P Pippa 01

P Pippa 01

"OMG, P Pippa! You did it! You finished the Amateur Charity Half Marathon in front of Po Boy and his cool crew and you won the bet (squeeze, squeeze, squeeze)!"

"Wheeze, wheeze, wheeze."

"I mean, OMG, I get to go Po Boy's barn party tonight too and I could just squeeze you with joy all day (squeeze, squeeze, squeeze)!"

"Wheeze, Louise, wheeze, Louise, wheeze, stop squeezing my chest, wheeze."

"But P Pippa, thanks to you (squeeze, squeeze), I get to not be a nerd girl and I get to go to a cool people party where there is beer and boys and I don't (squeeze, squeeze) have to stay in the corner (squeeze, squeeze) and some boys are going to realize that I have boobs too because I only plan on wearing three sweaters tonight (squeeze, squeeze) and your Goddess of a roomie Josie said she would say hi to me (squeeze, squeeze) and OMG, P Pippa, you're my fem boy nerd hero of the today (squeeze, squeeze, squeeze)."

"Wheeze, wheeze, dying, wheeze, Louise, wheeze, please, wheeze."

"Alright, alright, Louise, give your little nerd hero a chance to catch some air! I mean, he needs his chest to breath and all, so release and you know, go home and start picking out your three best sweaters to wear (and probably stuff)."

"Wheeze, roomie, wheeze, wheeze, Josie, wheeze, win, wheeze Josie, wheeze."

"LOL, just catch your breath roomie, but yeah, you won and you won by a good stretch too, so breath and enjoy the moment. And by the way P Pippa, I promise that I will never ever complain about the way you wear leisure shorts around the house again. I mean, if you can run a half marathon in front of this many charity supporters in such small shorts and all, well, you do you, roomie (just try to keep that nerd Louise chick at a distance from me)."

"Wheeze, Josie, wheeze, wheeze, Josie, wheeze, I won, wheeze."

"Oh, and look roomie, here's your moment of glory now. So, Po Boy, do you have anything to say to my roomie P Pippa after such a good showing in the charity half marathon run? Mm-mmm?"

"Wheeze, wheeze, wheeze, P Pippa, wheeze, wheeze, nerd girl, wheeze, welcome, wheeze, to join."

"Perfect boys! Well, one man and one funny little roomie. Now the two of you symbolically kiss and make up by saying something nice to each other and be quick about it. I have a pair of barnyard bib overall shorts to figure out how to wear tonight without half of my ass and hips hanging out. Also, wow, and I have a funny little roomie to get into the shower! Anyways, P Pippa sweetie, you go first."

"Wheeze, wheeze, Po Boy, wheeze, never no harm, wheeze, I just be me, wheeze, wheeze, respect Po Boy, wheeze, and cool crew, wheeze, I need IV, wheeze, wheeze."

"Very good roomie (kiss, kiss). Now, your turn Po Boy. And remember, LOL, there is no way for me to wear my barnyard bib overall shorts without half of my ass and hips hanging out tonight at your social."

"Wheeze, OMG, wheeze, beer IV in truck, wheeze, wheeze, P Pippa, wheeze, how cute little legs run like that, wheeze, P Pippa, wheeze, if you have a P Pippa to bring, wheeze, then let P Pippa be brought, wheeze, wheeze, bring it P Pippa, wheeze, P Pippa be safe, wheeze, no rematch, wheeze."

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, screen shot, screen shot, record, record, screen shot, log in, log in, log in, Chang, Chang, Chang, OMFG, the spinning wheel, spin fucking Chang spinning wheel, spin, spin, ah, ah, ah, post, post, post, ahh, posted! If there is a P Pippa to bring, then let P Pippa be brought, end quote. But back to desperately gasping for air and all.

"Wheeze, wheeze, Po Boy, wheeze, wheeze, promise, wheeze, wheeze, one hour P Pippa, wheeze, thank you, wheeze, wheeze."

