not crying or trying to win him back, but simply wants a fuck and him to see the girls and I imagine the reason for that is so she doesn't have to tell her children what kind of person she is and what she has done to their family and oh by the way I am your mommy-sister.

I will always love you? I think she is so fucked up that she really has no concept of what real love is. She might think she loves him, but ultimately her telling him that there are other 100s out there just goes to show how little he and their marriage actually meant to her.

The consensus is that the ending is inadequate. Immensely SAD! Why. Simple parental incest is not enough. Does he still love her? Probably yes. Does she ask to be forgiven. Apparently not, although see gives him book one to partially answer why. But we aren't privy to its contents. Apparently he still loves his children. Good for him! Unsatisfying!

She was ok with sex with a family member... was that because she'd previously been exposed to that...?

He didn't tell if the daughters had the same father (Mr. X)... and if he only compared his DNA to the girls he wouldn't know the next fact - but if he checked her DNA too, it would be clear, if the girls were from rape by her father, that the daughters had 3/4s of one person's DNA - i.e. that of her father. Even if they weren't his by blood, in that scenario, I couldn't see him willing to even CHANCE them being around her father.

It's also scary to think if her father had been the first to have sex with her (obviously as a young girl or child) whether SHE worries enough about her daughters when around him. Seems difficult to reconcile caring if her father (in this scenario) has sex with her daughters if she doesn't also realize that it's wrong.

I also don't see that he's a willing cuckold. He divorced her. That he could help. His loving her he can't help. But even so, the sex isn't about love.

What I can't reconcile, I think, is willing to continue to have sex with her if she's also going to continue to be sexually promiscuous. A case of "I won't marry you again but I'd be willing to have sex with you - if it's only me you have sex with. "

And that she would basically rub it in his face that she's still fucking around (or how could there be another 100 when there wasn't before) would be another reason to not see her again.

Almost could feel sorry for the fact that in another thirty to forty years she won't be getting as much sex as she seems to want - but she probably won't have someone to love then either. And as those years march on she might realize more and more what she threw away in exchange for something he was more than willing to provide her in abundance - referring to sex in general, not strange cock specifically.

Sexual abuse is so devastating. Depending at what age it starts the person will equate sex with love, self confidence and any other attribute that makes a person believe they aren't worthless. Especially, when it's her own father abusing her. As children we all believe that our parents are always right. Think about it, our parents shape how we conceptualize everything around us. What's right and what is wrong. It's not until we become older that we realize that one or both are parents were mentally ill but by then it's too late. By that time our character and personalities are hardwired and even if we realize having sex with everyone is wrong there is nothing you can do about it on your own. Vicki would have to be in counseling for the rest of her life if she even wanted to. Sex is the only thing that makes her feel whole. Plus, if she did seek help her father would go to jail since her counselor would be bound by law to report it. I can't really blame the husband for leaving her. I doubt she could ever change. You would have to be an awfully strong willed person to stick by her as she tries to recondition her values. It's a pretty thought provoking story once the fact her father is the one that's been raping her. Unfortunately, most readers don't know why people act the way they do so they just write her off as a cheating slut. Well done scouries but I'm afraid the long term effects of sexual abuse by a parent on the victim is lost on most of these readers. If you would have had the husband try and do the right thing and stay to help her your score for this story would have been a 1.20. Thank you for the story but as one reader said it's a little dark for Valentine's Day.

It was a very good story right up to the last couple of paragraphs. Why would he even think about a cheating big-time slut? This lady had no redeemable qualities other than she was good in bed. He should get away from her and his 2 non-kids as quickly as possible. He should also go after the 88 lovers legally and reveal what a slut this rich bitch is.

for a valentine's day entry it was pretty dark and, well, nasty.

it ended just where it should have. it is the long list of doubts, unknowns, and hidden details that makes it so delicious.

A tough working-class guy would have told this silver-spoon whore to go fuck herself....after he waited long enough to hear her pathetic psycho-babble excuse.

How does any whore fuck 88 men and not end up with a whole list of STDs? No one bragging in a bar one night...no child popping out of the whore breeder with strange eye color or hair color? And, he could have a court test EVERY ONE of the 88 to prove paternity....bet THAT would go over well at the country club!

And, if he really loved his kids, he could easily have her declared mentally and physically unfit and taken them to his new home......

why would I want a used cheating whore in any form. She's a whore, the kids aren't his and life goes on. If your divorcing the whore for being a whore. Why not just pay a whore and at least you won't have to baby sit her lovers kids.

Pity we would know Book one and the reasons for her behavior...I would bet that Mr. X was her father...

We never learned "why," did we? Will he see Reggie's name in Volume 1? And I'm still waiting for a story in which a "father" like Paddy also walks away from the kids.

