Past Lives

'I'm sorry if I am too familiar,' she excused herself, 'you look so young and remind me so much of Lukas, that I find it hard to keep in mind that you're actually a god and centuries my senior.'

He smiled beatifically and said: 'I like it when you treat me like a friend, I wouldn't spend loads of power to look like a young hunk if I wanted to be treated like an ages old god. Then I'd look like my father, Zeus. I'm not going to introduce you to him, he'd snap you up in a second, and leave Paul and Lykos to pick up the pieces, you'll just have to take my word for it.'

He called Paul by his name, good, he was at least trying to see him as a person. Ophius brought his master a cup of steaming tea as well, and gave her a refill.

'May I tell you how well that style of dress becomes you?' Hermes observed, 'you look like a goddess. Your appearance will hit the people here like lightning, they've never seen anyone with a light skin and copper coloured hair. Is Paul always a late sleeper?'

Melissa nodded: 'If he gets the chance, yes.'

'Good, I'll send a message through the mosaic to my staff and have them deliver a package for him before we leave for Ophelie's house. Gold or silver?'

'You want my opinion on what a goddess likes?' Melissa asked.

'Sure, she's a woman, you're a woman,' he said, 'anyway, I have my opinion too, I just want to know yours.'

'Gold,' she said decidedly, 'personally I prefer copper, but most ladies like gold better. It makes them feel special.'

'All right, and what else will Paul need? Sketches of dolphins, wax to make a mould?' Hermes asked.

'I guess he'd make a mould in wax, several actually, the horses aren't all the same either. Then he'd melt the metal, cast the shapes one by one as many times as needed, finish them to a sheen, pull a thread from the metal to shape the connecting links out of, shape them, connect everything to form a necklace, shape the fastener.

Making the wax moulds is the most work, but if he's going to use magic, who knows. Melting the metal is impossible without furnace, again, unless he uses magic. Tools to shape the wax, files, buffing sand, buffing cloth, clamps and pliers, a bag to carry everything in.'

Meanwhile, Hermes had picked a flower from one of the bushes struggling to live on the cliff face, gesturing for Melissa to continue summing up the materials needed. When she had finished, he enumerated all the items she had mentioned to the flower, and as he did this, she could see him glow a tiny bit.

Then he called for Ophius, handed him the flower with the instructions to take the flower through the mosaic to his steward, and tell him to deliver those materials within the hour. Melissa was stunned, to see magic used openly for the simplest task imaginable, a little list written on a slip of paper would have served just as well.

Except: 'Don't you use paper?'

Hermes looked at her in confusion for a moment, then remembered: 'Ah, paper, no we don't use it much, we have vellum, made of animal skins, but it's expensive and can get smelly. You'll see it when they deliver the sketches. I saw some paper at George's, great stuff, I loved it. But this works a lot faster.'

After half an hour of conversation, Hermes seemed to decide something, and said: 'Melissa, Lykos and I had rather a firm discussion yesterday evening, and you corrected me as well for not using Paul's name. I want you to know that I am sorry I concentrated my attentions on Lykos and you, and saw him as an afterthought, for I must admit I did at first, and I promise I will do better in the future.

I will do my very best to ensure he has a good time here, and if your mission should turn out more dangerous than expected I will spend the same effort on protecting him as I will on you. And I will apologize to him and tell him what I just told you.'

That was something Melissa was pleased to hear, and she told Hermes so. 'Paul is truly my other half, I cannot live without him. He has little in common with you, having chosen to be a normal, hard-working citizen instead of a member of the elite he used to belong to, as powerful on our world as you are in yours.'

'He did? He is an incredible artist, and a mage even on your magic-starved world. I should have spent more time getting to know him.' He seemed truly sorry, but it was not all his fault: 'That was not just you, Hermes, he did not welcome you in our lives either. He's very protective of us, and you did threaten Lykos rather pointedly.

And you expected me to warm your bed, when I was just married to him in a bond meant to be exclusive. His accepting Lykos was a big miracle and the result of your son's boundless capacity to love.'

