Out in the Black Ch. 18

This is a book-length work, so not every chapter will involve sex. If you're just looking for a quick wank, this may not be your story.

Thanks for reading!

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I took my worthless carcass back to work the first day I was out of the hospital. Well, I tried. Doc insisted on poking and prodding me for a hell of a lot longer than I thought necessary. When she was done, not only did she tell me to see Cap before I went anywhere else, she fucking called him to let him know I was on my way. To add insult to injury, I had to take the lift because hauling my ass up the ladder caused too much strain on muscles that were newly grown and lacked the strength I was used to.

Then the captain gave me a lecture I'd heard at least a dozen times already: go slow, take it easy, don't push blah blah blah. He didn't explicitly warn me he'd be watching, but I knew he'd be keeping a close eye on me. I was regretting my decision to leave all those cameras up in engineering.

I made a show of grumbling and muttering about Cap mothering me but, to be honest, I was glad for the excuse to avoid anything too strenuous. It took nothing to wear me out. Never knew laying around in bed could be so fucking exhausting. Then Cap goes and says if he sees any shenanigans - his word - that he'd have me confined to the med bay where Doc could keep me under sedation if she wanted. Fuck me, I'd just managed to get out of one hospital bed and here he was already trying to put me in another one. So I made it a point to keep far away from anything he might come close to considering shenanigan-like.

The tasks I could manage didn't require a lot of brain power, which turned out to be a problem. I'd let my mind wander and it would go one of two places: Drake Harmony - the asshole who blew himself to pieces - or Crispin Phillips. I ain't proud of it, but I wasn't sure which one got me more riled up. Harmony pissed me off for obvious reasons. It wasn't just anger I felt when I thought about him, though. My heart started going real fast and I'd break out in this cold sweat. It felt like my clothes were too tight and it was hard to breathe. Knowing Cap was likely to be watching, I hid all that as much as I was able, glad I wasn't in a vac suit where he could actually monitor my vitals. I was sure Cap would force me into therapy faster than I could blink and the last thing I wanted was someone making me talk about it all the time. No fucking thank you.

So Crispin Phillips occupied a large percent of my thoughts that first day. Being mad at them was safer. Kells said I was jealous. I didn't think so, but maybe I was. I wasn't worried about Cap going nowhere; he'd made his feelings pretty damn clear and, well, things had been good between us. Plus, no matter how many times I told him I didn't blame him, I knew he still felt guilty about the whole Geeta thing. Even if he eventually decided he was done with me, there was no way Matt was going to leave me for some station-bound twister while I was still unable to haul myself up a ladder. Yeah, it was messed up to think like that, but it helped keep me sane while I was trapped in a hospital and he was out gallivanting all over with the slimy prick.

Unfortunately, it didn't help me get through my first day back at work. I would start a task, my mind would wander, I'd end up thinking about Phillips, and then the pain would bring me back to the here and now. Turned out I couldn't take things easy when thinking about them. I'd be gripping a control panel so tight the rivets were digging into my skin or I'd forget to pick things up with my off-hand. Over and over this happened until I finally just had to give up on getting even the most basic shit done.

The gym was out of the question. Doc had threatened harm to some parts I'd prefer to keep uninjured if I even thought about going down there without her. While I gotta admit I was touched that the crew had a party to welcome me back to the ship, I didn't much feel like talking to anyone after my clusterfuck of a day, so I steered clear of the galley as well. That basically left sitting on my bunk, trying to read or watch a vid on my tablet. And I'd spent more than enough time dicking around on that thing while I was in the hospital. Plus my new muscles were starting to ache as they stiffened up.

I was in a shit mood and ready for the day to be done. That's when I found myself entirely fucked. All I wanted to do was get a shower - loosen up under some hot water and maybe wash away some of my frustration - and I couldn't even manage that much by myself. After having nurses wipe my ass for a couple days, I ain't gonna claim that calling Cap for help was the most embarrassing thing I'd had to do lately, but it was right up there. And I was downright irritable about it.

"Could you give me a hand when you get the chance?" I asked over the comm, doing my best to sound casual and not like I was in need of immediate aid. Should have known better. Fucking captain came running into my quarters like I was bleeding to death. Again. Which, considering he'd been the one I was bleeding on last time, I guess maybe I could understand.