Is that it felt like it had no real ending. Yes they're divorced. Yes he won. But did he? Regardless of the sperm donor, he was the girls Father. Could he really just toss them aside? And why is he asking for more visits from his ex if he hates her? And why did she sleep with so many men? There was a lot of information that got left out. I did enjoy the story until the non-ending.

You really have to make him into an accepting cuckold? It ruined the whole story,tainted it really.

Authors even up to major ones can't resist that unneeded twist.

It was such a good one too ,pity.

It wasn't bad enough that she was a complete and utter slut. (Although a woman of her standing might have had some problems being that promiscuous without others knowing the truth). The fact that NEITHER child was his would have been the final arrow through his heart. I surprised he didn't kill her. And I HATED the fact that, at the end, he fucked her and wanted to do it again. What a spineless toad.

That was one solid piece of writing you did there, Mr. Scouries. A tip o' the hat to ye.

And then I didn't feel like it ended. And that unfinished ending ruined the story for me.

started strong, but ended with a whimper. don't believe the husband would have just walked and don't believe that he would have anything to do with his ex ever again. can you say std breeder.

I really enjoyed this unique story line; not your average LW tale. Nice job scouries!!

In all the years I've read stories from Literotica and similar sites this is only the second time a story brought a tear to my male eye!

How to ruin your life.

Marry a cunt with no sense of respect or loyalty who fucks anyone and makes entries in her sex diary.

Have her kids love you as their daddy when you are not their biological father.

Love them as much.

My question is, why does she continue to breathe after cheating repeatedly with different men and feel no remorse? Author, you should at least have given her a serious std.

I hate cheating cunts.

A slut for all time? Or the whore of Babylon? Even for a fantasy/fiction that was a lot of men. And even after he divorced her, even after she came back and he fucked her senseless, she STILL has to rub it in his face. (The missing early diary?). And it's obvious that you think he still wants to fuck her. I'm surprised her body hasn't rotted away from all the social diseases she must have had. The only thing you left out that I wanted to see is her Father having a heart attack when he found out his Princess was a cheating whore. That being said, I enjoyed the story. Didn't like the cuckold theme, but, unlike other authors, you made it believable, I suspended my reality (until it came time to write the comment) and enjoyed. Thanks.

dude or chick whatever you are not my kind of story, cuckold stuff, cheating is one this but this is just sick female trash male bashing porn, but you have the right to write it, but to all those sick fucks that love this sick female trash porn i hope when you die you see the sick fucks that you are in great here after.

the reason humanity is doomed this is the next generation, no honor, no respect, no soul,females become garbage whores and men become wimps.

One of the best. By far. 5*!

This is still my favorite story although I would love to see a Chapter 2.

take that set of genes out of the pool, the lawyer appears to be a better choice for a wife, the other belongs in a brothel

This is even better than I remember it from my first reading.

You know there's one more vol in this!

This is one of the most superbly written stories on this site,ever !

Thank you Jim.

Great story until the end. The wife got off way to easy. She would never have to worry about money with her family's millions so she and her family should have been made to suffer through public exposure. I also did not care for the renewed sex with his wife and the implication they would continue. Where is the punishment?

If the children are below 4 years old the exhusband can avoid the children support money in the USA, but the children are older as 4 years old he must pay it. If the exhusband knows the biological father he could start lawsuit against him to pay the children support money and for the emotional demadge. However the super slut wife had so much sex with unknown male people, that he will not find who is the true biological father. I think if a husband will have a newborn he had better take SECRETLY to test DNA paternity, becouse he will not pay any children support at all after divorce and he will be free with all salary for a Second Chance woman.

Pair of this story is FrancisMacomber's "Born that Way". The diferent is between the 2 stories, that in FrancisMacomber's one the main character esceped from the slut before children and here the main character is in trap with bastard children.

This is one of Scouries best stories. No writer I've read on Lit is more wide-ranging in his themes; and few write better sex scenes.

This is one of those stories that requires the reader to have a mind. There are many who visit this site who have no capability of logical or critical thought. Perhaps they should move to Texas.

In any event, this is a great read; at once sexy and sad, funny and frustrating, romantic and heart-breaking. Only Scouries can shoehorn such a wide range of emotions and ideas into one coherent whole.

The wife has a sexual disorder. There are cases that people cant help themselves when it comes to sex. In such situations Love can and often is seperate from sex.

I have suspicions as to who Mr. X (the person who raped Vikki on and off most of her life) is.

In some cases of sexual disorder it originates from childhood wheree someone that person trust most had sexuall assaulted them.

In this case I think its a very close family member. I think Mr X is non other than Vikki's own father.

