All Comments on 'Our Final Night Pt. 02'

Bdsm is the plot focus, & though it's breakup sex,you've kinda lost the focus & tone of your first chapter. Yeah, it's sex between 2 lesbians but it's bdsm. Abby's character is confusing. You painted her as soft & gentle in chapter 1, but she's totally dominant in the story. The characters are confusing. If you'd have spent more development time, the story would've flowed, & you really need an editor, too many spelling & grammatical errors make it difficult to read this. I know you're an amateur writer, I'm not expecting perfection, but it'd be a much better story if it were more coherent & the characters were more congruent.

So, you 'read' Part 1, but obviously failed to read the comments. I made it quite clear that 'Abby' is in fact real, and the reason her character is confusing is because of the fact she had taken herself out of her comfort zone. That's why she went too far at the start of this chapter, because she was inexperienced and began to lose control.

As for spelling errors, it has been checked by various friends; one is a (soon-to-be-published) poet, one is a high school English teacher, and another is just phenomenally clever. I corrected at the time any errors pointed out. (Since I uploaded this, I have picked up on two more, which really is not many)

Grammatical errors? No. They are either in dialogue - at which point you can't have a grammatical errors, because it is spoken and people often fail to use perfect grammar when talking - or they are deliberate, with the aim of displaying the rawness, confusion and intensity of the moment.

The focus is NOT on BDSM. Re-read the chapters, please. Look at how much detail goes into the fact I (Lexi) am handcuffed and gagged compared to the detailing of thoughts and emotions. The only other section this could realistically go is Romance, because it is all based on the love we had for each other.

Some advice to you: if you really want to pretend you are trying to encourage me, rather than just put me down (which is all your comment was) actually offer something positive. All you did was tell me all the (in your ill-informed opinion) shit things, and not offer a single positive. Your comment was just hateful bile. If you want to criticise, first you need to actually bother reading what is written (not just the words, but the meaning behind them all), and then you need to show that you can do better.

Really Love this story, This whole BDSM Situation including the flashbacks is so full of & so many Emotions, confusion, love, lust, care anguish hate, anger, guilt & more stuff, i mean I've not read bdsm/plot story with so many emotions & stuff.

waiting for chap 3 , just keep it up, Keep writing.

Now the people who are/Was disturbed by the lack of perfect grammar,.....Dude get over it! as my Favorite writer said

"If you are planning on counting the mistakes, please don't read! Or better yet, here is a math problem for you solve:

Solve the equation

5(-3x - 2) - (x - 3) = -4(4x + 5) + 13

Hopefully after you find the solution you will be over counting the mistakes!"

Really Love this story, This whole BDSM Situation including the flashbacks is so full of & so many Emotions, confusion, love, lust, care anguish hate, anger, guilt & more stuff, i mean I've not read bdsm/plot story with so many emotions & stuff.

waiting for chap 3 , just keep it up, Keep writing.

Now the people who are/Was disturbed by the lack of perfect grammar,.....Dude get over it! as my Favorite writer said

"If you are planning on counting the mistakes, please don't read! Or better yet, here is a math problem for you solve:

Solve the equation

5(-3x - 2) - (x - 3) = -4(4x + 5) + 13

Hopefully after you find the solution you will be over counting the mistakes!"

Nicely said @macmahira. I agree with you!

My reaction for the first chap was DAYUUUUM! This is some good stuff. Now for this part 2, i loved them more. I love the vulnerability of each other, how their emotions exceeded who they are, and most inportantly the character back story. I like getting to know them and what made them them.

I didnt get to read the explanation that both abby and lexi are real coz i was too excited to grt on eith the story, but if they are.. If you really are them.. I ship you but i know that there happened to be stuff that brought you two apart. If only lexi was a faithful girlfriend. :( aww im loving this story too much.

I look forward to chap 3 :)

I'm a personal friend of Lexi (met through MnF Club)

She has asked me to put an update here for now, on her behalf.

"Heya guys, girls, in betweens. Drawing on the memories of a night 5 Yeats ago, and the memories alluded to in flashbacks, became mentally and emotionally draining. While I was in a low point (I suffer from anxiety and depression) I ended up talking with Abby on Facebook. We agreed to meet up for coffee. We chatted, argued a little, then went back to hers. We cuddled, kissed, slept in each other's arms.

We are now dating again. I won't rule out the possibility, but it is increasingly unlikely that I will continue this. I'm in a wonderful place right now, and remembering that bitterness, resentment and heartache is not healthy. But on the plus side, we may yet create new adventures together, some of which I may choose to share, as long as I cab do them justice with my written word.

It's not a 'goodbye,' more a 'see you around.'

Lexi out *salutes* "