All Comments on 'Overwatch'

This was a very well written story but the ending was too abrupt. Actually what WAS the ending? A one-liner ending to a six page story is VERY disappointing plus it doesn't really tell us anything. Was she cheating in the first place? Is the kid his or not? What happens next? You should write a follow up to this just to wrap things up. All in all, it was well written but the ending was a disappointment.

Not real clear an ending... after all the history and plot development, to end so abruptly? Almost mid-sentence. Be fair to your readers mate.

most of O. Henry's stories ended with a single line. BHe was the greatest short story writer ever.

it has been years since i was in NAM but your tale rang very true. a hell of a lot better than i could have done.

thanks for posting.

i am the h20wader

wade

It did end with a lot of questions. It looks to me like there will be another chapter or two.

Which could be played like Rashomon with six different people telling completely different tales about the same events.

Obviously we will never know what was really going on. There was no need for her to mistreat him as she did. Sort of like

beating a puppy. Especially if it was done knowing she was pregnant. Sounds more like a guilt reaction. Reccomend DNA testing and even if they survive that they just don't seem to know how to deal with problems.

whata slow long winded mindless stupid and pointless story

I liked the story and the slow building of suspense. It was pretty well-written with good character development and imagery. I know some readers just want to read the sex stuff but I think it is much more difficult to write a complete story with many elements besides those that are erotic. That said, I guess the story is incomplete. The ending was really that of a chapter's ending. I am suspicious the baby is not Drew's. By the wife's disrespectful behavior, it is likely the politician's child. I know, she said she turned in the car on "Friday." But it could have been a smokescreen; lying about the car is not as much a lie as cheating. There are lots of coincidences. The politician she was with ("Windy") would have to know another lady with the same general body type as wifey's and when would he have the time? He has been spending all his time with wifey. Of course, she knew Drew would be gone for the entire weekend and she would be free to do whatever she wanted. She is vague about her job and what goes on (I always tell my wife about my day, with details, and she does the same). Let's have chapter 2 please.

But the ending left a lot to be desired. From the opening lines of the story we are treated to an exploration of The Troubles coupled with an ever increasing conflict between husband and wife. Somehow all of the doubts, the possible lies, the anger, the disrespect and the distance growing between them is resolved by an announcement of a job change and a pregnancy. It isn't that the ending isn't possible but that the ending is too abrupt to provide enough information to make it believable.<P>The story was well written and gave the reader a lot of insight as to how one individual handled his life during troubled times in Northern Ireland. The author gave the reader a tremendous amount of detail of how Drew coped with his responsibilities while in the UDL. All in all a pretty good read.

<p>But by the end I was just confused going in as I was at the end. What was the ending? Who's baby was it? Was she cheating and just thought he'd never find out? Was it someone else using her car? What the "HAPPENED" with him and Jean??!?</p>

<p>I started off confused, and you really didn't do anything to remove that confusion by the end of the story for me. Sorry</p>

-Risq

I'll all for building up the plot and characterisation, but this story just went on for page after page, with no erotic content of any kind. Hell, even the illicit shagging was off-stage.

I got halfway through part two and gave up.

Plenty of detail, little erotica but the storyline more than made up for it.

I would appreciate a sequel - if you had one in mind of course - because the ending kind of falls flat for a stand-alone story.

Well done anyway. I enjoyed the story.

Thank you for your time and effort.

I had some difficulties to understand the jargon and specific terminology. I think it's one reason why I found it distracting. You sometimes leave the plotline too far. I've got read much about his (protagonist) inner conflict but virtually nothing about the conflict between him and Jean. And then the end ... Confusing ... or maybe I'm not skilled enough to understand your metaphors. I would like a conclusion not confusion. Please see this as my plea. I won't die dimwitted. ;-)<p>Sincere regards</p>

<b>Nucleus</b>

This is a very good story but a little confusing. At the end I'm not really sure if the wife had remained faithful or not. The troubles of Ulster do set an interesting back drop for a story though there wasn't much in the the way of erotica. This story definitely needs a sequel to answer some questions.

Like others, though, I didn't understand the ending, and at times it was hard to follow. I assume from her reaction to him being shot that she had indeed been faithful and that the child was his, but it is really difficult to tell.

She gave the car back before he saw it.

Loved the story, particularly liked the "Irish" flavour. Keep it up

It was great until the ending. Was she pregnant with the other guys baby or what? Is there another chapter?