I applaud you Scouries as a writer and hope to see a segual or perhaps perquel to find out who is Mr X and the Father of Vikki's children. That is the only questions left unanswered in my book.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story, Thank You.

John

The wife in this story was a deranged slut who cheated on the man she "loved" throughout their entire relationship. When he announced that the marriage was over, she never asked why. The story deeply disturbed me because upon his finding out that his children were not his and that his beloved wife was not even worthy of being called trash, there was no outrage. Where was the anger, despair, depression or retribution? He acted like a robot and still allowed her to make him her sexual toy. I gave this story 4 stars which was at least 2 stars too many.

Had he fucked her off totally would haVve been 5 stars.

hi mr scouries i have this story same as i read all other and liked it as well though would like to know bout the contents of vol 1

Interesting to say the least, well written, good plot, a really good read. Thank You.

never dip into a polluted well

the ending sucked.

This women is not serial cheater, but she is a slut. The slut is dangerous because of STDs. This exhusband had to look out.

I hope once will be mandatory DNA test for the husbands after childbirth. If the result of DNA test negative the mother should tell who might be the father.....

fuck all of them, father in law, ex-wife, kids, business and everything move to Sweden and have your own kids.

So I rated it 1*.

EVEN THOUGH HE DUMPED HER, KNOWINGLY ACCEPTS HER B.S AND ALL, AND STILL MANS UP AND TAKES HIS NON-DAUGHTERS BACK INTO HIS LIFE, BANGS HIS EX AND MAKES OVERTURES, MAYBE RESUMING THEIR RELATION-SHIP, WHAT COULD/CAN HAPPEN. ACCORDING TO THE AUTHOR, SINCE 05 HE HASNT SEEN FIT TO EXPOUND. TK U MLJ LV NV

There can be a bond beyond the use of spern, and goes beyond the deceit of the adult. To care and be cared for. For her, moving on. He had the attorney and unlikely to be treated similarly by her. Ex can fill her bed and social calendar without him.

id like a sequel. see whats in volume one and maybe even turn this story into an incest story .... fuck his non biological daughters in 4-5 years. lol. who knows with all the possibilites.

Another great story ... but I want to know what was in volume one.... why. Thank you for writing such good stories.

and i beg you again to write another chapter!

really had a Tourette's moment there... decent story about some screwed up people

I THINK YOU GOT YOUR STORY MIXED UP BETWEEN REPUBLICAN AND DEMOCRAT KENNEDY-CLINTON-KERRY COULD BE THE FATHER!! HAS OBAMA-REID-OH YES AND MRS. P AND THE UNIONS CONVINCED YOU YET WHAT SOCIALISM IS OR ARE YOU REALLY THAT DUMB.

Good story even better writing

Great story telling and quite sad as well. The father thing bothered me, but love the idea of having them overcome it all despite that.

well jim - what can i say? i loved it, and dna tests be damned. then again maybe he was bluffing on the stated paternity - probably not though. i'm guessing he had a fair idea daddy had done the deed. chinatown all over again. jw1

Very pathetic really ... But damn! A heck of a story.

you'r right Love really is blind and Sex has no brain.

VICTORIA PENELOPE SMYTH-WORTHINGTON O'SCOURIES

MY SEXUAL LIFE

VOLUME ONE

THE EARLY YEARS

still waiting to read it. kick Reggie's ass while your at it.

is do there are alot of loose ends to tie up.

for instance the fact that he threatened his father in-law lead 1 to speculate that Daddy wa the Mysterious Mr.X

Plus the Vol.1 Leaves alot of opennings.

as to who could be talked about in there plus they see each other and Screw the Day away leaves 1 to believe that there may not be a full Reconciliation but Unless he moves on

Friends with Benefits is surely doable.

Would have been 100 with a little editing.

Defiently needs a ending, great story so far, he needs kids of his own, please.

...I have read a lot of your stories mr. Scouries,..this was my favorite.....really enjoyed it,.. thank you for many hours of plain old fashioned enjoyment....

subplot. When do they get the medical treatments? Which other members of her extended orgy are also HIV positive? In this day and age, with bareback sex and multiple partners it is almost impossible not to have many STDs and HIV. Reading this one realizes the wife was mentally unstable, in old terms she was crazy. The husband for touching her after he knew isnt much better, but then again once you have AIDS what difference does it make?

