All Comments on 'Ostracism Pt. 05'

Just as things start to get good and interesting you have to take the rout back to messy town and all but made MM the school slut, juggling two men isn't very good-catholic-girl like you know. I'm less surprised by Danny's hall buddies high-fiving her than I'm at MM's roommate not actually pushing her to decide on what to actually do. Sure I understand she has to make her mind and maybe sample both men to make a decision but at least portrait her turmoil a bit more relatable because there's a big difference between making love to someone and feel the connection and just finding someone hot because he's a (in general opinion) catch in his uniform. Truth be told she's now a lot worse looking than Danny ever was even after his porn scandal came out. As I said last time there ought to be some drama because of her choices but now I feel that Danny'll get the worst of it and his self esteem will plunge once more, maybe even beyond MM's rescue capability.

3* this time.

Until the last line. The Good Irish Catholic girl, serious enough for 'Grace' before meals, justifying cheating? She didn't acknowledge that she cheated on Brandon, with Danny... but rationalizing cheating on Danny with Brandon? Doesn't quite make sense. Then again, not much makes sense with a 20 year-old woman! I'd liked to have seen Danny's response to the "not dinner tonight" text. But, Brandon picking up on her moodiness was a fitting end to the chapter.

Sorry, don’t like the way MMs character is developing. I’m hoping that she’ll start redeeming herself but she’s heading towards becoming the sort of female character you encounter in the Loving Wives section.

Her character is supremely fucked up and hypocritical. Nothing wrong with a "nice Catholic girl," nor with a "two guys a week party girl." But you can't be both.

Unsurprisingly you've woken up Waldorf , Statler and Sam the Eagle. Slut calling from the peanut gallery has started. No comments on the walk of shame that is only experienced by women but lots of stupid opinions in the fashion of monogamy between a man and a woman is the only allowed form of relationship in life. Love is bound by strict rules..... pfff as if... Maybe there's hope for some in the peanut gallery to be compassionate , loving human beings but I don't keep my hopes up. Do their "other halves" know they're reading this I wonder...No other halves...that explains it...

. . . . have mixed feelings when they are first getting together, and many people do have more than one suitor at the same time. It's hardly unusual for someone to be indecisive.

For Mary Margaret, Brandon is the safe choice: he's better-looking than Danny, more athletic, (seemingly) more driven, with a solid career path ahead of him. Danny is anything but a safe choice: he's moody, he's defensive, and more than a little bit broken.

My previous stories really didn't have much conflict in them: readers knew, from the start, who would be getting together, and it was just a matter of how I brought them together. In this one, the readers' assumptions are almost all that it will be Danny and MM getting together in the end, kind of like a Hallmark Channel movie, where you know from the very beginning who will wind up together, and who gets left out. Danny, after all, is the more sympathetic character, but that might not be how this story ends.

To begin with Danny's seemed the central character then 50/50 with MM. Now MM's fairytale lovelife seems to have become the central character. It makes it a little tough remain engaged with the backbone of the story.

And square jawed, perfect "Prince Charming" is too good to be true, ridiculously and absurdly so. Danny is a well rounded, believeable character as is MM. Mr perfect however is a pure Mills and Boon fantasy. He SERIOUSLY needs a few charcter flaws unless he's revealed later on as an egotistical, conceited prick and master pussy hound.

There's truth behind the cliche's of confident, assertive, arrogant and shallow Vs the quiet, reserved, sensitive and deep. Neither of these implies inherent strength or weakness only a shallow assumption of such.

Nice work though. Enjoying this.

and will be published after editor review.

"And square jawed, perfect "Prince Charming" is too good to be true, ridiculously and absurdly so."

There are plenty of guys on campus like Brandon. However, note that MM did find a flaw in him, her perception that he might have screwed a hundred other girls.

You'll note that I did not characterize him as wealthy.