Out of the Ashes Ch. 15

Chapter 15: Healing

(4,4k words, futa, romance, character focus, plot chapter, dialogue focus, character development, wholesomeness, plot reveal)

"That's when Beth... and Cassandra... and all the others met their end," Alexia said as her voice grew to shaky to continue without taking a break.

"Just because I followed my instincts ... and everything else led up to this. I keep thinking about it over and over again. About what would have happened if I had chosen differently, but it still doesn't change the fact that their blood is still on my hand. Literally. I failed them."

Her head hung low and avoided the gazes of her silent sisters in arms sitting next to her bed. She wanted to cry, to show them how much well-deserved pain and guilt she felt over the loss of people she and her visitors considered "family". Yet, tears were no longer welling up in her sad eyes. Not after days of constant mourning and crying more than in the rest of her life combined.

She sat up in her sickbed, but kept her eyes locked onto her white duvet. Neither of her friends broke the eery silence, nor did she dare to further insult them with her excuses.

"Is that why you carry Beth's sword?" Antigone eventually asked while addressing the blade next to the bed.

Alexia nodded silently and almost managed to conjure up some tears she knew she could no longer muster.

"To honour her memory. And continue her story. She loved to talk about such things. I think she would have appreciated that. I hope. That's the least I can do," she said cautiously.

Again, none of her three visitors replied and when she could no longer endure the silence, she was confronted with a reply she did not expect but certainly craved for.

"She would have," Christa said without facing her. One of Beth's closest friends and for quite some time in the past much more than just that.

Their former commander's grey eyes lightened up with hope and finally made their stand against the other judging gazes.

"I won't ever be able to make up for what I did. But I swear I will try," Alexia said assertively.

"We know," Lyssa interjected.

Lyssa was the new commander of the guard. A remarkable woman of honour and a kind spirit Alexia always looked up to- even when being mentored by a living legend like Cassandra was. A great leader and even better friend. But overall, a voice of authority within the royal guard, especially now when half laid dead in some makeshift holes at the beach.

She was the perfect replacement as commander of the royal guard and Alexia deep down knew: way more qualified than her in the first place.

"This is not your fault. Regardless if you will ever allow yourself to realise that," she continued.

The middle-aged woman's brown eyes felt piercing as much as they felt soothing, but the honesty in her words could not be denied.

"I can't get their faces out of my head, Lyssa. Every time I close my eyes, I see them... they call out to me. Ask me why I got them killed. Especially Beth. The look on her face before... before I..."

Alexia couldn't force herself to continue her thought and once more shielded her face from view and let her head hang low.

"Look at us," Lyssa said but Alexia only shook her head.

"Look. At. Us." She repeated but much more assertively.

Assertively enough for Alexia, against her better judgement, to make her oblige.

"Do you see any hate in our eyes?" she asked.

"No... that's what I don't understand. You should hate me," Alexia muttered.

"Yet we don't," Antigone joined in and did the impossible and even formed a sad, but soft smile.

"But... why?"

"Because all we see is someone who tried to find the right solution with the information you were given. You did what you deemed right... and we all know you would never willingly want to get any of them hurt. You just followed your heart. That's nothing to be ashamed or guilty about."

Alexia took a deep breath. She wanted to believe her new commander so badly, but felt every fibre of her body reject these kind words.

"Do you also think that? Antigone? Christa?" she dared to ask, regardless of how repugnant she felt when asking for them to soothe her guilty consciousness.

"I do. Nothing changed between us, Lexi" Antigone said.

Christa on the other hand paused and had to gather her thoughts. The blonde bit her lip before taking a deep breath and speaking up.

"You never lied to me. That's why I want to believe you, Lexi. But I understand why you feel that your suffering is deserved. I am no one to make that call, but nevertheless I demand you to keep your promise. For Beth and for the others. Live a life they would be proud about, that's how you repay your debts," the youngest of the three said in tone that couldn't hide the pain she felt while ushering those words.

Understandably, it was Christa, who couldn't see past the glaring fact that her former lover's blood was on Alexia's hand. Still, she offered something to Alexia that no amount of forgiveness could ever accomplish. Drive her forward with nothing but determination to make up for their deaths by being the paragon the royal guard was always meant to embody.

