Outlander

I read this before and have a similar sense of disapointment like others. This is a good start to what could be a great story.

It's a real shame that the author treated this like an extended synopsis rather than an actual novel. So many good themes going on but the whole love at first sight thing is overly rushed and even the dialogue in general is more a summary of things rather than any type of organic conversation. The lack of description of the place he finds himself is quite telling as well everything is the absolute minimum to escape to the next scene.

I agree with the previous criticisms, it feels rushed; like you could have expounded on his assessment, he could have checked himself, checked his supplies in detail, then investigated his immediate surroundings so we get a solid description of the world before he comes across the fight. Then there’s the relationship development which is progressing insanely fast for someone who is amazed at having friends already even though it’s been a day and not having much more than an introductory conversation.

The last niggles I noticed is he prays to get back to his family while the van falls but then informs everyone that he doesn’t any family left. Also instead of the remarkable arrow sniper shot to kill the bandit you could have explained the bandits death with magic, he could have been “cursed” if he revealed any details about his employer, he would die instantly.

Otherwise interesting start looking forward to where it goes

Good stuff so far. One minor quibble, having the brigand taken out like that raises the question of why the hidden assassin didn't just kill or hero the rest of the guards and then finish off the princess. If he can hit a prone man through the skull while remaining completely undetected then there should be a reason that he doesn't try to finish the mission. Shaun and the guards didn't even take cover from a hidden sniper.

Thank you for creating this, I am looking forward to the next chapter!