Our Rules

Tyrone and Phillida Marsden had moved here a little over a year ago. They were older than most of our group except L.C. and Amanda Palmer who were in their early forties. Actually L.C. and Manda took an immediate dislike to them and could barely hold a conversation with them, when somebody asked Manda about their indifference with the Marsden's she told everyone present that they needn't worry cos she intended to walk away from any place or event that they turned up at, that way we wouldn't be embarrassed by the Palmer's behaviour. Well that was never gonna fly with the rest of us, and I don't know whether it was an unconscious decision or not but invites to the Marsden's were never offered again. He still worked in the City but also had a home office that meant he only had to deal with infrequent trips. Don't know a lot about what he did other than finance of some kind was mentioned. They had actually started having their own get-togethers and we had had a few invites which we had never taken up. Actually we'd thought about a pool party they were having a couple of weeks ago, I didn't really know them that well, maybe a bit quirky I'd thought, but anyway I'd had a forced lay over and didn't get home until Sunday night. Well at least I hadn't gone to the Marsden's.

Tyrone and Diane looked self engrossed with each other and it appeared they had maybe dispensed with the sweets and gone to the coffee and liqueurs. John had wanted to go with me into the restaurant and while I'd reluctantly agreed he definitely would be an asset. I'd said to him If I got out of hand and looked like I was going to start something physical could he make sure that Diane was safe and if it got too bad just call the cops. I think he thought we'd reversed roles and come through one of those time dimension shift thingy's, because no shit; he shook his head in the negative and said "OK".

"I'm just here to surprise my wife for her birthday lunch with her brother." I lied to the waitress.

"Oh OK." she replied.

We were still walking down to the corner of the divider so they didn't see us coming. I slowed to listen to the conversation. I actually heard her say: "Look I'm not saying that Matt won't go for it but If you aren't all above board with what we're planning then there will be hell to pay, and you really don't want to see that, besides I know that I couldn't do the swapping thing without freaking out. Maybe one step at a time."

Diane was looking at the table and was talking at the same time. Tyrone saw me first, He saw John second. He damn near swallowed his tongue.

"Don't worry hun, Tyrone know's how to make the freaking out go away. Here just ask John or Babs. Isn't that right Tyrone?"

The prick was looking for an escape route.

"Do you want out Tyrone?"

A quick nod and then he must of found his balls. "Ah yeah Di, I better get going...."

I raised my finger and he shut up.

"Since when do you have the right to call my wife Di. She's my wife for at least the next 10 minutes and seeing as this is nothing more than a late business lunch you need to do 3 things. Firstly on the way out settle up the whole meal account, I'm sure John won't mind accompanying you to see that's done. Secondly Your phone is it?" I'd reached over and grabbed it before he'd realised and while I was still talking.

"Wait a minute you can't do that."

John walked right into fucktard's line of sight. I flicked through his phone book and there was my wifes cell number. I opened up his call history. That was all I needed.

"Give me your phone Diane."

She passed her phone to me, never daring to look up, never daring to speak. Actually they both had the same type of phone. I ripped the back off fucktard's phone and pulled the chip out. stuck it in my pocket and passed him back his phone, I said "Third thing send me the bill for the new chip."

I bent down, got real close so he could see me face to face.

"Now about that closing sentence to my wife. Seeing it's the last time you will ever talk to Diane let's hear it."

"Ah yes well Diane I..." I raised my finger.

"No! too personal lets try again."

He looked down, for about 15 seconds he must have thought about it, finally without looking at anybody: "Mrs Phillips I apologise for taking too much of your time. I hope I have done nothing to offend either you or your husband. If I have I sincerely apologise. I wish you and your husband a good life. Goodbye."

He got to his feet, silently and quietly placed his seat under the table, his hand's were visibly shaking, he knew to not look at us in the eyes, he turned and slowly started to walk away.

"What about my life, MY WIFE, You fucking asshole."

He stopped and half turned, looking at the floor. I spoke: "Wait Marsden answer the man, you owe him that much, how do you make it right with him when you not only seduce his wife - while your wife prevents him saving her. You break his trust in so-called friend's. And then worse still you inseminate her! You fucking kill all the love he had for his wife in less than five minutes."