"I will, Christa. I swear. And if I should ever do the unforgiveable and forget about that promise. I expect you to make me remember," Alexia said while meeting the blonde's grey eyes for the first time since revealing that it was her who killed Beth.

Christa didn't budge and stared her down. She, just like Alexia, was well aware what "make her remember" meant and that this was far from being just an ordinary promise. They just made a pact that would last until Alexia's guilt was outweighed by her accomplishments... no matter how long that might take.

"I will," she eventually said in a cold tone.

Lyssa smiled knowingly and nodded, while Antigone, looked in horror at the two sealing their pact without requiring any more words.

"Well said. It's good to see that even after spending so much time with humans you haven't changed one bit," the new commander said with a proud smirk.

Her predecessor exhaled in what came closest to her smiling since being shot down by Cassandra days ago.

"I am afraid that's not true. I have changed. In many more ways than I am even wanting to admit," Alexia said and leaned back into her cushion.

"You mean Margaret?" Antigone asked with her characteristic curiosity.

"I... uhm... yeah... also because of her. Mostly because of her," Alexia admitted with a blooming redness on her pale face.

The trio waited for a few moments, while she was silently fighting her redness but couldn't hold it back at all. Nor could the others contain their curiosity or in Antigone's case - that damn girlish grin.

"Come on, you don't need to blush. We knew you two were always close. Like really close," she said with a genuine smile on her face.

"I... never really thought about her ... in such a way I mean. It was weird at first... but I ... STOP SMILING ALREADY!" Alexia growled as loud and as menacingly as the comically red former commander possibly could.

"Let her talk, Antigone. This is one frightening battle for any soldier, especially if a king is involved," Lyssa said but couldn't tame her cheeky smirk either.

Alexia was collecting her thoughts, but that only made her brimming smile disappear by the second. She was about to confess what she felt whenever she was with Margaret and how that changed her life in so many ways. But after all she was still laying in her sick bed, surrounded by her former family and apologizing for how she was responsible for the deaths of so many of their sisters. This was a time of crisis - not just for herself, but also the royal guards and the whole kingdom.

"This might sound strange, but some days I thought I was at the top of the world. Like anything was possible, even something as unfathomable as finding happiness there, with humans and everything. Maybe even starting a family one day. But of course, it couldn't last for long. And honestly, I can't even attempt to predict where Margaret is heading...and what that might mean for me. She is king... and I am basically no one."

"You aren't no one to her, that's for certain," Lyssa said in an attempt to lift Alexia's spirits.

"But is that enough in such times? I doubt that," Alexia said and looked around mindlessly.

There wasn't anything drawing her attention to grant her relief from her nagging doubts for even a moment.

"But forgive me for bringing the mood down. You came here to visit me, not to hear me lament over such things. This was selfish. I apologize," Alexia said.

"We came to see how you were feeling. That included more than just checking that you are no longer bleeding," Antigone said - with a quote that could have been Lyssa's.

"Exactly. Such wounds are often deeper than bullets," Christa joined in and Alexia once more felt guilty just by looking at her.

"Yeah. Often they are."

Once again silence loomed over the room and this time before any witty remark could break the stalemate the door behind them flung open.

The trio turned around and immediately started to bow down.

"Your highness," everyone cheered in one booming voice.

"No need for such formalities. Not here, my friends," Margaret said with an unconvincing smile.

"Yes, my king," Lyssa and Christa returned, which prompted Antigone to join as well.

The king let out a sigh of disappointment and walked up to them. Three guards that were more than just guards to her throughout most of her childhood. Nowadays they seemed to reduce themselves to being just that - guards. No longer friends, almost like being both was impossible to them and everyone else in the royal guard.

"Should I come back later? You must have so much to discuss and I don't want to be the one interrupting such a reunion," Margaret tried to smile, but her muscles in her cheeks failed her.

"You aren't interrupting anything, my liege," Christa returned dutifully.