Listen folks, I need to let my roomie Josie take it from here for a few moments because I still can't breathe, but just know that I'm not stupid. Even though there are still almost 12 hours before Po Boy's party gets started, well, he will still win because my little legs, oops, what did he say? My cute little legs, which are always smooth, are like rubber bands and even with a nap, I couldn't see much hope for me fully recovering. But I won the race (I think Po Boy let me win) and I had a cool people mixer invite and that's what sweet dreams are made of, right?

"LOL, just hold onto my arm like we were on a date P Pippa and I'll keep you propped up. And we won't walk around the charity event for too long before we get you back home for a shower and a nap, but I must say that was impressive and I'm extremely proud to be your roomie and I just want to point out how you have gained a little more respect and maybe a few more followers after that impressive run."

"Wheeze, followers, wheeze, wheeze, OMG hold me, wheeze, wheeze."

"LOL, I got you, P Pippa, alright, we'll go, but keep give little hand waves to your fans, sweetie, I mean, this is your moment! And you know, LOL, your hair seemed to come through all of this just fine. I mean, wow, a bouncing ponytail has some value and all, right?"

Well, I think Josie kept me propped up from my rubber band (cute) legs and all and I think I kept giving small hand waves to the crowd and all, but I'm positive that 7pm rolled around pretty quickly. But not before I slept it all away. And LOL, and then took another shower and shave to prep for my party of a lifetime.

And wow, yeah, my (cute and smooth) legs weren't working properly, but I managed to get dressed in a manner of my choice and I selected extremely short Denim shorts to give me that "barnyard babe" look.

"Nope, try that again P Pippa. It's bad enough that my backsides are hanging out tonight, let alone both of us, so try that again, roomie."

I mean, I selected a very clean and crisp look of high waisted factory speckled Denim shorts that covered my belly button and had very appropriate leg breaks, one blue high top and one black high top to match both of my undies and a small hunter green button up jacket with nice sized lapels that I found on the rack with a small black logo t-shirt underneath and a weird blue speckled wrist band that I found at the sporting goods store and a black choker because that seems to help some people out with all this and just enough facial makeup to let the people know that I had makeup on and because I was way too tired to do much more.

And just like that, folks, me and my wobbling legs were 100% dressed and ready to go in my cool little clean and crisp outfit.

"Ponytail, P Pippa."

But I put my hair in a ponytail first and then I was ready to go.

"OMG, dab your lips a little (street slut)!"

After I lightened up my too thick layering of lip gloss and then I was ready to attend my first party.

"Geez, fingerless gloves, please."

After I found my thin black leather fingerless gloves because they're just cool and all.

"Cell phone?"

But then I was ready to go as soon as I stuffed my cell phone in the back pocket of my high waisted speckled Denim jean shorts.

"Well, P Pippa, you look crisp like fresh lettuce. Anyways, listen, um, I know this is your first real social and all, but be prepared to see people talking, and mingling and flirting, so."

"Got it Josie, mind my own business and find my own way back home after an hour."

I mean, that's where she was supposed to say "oh no, roomie, I got your back and I'll be sure to get you home safely" and all, right?

"Let's go, P Pippa."

Well, I mean, it just slipped her mind and all, right folks? I mean, right?

"Alright, here we are, so sneak in a few photos of me in these bib overall shorts and whatever you do, do not fall for any horny guy tricks because there's something behind the barn that he just has to show you. I mean, it's right there in his barn door anyways, so stay alert. And oh, say hi to your nerd friend Louise for me and make it count for me saying "hi" to her and all (and you know, take her soda pop bottle glasses off of her)."

And just like that, we were off. I mean, following her bouncing balls wasn't hard, but I soon found myself losing track of Josie with the crowd she attracted and all and found myself standing alone in the center of Po Boy's backyard.

"Hey, are you the runner? P Pippa the runner?"

"Well, I ran today and I am P Pippa, so."

"Cool, hey, do you want a bunch of shots or a lot of beers or maybe a few whacky smokes?"

"Well, I'm still in training, so not today. Besides, I mean, really, a body shot in this jacket? Ah???"

"Oh, sorry, I'm Bruce and just take the jacket off. I mean, that's why it has buttons on it, right?"