<p>As a story about northern Ireland this story succeeded. As a story about the 'troubles' of one young couple trying to live normally in abnormal times...it succeeded there too.</p>

<p> The ending is as ambiguous as the reason for the continuing violence around this couple. It fits the story like a glove. Thank you.</p>

Well done, liked the ending,even if you could have written a little more and explained it a lot better. Thanks.

I liked the story and the characters until the end, it needs a proper closing.

Sorry, meandering and pointless and pseudo mystery fiction is just not my cup of tea.

"Honey, I am pregnant. It's going to be twins. And they ARE YOURS!" <p>

"What do you mean, "They are yours""? <p>

"I mean, they are ours, yours and mine, dummy! Who else could have given me babies? I am your loving wife, no?" <p>

"Oh, right. Of course, how stupid am I! Of course, you are my wife, so they must be mine! What a kluck am I to think the impossible!" <p>

"It's okay, honey, I forgive you, considering you've been shot and me and your parents and mine didn't even think... y'know?.... but now we have you back for sure,,, after all these days, with you on life support.... <p>

"Anyway, my new job, our babies, you, me, life is going to be so good again...." <p>

"Yes, Jean, you are absolutely correct. MY BABIES, our babies!" <p>

"Yes, yours, mine, ours, darling!!!"

After 10 pages of a guy watching some criminals, with his wife (sorry, the first generation viewing equipments aren't the sharp, so despite the correct car regristration, despite the fact that the woman looked like Jean,,, no one could be sure; it could be Osama Bin Ladin and his tricks! ------- after all that time and imagine that ENDING, all of a sudden, about her changing job, having twins, and his smiling, saying everything is gonna be okay..... I mean, what the fuck is taht?

We will assume the car came to the retreat on Friday, she said she resigned on Friday. That does not say she was not still with the politician that weekend. He wasnt in bed having sex enough with his wife to have a baby and if he was it was a miracle. My guess is he knows she is pregnant with the politicians baby but will let her care for him until he is better then throw her trash ass out in the street. One also needs to ask how long was he out? She said she quit on Friday.. Maybe this was just her going away party since she knew hubby would not be home for the weekend.

First, I want to thank you for your writing. There has been an absence of thinking stories on this site. However, the ending does not ring true. Jean has been treating him like a worn shoe for weeks/months when she out of the blue announce that they are having a child. She just happen to mention the timing of her departure from Micheal's service when he is waken up from from a near fatal injury and that timing is the day before he saw her and her car at Micheal's. It sounds like she found out about Drew's assignment (probably when they ran the check on her).<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Bottom Line: More questions than answers but no reason for her disrespect and disdain toward Drew. For me, the ending spoiled a great story.....SleeplessinMD

Too long winded that sometimes the essence of the story was not the main dish. It is difficult to follows. The ending is a double edge sword. :"We are going to have a baby". Does it mean that a baby is coming into the household and yet it might not be his! Is she telling half truth?

The ending could be have been better. This is surprising as there are so much details on the army life yet the personal life was not fully thought out.

I find your ending a little too short in tying it up neatly, but many authors like this approach as it is considered clever. So no big deal, just not my preferred conclusion.<P>

I liked the vernacular, though it was tough for me to get all of the meanings in their context, so I just proceeded on not knowing what some of the abbreviations meant. It was a little too stretched on the intense detail as it made me skip ahead, feeling I wouldn’t miss anything as the detail dragged on till something new would transpire. I feel I got the gist of the story, just couldn’t get really involved or see it in my mind.<P>I appreciate your hard work in writing this and thank you for such an enormous effort.<P>PT

1st, thanks, it was a good read.

Up to the end it was fun. But, 1st he suspects then gets banged on the way home, been done several times. Also, you gave too many clues that we couldn't know for sure who the gal was, so I immediately was looking for the surprise ending.

You went into great detail in every facet then stopped abruptly after her statement. His recovery and discussions with Jean would have rounded this out.

Again, many thanks for a different look.

Thanks to all who have commented. In the original draft Drew did not survive the shoot-out. Since I had put so much into the background however I thought I would let him live and develop it a bit further.

I appreciate all constructive comment. Thanks again to all of you who have taken time to read this story.

are you shitting me? torch the bastard. u mean i went through all this intricate attention to the most unimportant bs details of fog and smoke and birds and not getting any rest or pussy or love or concern and you chickenshit out on the important things we want to know such as (i know it's really minor),but is the kid his? was she fucking him over? pardon me, but i got a little involved with the guy and would like to know why she treated him like shit. from now on i'll give u fucking zeros on multiple computers without reading your shit.

great detail (except for what happened). add another chapter and tell us how the tea tasted

the stupid hubby don't know how too.