The look on his face when he opened the door and saw me standing there in the middle of the room, jumpsuit puddled around my ankles, was enough to make me wish I'd showered in my clothes. Then again, it would have just been that much harder to take them off wet. Fuck it. Maybe I'd never change again.

"I was being careful," I snapped in response to the unspoken accusation. Knowing none of this was Cap's fault didn't stop me from wanting to lash out at him.

"What did you do?" He was still breathless, a bit of panic remaining in his voice as he lightly pressed his hands against my injured side, looking for evidence of stupidity. I grimaced, figuring there was plenty of that on display without me needing to re-injure anything.

"Nothing!" I protested, maybe a bit too strongly considering the look I got in return. "I did what that damn doctor said, just tried to use it like normal when running system checks and stuff." Gotta admit, it bugged me a bit that he clearly didn't believe me, even if it was proof he knew me too well.

"I guess I lost more strength than I thought," I grumbled, biting back the harsh words that tried to force their way out instead. I knew picking a fight with Matt would just make me feel worse. I knew this. Didn't stop part of me from trying its damnedest to do it. "Fucking can't even take my own clothes off to get a shower."

To give the captain credit, he really did try not to laugh. He bit his lip and looked away, but I could see his shoulders shaking. I was aware I looked ridiculous, standing there trapped in my clothes, and I'm sure my frustration and embarrassment were plain on my face. I was entirely over the situation as a whole and I didn't bother to attempt to hide that. But him laughing at me was worlds better than him babying me and my anger just drained away, leaving exhaustion in its place.

"Are you gonna help me or not?" I said on a sigh. Cap snickered as he unfastened my boots and held me steady to step out of each one. After that, it was easy to finish stripping down and wrap a towel around my waist. He started following me down the corridor toward the head and I turned and scowled at him. The captain just crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, waiting to see how stubborn I would decide to be.

My vocabulary isn't big enough to express how much I wanted to leave him standing there all smug and take my own damn shower. But even in the time I spent considering it, I could feel the strength draining out of my legs and the throbbing in my ribs got worse with every heartbeat. Since my size came in, I was always the strong one, the guy who could take care of himself. A tenday trapped in a hospital had been torture and nothing in me wanted to need Cap's aid now that I was back on the ship. But I was pretty sure I'd end up falling on my face in the head - and being rescued would be worse than just letting him help me in the first place - so I swallowed yet more of my pride.

"Fine," I muttered. His eyes went wide, telling me I'd given in sooner than expected. If asking for assistance in the first place hadn't told him how bad off I was, not arguing with him now sure did.

Matt hung up my towel and then stripped to his shorts before joining me in the shower stall. "Protecting your virtue?" I asked. He snorted and rolled his eyes. It had been a long time since we'd done more than sleep in bed - the whole time I was in the hospital, plus the nights before on the station - and I ain't claiming I didn't want to take advantage of being wet and naked together, but staying on my feet was about all I had in me.

"It's still pretty early," he told me, adjusting the water temperature. I wasn't sure what that had to do with anything, but I didn't really care much anymore once he started digging his fingers into my scalp. "There's a high likelihood of someone else wandering in," he continued explaining as I groaned and leaned into the massage. "I figured me being at least nominally dressed would be less scandalous." I made a noise of protest as he removed his fingers and turned me around to rinse the suds from my hair. "Though if you keep making noises like that, people are going to think something's going on no matter what I'm wearing."

I huffed a laugh and gave a couple extra loud moans just for the reaction. It was worth it. Then those fingers reached my beard and I moaned for real. My injury had kept me from shaving and the hair on my face was getting longer than I liked. The nurses offered, but the idea of someone else taking a razor to my face was more uncomfortable than the beard itself. Cap said it was hot, but it bugged the shit out of me. Right then with his fingers combing through it, though, it wasn't so bad.

Matt brushed a quick kiss over my lips before turning me around again and moving his hands down to my neck and shoulders. I just about melted. Even when he hit the spots that were still sort of tender, he was gentle enough I stayed feeling damn good.

