All Comments on 'Pain'

Wonderful story!

5

I enjoyed it very much. Thank you.

Different, convoluted but I enjoyed it. I give it 5 for the change of pace. I bet the ex and sister split but that's just my evil mind at work! Well done!

Cheers

SAGE

What a lovely story. Well crafted and told. Made my day

I’m not a big fan of supernatural stories, but this one was pretty good. Generally well written, with only minor errors (e.g., your/you’re). The characters were interesting.

You had a beginning an a ending.......just not much in the middle......enjoyed story I made up what you left out!

Would have been a 5 without Cherry/Cheryl. That took the story away from real life.

liked the story, a bit of jumping around, try to connect the dots better.

Saw that one coming from a mile away. Fairly prosaic. 4*

I especially liked the introduction with the separate vignettes. The scenes about everyone being served dinner at the same time worked well and created a nice hometown atmosphere. Did I miss something about him have the motel room key in the till? Did his in-laws own the motel and he had that key on permanent loan to crash after late nights?

Ok, so 5/5 to start with, but...

While we all knew the Cherry/Cheryl thing was coming, I still come out somehow feeling cheated out of a page between page three and four...

It all resolved a little too quickly, almost as if you wanted to just be done with this story, while I certainly could have lingered over it for another page or two.

The relationship between Kyle and Hailee/Ashley also pretty abruptly went from 0 to 100.

I did love the concept and the characters, but the way it resolved so quickly also removed a whole lot of possible tension from the story... i.e. there wasn't actually all that much of a dramatic climax here other than the blowup over the trashed pie... no real catharsis between the characters, Ashley just kinda hopped on the bed and spread her legs...

Given how well the rest of the story was developed, I'm sort of baffled as to what happened to make you decide to sort of just half-ass the last page, because clearly you can write better than the ending we got here...

Didn't deduct a point from an otherwise great story, but who the hell is Cindi? Where did the child come from...confused the hell out of me at the end. 5*

loved the story

I liked very much

I just want a part 2.

Niece (Cindi) Was a nice addition to the story a little more back story (maybe in part 2)

We need a little closure on the sister and the ex and the mom. (maybe in part 2)

Maybe how she gets her money safely under her control.

I wonder if the sister and the ex have any unpaid college loans?

Some karma has to hit the sister, the ex and the mom

I would really like to see the sister's and the ex's relationship crash and burn.

I really wish she had got more for putting the ex through school it was an investment.

5 stars

Lovely tale. 5*

A good romance, looks like you may have left some editing marks in there still and a few missing letters on some words. The flow was good, but as has been commented, the ending did seem to jump pretty fast to them being married with kids. Thanks for sharing.

Great story! 5*

Yes, I agree with Demosthenes that I was confused about the niece, until that way tied up at the end, seemingly offhandedly, but I really enjoyed the rest of the story. I also thought it weird that there were three car accidents with such varied results.

All that said, this is a sweet tale well told. The characters are well-developed, likable, and interesting. I appreciate your using a couple of actual locations and regional references.

Thank you for writing, and thank you for sharing your work.

It was like reading something written by a 6th grader with a dash of last minute adult sex thrown on top. Everyone was so much a caricature of a real person that reading it made me cringe. So why did I read it through? Not sure except that I thought it had some promise until page 3 and then I just skimmed to the end. The "Cherry" person's identity was obvious from the first appearance of the "ghost". It was a mass of clichés and obvious plot templates and was well worth the 2* I gave it.

Overcritical rates it a "2". I gave it a "5".

If you bring tears to the eyes of this sentimental old romantic you rate a five.

You can't please everyone.

Niece was an unnecessary twist, since you never mentioned his sister until you explained she was a drug addict. Theoretically, the father was unknown?

Story has promise.

Didn’t like how the ex and sister got away unscathed

It could have been a lot better with a longer chapter. It's like the author was in a hurry to finish the story. 3 star

Even though the story could be improved by a more lengthy write. Your storytelling skill earns the story an "almost five". Since it would be a sin to give the story a four it receives a five from me. Now, on to your other stories❤️.

I agree with every word overcritical wrote apart from the 2* I gave 4 for a good effort and imagination.

Some ppeople are to critical, I read these stories for my enjoyment and if I do enjoy them I always give a 5 and if I don't, I don't give anything and I don't make comments

End great job I had a feeling who cherry was.

I loved reading this story. Some of the critics on this site should stop reading here because there is no pleasing them. I read for my enjoyment and don't mind if there a some mistakes that are not distracting from the story. 5 stars from Xluckylee for a very enjoyable read.

Contrived and syrupy.but liked it, five stars worth.

JPB NOT BOB