Sometimes it best to leave things unanswered. THIS AIN'T ONE OF THEM. After reading a ton of unnecessary detail the poor bastard is going to be happy with not knowing that it is his child or was his wife screwing Windy? I don't think so. I'm a writer and this ending is just poor writing. I'm all for happy endings but why would anyone want to read more of your stories

I liked your story, well written with lots of details you'd expect from one like Drew. I'm wondering about this site though, with so many hateful comments it's a wonder you still post, thanks - your efforts are appreciated.

I almost felt like I was camped up there with them on patrol and feeling sorry for the poor bastard because his wife was more than likely banging the politician. Given her mood for the last couple months and the reputation that politicians have now days when it comes to sex with their female staff. So, her pregnancy and timing for leaving fit perfectly to explain her behavior and the mistaken identity. I'm glad you didn't have him die in the shoot out. That would have sucked but as others have mentioned I would have liked to have seen more dialog between Drew and Jean at the end. Not so much about suspecting her with "Windy" because I felt that was all explained and he didn't need to bring it up but about their future and how things were going to be different. Thank you, very suspenseful

But how did it end???

"they" are having a baby. Who's the father? Did Jean screw around (it looks that way to me)?. Did they ever talk about their precarious situation?

All the very detailed information about Drews military (and other) activities are nice but the story is about Jean and Drew and we didn't hear much about that.

The ending is thoroughly insufficient and unsatisfactory.

Either let Drew die, prove that Jean scrwed Windy (most likely), or at least let us hear a conersation/explanation of what's going on.

In summary - a rather poor read.

Obtuseman is confused. Is that it? Was she not cheating because she turned the car in? Had she not been having an affair? Is the baby his? Come on man! For a very long story, it didn't seem to have been finished.

this is too good a Story to let it lay here.

you should do a follow-up and let us know how Jonathan dealt with the Wife and her Baby.

Loved all the acronyms. Fun guessing and then learning all the jargon. Did not like the beginning...the set up was a bit too long. Didn't mind the ending because the excitement had already run it's course. Thank you, torch for an outstanding look at counter terroism. I really enjoy being in the mind of the protagonist.

do you waste your stuff on Literotica? You are a REAL writer. There's a book in there I'm sure. Fascinating detail, steady build up, the anticipated shock (it is in LW!)didn't come, strangely unsatisfactory end. I think you just got fed up, or perhaps thought your readers had come far enough.

As for the comments, laughable some of them. I enjoyed the chap who complained about the lack of sex - Literotica is full of it, just move on if that's all you want. I've read so much here that it takes exceptional skill now to get me going in that respect. This was totally believable - rare on this site.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I wasted all this time reading a story that you didn't finish. There has to be a Part II. Have the courtesy to finish it please.

Nice story but! whose baby?

BLAH BLAH BLAH droned on and on for 6 fucking pages and it's not fucking finished!

I liked the way you ended it. If you were paying attention, everything was resolved nicely,

Six pages of dribble..... Geesh. I read more about the job then the actual wife . Why was six pages needed just to be left unfinished? & who's the father of the baby ?

OK, I get it. We are supposed to believe that she did not cheat since she returned the car on Friday, before he witnessed it arriving at Windy's place. Some have questioned whether she was lying about returning the car to cover her tracks. Why? From her perspective she had no tracks to cover. Further, something like that can be verified.

On the other hand, you provided no detail to explain some of her other actions. I admit I had trouble understanding some of the Irish/UK dialect used in the story, but I am fairly sure that she went into one of the bars looking for him and tried to go make time with some other soldiers. What was up with that? Of course it would have been difficult to work that in and still have the ending you obviously wanted. Please try next time. It seems like you could have expanded on their conversation a bit when they got home to have him ask her what she thought she was doing.

I did enjoy the story but found I had to limit myself on occasion to just reading the first line of each paragraph. I think one would have to be a military fanatic (nothing wrong with that) to really enjoy all of this detail.

Regardless, thanks for writing.

It's not surprising to see this kind of relationship/plot from the British Isles. Seems there's little talk between spouses over there, as shown by the emphasis on military action over personal life. Again we have a supposed he-man male lead who fights with the best of them but doesn't relate to his wife very well.

If the story were restructured to give the marriage equal time to hunkering down in wet brush it would be much more interesting.

Piss poor ending

Six pages of my life I'll never get back..

Shite ending. Have the courtesy to finish it.