Marsden walked slowly on. He turned " I'm sorry John, I, We totally misread the situation, I can't say anything more than that, It just won't make it right, if I could do that night again.... If it's any consolation Phillida has been round to see your wife and has tried to help her with the kids. We can't have kids so she has seen close up what we ruined. Matt that's why we worked closely with Diane because we didn't want to cause the same problems in your marriage. John, Phillida is yours if you feel you need some revenge."

I couldn't fucking believe it: "Fucking enough all ready, that's your solution. Really. Just Fuck Off."

John told fucktard to 'get and pay your bill.'

I looked down at Diane. I swear she had aged 10 years since yesterday. "Come on honey, let's go home."

We made it to her car and the floodgates opened. John was walking to his car, I got Diane into the passenger seat and walked over to him.

"I'll meet you at my place, Ok."

"Look Matt, I think I'll pass, I'm booked in the Fern Hotel tonight and you've got lots to talk over with Diane tonight so..."

"It wasn't a suggestion, besides Diane won't be staying at home tonight. I'll see you shortly."

"Come on honey, we're just about home, don't cry."

I pulled up the drive and got a catatonic Diane out of the car and inside. I carted her to our bedroom, got her out of her dress and shoes and got her into our bed, tucked her in, told her I'd make her a cup of tea. She said nothing. I told John to make him self at home, got him a beer gave him the TV remote, showed him his room and fixed Diane a cup of tea.

At least I didn't have another run til Tuesday if the weather got too wet over the weekend.

She was staring at the roof when I returned. "I knew it was wrong, from the first word that came out of their mouths I new it was wrong. I knew when Babs and Sue and Joy said that Phillida had tried to talk to them about swinging I knew it was wrong, I know when I dropped several hints about exhibitionism and watching at swing clubs it was wrong, I know when I listened to Tyrone and Phillida and they talked about the excitement of trying something fresh and new around like-minded people it was wrong. I know when Carin and Manda said it just wasn't right to do that to your marriage -- they were right -- it was wrong. I knew each time I met them without you knowing it was wrong. Remember when we got that invite to their party and we never went -- well that was because I knew that it was wrong. When Phillida asked me to go to have a look at the club without you and I said no -- well that was because I knew that it was wrong. When Tyrone started texting me with little suggestion's to get you on side -- I knew it was wrong."

"I'm so ashamed, I'm so disappointed in myself, I feel dirty, I hate everything that I've become. I knew the rules we had and I broke them because of what I have become and my selfishness and now I've ended my marriage because of it."

I looked at her, She looked at me. I said: "So how long have you been fucking them or him or whoever?"

"What..... Who?"

"You heard! how long have you been fucking them or him or whoever?"

"I haven't been fucking anybody, Matt, I haven't fucked anybody."

"What no blow-jobs, hand-jobs, titty-fucks."

"Matt what are you talking about? -- no,NO!"

"Aww I know, You've been letting them feel you up, finger-fucks and the like, right?"

"Matt please you know I haven't done these things, you know I wouldn't.... tell me you know I wouldn't, please tell me you haven't lost faith in me, I know I've done things to kill my marriage, but not that, never that, not for anybody, not that, I can't... no.....Matt.... I can't just give it away, Matt... please."

She dissolved into tears. I let her cry but asked her: "What do you mean 'I can't give it away.'"

"What?"

"What. Do. You. Mean. 'I can't give it away, what can't you give away.'"

"Oh......This, me, my body, what stands before you, begging you for forgiveness, Matt, it's not mine to just give away, thats the law."

"So tell me what were you planning with the Marsden's."

"Well, going and watching, no sex with strangers, not take our clothes off, I'm not even confident in a bathing suit let alone naked, no hot-tub, no sauna."

"So the remark about swapping and you freaking out and one step at a time blah, blah, blah, what was that."

"He asked me about if you pushed me to swap with another woman, you know at the club, how I would handle it and I know I said I'd freak out but actually.......... Honey, I couldn't. I couldn't. It would break my heart, Honey it would kill me having to watch that, I couldn't do it."

"Ahhh. Excuse me, Matt. Diane. Ahhh Matt your home phone was ringing and I answered it because I heard it flick to message and it was Carin and I think she was pissed off and when I answered and she knew it was me...well she was asking all these questions about me and Babs and you guys and..." His hand was covering the mouth-piece but the babble coming out of the phone was unmistakable. I looked at Diane and said: "Don't worry, I won't say a thing. OK."

"Hi Carin."

