All Comments on 'Party of Five Ch. 03'

I love this story very erotic keep the chapters coming

Please keep the chapters coming; there are many stories there yet to be told. I'm certainly looking forward to finding out what's next

Very good chapter, it continues along the line of believability, for the most part and I rate it a 5 out of 5 (not sure why the little thermometer only shows what the average rating is and not my vote) although the vote of five is based on a hope of an improved chapter 4

One big problem I see. Chapter one and two were written in the 3rd person singular point of view (POV) ? meaning the story is written from a narrator but taking the point of view of Josh only (that is if I?m remembering correctly ? I scanned back it seems to be right) ? this makes very believable as the reader can experience what ?josh? must have experienced.

Chapter 3, however, makes a huge jump in Point of View (POV) suddenly we (the reader) are in the head of Jacquie, we are told her thoughts, feelings and (POV) ? that?s okay, I guess, but the sudden shift in (POV) is jarring and it significantly takes away from the ?mystery? of the sisters. In my opinion, you are telling too much. It would be much hotter if we didn?t know what was in Jacquie?s head and it would only add to the suspense of the story. As it is now ? the jig is up ? the sisters want him just as bad as he wants them ? yawn ? too obvious.

Josh can?t read minds so he doesn?t know what is in Jacquie?s head. Everyone knows where this story is going to begin with so the only point of mystery (and the only point of interest to me) is in how he gets there. Now that we know what?s Jacquie?s head ? there is no mystery. Any point of dragging out the sex is just boring and doesn?t really do much for me in the way of character development ? that?s just my opinion.

Don't tell to much. Consider keeping the point of view (POV) to just Josh for future chapters

this is pretty good, keep em coming.

Can't wait to see what happens next.

You're telling a story. A story that is v-e-r-y sloowwwleeee moving towards an explosive sexual awakening. This...I love. Eroticism is best realized at an agonizingly leisurely pace (at least in this old man's opinion). Writing about it...well...everyone has their own favorite method. Yours is working very well. Just tell it...

I rarely comment to stories but you just manage to bring such intensity to a story. 3 chapters and still barely anything has happened but its just held me to my seat in suspense. I cant wait to read the others.

...and I'm really starting to enjoy your style. At first I loved the tension, which is still there, by the way. But now I can just admire your talent to build up a very erotic story.

She mocks him about his virginity all the while knowing he could just call her boyfriend and have a nice little chat. He on the other hand seems to have completely forgotten about that possibilty (at least as a bargain chip to get her to STFU)

The lack of respect has been so intense that i just couldnt get an errection in this chapter. 1*. Sorry dude. Lets wait for the other chapters.

The author is pretty great, but just wanted to point out to anyone else commenting that the author hasn't made any updates since 2004 or so, it seems.

Really hope they return, one day.

Stopped reading on. Why is there always such a propensity to make the male protagonists wimpy, whinny, fu*kwhits?

So annoying!