So how does it end?

I've just read 6 pages of quite well written prose, which I really enjoyed only to be fobbed off with an absolutely stupid 4 line lame ending. He never found out if she was cheating on him, only that she wasn't with dipshit over the weekend so he'll always wonder about trusting her. Also I'll tell you where those fucking birds come from " mate " straight from your arse; NOW FINISH THE GOD DAMMED STORY properly.

Would have been 5 but only warrants 3 *** because of the last 4 lines. What a waste.

Actually, not an ending. Likely she is a two-bit cheating slut and the kid is her bosses. So Drew ends up as a cuckold wimp. Fuck this.

This just dragged and dragged and dragged. Very solid mechanics in the writing, but it was so dreary! By the end, I was glad the author wrapped it all up in a rush as I had been ready to abandon ship for several pages, and soldiered on only from sheer stubbornness.

the father, dear?

With a very anticlimactic ending. Lots of questions and no answers.

Disappointing.

there are trials and tribulations for mates. TK U MLJ LV NV

no ending. no resolution. at least the guy isn't a willing cuck.

You wove a colorful tale. I'm not at all disappointed with the outcome, as a few others appear to be. Your description of the areas added to the richness of your story.

I wouldn't have minded a bit more explanation re Jean's sudden familiarity with referring to windy as michael and the obvious lies/disrespect she showed Drew. Nonetheless a full-marks effort. 5*

It's a damn frustrating place to end things, and I have no idea what the author tried to convey with that last sentence.

Everything seems to have gone to shit for the protagonist, I wonder if Jean was telling the truth about her not using the car, seems just as likely that she somehow found out where he had been, since he was wounded just after getting off duty, and concocted the story. It just seems too convenient, I'm also curious as to whether the baby is "Michael's".

If it has been continued I hope her story wouldn't have been taken at face value without any checking.

BUT!! We had to wade through a lot of story and emotions to just end it so quickly.

Looks like deus ex machina to me.

Oh well - I'll give it a 5 anyway.

Detailed!!! You need a good editor.

You ended the story earlier than halfway through the story arc. What happens next? And after that?

Is he the father?

Does he kick her out?

Does he eventually reconcile?

Does she want to?

What about the other wife?

And on and on and on.

not see that coming. Seemed to me we should infer her innocence since it wasn't her in the car? Or she's a double agent who married him as a cover? Probably should get a dna test when the baby comes. Guess I'll read the comments and see if someone can enlighten me.

Great story until you baled our before you finished it.

The story halted, rather than ended

Was going to rate this story, and give it 5 stars.

It's never going to be finished, so it will never get its stars.

But first question is "I want a ,DNA test"

Really missing was "Windy" really looks like.

So it wasn't Jean at the arsehole's love nest! But, is the baby Drew's? Excellent writing, though readers without an Army background would find the descriptions of routine procedures and OP's, tedious. 5*****s.

I can’t say enough praise for this story. It put me in a new world so different from my own. Only in stories of the simpler sort do we expect to know everything, in real life, truth and doubts intertwine, some truths are never known. And sometimes, like Nelson, we choose to turn it blind eye.

Chilley

What no more?

What a shame, there should be more, a lot more.

At best now, because of its unfinished state, 3/5

Story ends without a lot of details. Where has she been for so much time? Politicians, even Irish politicians don’t work very many extended hour days! If they have an evening gig there is not likely going to be an early morning one!! Suggest that Drew has just been set up... Jean has got knocked up so got to get her sent home to hubby before it shows and/or he gets wise. He better get a DNA done as soon as baby arrives!!

Story ends with nothing resolved. Was she cheating? Whose baby is she carrying?

What happened to all the unresolved bits? Such a anti climax and disappointment. Put in 6 pages for the author to lose interest and rush the end.

BECAUSE IT WAS A GOOD STORY BUT TO HANG ON AN ENDING LIKE THIS? D.N.A. TEST WHEN THE BABY IS BORN? WAS SHE REALLY CHEATING. WHAT FUCKING BIRDS?

What?

It wasn't her.

All's well.

End of story.

Good one.

God.....that was about 4 times as long as it needed to be

Good one. Damn good, even though some of it sounded familiar - so I must have read it before, but some time ago.

Far far far too much undisclosed identity, not certain, is it her, just delayed false suspense, . Not a good read.