"Don't You Hi Carin Me, What's going on Matt, where's Diane. Oh and whats John doing over there andwhyisn'the..."

"CARIN, Honey, SHUT UP. Diane's here ok. Can you give me 2 minutes, 2 minutes Carin and I'll call you back, OK, trust me. I'll call you back." I turned the phone off.

I looked at John, and then at Diane. Diane said what we all were thinking. "Shit we might as well get it over with Matt. Shit I need to get dressed, where's my jeans? Hun I need a T-shirt."

I looked at John: "How do you feel about it John?"

"She's gonna be harsh, isn't she?"

I just nodded. I pressed her number.

"Hullo."

"Listen Carin. Do you want to come over and..."

"Too late I'm on my way!" click! call ended. Ahhh shit.

Diane and John were going to the gallows and they knew it. Eek, It was bad, it was bad for all of us, we all got it, T was dragged through the door and for a brief minute he thought he was gonna get it until Diane opened her mouth and that took the attention right away from T.

It was long and drawn out and double-checked but that wasn't the worst of it. Manda Knew. Double Eek. As it turned out, L.C was getting take-aways from the fish shop in Sheriff Road, Across and down from Valentino's. The Marsden's drive a distinctive Mercedes SUV, while my wife drives a Mazda 6 wagon with a Speedway logo sticker on the back. Both cars were parked out front. L.C. assumed that both family's were out at Valentino's for tea. Imagine his surprise returning home along Sheriff Road with his nice hot fish and chips he looks across to Valentino's Car Park and sees Me and John striding towards the side entrance to the restaurant.

So what does the big, strong Army man do when he gets home, does he keep what he saw to himself, maybe file it away for future reference, or say to himself "Must ask Matt about that next time I see him." No he does not. He goes home and tells the one person his employer should have working for them in Army Intelligence: Amanda.

I worked out the time frame that Amanda and Carin had taken to get a basic idea of what was going on. Now Amanda knew she couldn't get an answer from Phillida and anyway she would be at the restaurant or so she thought. John didn't really make any sense too her, where did he fit in. Then she got it: Babs and from there the pieces started to fall into place loosely, Haven't seen Babs or John, Babs talking about the Swing Club visit, Matt's overnighting with the truck, Diane's birthday coming up. Of course subsequent phone calls to Carin and then a tearful Babs and things fell enough into place that both Carin and Manda had feared the worse for Diane. Anyway as far as I can ascertain, I arrived at Valentino's at 6:05pm and Carin rung my home phone at 7:03pm. Ha, we are all wasted in our old jobs.

Anyway Manda was with Babs, helping out as only Manda can.

When Carin had found out that Diane hadn't done the dirty you could see a lot of the stress disappear from her face. She had her friend back where she should be. T talked to John the only way Ted know's how: He listens and he talks when he's asked and he cares, there is nothing painted on with T.

Carin had been quietly talking to Diane in our bedroom, while I had been keeping a supply of coffee's and beer to whoever needed it. The home-phone had rung once and it was Manda, It was hard for her to keep the emotion out of her voice and I realised she probably didn't know what was going on unless the girls had texted her and Diane's phone I had left in her car so I'd assumed Carin probably turned hers off. So I brought Manda up to date and again you could just about hear the stress leave her voice, she said: "Thank god for that, thats one for Us."

I asked how things were going with Babs, and she only said "Progressing...." She continued, "Actually I need your help, how do you think John is and do you think he would meet with Babs yet?"

"Look Manda, I don't know after tonight with Marsden and the way we beat him down I got the impression John may get a good sleep tonight"

"Matt, what do you mean beat Marsden down, is he alive?"

I explained, told her about the apology from Marsden to John and how he took responsibility for destroying their marriage. Manda snorted: "That was fucking big of him." She near had a fit when I told her that he'd gifted Phillida to John if he wanted revenge. "How the fuck is that meant to fix their marriage!" she exploded.

"Ok look let me see how it's going with John, Ted's been with him for the last half hour or so and John is talking a lot. Maybe Ted want's to compare notes with you otherwise I'll text you."

There was one other thing I needed to ask "Amanda I need your thoughts on something else and I, well I told Diane she wouldn't be sleeping here tonight and..no,no,no ......NO! ....AMANDA LISTEN."

Women. Any-who after Manda had climbed back out of her tree I explained what I'd been thinking and she thought it was a good idea, all I had to do was sell it to Diane. Well, Diane and Carin.