"Excuse me, Bruce, I have a phone call coming in. Hello, fake phone call? Hey, oh, I'm on my way right now."

I mean, lots of people use the obviously fake phone call thing, right? I mean, seriously, body shots as soon as I arrive at my first mixer? I mean, hello and good bye, right?

Also, LOL, yup, people talk, mingle and flirt at parties! I mean, it was almost like a Merry-Go-Round and all, but it all seemed smooth (like my legs) and acceptable (like me in my crisp clean look) and like the way things worked, I guess.

"Whoa, P Pippa, I'm glad you made it and all and hey, you're looking clean and crisp tonight. So, as my new "wheezing" buddy and all, welcome and have a good time tonight."

"Oh, hey "wheezing" buddy Po Boy and thanks, um, it's my first party as P Pippa, so I'll make the best of it, but I could use a "wheezing" buddy favor right now. But first, have you seen my friend Louise? The nerd girl who tried to squeeze the life out of me this morning?"

"Oh, well, um, I heard Jeremy tell her that there something that he just had to show her behind the barn and then the nerd girl whipped her glasses off and asked Jeremy if he was sure that what he needed to show wasn't up in the hay loft and then Jeremy corrected himself and then the nerd girl whipped off a sweater and then she asked Jeremy to help her up the hay loft ladder and unless you have a pregnancy test on you, well "wheezing" buddy, you probably shouldn't go up into the hay loft (unless you want to see her amazing thighs from a side view). So, what favor do you need and I'll double it if you put in a good word for me with Josie (and tell me how you manage to share a house with her like that and all)."

"Well, is it possible for you to "quietly" help me get like a ice tea or something in a beer cup? (And Josie thinks about you too, Po Boy and just so you know, I have a very casual Thursday evening look that I think you would be comfortable with for an entire evening and I'll feed you, so)."

"LOL, hey, I get it P Pippa. I mean, I spied you chatting with Bruce and all of the disgusting things people say about him are true, so, um, listen, we'll hook you up with a very virgin ice tea and all, so."

"And thanks for letting me win this morning. You're a true gentlemen "wheezing" buddy."

"Well, I'm gay for thinking that your backside is as appealing as anyone else's, but we can just keep that between us, right? Anyways, um, Luci, hey Luci, can you take P Pippa inside of my house and mix him a virgin ice tea in a beer cup so people stop asking him to unbutton his crisp little jacket?"

I mean, you guys heard me ask for a "quiet" ice tea, right? I mean, and not as a shouting contest in the middle of Po Boy's backyard and all, although he managed to whisper that part about how appealing my backside was. I mean, he could have said that a little louder and all, right?

Also, LOL, Po Boy's house on the inside was such a guy's house! I mean, it was one large game room and sports cave, right?

"There you go, P Pippa, one virgin sweet ice tea in a beer cup and I'm stealing a peck kiss for it, sweetie (lip peck)."

"Oh, oh OK, thanks, Luci. Um, well, I'm at a party and I'm not hiding and all."

"LOL, yes, yes you are and looking mighty clean and crisp too! I mean, did Josie dress you tonight or what, LOL? Anyways, have fun and just watch for anyone who may insist that there's something behind the barn that you just have to see. I mean, trust me, it's already in his barn door and all, so."

"Alright, well, I should go mingle on the Merry-Go-Round and all then."

"Yes, you should P Pippa, LOL, just be careful with how many spins you take, I mean, things can get a little fuzzy after a while and before you know it, wow, you had too many virgin ice teas and you're on the wrong ride and all, LOL. Anyways, you just holla at me or the boyfriend if you need a ride home, sweetie. I mean, the three of us can talk about having a movie night together or something on the ride to your house and you know, you can ride in the back with Dale."

"Um, um, a movie night like a Vampire movie in jammies and all? I mean, I can work a pair of jammies and all, I mean, well, I'm still weird from the half marathon this morning and all, so, what?"

"Oh, P Pippa, a little blood sucking wouldn't be off of the table and well, I was thinking that maybe you could wear sheer nylons or fishnets or you know, a Cheer Leaders outfit, but nice silky jammies will do."