Too damn good, in fact.

If he didn't want scandal, then I needed him to stop touching me, so I kicked him out and finished washing what I could. My hand and my brain were at cross purposes as I soaped my junk, but eventually mentally reciting engine specs did the trick and I was under control enough to make my way back to my quarters. Cap was waiting for me wearing nothing but a towel, the prick. Of course he'd managed an entire shower in the time it had taken me to wash a quarter of my own body.

Since Matt was so concerned about people wandering in, I thumbed the lock.

"No," he said, giving me a look. I was all wide-eyed innocence in return. He shook his head, clearly not buying it. Well, it wasn't like I had expected him to. He'd gone and gotten my blood pumping in the head, though, and I was feeling like I might have a bit of energy after all.

Carefully not looking at Matt, I unfastened my towel and reached up to dry my hair, exaggerating my wince and adding a gasp for good measure. "Rusty." There was a clear warning in the captain's tone. In my defense, I wasn't completely faking. It didn't exactly hurt to put my arms up like that, but I definitely felt the strain in my side.

Still, I kept going, making a whole production out of how much work it was to dry myself. Cap made an exasperated sound and grabbed the towel from me. Biting back a smile, I mumbled my thanks and stood still as he briskly rubbed the cloth over my skin. It was obvious he was making the process as unsexy as possible and it was just as obvious my body didn't care. Like I said, it had been a long time.

"For fuck's sake," Matt muttered. He bunched up the towel, swiped it over my junk, then tossed it at the wardrobe and shoved me after it. Probably pushed a little harder than he meant to because it nearly sent me to my knees. And not in a good way.

Ignoring the hint to put some fucking clothes on, I moved to sit on the bed and take in the show. The captain didn't look my way, but he knew I was watching as he dried his hair. His dick was calling bullshit on him acting uninterested. Upping the stakes, I spread my legs a bit and used my good hand to stroke myself slowly, more for the look of it than the feel. There was no way I was going to be able to get myself off, not with how much my arms were shaking already.

Matt sighed and straightened, turning to glare at me. "No," he said sternly. My response was to drop my eyes to his own traitorous anatomy, which was pointed defiantly away from his body. "The doctor said no strenuous activity," he reminded me, as if I could somehow forget. Still, those blue eyes were locked on my hand.

"Does this look strenuous?" I said with a grin. "Think of it like physical therapy." He made a skeptical noise. "Or you could join me and I'll leave all the strenuous parts up to you."

"Rusty - " he pleaded, even as he took a step toward me.

"Come on, Matt," I said, my voice becoming husky as my hand continued to move. "You can't tell me you don't want to."

"You know I do, but - "

"No buts. I'm not stopping until I come," I insisted, with more confidence than accuracy. "It's up to you whether you help me or leave me to do it all alone." Fuck, I really hoped he didn't call my bluff. I could see him wavering, so I ran my thumb across the head of my dick and moaned. Just a little.

The groan he made as he gave up the fight was the best sound I'd heard in days. "Lie back," he ordered, voice low. I complied and he crawled over me to retrieve the lube from my cubby, coating his fingers with a nice big glob. I kept stroking, watching intently as he began fingering himself, and suddenly I wasn't so sure I wasn't gonna be able to finish myself off.

"Fuck, that's hot," I rasped. He took his time, whether to give me a show or because it had been so long didn't much matter considering the effect it had on me was the same. My hand sped up and the fatigue started to show. That whole physical therapy thing had been a line, but jerking off was hard work for my abused muscles.

I started sweating a bit and my rhythm fell out, my hand stuttering, my muscles burning. As turned on as I was by what he was doing, the strain started to kill my erection. Matt had been watching me as I watched him, though, and he noticed. He squirted more lube into his hand and gently pushed mine away. It didn't take long for him to get me fully hard again.

He got into position, kneeling over my hips. For my part, I was biting my lip and breathing hard through my nose, already fighting for control. "Ready?" he asked softly. I gave a quick nod and he lowered himself onto me. It took a bit and I watched his face, his closed eyes, the little frown of concentration as he tried to get his body to relax and let me in. Then it worked and a noise came out of me without my consent as his tight heat surrounded me. Still not opening his eyes, Matt smiled a bit and rocked slowly, gradually opening to me and getting more of my length into him.