I walked to our bedroom and Carin was looking down burning a hole in the floor while Diane was turned facing the wall, crying and heaving shaking her head. I moved to Diane and hugged her.

"Hey... come on now it's not that bad, well it is but we can work through it."

Note to self: When your a head shut up.

"Well ain't that big of Ya!" Carin interjected.

"Sorry,......what?..ay..Carin."

"I SAID AIN'T THAT BIG OF YOU!"

"I'm not with you explain."

"Your torching your marriage over this. Really!"

"Ah no I'm not. Why?"

"Why? no you tell me why buddy boy."

"Fuck wait. Why! What!"

I looked at Carin, I looked at Diane as she wound her sodden hanky round her pinky finger.

"I think I know what you two think is going on, now let me tell you what's reall going on so we are on the same page, OK."

Diane was now at least turning towards me.

"First off I'm not divorcing Di.."

What the hell just hit me, fuck I couldn't see a thing.

"AH FUCK THAT HURT, wait, wait you two, fuck that hurt."

I was seeing stars. fuck I had to sit down.

"Matt are you alright?"

"Diane.....Diane are you ok?"

"Yeah, no I'm Ok, Honey, honey are you ok?"

"Fuck at least I think I'm ok, You fucking head butted me."

"Ay, did I, but I don't even know how to, oh honey."

"Ooop's."

"Carin, What do you mean by Ooop's?"

"Matty, I'm sorry, I just got excited when you said your not going to divorce our little honey, you know."

I knew, It wasn't a question, all they both heard was 'I'm not divorcing'.

"So I was so excited, I grabbed both of you and I pulled Di by the head and slammed her head into you and I'm so sorry Matty and god thank you for not you know, I love you, you do know..."

After I'd got my vision back and the pain eased, I kissed my wife on the lips and I kissed Carin on the forehead. Diane slowly looked up at me. "But you said that I was your wife for at least the next 10 minutes when you were talking to Marsden, remember Matt."

"Yep I did. Would it be better if I said you are my wife for at least the next hundred years honey?"

"Yes."

Diane went quiet again collecting her thoughts "Honey when I went to the loo I heard you talking to somebody on the phone about you not wanting me to sleep with you tonight, do you want us to separate for a while?"

"Diane no absolutely not. No separation, no more grilling you, no nothing ok."

I thought for a moment. "Honey. When you talked with the Marsden's about the swing club visit who were you thinking about."

"Ahhh Us, honey you know we had talked about it but not seriously. I just thought it might be good to...you know."

She stopped talking when Carin snorted and then looked at Diane as much to say: 'You thought about it - Really'.

"And You thought you would go ahead and organise it without me as a surprise?"

"Definitely No. Nothing without you knowing and us talking it through."

"Di, when you told me you wanted to sell the car, what were you thinking?"

"Us and our family that we will eventually have Matty."

"And giving up your work?"

"Same thing Us and our family."

"And what about the spreadsheet program you set up?"

"What. Um..oh.. I don't know. So we don't waste money, so we have more money in the bank. we can save more for us, Matty I don't understand what this has to do with our problem or why I can't sleep here. With You."

Carin piped up: "Honey this has everything to do with your life, Matty's just told you there is no problem, Honey you are guilty of doing a couple of wrong things for absolutely the right reason. When you were planning those things it wasn't for you, you weren't thinking of you, it was for you and Matty, just like selling your car, giving up your job. You would of done those things for both of you and for your family, not for you. I think I'm gonna cry now."

"Is that what you're saying Matty?"

"Yes, Honey."

"So, why don't you want me to sleep here."

"Oh shit, I just about forgot, where's my phone, I gotta call Manda, Carin you have to take over from Ted and get him in here now, please Doll, I'll tell you what's going on when I get done with Manda."

Carin was still looking at me like I'd lost my mind, but she still did it, she also hate's being out of the loop. I reached across and grabbed Diane's hands and held them firmly. "Honey if you don't like this plan, say Ok, given what we've been through I'll understand..."

"Matt, Cary said you want to see me."

"Yeah T, I'll just get Manda on my phone."

Manda answered: "Matt how's it going, winnin' the war."

"Yep, nobody died, I got T here so I'll let him talk to you, hang on Manda, just had a thought, I'm up to speed with what we're doing, but Carin isn't, she's talking to John so I'll go and get her Ok."