Pandora's Box

We hadn't been intimate since the reveal.

"David, do you like guys?" she asked softly as she stroked her fingers over the top of my hand and looked directly into my eyes and then deeper, into my soul.

I hesitated because I wasn't sure how to answer her. I'd never been with a guy, but I wasn't sure I wanted to rule out the idea.

"I'm not sure."

"What does that mean?"

"I feel like...I don't know exactly. I haven't been with a guy, but I feel like it may be something that I would want to experience at some point. I can't explain all of my thoughts or feelings about things Alisa. I don't feel like we have to be one way or the other. And, at the same time, I don't believe I'm gay or even bi-sexual. But, if the opportunity came up and I was really attracted to a guy, I think I might want to see what was there. Though I know that doesn't make complete sense and kind of sounds crazy."

She was quiet and thought about what I'd said before she began to speak.

"David, do you love me?"

"Yes. That's one thing I'm certain of."

"Good. Because I love you too. And, I want to be with you. But, if you ever lie to me, cheat on me, or hold anything this important back from me again, I will leave you and never speak with you again. Do you understand me?"

I nodded.

"Yes. I understand. I promise, I won't ever do any of those things. I swear."

"If you keep your promise and if you're completely open and honest with me, I think we can make this work."

"I love you, Alisa. I promise I won't ever hurt you like that again."

And I never did. We talked about everything. If she asked questions, I answered them. If she decided she was okay with not knowing about certain aspects of my activities, I didn't elaborate. I always told her what I was feeling and what I wanted to explore. She, for the most part, supported me.

We married while we were both in grad school. We had our ups and downs, but we always stuck together. We were a married couple, lovers, and best friends.

Our marriage was a happy one. We loved each other and our way wasn't conventional, but it worked for us.

************

It all started a few days ago when my wife had to leave the island and return to the city for some important meetings that she had to attend in person. Alisa is the Associate Dean of Finance for one of the larger universities in the city, and it was impossible for her to not attend these meetings. We'd been on vacation on LBI for a week and she was going to be gone for two, possible three nights.

Watching her dress that morning flipped a switch in me. It had made me feel the need for something that I hadn't felt in some time. I was emotionally and physically drawn to my wife and her lingerie as she chose her pantie and bra set. While lying in bed, I was dying to jump up and touch her silky undies.

My problem was, touching them was never going to be enough.

She'd just come from the shower and was getting ready to dress. I was still in bed, half naked, watching as she moved about the room in nothing but a towel. Alisa's a beautiful woman, a sexy woman, and I love her very much.

Each day I find myself thinking of how blessed I am that we found each other and that we work so well together.

I'd watched her while she pulled a few things out to wear and others to pack for her return to the city.

That's when I felt the first urges awaken. She pulled out a really pretty white lace camisole to wear and I immediately wanted to rub it against my skin. I smiled at her as she looked over at me and wiggled the cami teasingly at me.

"You like?"

"You know I do!"

"Yes, but do you like it for me or for you?"

"Tease!"

Like I said, it took everything I had not to jump out of bed, take it from her hands, and slip it over my head. It had been a long time since I felt anything like that, and the old feeling took me a little by surprise.

Luckily for me, I held myself back and not so patiently waited till she put it on. Then I went to her and held her against me. My hands caressed up and down her back, feeling every inch of the soft silk. As I rubbed my bare chest against her and held her body as close as possible, I closed my eyes and pictured myself wearing the skimpy little cami. My cock was hard in an instant.

"Someone is getting excited. Is it me or my undies?" she teased.

"Mostly you, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I love the feel of this," I said and ran my hands over the silk material covering her breasts.

"Oh no you don't! If I don't leave soon, I'm going to be late, babe. I'm cutting it too close as it is. I hope there's no major traffic issues on the way into the city. There's no time for this."

She laughed and slid her hand over my hardon, then gently pushed at my chest as she looked down at my shorts, tented by my protruding cock.

"You're going to have to deal with that after I leave."

She smiled and winked at me as she walked back into the bathroom to finish dressing.

