All Comments on 'Outsiders Pt. 06'

YES! Oh so very good. Gots to love it yeah. Lots and lots and lots of baby factory work.

Are you going to continue this story?, I hope.

Post soon. Thanks.

Please continue the same.. Suspense is killing us all...

I'm thinking of doing a continuation of this story with a time skip and a new lead (a descendant of the sorcerer).

However, that will not be ready for publishing until the fall. Sorry.

This was a fun tale. I also hope for a sequel to show up sometime. I do think you should have left a little bit less hanging over everyones head at the end but this was a good place to wrap things up for now.

The plot never dragged or seemed rushed. Ok, I did feel like this last chapter was a bit of a dash to the finish but not too much so.

The characters were engaging and life like. I do think that Raven was a bit too comfortable in her new skin. She was too quick to drop into a fairly logical and practical application of her new self. I would have expected someone SO on the outskirts of society from her appearance to have a much more stereotypical view of her expected behavior and tried to make herself behave more in that image. More Vampish and Seductive. Or more Dumb Blonde/ Little Annie Fannie than you had her. But having only overblown media images of how beauty was power, I would have expected more.

This was one of the best stories I have read this year.

Sadly, I have started to look at the comments at the end of multi-part stories before starting them to avoid disappointment. I am not an editor or a writer. I do like giving feedback to folks who are willing to share their work. I Figure that at least one reason authors post stoies in multiple segments is to get feedback as they write and I have enjoyed helping with this, possibly imagined, desire.

But I find spending time on stories that never get finished frustrating. I imaging that authors feel the same. Unfortunately, you as the author can't help it is the muse dries up midway. I can avoid the frustration from my end by not starting stories until teh final chapter arrives. It becomes a trade-off between my possible disappointment and the good feeling I get when I 'help' the author by letting them know how part of their audience is responding to the story as it unfolds. Several other authors have left me very hesitant to be drawn into something that is still 'in development'.

I look forward to seeing somethng on your other continuing tales that signals their completion. Particularly A-cup Angst which I had started (Curse you SyckSycko!!)

Thanks again for the great entertainment.

An excellent start to finish, with a perfect build for the sequel. With the blood line idea your sequel has almost limitless directions you can take it.

Thanks for the great entertainment!

Jason

This story! I have never played D&D but based on your comments in the first chapter I was in fact able to keep up with Ben and what he was doing magic wise. I am looking forward to the sequel. Thank you for your effort you are a wonderful author. John

Your best story yet. Still enjoying L.M. Now on to A cup Angst!

Great Ending to the Timeline for now, and with the Servants still being alive/gathering that's a Huge Difference for the future he has no clue about lol. I wonder if Mr. Outsider will live/reborn because it seems like would be to simple for him to just return(again technically lol) and try and take control somehow. theres also just how the bloodline will control the portal, if one of them desperately wants power will they end up getting it from the portal opening in desire? will all of Bens Children get D&D Classes/stats save and such? Still great ending but the Super Cliff made us know there should be another, While also making me facepalm!

This great story of yours got me interested enough in DnD to find a group and start playing. So great job, and thanks for that :)

And now I have to wonder:

How would your story have looked if it'd used 5e rules instead.

After the girls were set free of his slave spell, Lisa never again behaved as a submissive should. I seems like she was faking it or something. But, that is impossible because she couldn't lie. Why did you do it that way?

Just noticed your comment about a sequel! That's EPIC! I seriously enjoyed this story, and can't wait for more!

Just read the entire story... couldn't stop. Well done and well played.. Hoping for a sequel where Ben is able to make more sorcerers in it. Keep up the good work. Best story from you I have read to date and I have read most.

Excellent story. Just read it in one sitting and now very sleep-deprived. The only gripe I had throughout was the main character’s constant self recrimination after taking action. It was OK the first time, slightly irritating the second time and then just plain annoying after that.

I’d have also liked to have known more about his mothers raoe. Not graphic detail but rather the factors involved. When his old school bully started mentioning her before his death it appeared that he had some intimate knowledge about her. I wondered whether it had been a member of his family that had raped her?

You’ve actually given me a problem now... as this story was so epic I’m going to have to go back and read all of your submissions 😜. Keep up the (very) good work.

Rob

Thanks a lot for the entertainment, really nerdy and well told

Found my self skipping over the sex parts to get to the action, not a stroke story, but fun and very well written

Overall I really enjoyed the story. I do feel like the MC was a deeply flawed character though. Quick to throw tantrums and lash out at the girls. Overly high strung and over the top with his reactions to perceived slights. You almost lost me with the whole it's considered uncool to play DnD that simply hasn't been true for a long while and I felt like he completely discarded all that the women had done to support and advise him throughout the story. His friends merely showed up to play. The original dominated boss was way underutilized though I found the alien abduction solution highly amusing. All in all I liked the world and the story, but I hope to see some of the above addressed in the sequel. Great work.

Damn, dude, I'm sorry to hear about all of that. Glad you're getting better. Don't push yourself too hard, though.

Maybe you can get in on some more D&D - get some fun tied to your mental exercise? I've only played 5e, but I hear it's much simpler than 3.5 / pathfinder...

Anyway, I wish you the best! (And I'll keep checking in every once in a while to see how you're doing)

Hated to see this one end, especially with so many questions left unanswered.

Is our hero really bound by the DnD rulebook, or is he deluding himself and causing a psychological block? Will he get over that hurdle and realize life eternal? How have all the cultures of earth been changed? Has the shield been weakened because of the resurgence in faith over science? How did the Order of the Hammer find them? What tracking mechanism do they have? We saw a lot from the bad guy's side, but never anything that really discussed who the OotH are and how they operate. They've got to have some science or magic helping them somehow, yet they are always a day late and a dollar short.

I had to put this down. The extremely dated reaction of the girls to the source of his power wasn't realistic nor was their reactions to playing with the group. D&D hasn't had even the remotest stigma in well over a decade. Also, the MC is still acting like a child and not someone who has a high wisdom. He lashes out at the girls constantly blames them for failures he produces. Secret tests, no leadership at all, no follow up on his orders, he's capricious, moody,and whiny. I wouldn't blame any of them for walking out the door, especially after getting gas lit and berated near constantly. The MC keeps thinking of himself as a good guy, but he's really not acting like one. Shame as you started out okay and had a great concept.

MC really should've made that stamina spell a priority. 5 books of him passing out almost every time he came (quickly) was kinda hard to read. Other than the mediocre sex, great story, so 5/5. Looking forward to a sequel.