All Comments on 'Over the Top'

Soooo over the top I loved it. Sharp, staccato and inciteful (did you see how I spelt that!?). Great fun and very creative. Hmmmm . . . what's next I wonder?

I barely got to page 2 and had to stop. Romance? I didnt see any building so bye bye. The narrative was too strange.

You evoked pure femaleness in Missy so well that I had to pause and check your bio to verify that you weren't an under 30 woman.

The narrative style was experimental and certainly challenging for the reader, but I can't help but think that with a professional editor this could become a new vogue in fiction this year. There was something compelling in the style, and it did successfully create the experience of feeling other minds working, other minds that are so very, very different from my own.

Rough spots, sure, but congratulations on all the important points: formula, plot, characterization, exposition, arc, etc. You really made all 3 characters real, and really made us care and root for them.

A true art piece in the romance genre. It almost feels like the resolution is the essence of the genre: love triumphs over all, self-sacrifice, courage, walking into what awaits with resolute hope.

Couldn't get past the second paragraph.

because of the staccato-style erratic writing the quite interesting plot is lost to the reader. you can use that kind of style, but only in short passages as a means to emphasize a certain mood/situation.

comparing it to a musical composition might be helpful to you - if there is just one dull beat (or erratic in this case) and no highs/lows, nobody wants to listen to the whole piece.

Too manic, too cryptic, too insiderish. It read like you were writing this story for maybe 30 or 40 people, in the world. I missed most of the innuendo, subtleties, passing references, double entendres, etc. So these two girl friends end up discovering that they love each other like bisexuals, but only after one of them has fallen in love with a man, so the three of them become trisexuals? Polyamorites? Big Love? Mark should probably get some Mormon input and see how far he can take this gig. Kind of a simple and anticlimactic plot, once you scrape away all the word goo poured over the characters and their relationships and their interaction. Kind of like sucking the marshmallow spread and nuts out of the mix, leaving you with a bowl of plain rice Krispies. Without the SCP. OMG!

Tedious.

I didn't make through the first page of this story. Even taking into account that the author was apparently trying to speak in the voice of the character's jumbled, disjointed, erratic thought process, this thing is a grammatical nightmare. Between the comma splices, the run-on sentences, the incomplete sentences, and the statements that just don't make a damned lick of sense, I found myself spending WAY too much time trying to figure out just what in the hell the speaker was trying to say. Screw that. I read for enjoyment and relaxation. When it becomes a chore, it's time to move on.

"How "high school," but we even more those twin's apart." did it for me! WTH?

The writing style is weird, the dialog is weird, the plot is weird. But somehow it works. Apparently half the commenting readers quit before finishing. Somehow I thought it would come to some kind of worthwhile climax and stayed with it to the bitter end. I think it was worth the effort. 4*

I couldn't not read it. Well done.

Over the top indeed!

Fabulous!

Over the top it is, but the characters, particularly the women, are really something special. Nicely done with them, especially, and their relationship.

Wow!

Guys seemed a little too good to be true really, but over the top it was...

after the 3rd or 4th paragraph. Bad, really bad.

I agree with “Overcritical” also. Really enjoy this read… had to reread many sections… still very much enjoyed this story! Thank-you

Loved the staccato, stream of consciousness style. I've seen other authors try it, but haven't it done this well before.