A few minutes after she pulled away and I waved goodbye, I did just as she said and took things into my own hands. Walking back to the bedroom, I took the panties she wore last night and tossed in the hamper earlier that morning. I laid back on the bed and held them to my face, inhaling her scent.

It was intoxicating and I found myself searching for the gusset of her panties and rubbing it over my face. As the scent of her musky aroma and hints of an earthiness that she has covered my face, I felt my need for more deepening in not only my physical being, but more so in my mind. Seconds later, I had the gusset of her panties in my mouth and my tongue was licking her taste from it.

I was completely drunk with needs of my own.

Without even realizing it, I found myself rubbing the silky panties up and down my chest. Then, I began to glide them over my now semi-aroused cock. A few strokes of the soft panties had me fully engorged. My cock was rock hard as I continued to stroke the panties up and down my shaft and I could feel the first droplet of pre-cum forming on the head of my penis.

I convinced myself that what I was doing was nothing more than me getting my kink off with my wife's panties. As I continued to masturbate, slowly moving the softness of the material along my cock, my mind was being transported to another time and place.

I tried to stay in the moment, but it was impossible. I fantasized myself sliding the panties on and pictured what I would look like in them. As I imagined them on me, my cock caressed and held tightly by them, I came. I orgasmed so hard, I saturated her panties with my thick globs of cum.

My body shook and my heart was pounding in my chest. I realized that I hadn't felt that good, that relieved of stress and anxiety for a long time. And, I hadn't had such a forceful ejeculation in longer than I could remember.

So many thoughts flooded my mind. It was all too much for me to think about right then.

I closed my eyes and fell back to sleep and my subconscious thoughts took me back to the time when dressing girly was the one thing that made me feel whole. When I woke, I decided to take a quick shower and head to the beach for the day. I took her panties into the shower with me and rinsed them out, hanging them on the towel rack to dry. I'd have to remember to toss them back into the laundry when I got back from the beach later.

************

It was a perfect beach day. A few scattered clouds gave me a break from the hot sun. It was about ninety-five degrees out, but the clouds did help by keeping the blaring rays of the sun from baking me like a lobster. Well, the clouds, the beach umbrella, and sunscreen thirty. The cool breeze coming off the water was also a blessing. I couldn't help but doze off.

When I woke, I was glad I'd packed the cooler. I pulled out a sandwich and a bottle of water as I started to think about my morning and all that happened. First seeing Alisa with her camisole, teasing me. Then having the urge to put it on. Then holding her, not only because I wanted to hold my wife, but because I wanted to feel her clothing against me. And all of that being topped off by masturbating with my wife's panties and having thoughts that haven't entered my conscious mind for some time.

I'd be lying if I said there weren't dozens of thoughts and questions running through my brain at the time. None of which had easy answers.

I shook my head and tried to clear it, but I no sooner finished my sandwich than I started to think about how good it felt to masturbate with the silk panties. I was preoccupied by these recurring thoughts and fantasies. And now they had my cock hard and pulsing in my swim shorts. I was becoming uncomfortable. Looking around, I was thankful the beach wasn't crowded.

It took me sometime to recover, but finally my cock decided to have pity on me. I went for a nice swim and the cold ocean water took care of any residual issues. I took a short run on the beach before jumping back in to cool down after my run, then got ready to head back. . It was about four-thirty when I dried off, packed up for the day, and left for the house.

After all of the sun, the lotion, and the sticky feeling of the salt water on my skin, I couldn't wait to take a nice long shower when I got back.

One of my favorite things about staying at the beach is the outdoor showers. I favor them more so than the huge, beautiful, double rain shower in the master bath. Though, that one is rather nice too.

I took my time in the open shower. The cool breeze came through the partially open roof of the shower stall, but the water was perfect. It took forever to get the sand out of my hair. I stood under the pulsing spray until the water cooled. By the time I finished showering, washing my hair, and drying off, it was after five before I thought about what I'd do for dinner.