'Lykos is somewhat of a miracle, he seemed totally without Gift, and completely mortal, and now he's a god with thousands of worshippers, within one day. With that nasty rumour doing the rounds.' That apparently bothered Hermes, someone slandering his deserving son, but Melissa thought that if Lukas had been of irreproachable behaviour, they wouldn't even have tried.

Still, she had Ophius' insight on that: 'It is probable that the rumour got him the worshippers, everyone who ever loved him, physically or just because they met him, when they heard the rumour they thought of him with love.

Without it, he might have been forgotten by most of them.'

How did someone so young think of that? Hermes just couldn't believe it, though he had been a precocious child himself a very very long time ago.

He didn't check his surprise, she was very smart as well as painfully beautiful, and she might as well see his reaction and feel the compliment in it.

'That didn't occur to me at all, but hearing it I'm sure you're right, you do not only see right through physical things. I vaguely remember a man George said was your father. He was very powerful, even in the eyes of the god I still thought myself then, a great maelstrom of power that would have drained me to a husk in a second if I had taken him on when he challenged me. It explains a lot about you. How's George?'

After setting him to rights about Ophius having deduced the effect of the rumour, she answered his question about George: 'You broke his heart when you left. Fortunately Lykos was there to patch it, and by the time we left he was much better. He taught Lykos a lot in those two weeks, when his Gift started growing out of proportion.'

Hermes was clearly affected strongly by the thought of George, his face fell visibly, and a strong longing seemed to have him in its grip.

'Leaving George broke your heart too, didn't it?' Melissa offered him an embrace, and against better feelings he sat on her lap and let her wrap her arms around him. See, now he'd done it.

Tears rolled down his face as he told her: 'I still long for him, yes, I felt so safe in his home, in his arms.

No responsibility, under his protection, no scheming or plotting, no spying to stay one step ahead of my enemies. I never realized I was so tired until I lay there, helpless, in pain but still happy and at peace.

Only fear for my people could induce me to step through that portal again, and I've been sorry ever since. You and Paul take care you take Lykos with you when you go back, he is too innocent and too good for this world. It'd break him or spoil him.'

Melissa was sure he was wrong about his son's spine, but she didn't tell him, they were going to take Lukas back so it didn't matter. She held Hermes as she had held Jonathan several times, full of compassion, his head on her chest, stroking his hair and his gorgeous face, and she said: 'You know Lykos can help you cope, too. Not as thoroughly as he helped George, for he made love to him of course, but he can take a little of the acute pain out of your memories.'

Whatever Hermes felt at being held against Melissa's bosom, smelling her scent, her hands stroking him gently, it wasn't meant to last. For before he had gotten over the shock of remembering George, he was physically lifted off her lap, and held in an iron grip above the tiles of his own terrace.

'I told you to keep your will off her, what have you done! I knew you could never change, why did I ever trust you!'

Instead of being held over his terrace, Hermes was now in serious danger of being held over a hundred foot drop.

'Lukas have you gone mad?' Melissa called out, 'let that poor man go, he didn't do anything to me. He was just feeling sad about having to leave George and I offered him a little innocent comfort.'

Lukas let his father go, and his face lost all the anger and became a study in shock and guilt. Melissa couldn't stand the way he looked, lost, broken even, and she said: 'Lukas, come to me.' He was in her arms in less than a second, face in her bosom, crying broken-heartedly. She just held him until he would become sensible again, and looked at how Hermes was doing.

He was still in shock, and Melissa could totally understand, he had been totally immersed in his grief over George, and he didn't even have an idea what had happened.

She caught his eye and said in her most soothing voice: 'You too, Hermes, come to me,' holding out one arm for him.

And that was how Ophius and Paul found them as they came running out of the house after hearing the ruckus. Lukas was still crying stormily, and his father was stunned into total silence, both in Melissa's arms, not seeing anyone or hearing anything.

Paul asked: 'What happened, can I help?'

Ophius saw no threat to anyone, so he went back into the kitchen to bring out breakfast. Lykos' friends were able enough to solve this.

It was clear that Lukas was totally out of reach, so Melissa looked at Paul to comfort him, and focussed her attention on Hermes, whilst Paul stroked his friend over his curly head tenderly.