WOULD HAVE BEEN A MUCH BETTER SCORE IF NOT FOR THE WEEK FINISH

great story thanks for the entertainment.Mike from Texas

Long time reader and a fan of your stories, I decided to revisit this story for ideas on the Valentine's contest. I have yet to write a story. This is a good one, though.

your story touched me man. continue the good work.

need a sequel.. real bad

Great story, good character development, well written. <p> <p> <p>

Now the real reason for my comment. There is something drastically wrong with the new scoring system Literotica has implemented. About 3 out of 10 times when I get down to the five stars where I can vote my appreciation (or lack of), the stars are already filled in and there is a "Thanks for voting" statement -- before I've voted. Sometimes the score is higher than I would have voted, sometimes lower. <p> <p> <p>

So, if I'n not the only one experiencing this, the ranking of the stories is warped beyond reason. I've reported this about six times and never got a reply. So, can anyone here explain why this is happening . . . and not getting fixed? It is not fair to the authors who spend so much time on their stories and deserve a fair recording of their scores.

marriage should ever be considered an excuse for betraying her wedding vows and her husband. This woman was insane, perhaps even criminally so. If her father was the father of the children fostered off on him, it would have been much better to have sued the father for prior child support and alienation of affection. Let the father, and the daughter/wife, drown in their own pool of filth.

I liked the story a lot. It was well thought out and well written.<br><br>I would like to mention just a couple of things that bothered me. The first is the need some authors have to bring in another female for the agrieved husband to fall back on. In this case, the woman was his divorce lawyer who is described as 28 (way to young to be considered one of the best divorce lawyers around) and drop dead gorgeous. Of course, the husband ends up in bed with her despite her claim that she "doesn't do men". The husband obviously is irresistible. <br><br>The second is the threat that the husband made to take his evidence to the jury. In divorce matters, there is no jury, just a judge. <br><br>The third was the fact that the first journal had the label of "Volume One". It seems unlikely to me that when starting her journaling, that she envisioned there being multiple volumes. I guess that she could have gone back after the fact and started putting volume labels on each journal when she went to a second journal. Oh well, the "Volume One" label just struck me as odd.

As well written as the story is I found it a bit spoiled by the ending. Paddy loved Vickie but couldnt live with her actions. OK. He divorsed her and the girls. I can accept that action. But he then wants to start getting together with her and also play father to the girls afterwords. If so why bother getting divorsed. This is simply acceptance of her actions as he knows she is going to be out screwing other people which as has been pointed out by others is a major risk. She wants him to understand so she is looking for help with her behavior yet he doesnt see that? He is going to be a dad yet can allow the girls to remain esposed to the pervert of a grandfather without busting him for what he did to his wife. My ex was abused by her dad so I know first had what this can do emotionally to the victim. Unfortunately or fortunately, he died before I found out but I never could have allow kids to continue to be exposed to him if he was alive. Paddy is a very bright man but seems to have lost his smarts in the ending. Would have given it a 100 but for that. mlh

One of my all time favorites, just reread it as I needed something decent to read today,been a slow week on new stories. Thanks for this!

the obscenities and the arogance is there, and they hid behind the name . it all worked out - esp for partick, and that is what matters. charles and reggie certainly had an epiphany.

One of the best! Well put together and worded so I cared for the charcters as people. The ending was classic. Thanks.

As usual, I find your incites very realistic. I'm glad that he still can see the girls and they don't have to go through life without a fathers love for them. It would have been nice to have them mentioned more in the story (to explain their apparent missing him at the end) but maybe it can happen in another episode. jim

It is obvious that Mr. X was Reggie who probably insisted that the girls come from his sperm (He is such a control freak). That would explain who could rape Vicki at will, why she had to keep Volume 1 under special security and Paddy's warning to the old man at the end. Of course, Vicki never loved Paddy since she never knew what love was. What woman could foster her father's kids off to her loving husband not to mention the potential for STD and humiliation (surely some of the 88 mem knew or worked with Paddy). Vicki's only defense is that she is a victim of incest and it was just sex. It never dawned on her that she did anythng wrong! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hopefully, Paddy will outgrow his dependence on Vicki especially when he keep getting reports on her lovers. The happy ending for me was the fact that the two girls keep their Dad (fatherhood is more than DNA!)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I found it interesting that so many commenters wanted to develop Vicki's character. Huh! Vicki reminded me of DGHear's character Zoe (another remorseless slut). While it might be interesting to read her POV her explanations for why she did what she did would not matter.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Thanks for an Outstanding story!

SleeplessinMD

I love the comments that use poor grammar and spelling. Not worth the bandwidth they use. I figure most of them are just scanners who look for the jerk off parts and miss everything else. Super ending. I love endings with twists that make the reader go back and review the events leading up to the finale. Keep 'em coming. PS

That was absolutely the best story I've ever read at this site. As a matter of fact that was one of the best short stories I've read in a while. I could see this thing turned into a BOOK. Maybe a screen play!

I'll be looking for more of your stuff.

I loved it!!

It was very entertaining, interesting and easy to read, maybe if the sex would have being a little less descriptive, you coul have improved the plot of the story.

Will there be a second part? Maybe just to know what the first book of the Diary says!