I checked out the fridge and decided I wasn't in the mood to cook. There were a few leftovers from yesterday and they seemed like my best option. It was too early to eat, so I grabbed a beer and my tablet, and went back out onto the deck to relax and scan the net. The sun was over the bay and the deck was half shadowed by Jersey pines.

I sat reclined on the deck chair and began to search a few sites. It didn't take long before I was surfing some porn sites and watching some of the types of porn I watched before I was married. After watching a few pornos with crossdressers, I knew I'd opened Pandora's box.

Again, I found myself hard. I stopped myself from masturbating while I sat on the deck and tried to focus my mind on something else. With my cock hard and beginning to ache, it was an impossible task to refocus. I clicked out of the screen I was on and went to Craig's list. I was scanning the dating/hook-up section and reading through the postings.

Nothing caught my eye. I realized the odds were against me to actually find someone who was available for what I wanted and needed, especially since I was on an island that was eighteen miles long and at the max, during summer vacation, had about a hundred thousand people on it. Given the characteristics of what I was looking for, it was the proverbial needle in a haystack situation, but that didn't stop me from trying. .

Opening the form page, I filled out my own ad: Male sub/bottom on LBI, NJ. Looking for some very dominant male company. I like to dress up and look pretty. Let me know if you're out there and looking for what I have to offer.

I filled out contact information and turned on the alert notifications. I was seconds away from hitting post before I stopped myself and messaged Alisa.

"Hey babe, can you talk?"

A few minutes passed before I received her reply.

"Not now. Finishing meeting soon. I'll call you when able."

"K"

"Love you."

"Xo."

For the first ten minutes, I must have looked at my ad every thirty seconds or so. I was dying to hit 'post' but I couldn't without talking with Alisa first. I realized I was being ridiculous and it wasn't something that had to be done immediately. Though, the pounding in my chest, and the pulsing of my cock said otherwise.

I waited ten minutes, but Alisa didn't call back, so I decided to go in and get dressed. On my way upstairs, I checked my phone again. Nothing from Alisa.

Pulling out a t-shirt and shorts, I placed them on the bed. I pulled off my towel and tossed it in the laundry. Remembering the panties in the bathroom, I got them, and tossed them in the basket with the rest of the dirty clothes.

As I sat down to dress, my mind drifted back to this morning's events again. I was obsessed with this thing. Once I let it into my thoughts, it took over. Now, my every thought was around when could I? How could I? Was it even a possibility here, on a small island, with little diversity in its makeup?

My other thought was, What was Alisa going to say?

I peeked at the bedside clock. It read 6:40 p.m. When I looked at it a second time, more than thirty minutes had passed. I couldn't believe it. My hands were trembling and my palms were sweaty. I could feel my heart pumping in my chest. If I didn't know better, I would think I was having an anxiety attack.

In reality, I was needy as fuck!

I was still sitting there naked. My clothes were sitting right beside me. Reaching out, I rubbed my hand over the cotton material and knew I didn't want to put them on. I literally sat on the edge of our bed staring at the top drawer of my wife's dresser, silently talking to myself and begging myself not to do it. But in history, that had never worked, so I had little hope it was going to work for me now.

I looked at Alisa's drawer and realized I had to do it. I knew, no matter how much I tried not to open that drawer, sooner or later I would.

I thought I'd successfully had these feelings and needs under control. It had been so long. I knew I could never really be done with that side of me, but I thought I'd had more control over it. Apparently, I was wrong. Once I came clean with Alisa and we became serious, I rarely dressed up. When we got engaged, I stopped everything cold turkey for almost a year. It was really hard, but I was happy and things seemed to be working out.

I'd stopped acting on what I referred to as 'my fetish' and didn't allow myself to dress up or to act on my kinky desires for that entire year. Though deep down, I knew what I felt, what was at the core of this, was most likely more than a fetish and something I'd never really be able to control.

In our second year together, Alisa noticed a change in me, in my personality. She told me I didn't seem as light hearted or fun loving. She asked if I was depressed. We talked about a lot of things, but we both knew what the problem was.

