All Comments on 'Out of the Shower'

You should really avoid using "I" when you write... he/she, and their name always makes for a better read. You literally have hundreds of "I's" in this, and it killed your story. I probably wouldn't have liked it anyways because it's so mushy it made me want to gag a little, but it's still good advice. Also... seriously look into getting an editor. You need one badly.