Out of the Ashes Ch. 17

She often saw her sister angry, furiously derailed even, but never like this. Such raw hate, but also such clear envy was something she had never shown before at all. The confusion over such an outburst was the only thing that prevented her from further screaming her lungs out with anger.

"Excuse me, but when did I ever come first? Never! They haven't showed me the love you are talking about for years. Quite the contrary! You were the one they kept gushing about, while I was being humiliated in front of the whole kingdom," Margaret said.

"Humiliated?! They tried to make you listen, but you were too deaf! For fucks sake, you heard their explanation! They never tried to harm you at all. Then they wanted to make you leave, so you would never return. Just because they wanted to save you! How much more proof do you need?!" Sybilla screamed as her breaths grew deeper and uneven, just like her voice.

She grunted and threw her head back in frustration.

"This must be a joke. A fucking joke! I would have killed to ever hear them talk about wanting the best for me like that. But you, they offered you the kingdom, and kingmother even her life and that's still not enough? I should have known once the infallible Margaret is back that I am no longer required and you would take centre stage again. How could I ever expect anything else! The fucking second born, the inferior placeholder, nothing more!"

Sybilla's explosive rage slowly but steadily turned into an emotional outburst that left more scars on herself than her opponent. The way her voice cracked every time she mentioned kingmother left no doubt on how much she meant to the princess. But how could she possibly have felt this left out Margaret wondered.

"I... never saw you as the second born. I got no idea, what makes you feel that, but I heard nothing but praise from both when talking about you. If anything, I felt they wished you to be me ... and me to be gone," Margaret said in a forgiving tone, but failed to calm her sister.

"Then you have been gravely mistaken," Sybilla muttered, not with anger, but at the verge of crying.

"You must have been blind and deaf then. Like every time when kingmother missed my violin rehearsals to attend your piano plays. Or every time she lambasted me for not having your grades ... or your natural talent in some topics. My achievements all went unnoticed, while you were bathing in their praise. I never heard a bad word from our tutors either, but kingmother, she judged me solely by your performance. 'Be as dutiful as your sister. Put so much effort in like your sister'. Margaret this. Margaret that! I was nothing more than a second thought after you! You were the only one that mattered and I was nothing!"

Sybilla visibly shook by the time her voice let out. She bit her lips and fought back the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I... didn't know ..." Margaret started just to get interrupted again.

"Of course, you didn't! Nobody noticed. Nobody even fucking cared! Sybilla doesn't need anything... but Margaret? She got everything she needed and more! You know what? You asked me I why I was angry. I can tell you fucking why! Remember before the duel? When she talked to me and queenmother?!"

Margaret didn't dare to speak up and silently nodded.

"She came to us and made it clear that she would let you kill her. There was nothing we could do about that. Neither of us. I tried. Begged her to stop and find another way. But of course, my words met only deaf ears. But that wasn't the worst part. You know what the last words she had for me were? 'I am proud of you'. That was the first time she ever told me that. Moments before she would give her life.

Not even this moment with me, most likely our last, the only time I ever felt like she genuinely cared about me, was about fucking ME!"

Sybilla's voice echoed through the halls of the courtyard as desperation took over her rage. A desperation that left Margaret with nothing but pity and guilt.

"I would have killed to have her feel about me like she always did about you! Hell, I would have taken all the blame and all the shame, to have one moment, just one moment, that was truly mine! Nothing was ever about me, NOTHING. Even the times she was good to me it was just about enraging you or to spur you on, but never about me! Do you know how often I asked myself 'Don't I deserve her love too?' and seemingly I don't because in her final moments, the last time she could have been talking to me, she thought about YOU! YOU WERE BACK ... AND I ... AND I WAS BACK TO BEING NOTHING MORE THAN SECONDHAND TRASH!"

The princess screamed so loud; the last birds were fleeing in panic from their homes above the two.

Her eyes were already diluted by the tears she could no longer hold back and her body was contracting all at once, when her explosive fury looked for an outlet. Which she eventually found in the sandbag hanging down before her.

With one tree branch shaking strike the bag crashed to floor as the chain broke on impact.

Margaret stood in silence and observed Sybilla's pain unfold with all its might. So much strength, so much composure, it was all gone when facing inner turmoil that gnawed on her for years, probably all her life.

Her black pony tail shook and the muscles on her back danced to the rest of her shivering body, which fought its hardest battle to contain her emotions from her sister. Like her strength, it failed.

The king didn't want to break the silence. Not to further shatter her sister's pride ... again. She should be the one to advance on her own terms, not being dictated by her self-absorbed sister. Not again.

Margaret could barely fathom what this meant for Sybilla. Every interaction they had, every moment they shared was now portrayed in a much different light. Every nuisance and little disagreement they had gained so much more meaning now that she finally found the missing puzzle piece to understand Sybilla.

"So... now you know. I don't give a damn about that fucking crown. I would give all my riches, titles, my life, just to feel the same love you received. I did everything they asked me to do. And nothing was ever good enough. I was never good enough... and I never will be," Sybilla whimpered.

She didn't turn around to reveal her tears to Margaret, but the blonde didn't need to see her sister's face to know how devastated she must have looked. And how much she needed to be loved ... for real.

Margaret stepped forward, with precision and clear determination which made Sybilla slowly turn around.

"What are you-"

Before she could react, the blonde's arms were already around her shoulder and pulled her close into a tight embrace.

"Get off me!" she hissed, but didn't make a move to free herself.

Both know she could have achieved that with ease if she really wanted.

"No," Margaret insisted and pulled the princess even closer.

She didn't resist this time, not even verbally. The black-haired princess tensed and shivered with her hardened body being pressed into her bigger sister's curvaceous frame. She didn't have to admit how much she needed that, to let Margaret know she had offered what she craved most.

"I understand why you hate me so much. I get it. Please forgive me for my unawareness. I am so sorry I made you feel that way," Margaret whispered calmly.

Her voice had to be soothing, comforting to someone broken who needed nothing but warmth at this moment, even coming from the one person she might hate.

"I never hated you. I tried. I really tried, but..." Sybilla's hands now snuck up Margaret's back and dug deeper. "But you were the only one that treated me sincerely. The only one that really cared. You ... are my big sis after all."

This broke the last restraints in the muscular warrior and reduced her once more to tears. Her head rested now on Margaret's shoulder and dampened her dress with bitter tears of relief. Years of neglect and holding back how she truly felt unleashed onto Margaret's soft body.

She pulled closer and closer the louder her cries grew, with Margaret offering her the love her sister missed out on for so long.

"You deserve to be loved, little sis. Never doubt that. You are special the way you are, even... especially when kingmother doesn't realise it yet," Margaret said.

Sybilla melted in her arms. It's been years since Margaret saw her younger sister cry. For how uncomfortable it was to hear her sister reveal her true opinion about Margaret, there was a bond being renewed that morning. A connection almost lost to the sisters, and one so deep Margaret could feel the impact right away. Never did she feel this close to her sister like in this moment of ultimate weakness.

"You are right. I was blind. And yes, I was deaf. But believe me, I returned to put things right. That of course includes you Sybilla. I promise you; you will never have to feel like this ever again."

Margaret's determined voice made Sybilla looked up, her eyes still tripping with wetness and filled with hope.

"You sought to win the love of a woman that lost herself in the pursuit of greatness, big schemes, big meanings. But she also lost sight on what matters most. That is family," Margaret smiled warmly. "Now, she doesn't have to choose between her family and the kingdom anymore. And you might finally have the mother you would have needed and deserved. We both might."