One night, Alisa was getting ready for bed when I came into the bedroom. When I opened my drawer and pulled out my pj bottoms and a t-shirt, she cleared her throat in the way someone does when they want your attention. I looked over at her sitting on the side of the bed and she smiled at me. Then she tossed something to me. It was a silky pair of panties.

"Wear these tonight. See if they help your mood."

I smiled. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I want you to be happy."

I couldn't wait to put them on. That night, I wore her silky panties and my t-shirt to bed. The next day, I woke with a smile on my face and more relaxed than I'd been in months.

Now, it was all coming back to me. Memory upon memory was playing in my head. It had been about a year since I dressed up last. Though, last time I had a date and we went out together.

Alisa and I had talked and I told her what I needed and wanted to do. She agreed and asked a few questions about what I was planning. When I told her, she actually wanted to go out with me. I was so happy. She watched as I dressed and commented on my outfit.

"Hey you, you better not be trying to look better than me tonight."

We laughed. "Totally impossible, babe," I said.

She was a knock out in a little black dress with three inch black pumps. I was in a black A-line skirt that hugged my ass, which was pretty tight thanks to 50 squats a day. I was also wearing a silvery silk blouse that felt wonderful against my skin.

I was never so happy to have suffered through all of those laser treatments to remove most of my body hair as I was when I wore silk.

When we went out that night, we ended up at a club that was friendly to all genres of people and their choices. We sat at the bar and within a few minutes, two guys were hitting on us. I wasn't sure if the guy flirting with me knew I was 'in dress' or not, so I hinted when some of his comments became directly sexual.

"You know, you can't always judge a book by it's cover," I said in my regular voice.

He smiled. "I know, but I try never to do that. I like to read each page and be surprised by the ending before I make a judgement on whether or not it's to my liking."

I looked at Alisa and she smiled and nodded.

He and I danced a few times. We played around a little at the table we ended up taking, but it never went further than that. I watched as Alisa talked with the other man, but kept one eye on me as my new friend and I kissed and petted.

We stroked each other under that table, but neither of us got off fully. Sometimes the tease was a lot more fun with someone you just met and wanted to have a good time with. We ended up having a few drinks together, then the guys said good night and were on their way. Alisa and I were ready to call it a night also.

When we left, I asked her if she was okay. It was the first time she'd ever actually witnessed me do anything with a guy.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I don't know how to explain how I feel really. It's kind of a mix of feelings."

"How so?"

"I was having fun going out with you in dress. Then those guys came over and I wasn't sure what to expect. I'm always so afraid something will happen to you when you go out. You know, you can't be too safe and there's always something happening to people."

"I know. You can't think about that, babe."

"But I do. I worry. I love you and I don't want you to be hurt because of something you can't help and can't change."

I hesitated for a moment, then asked, "Would you want me to change?"

It took some time before she answered. Looking at me, she smiled and shook her head, no.

"If I could, would I want things to be 'normal' between us? Yes. But if it caused you pain or hurt you, or changed who you are in any way, then no. I love who you are. I love what we have. But that doesn't mean I'm not scared for you when you go out."

She kissed me and added, "But tonight was fun. I felt better knowing that you were safe and that people here were accepting. Truth be told, watching you was both really odd and really a turn on."

"Are you teasing?"

"No. I mean it. I was shocked I felt that way, but I did. I couldn't take my eyes off of you."

"I thought you were watching me to see what I was doing. Not because you were turned on by it."

"It was both. Watching to keep my eye on you and being turned on at the same time."

"Well, that's a big surprise."

"That's not the only surprise in store for you tonight," she said and placed her hand on my crotch as she brought my now semi erect cock to full attention.

When we got home, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. It was like we were on fire. It was also one of the rare times in our marriage, at the time, that Alisa took a really dominant and aggressive role in our love making.

"Take off your clothes," she ordered me as she stripped her own off.

I smiled and did as I was told.

She pushed me back and I fell across the bed, my cock was in her hands before I even repositioned myself more comfortably. The next thing I knew, my wife was teasing me and edging me both physically and mentally.