'Hermes, are you all right?' she asked concernedly. He did not like a god at that moment, his eyes were glazed and he didn't respond to anything she said or did. She did not trust this, he had been through a terrible ordeal not even a month ago, he had clearly not dealt with his grief and his stress at all, and now his own son, who was known for his loving nature, had assaulted him. This was a case for Lukas. He just had to deal with his own guilt later, and see to his father now.

'Lukas, you need to snap out of it for now. We'll talk quietly later, and you may cry, but your father is not doing well, he needs you.'

Lukas' head looked up, guilt all over it.

'I'm not mad at you, love,' Melissa told him, 'you thought you were protecting me. But your father was not sitting in my lap for nothing, he has been suffering from grief over leaving George, and he feels unsafe all the time. He seems in traumatic shock.'

And Lukas proved he was made of sterner stuff than his father thought, for he sat up, stroked his father's face and said: 'I'm sorry for what I did to you just now, dad, please talk to me.'

Still no reaction. Lukas moved to touch him with his Gift, until Paul stopped him and said: 'Not without anchor you don't. He's a god, remember, his mind is vast, and you are just a tiny godling yet, with little experience in healing gods. Take Melissa.'

This did give a reaction in Hermes, who whispered: 'No, please. I want you along, Paul, not Melissa.'

Which they did, Hermes still in Melissa's one arm, Lukas in the other, and Paul sitting on the ground next to them. He contacted Lukas, who touched his father.

His mind was indeed vast, but it was pretty obvious what the problem was. As a god, Hermes was used to getting his way by all means necessary, and he had always bent people to his will, never even thinking of their fate. His life had been ruled by his own needs and wants, he had loved only a few favourites, the rest were playthings for his amusement, to be used as pleased him.

Sickness and pain were unknown to him, helplessness and dependence were similarly alien feelings.

Then everything changed: his people were in trouble, he needed his son who had disappeared in thin air, his long search ended in a humiliating disaster, bringing him down to the level of an ordinary mortal, experiencing every hurtful feeling possible.

And under George's guidance he was changed, from selfishness into compassion, from aloofness into caring. He felt safe and understood, until he realized his absence was causing problems and he had to return instantly.

Unconsciously, he still had many unprocessed traumatic memories, of agonizing pain, of helplessness, guilt over his former attitudes and behaviour. His abrupt return had added grief over his loss of George, missing the feeling of safety being near George had given him. And the stress of his duties had hit him much harder than they ever had, realizing finally that all his people were just that, people, not just pawns on a board, to live or die as the Fates decided.

He had been so happy when Lykos arrived, bringing his pretty friend, an end to his troubles and a chance for some loving in sight. And though the loving was less likely than ever, at least his hopes of success for the diplomatic mission had soared, for Lykos had returned self-assured but still goodness itself, and filled with the power of thousands of worshippers

Yesterday evening his son had delivered a pointed warning about manipulating his friends, having caught some casual thoughts on those matters, thoughts that did still occur to Hermes occasionally as a remnant of his former attitude towards mortals. And he had tried to convince Lykos that he had changed, that he could be trusted.

But now his son had attacked him without even giving him the benefit of the doubt, and he would certainly leave as he had threatened, leaving his father and sister to the tender mercies of the other gods and Hermes' enemies. All was lost, and Hermes didn't want to face any of the consequences anymore, he just wanted to be at peace for a while. He rolled himself into a ball and broke contact with everything.

A voice pleaded: 'Father, I acted in sudden anger, I'm sorry. I guess I still resented you using me all my life, I was afraid you were still planning to use the people I love most. Please come back to me, I will help you, on my own if needed. I love you father, please come back.'

There was no reaction, ordinary healing was not going to solve this, his father suffered from a severe mental trauma, and Lukas was going to have to use his Gift on him, the kind of healing that usually ended in lovemaking. He hoped this wouldn't drain him to death, he couldn't make love to his father after all to pay the price.

Releasing his Gift, he found out that when a god broke down, he had his reasons, and he broke down good. Centuries of old hurt, feelings of insecurity and guilt had to be faced again and again, until they stopped being so incredibly painful.