"Well Luci, I don't remember dying from running the half marathon and all and I didn't think that the "light" would be a ceiling fan and all, but am I dead? And did the nerds host a video tournament in my honor? And were my legs bare and exposed in my open coffin because every T-Girl on Chang insist that legs must be bare and exposed at all times?"

"Well P Pippa, Dale and I are just opened minded about things, but you just think about using your cute little legs to make your half way up Dale's manly legs and I promise that I'll marathon my ass down the other way and meet you in the middle, P Pippa sweetie."

"Ah, um, wow, um, Luci, I need to faint and pass out before I can come up with a suitable response for all that, I think."

"Perfect P Pippa, I mean think of this way, it will be private and it will be fun and we can have a trial run first because LOL, I can see that this is making you very nervous. So, go enjoy the rest of your time here at Po Boy's social and jump on the mingling Merry-Go-Round and well, your roomie would make a great reference for me and hell, we would hope that she's home and all. On movie night. With you in a Cheer Leader uniform. But silky jammies will be just fine."

Listen folks, the afterlife isn't so bad. I mean, I was still crisp and clean and I stopped wheezing and the spirits of people you know are still engaging with you and there's sexy talk and everything seems to float so gently around you as faint back on the (ewe, gross) couch while you try to catch your breath (again).

"Should I carry him to our SUV, Luci?"

"That would be kidnapping Dale, so no. Let his roomie Josie do it."

Alright, so there are a few questionable things that happen in the afterlife.

"Ugh, you're killing me here, Luci! Ugh, I'll talk to him about a movie night for next weekend and all, but this can't happen tonight. I mean, he's my responsibility and all, so."

"Huh, I respect that and I'm glad he has such a loyal roomie like you Josie. Anyways, call me (and I know you just fucked Po Boy and that's why you busted us trying to kidnap your fem boy roomie from the living room and all)."

Anyways, just where does one find a Cheer Leaders uniform anyways?

"Josie, I'm sorry that you had to leave the party early to run me home and all, but thanks for saving my ass!"

"Well, it's your ass that started all this, so. Anyways, are you curious or what, P Pippa?"

"Hmmm, hm, maybe 80% of it sounds alright, so."

"Well, it's all or nothing little roomie, it's all or nothing."

Alright then, here's where I landed after all that. I had my first real social under my belt, although I didn't wear a belt with my very fancy high waisted shorts, I mingled a little, I got the very cool Po Boy to admit that I have a few appealing features, my nerd friend Louise blew right past me in terms of a sexual experience, I had a very, very interesting movie night offer from Luci and Dale and I had my ever so thoughtful roomie Josie riding neutral about things and then I had a very interesting movie night offer from Luci and Dale, which bares repeating and then I found a generic Cheer Leaders uniform on a website from a clothing store in Hillsdale. Oh, and then I had a ride home.

"Josie, did you sleep with Po Boy while I was passed on the couch (and while Dale was inspecting the merchandise)?"

"Well, it was a great social and he couldn't keep his hands off of me and then you know, the way I gave something to put his hands on me and then you were in good hands and then was how Po Boy and I always do the stupid eye gazing at each other and it was nice. I mean, OMFG, his bedroom is totally "guy" disgusting and all, so maybe you can freshen up your Thursday night casual look and feed him or something this coming week?"

"Got it and all planned out. So, is there any such thing as a "trial" run night cap or anything?"

"P Pippa, did you just text Luci?"

"Well."

"Alright, but if Luci insists on helping me out of these bibs, then that's on you to entertain Dale all alone and all."

Well, she probably didn't need to mention that part of things, but as it turned out, true to Luci's word, it was just a "trial" run. I mean, LOL, Dale basically gave himself a lap dance with me and I did manage to rock a nice pair of silky jammies and never mind how long it took for Luci and the roomie to remove those painted-on bib overalls and all because what's important is that I went to a real social and claimed a stake in the world of sex. I mean, from my view point and all.

End P Pippa 01