"I see," the blonde king returned and accepted being nothing more than their "liege" from now on. "May I ask you to grant us a few minutes of privacy? I won't take too long."

"Of course, my king," the trio returned, as painfully obedient as they possibly could.

"Thank you. Please close the door on your way out."

"Yes, my king."

"We will talk later, my sisters," Alexia whimpered, noticing how Margaret's disappointment shone through with every new reply.

"See you later, take care... and great to have you back," Antigone returned. The only one who dared to show any remnants of emotions around the new king.

"How everyone seems to grow colder around me these days. That or trying to hide their lies behind warm words. No idea, which hurts more."

"Maybe that is just the fate of all kings," Alexia said.

"Please don't ever call me that again," Margaret growled and sat down next to Alexia's bed.

"Was I interrupting anything? Please be honest," she asked.

"No. We... let's say things are different between us as well. And I can't blame them. I would see myself in a different light too," Alexia said.

Margaret leaned over in her dress, one she borrowed from the former queen and one that highlighted her more than alluring figure. Still, no excitement or arousal could spill over to the injured soldier. Not for now.

"How are you feeling, Lexi? What did the docs say?" Margaret asked.

"They said I will make it. Might take some time, but the human did his job well it seems."

"Good... that's good. Yeah... very good," Margaret muttered thoughtfully.

"What's wrong?" Alexia said and reached out to the blonde.

"I... was just worried that's all. Glad you are feeling better."

"You are still a bad liar. The crown surely didn't change that," the black-haired hermaphrodite mused.

"I guess it didn't," Margaret smirked as well and allowed her partner's hand to pull her closer to the bed.

Alexia groaned when she offered some room for her now even bigger lover on the bed. Thankfully it was broad enough for two.

"Come. Lay down. I bet you didn't rest a minute since your return," she whispered and wanted to feel the blonde's curvaceous body warm her own.

"Maybe you are right," the new highking muttered and cautiously occupied the offered space next to Alexia - nevertheless her hugely endowed body spilled out nicely onto of the cushioned bed.

"It feels like ages when we just laid down, doesn't it?" Alexia said with a grin, their faces just separated by a few inches.

"I missed it already," Margaret said and didn't let go of Alexia's hand.

She even seemed to desperately hold on to it, while her eyes kept looking past her girlfriend and into the distance.

"Something is weighing on your heart, Maggie. What is it?"

The blonde tensed and took a deep breath before answering.

"I spoke to my mothers. They tried to explain to me what they were thinking. What their grand plan was. And I am not sure what to think anymore."

"Were they right?"

Margaret shook her head but her gaze wasn't one of determination.

"Still, I know they mean what they said and that they wouldn't want to do me and you any harm. I almost wished they were just mad or evil, Lexi. But certain things they said don't feel as wrong as others. Things I can never accept though ... and don't want to."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No," Margaret sighed.

Alexia only noticed she didn't take any breaths when she was almost gasping for air. It was logical for Margaret to speak to her mothers. To hear that so-called "explanation" and whatever the two queens got on their mind. But hearing Margaret speak about things she could never accept, regardless of how limitless the possibilities of such notions could be, she immediately thought about what she mentioned earlier with her friends.

And hearing Margaret's reluctance to even speak about it further cemented her growing doubts about what the future might hold for the two. Yet, she didn't dare to ask directly.

"I... what will you do... about those things?" Alexia asked timidly and like her blonde lover lowered her gaze.

"Honestly. I got no idea. I will have to think about it... and maybe find a way I can live with myself."

The busty blonde laid stiff and noticeably tense next to Alexia, with her fingers still clamming tightly around the wounded soldier's.

"I am sure... you will find the best way, you always do..." Alexia gasped and imagined that this "way" wouldn't include being with her any longer. A truly devastating thought.

"Can we talk about something else please? I want to forget the whole world beyond this bed for a few minutes. Like back there... when there was us. A waitress and a bouncer," Margaret said and looked like she was on the verge of crying, but nevertheless smiled.

"Of course, my love," Alexia said and pulled the blonde closer until their bosoms met.