Then the more recent traumatic memories had to be faced and treated. Hermes' mind was so vast, he remembered everything in the tiniest detail, and if Lukas had not grown so much, he would have been eaten alive by the need and the fear in that mind. Even with his new powers he was glad he felt that unshakable link to Paul all the time he was roaming that huge place, encountering more stress and more doubt, attending it and moving on, ever further from his own being, in danger of being lost.

A small part of his own mind realized that Paul's single-minded love was holding him linked to his own consciousness as nothing else could. With the help of Paul's unwavering devotion to him he managed to find every traumatic memory, and put it to rest.

He wanted Hermes to remember every second of his hubris and resulting downfall, but he did not want his father to suffer for it this much. After what seemed an eternity, he was done, and he could feel his father responding again. He followed Paul back into the now.

Paul was relieved when Lukas was done. He had concentrated on keeping Lukas anchored, he no longer needed feeding, the love of his worshippers came rushing in as his Gift drained the power out of him. He had been right though, not to let Lukas enter this mind without anchor, it was huge and very chaotic. Centuries of knowledge, memories and feelings were stored, but none in a preconceived place, there was no storage system.

Hermes was clearly a very intuitive person, ruled by his feelings, lacking structure. That would make his vast responsibilities seem even larger, he was probably not good in delegating at all because he wouldn't know how to communicate what he expected.

This was something that Paul might help him with, if Hermes would be open to the suggestions of a mere mortal. Keeping one's tools and materials in a designated place, always returning them there so they could be found quickly, planning one's tasks ahead, defining the job before accepting it, it all helped to keep the mind clear and available for matters that required serious thinking, no matter what the scale.

Sorting the memories they encountered and putting them away with the others of the same kind, in chronological order, was the work of moments. Feelings could be classed as well, and put away in another section of the vast mind.

As Lukas handled the feelings they encountered, Paul filed them away neatly, available for contemplation but no longer jumbling Hermes' mind.

And then Lukas encountered a feeling he didn't know what to do with. Paul joined him to look at it, and understood Lukas' hesitation. It was Hermes' love for Melissa, still strong, and lying about between the traumatic memories and the need for George.

Lukas communicated a question: 'I can destroy this, he need never know. Do you want me to?'

Paul sent a reply: 'Do you want to?'

'It would make things easier, but we'd be just as bad as he was. And who knows, maybe it is meant to be, then tampering with it would insult the Fates.'

He handed it to Paul, who stored it away neatly, with the other loves. He didn't order them chronologically though, let Hermes sort that out by himself, keep his love for Melissa caught up between the love he had felt for thousands of other women and men, intensely, but never very deeply.

Task accomplished, he preceded Lukas back to the now.

As Paul came back to her in an excellent mood, Melissa found Lukas out cold, as in the old days, and Hermes wide awake and much, much better. He looked Paul straight in the eye, and said: Thank you very much, Paul, I hope we can be friends from now on. You did something too, didn't you? I hope we will find the time for you to show me how you do that, I want some of it in my life as well as in my memories.'

Then he bent over his son, stroking him with love, kissing his stubbled cheeks, getting an unconscious little smile of the cute, dented lip as reward.

Melissa was flabbergasted, what had happened in there? She felt a hand on her cheek, Paul wanted to kiss her and she kissed him back with intense love, and pretty soon, passion. Oh well, somehow it had all turned out well, and maybe she would hear something of it in the future, or not.

She asked Hermes: 'Feel better?'

He looked up at her and found his voice: 'Much better. He is good, very good. I have not felt such peace since, well, since George. Maybe I'll visit George some day, take a few weeks holiday every year. Paul taught me a new concept: delegating. I'm going to ask him to explain it to me at length, after our mission is done.'

How people ever found it in themselves to worship Hermes was a complete mystery to Melissa, he was so unbelievably human she'd sooner worship Paul, or her father. They at least had something elusive. She did wonder a little why he hadn't wanted her in his mind, she had been there before after all.

Still, Hermes was very much improved, and she shooed Paul and him off Lukas to go and have breakfast, apparently something quite profound had happened between them, and maybe Paul cared to start explaining modern management terms to Hermes straight away, it certainly seemed as if Hermes could use that, since his empire appeared to crumbling at the edges.