Pat and Marianne

"Reliving a traumatic moment is hard."

"PTSD?"

"Yeah. I talked to some therapists and I'm mostly better. The nightmares don't come quite so often, but they're still there."

"Oh. So should I turn off all the things I have planned for you?"

"How much do you have planned?"

"I was going to have you honored before the lecture starts tomorrow night."

"Shit. How many people is that going to affect?"

"I think two. The young man out front was going to read a citation. And the president of the student government has something for you."

I sighed. "OK." I thought for a moment. "Don't turn it off. I remember when people helped me back when I was a college student. It felt so good to be able to thank them. I'll suck it up. How much is the scholarship worth? If you don't mind me asking."

"It's a full scholarship."

"Jesus, Marianne! How much did that cost you?"

"It was David's money. I was overjoyed to do it. Plus it was honoring you. To me that was the most important part. I never expected you to learn about it."

The waitress came, "Mrs. Huddleston, Captain. Have you had a chance to look at our menu?"

"Sorry Trish. Pat, you like seafood?"

"Love it."

"I'll tell you what. Could we have an order of octopus and a bottle of chardonnay? One of the local vintages."

"Yes, ma'am."

I laughed, "Since when have you become such an adventurous eater?"

As a kid, Marianne was a notoriously picky eater.

"Living all over the world leads to eating a lot of weird stuff. I found out that I like almost all of it."

Marianne pointed to the side of my face. "How did you get that scar?"

"Once again, no big deal. They removed a melanoma."

"Shit Pat! Melanomas kill people."

"This one and the other five I had are all gone. The doc said they were probably from lifeguarding all those summers. Redheads and sun don't mix well."

I looked at the menu, "Changing the subject, what do you recommend?"

"If you don't mind having garlic breath, the scampi is amazing."

"Do you mind garlic breath?"

"The thing about garlic is that if you have garlic breath, you don't mind if others have it."

I smiled, "I'll tell you what. I'll get the scampi, if you get the scampi."

"Deal."

When the wine and octopus came we toasted to old friends. We spent the rest of the dinner talking about our children and grandchildren. Pictures on phones were produced. We bragged like only proud grandparents can brag on who has the cutest grandkids. The dinner was wonderful. The company was better. Marianne asked the waitress take a picture of us together. She came over and sat on my lap as she pressed her cheek to mine. She immediately posted it. We both declined desert.

Marianne looked at her watch. "It is only 7:30. Are you tired?"

"No."

"Want to go out in town with me?"

"I'd love to."

She smiled, "Pat, I just don't want this to end. I let our time together end forty years ago and I have been paying for it ever since."

I nodded.

The check came and I signed it, billing it to my room, leaving a nice tip. "I'll ask the valet to bring my car around and we'll hit the town."

"Ok, I'll need a jacket."

"Meet you in front."

Marianne went for the elevator and I went in search of Rich the Valet. I took a seat while one of Rich's colleagues retrieved my car.

While I was sitting there, Rich approached me, "Captain Sullivan?"

"Yes, sir. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you would sign this picture for me."

It was the picture from earlier.

"I'd be happy to. Mrs. Huddleston tells me that you won a scholarship."

"Yes, sir. Your scholarship."

"You may be surprised to learn that I didn't know I had a scholarship named after me. E-S-P-O-S-I-T-O?"

"Yes, sir."

I wrote: 'To Richard Esposito, I know you will make us all proud with your leadership. All the best,' Then I signed it.

I handed it back to him as my car pulled up.

"So Rich, I know it is great having an autograph and all, but wouldn't you rather have a picture?"

"Oh, yes sir!"

Marianne had just returned.

I said, "My dear, would you be so kind as to take a picture of Rich and me?"

The kid was absolutely beaming. I put my hand on his shoulder as Marianne took our picture.

"Thank you so much Captain Sullivan. You don't know how much this means to me."

I extended my hand and he shook it. "Make us proud, Rich."

"I will, sir. I will."

I held the car door for Marianne, then got in myself. "Where to?"

"Just downtown. There's probably something going on. If not, I get to be with you."

"Aye aye, I'll need vectors."

"Vectors?"

"Directions."

"That was really nice what you did for Rich."

"You're the one who really did something nice for him."

"By the way, on Facebook your friend Kathleen, didn't we have dinner together that summer?"

I nodded.

"She put a string of hearts on the picture of us."

That made me smile, "She's a good friend. Haven't seen her in years, but a very good friend."

"There was a lot going on between you lifeguards that summer."

"Yes. A lot of sex. A lot of experimenting. Kathleen's sister Becki taught me about romance. Kathleen, Becki, Julianne, they were so happy for us. That afternoon when you showed up, Becki took me aside and told me to remember all the romantic things she had taught me."

"She taught you well."

It wasn't far, but I'm glad I drove. I could see two sixty-year-olds struggling to return to campus late in the evening. A decent amount of people were walking about downtown Ithaca, but I wouldn't call it crowded. I found a parking spot on the main drag.