Both didn't exchange any words for minutes and just silently stared into each other's eyes while their bodies warmed one another. Alexia's pounding in her chest subsided the longer she just laid next to her love, without wasting one thought on anything beyond this bed, just like she was asked.

"You have grown again. Don't even think I didn't notice," she mused and made the blonde grin as well.

"I wondered when you'd mention that," Margaret grinned - on the verge of smiling properly.

"Do you really think I am missing out on an opportunity to praise my huge girlfriend? No bullet in this world can stop me from doing that," Alexia said.

Margaret chuckled at first and broke into laughter after a few moments of fighting the urge to laugh over something this serious.

"Sometimes you got a twisted sense of humour, you know that?" the king smirked and leaned in.

"Sometimes...but it makes you smile. That's all that matters."

There was a time to comment on what was deemed "twisted" or not, but surely not when laying to someone this alluring and still blossoming.

Alexia led their combined hands just a bit lower and onto the blonde's soft middle and mere inches above her navel.

"Lexi... I...didn't..." Margaret muttered but couldn't force herself to pull her fingers away.

She craved to be touched, now more than ever. Especially after the last few days and even more frustrating nights.

The wounded guard knowingly smiled when she felt the more than sizable bulge lifting the king's borrowed dress and push into her thigh.

"Well, aren't you a bit quick to the draw today?" Alexia teased, although with a fair share of surprise.

Margaret usually was able to go on for a lot more cuddling and foreplay before she got all horny, this time though she seemed unable to contain herself after even just one teasing move.

"Yeah... I..." Margaret gasped and her body took over.

The wrist thick member kept fiercely pushing into Alexia's side and grew heavier and meatier by the second as it rose- dangerously close to the blooded wound.

"Maggie. I... should not... you know the doctors said I can't ... right now," Alexia drooled, clearly aroused by seeing just how much her former student was gaining - and how fast.

She was not just massively endowed, she had to be in heat and sported a sizable erection within literal seconds.

"I... know. I am sorry," Margaret winced and turned to the side.

Her throbbing dick lifted her by now tight-fitting dress with an obscene bulge as it looked adamant to salute to the skies in all its glory.

"No need to be sorry, my love. I... would love to ... really," Alexia said and kept her eyes fixated on the literal pillar of meat throbbing a few feet over her as it displayed its full glory. "You must be really pent up..."

"You got no idea. It's much worse when I try to sleep. Barely slept an hour last night," Margaret sighed.

"Couldn't you just... you know... stroke it really good?" Alexia asked with a perked eyebrow. "I know growth spurts can mess with your hormones, which means you really have to take care of your needs... especially now when... I can't help."

"Trust me, I tried. Both hands, one hand. It doesn't matter. I... well... maybe eventually. But right now, it's a bit tiresome not gonna lie."

"Yeah... can't imagine running around with something ... well, THIS big. And horny all the time," Alexia said. "Should I give it a try?"

"I doubt that would be enough..." Margaret sighed and rolled her eyes. "Imagine what I would have said a few years ago, if you've told me that I would be complaining about such things?" Margaret chuckled and tilted her head to face her lover once more.

"Tell you what? That you are too horny to get rid of your I don't know 4-foot dick?" Alexia chuckled.

"Not four feet yet, but not too much off either," Margaret teased.

"Should I really not give it a try? I see it in your eyes, you crave it... and I wouldn't mind offering a helping hand," Alexia said with a growing smile.

The blonde king pondered on that option for a few seconds and once looked over to the door. No guard would dare to enter as long as she was in anyways. But it still would only make it worse.

"I know you would. But trust me I tried A LOT. A pair of hands is not enough at this point I am afraid. But I will eventually push myself over the edge, just have to wait a bit longer I guess."

The princess' truly royal boner didn't go down easily. It throbbed and surged back to life a few times before eventually going down for good. Only for it to surely return at night - with full force.

"Finally," Margaret sighed after minutes of trying to think of anything remotely arousing.

"You really have to take care of that, Maggie. I mean... I love seeing you huge and all, but I doubt the royal court would fancy it as much as me."

"Well, thankfully I don't think of sexy things around them as often like when I am around you," Margaret grinned.