Suddenly, I was about to come. My fingers tightened on Matt's thighs and I hissed through my teeth, eyes shut tight. Between the feel of finally being inside him again and the look on his face, I was teetering on the edge. Thankfully, he froze. "Rusty, what's wrong? Am I hurting you?" he asked frantically. Since it was taking everything I had to keep from blowing my load at the moment, I couldn't reassure him that what he was doing was just about the exact opposite of painful.

"That was close," I said finally, blowing out a breath. My hands relaxed and the color returned to the pale spots on Matt's skin where I'd gripped his legs. Looking up at him, I realized he had yet to grasp my meaning, still too worried about injuring me. I saw the moment he figured it out. "Told you it was hot." I gave him a lopsided smile.

"Fucking hell, Rusty!" He smacked me lightly on the stomach, but he was smirking at me when he went back to work. Smug fucker. Before long, he was sitting on my pelvis, my entire length buried in his ass. We just looked at one another for a time as we waited for our bodies to adjust. When he did start moving again, it wasn't much. Matt rocked and rotated his hips, working me even deeper into his body.

"How does it feel to be home?" he asked teasingly.

"It feels fucking fantastic," I said with emphasis.

My crap hand lay on his thigh as he rode me; I stroked my good one along his other leg from hip to knee and back, though even that one trembled with weakness. He must have gotten the angle right because he shuddered, rocked forward, and shuddered again as he rocked back. "Just like that," I whispered, wanting him to use me to take his pleasure. He sped up, keeping his pelvis angled so my dick stimulated that bundle of nerves over and over again. His jaw dropped and he drew deep breaths, his body desperately seeking oxygen as his orgasm closed in.

"Right there, baby," I murmured, encouraging him as he chased his climax. His eyes were mostly closed and his face was the very picture of a well-fucked man as he gazed down at me through the screen of his lashes. "Don't stop." Fucking hell, he was gorgeous. He flattened his hands against my torso for support and moved faster. The pain barely registered as I watched him, his entire being focused on our joined bodies.

Matt's face gave everything away. I knew he was coming before he slammed down onto my hips, his fingers digging into my ribs, his body contracting around me. He cried out my name as his dick jerked and twitched against my stomach. His head dropped and his chest heaved as he panted for air. I lifted a hand to his face, smoothing away the frown that appeared when he sat up and saw the marks where his fingers had been.

"You are so beautiful," I told him, voice low.

His mouth twisted and he blew out a breath, shoving a hand back through his hair to push away the strands that had stuck to his face where he sweated in his exertion. "Yeah, I'm a real prize," he joked.

"I think so," I responded seriously. "I love to watch you come. Seeing you lost in pleasure makes me happy to my toes." I groaned inwardly at how cheesy that sounded. To be fair, a good portion of my blood was still in my lower body, so my brain wasn't operating at full capacity.

He blinked at me, taken aback. I hoped he took my comment in the spirit it was meant, even if I wasn't sure quite what that was. Then Matt smiled and all kinds of weird stuff happened in my chest. He leaned down to kiss me, whispering "I love you, too" against my lips. That hit me lower down, pushing a moan out of my throat when my dick pulsed inside him. How words I had been running from my entire adult life had turned into one of my biggest turn-ons was a process I did not understand, but as Matt fucked my mouth with his tongue - rocking back and forth on top of me in a matching rhythm - I decided figuring it out could wait.

"Again," I gasped, intentionally not thinking about what I was asking for and why.

"I love you."

My eyes fluttered shut and my neck tensed, pulling my head back into the pillow. Matt gradually increased his pace and I tried to keep my hands on his hips, but the muscles in my upper body were done. Giving in, I dropped my arms to the bed and rested my fingers against his calves. He sucked at the hollow of my throat and then ran his tongue upwards along my skin until he met the edge of my beard. Finding some hidden strength, I reached up and tugged his hair as I claimed his mouth fiercely. As good as this was, I could still feel my body's need to take over, to set the punishing pace that would bring my release. Matt strained against me, pushing his muscles, trying to give me what I needed.