All Comments on 'Paradigm Shift Ch. 01'

but half the story is spent with the main characters having sex. I think you need to redefine what kind of story it is and stick with one or the other.

but some basic paragraghing skills would have really helped.

The constant changing of point of view in every paragragh made it a lot more difficult to read and enjoy.

Your old soul shines through, mixing wonderfully with the dialect of youth. The phrase "weirded out" made me grin. My suggestions to make it better would be less of the "ly" words and to put each spoken part on its own separate line. I do think the dialogue was a little... arcane? I did like the old style feel to it, but I'm not sure if it was believable. Stilted is the only descriptive word that comes to mind. At least with her speaking. I expected the phrases that came out of Barrow's mouth.

Overall, an excellent story and very well written. I love the premise. I'm looking forward to further installments. Thanks, D! ~Minx

So....Where's the next one? :)

I read your short erotic part of the story and was pleased to see more. I am not a SF fan however I do love a good story no matter what the genre. And this is a great story. I look forward to seeing more of it.

A long time Heinlein fan--and Bradbury, Asimov, Ellison, and <insert almost any SF Author's name>--I found this to be worthy of their legacy. Please don't keep us waiting for the next chapter, and the next, and ...