As I turned off the car, Marianne put her hand on my elbow. "Pat."

"Yes, my dear."

"I like when you call me that. Pat, we need to talk about the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room."

"Sex?"

"Sex."

"Marianne, we were lovers forty years ago. We are very different people now."

She turned so that she could look me in the eye, "Pat, you know how I feel about you. I just wanted to let you know that if things were to go in that direction, that I wouldn't be opposed to it. But I know you are probably still mourning Terri. I am just overjoyed to be with you. I haven't been this happy in a very long time."

I took her hand and kissed it, "You have no idea what you do to me. Let's go find a quiet bar and I need to bare my soul."

Marianne smiled impishly and grabbed the door handle. We strolled around downtown, my arm around her shoulder; her arm around my waist. In the space of an afternoon my life had been transformed. Could all this be happening? We walked by a club that had music.

Marianne looked up at me, "Maybe later if our hips allow it, we can go dancing."

"At our age, that could be a really big if."

We walked further on and found a quiet pub. I ordered a summer ale and Marianne, a glass of chardonnay.

She sat very close, "So what kind of soul baring did you have in mind?"

"I am not saying any of this to hurt you. I think you just need to know about the turmoil that has been racing through my mind since you invited me here. Hell, since that summer so long ago."

"I can imagine."

"Please let me say these things. I promise there is a point to all of it."

She nodded and held my hand.

"When you stopped responding to me after that summer I was absolutely crushed. Now I know why, but at the ripe old age of twenty I was crushed. You were the love of my life. You were gone. You popped back in for six days. Then you were gone again. I wracked my mind searching for what I had done to you. Because when you're twenty, life is all about you. It had to have been something I had done. I had all these plans for us and they just evaporated. When you lose someone very dear, there is a deep wound. When you don't know why, it heals very slowly.

"I think it was after I got back from the Gulf War deployment that I saw a picture of Ambassador and Mrs. Huddleston in the paper. It looked like you, but I wasn't sure. I went to the library and found out that it really was you. I was married to Terri and we had beautiful little Aria, but that picture tore open that wound. The wound healed. My family grew. My career was going well. Then I saw that People magazine piece."

"What a joke."

"I bought a copy and kept in the garage. I read every word -- twice, three times. I finally learned something about your life. The wound was ripped open again. Part of me was happy for you, but part of me thought you were a gold-digger, going for the rich diplomat. I'm sorry for thinking that."

"Don't apologize. That's how you felt. That's probably how it appeared. You should know that David had his Chief of Staff sit in on that interview to ensure I said all the right things. So we would appear to be the perfect couple."

"Well, I still feel badly about it. Last month when I received that friend request from you on Facebook, all those feelings resurfaced. I did a lot of walking and a lot of thinking. I found out that David had died and part of me was curious. Part of me dug up that old wound and I was hurt and angry again. I kept going back to my marriage. If you think being a naval officer is hard, I think being a navy wife is absolutely the hardest job in the service. Terri was so good at it, no, great at it. She raised Aria and Dan pretty much on her own. She stepped up and led all the spouses of my sailors when we were deployed. When I lost her, I lost a big part of me. Where the hell am I going with this?"

"You said you had a point."

"Thank you my dear. I accepted your invitation to come here, but didn't know what to expect. In my mind I worked out hundreds of scenarios. That's what pilots do. We plan contingencies. We 'what if' things to death. I have to say that none of what has occurred since four o'clock has fit into any of those contingencies. I was prepared to be angry with you. To be friendly with you. I damn well didn't plan on falling in love with you all over again."

I took a deep breath, "I suppose that's my point."

Marianne kissed my hand.

I took a sip of beer. "You want to know what convinced me that you were being straight with me?"

"What?"

"The scholarship and your son's name."

"I told you. I never intended for you to find out about those things. Naming my son after you was my way of keeping you alive in my heart. How many times a day do you use a child's name? Every time I said it, I thought of you."

"What does your son do?"

"Didn't I tell you? He's a navy pilot just like his namesake. Not a fighter pilot though. He flies P-8 Poseidon aircraft out of NAS Jacksonville."

"Where did he go to school?"

"He went to the Naval Academy."

"What year?"

"2016."

"I wonder if he knows Dan. He was class of 2017."

"It's a small world," Marianne sent her son a text. "I'll find out."

I continued, "So anyway. As you were telling me about your life, I was feeling really bad about all the evil thoughts I had about you. I have to say you are a woman of strong character. I should have never doubted you. To honor your marriage vows like that takes great courage and morals. You are an honorable person."

"Thank you, Pat. That is really kind of you."

"The picture I painted of you never fit with the person who was my best friend. That always tore at my mind. I should have known better."

Her phone dinged, "My son says he knows Dan. Same company. Small world. I think I would like to go dancing with you."