Could've accomplished it in 2-3 pages

Excellent story with an unusual setting. You must have lived the life or done one hell of a lot of reading, it felt so authentic. Forget about the dipshits who complain about length, the detail added to the atmosphere. We, who grew up on the mainland during those times never appreciated the life that people in NI lived. It wasn’t until the mid ‘90s I went to NI for a day. Everything appeared to be so normal until I was sitting in the car facing armed soldiers at a roadside checkpoint.

So much of running around…and no ending? You tried to bamboozle the readers with ur civil war knowledge ..but u managed not to write a story! Poor shit show!

As an ex squaddie, 1966-1979 the lingo ticks all the boxes. Artillery in Infantry role, 1969, two years Hong Kong 71-73, things totally different from tour 2 onwards. Belfast and Londonderry 6 1/2 tours in total, 1/2 tour in the Maze prison in '74.

every thing from Lance Bombardier, brick leader, to Intelligence officer. Great life, seemed peaceful compared to today, hence I emigrated, Tassie very peaceful. Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

A reasonable basis for a story but a large amount was only obliquely related to the thrust of the story about a cheating wife and mistaken identity. It needed more regarding what was going on with his wife and her behaviour and very little interaction between the two protagonists and the others that are involved in what is happening. I think that if this was rewritten with this in mind it could be a very good story. As it stands it is only average in my opinion.

You write well and on the whole presented an interesting story, but did you Ever think of actually sticking to the story and getting rid of the non essential balderdash as fill in. In case you did not realise it you forgot to finish the story, be nice to know where those birds come from..DONT START IF YOU CANT FINISH A TALE.

The story, it was more about the terrorism and fighting between the various idiotic factions in Ireland than it was about a cheatings wife, t least that it was my old old tired brain has come up with. It ends with her telling him she's pregnant? They hadn't been together for only a couple times in the last two or three fortnights? Did I miss part of the story? I am old so maybe my poor old brain was disconnected during some parts that mattered? I am afraid I have to agree with the anons on this one, what happened to the ending? Are you leaving us to make up our own? I have read some of your other stories and they all had endings so I am a bit disappointed in this one. You spent so much time when they were watching the house where her car was parked but nobody could confirm it was his wife going in and out or not. So why did you do that? What was the point? I usually give pretty good reviews because after all these are free stories and most of them are labors of love by the artist/authors but with this one I really felt like I was let down, so please finish the story, make her a cheating cunt or make her dedicated wife and explain her actions and disrespectful treatment of her husband, please! 3 stars

Enjoyed the story as a whole. The ending, not so much.

Her car pulled up to Windy's house Friday night and never left. No other cars came to pick her up. So, what? She quit the party, turned in the car and stayed for one last weekend of fucking the guy before she came home to Drew?

Between the behavior, the odd hours, her intentionally picking fights so she didn't have to spend time with him. Not to mention when she started referring to Windy as Michael. Too much time spent proving she was cheating. Then two sentences to give us a weak explanation that she wasn't really cheating? Didn't really work for me.

Tis good to wait it out and see where things lie.

if they are good Ya

if they are bad cut strings and run MGTW

I messed up and stayed too long and it was pointless to cut the strings

Glad, very Glad cooler heads prevailed and things went right.

Nice suspense. Also good advice, don't act on what you think, act on what you know.

It seems everyone likes to change history, “He wanted to join the police because they where the most even handed” history and all the evidence show quiet clearly that the police and the UDR where not close to being even handed or impartial, nearly every inquiry held on the Troubles by the British themselves shows clear evidence of the overwhelming collusion of the Police and UDR had with the Protestant paramilitaries. Photographic evidence shows clearly police setting fire to catholic homes in the early stages of theTroubles. Hardly surprising when both the police and UDR where virtually exclusively Protestant. With a large percentage of convicted Protestant paramilitaries who where sent to prison where in fact also members of the police or UDR. Yes I know it’s a story but truth in history matters. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Sorry! This one is just stupid. No one is that naive!

Initially I have you 2 stars, I changed it to one. This was terribly. Nada confrontation, just some army-ish ramble, which meant nothing to me. 6 pages of nonsense which could have easily been condensed to one single paragraph.

Hey hi strung bitch, who be de baby daddy? hubby or politician? liked the story, enjoyed learning british soldier slang, they sound pretty professional fo nat'l guard type troups. "dgfergie" hjas some cogent complaints. rk

Writing was good. Ending was indeterminate. He needs a D A test on the baby since Jean was such a bitch. That happens later in a pregnancy, but much earlier in an affair.

Could have been edited down to two or three pages. The rambling of disjointed sterile description does not qualify as good writing, no more than detailed shopping lists. This didn't do anything for me.