"OK. Let's finish up and we can go back to the club with music."

_ _ _ _ _

After finishing our drinks, we went to the night club. Since it was fairly early on a Wednesday, there wasn't very many people. We were the only ones dancing. We didn't recognize any of the music, but as they used to say on American Bandstand, 'it has a beat and you can dance to it'. Neither one of us were exactly graceful, but we were having fun. After about fifteen minutes, the DJ put on a slow song. I didn't recognize that one either, but Marianne immediately put her arms around my neck. I pulled her close to me as we swayed to the music. She looked up into my eyes and I was cast back to my childhood. Yes, these were those same eyes. The DJ was definitely playing to his audience, because when that song ended he played another slow song.

As that song ended and he returned to more up-tempo pieces, Marianne pulled me close and whispered into my ear, "We'll need to give him a tip."

I nodded. Then she pulled my face down and kissed me. Her lips parted and her tongue probed into my mouth. We were standing in the middle of an empty dance floor necking. I have no idea how long we were out there, but time became the last thing on my mind. Marianne broke the kiss and led me off the floor. I sat down on a couch and she sat on my lap. Another round of passionate kissing began. Her lips sent electricity down my spine. Her fine body against mine sent blood to my crotch.

She broke the kiss, "Do you know when the last time I kissed someone like this?"

"That summer with me?"

"That summer with you."

She kissed me, "I feel like a kid again."

I looked at my watch, "You have a big day tomorrow. Perhaps we should call it a night."

"You're right."

She took a bill from her purse and gave it to the DJ. Then we headed out the door.

_ _ _ _ _

Marianne was quiet on the ride back and as we went up the elevator. I knew it was the eight hundred pound gorilla again. She held my hand the entire time. When the elevator doors opened on the top floor. I could see she was suffering.

We stopped outside her room. "Pat."

"I think we need to talk about this."

"I was thinking the same thing. Would you like to talk in my room or yours?"

"Yours is fine."

She led me in. She had a fancier room -- a suite with a separate sitting area.

She motioned toward the couch, "Can I get you something? Bottle of water?"

"Water would be nice."

Marianne grabbed two bottles. Then she came over and sat down facing me on the couch.

I opened the bottle and took a drink. "Marianne, I know you know that we are no longer young. Let's say certain things don't always function the way they are supposed to."

She put her hand on my arm. "Pat, those things don't bother me. Today has been a dream come true for me. I have dreamt of just spending time with you for decades. We have both changed a lot. I notice that you don't talk as much as you did when we were kids. I probably talk more. A lot of water has gone under the bridge. We are a lot older, a whole lot older. We don't have to have sex. But I would like to spend the night with you. Sleep next to you. Feel your body next to mine. Wake up in the morning and see you next to me."

"I think we can do that. Let me get my bag from next door."

When I returned, Marianne was in the bathroom. I typically don't wear anything to bed. I was contemplating whether I should wear my skivvies. I looked up and Marianne was leaning against the doorway wearing a white sheer negligée. She was stunning. Her ample breasts came to the mid-point of her biceps, dark areolas against her white skin. A dark delta of pubic hair was visible through the sheer material.

She smiled, "I'm sorry. Did I surprise you Captain Sullivan?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"You looked like you were deep in thought."

"Yes. I was contemplating what to wear to bed."

"What do you normally wear?"

"Not a lot. I think I will wear my skivvies for you."

Marianne sashayed over to me. I could feel the lust building in me from that sexy outfit. She placed her hands behind my neck and pressed herself against me. I'm sure she felt my erection.

She kissed me, "If you would like to wear nothing at all, I wouldn't mind."

I wasn't sure where to go with that, so I ignored it. "Let's get some rest. You have a big day in front of you."

I stripped down to my boxers and we climbed in bed. Marianne snuggled up to me. This was going to be hard -- literally. As I lay on my back, she leaned over, her breasts on my chest.

She kissed me, "Good night my sweet prince."

"Good night my love."

Marianne spooned with me, her fine derriere pressed back against me. She ignored the erection that pressed between her butt checks. I had one arm stretched out under her head. I placed my free hand on her hip.

In the middle of the night I felt nature's call. I found myself with my hand on her breast and a hard-on still pressed against her butt. When I returned to bed, she rolled over and put her head on my shoulder, a hand on my chest. I could get used to having a sleeping partner again.

_ _ _ _ _

I awoke to the sound of the television. It sounded like CNN, but I couldn't be sure. There was a robe next to me on the bed, so I put it on. I found Marianne with a pad and paper watching some obscure television channel discussing the latest developments in our relations with China. She was wearing a similar robe.

When she saw me she paused the program and stood to greet me. "You have no idea how happy it makes me to have you here with me this morning."

I leaned down and kissed her, "This is something I could get used to."

"There is coffee on the dining table and the morning's newspapers. I'll call down for breakfast. If you would allow me to watch the last part of this briefing then I'll be in to eat with you. After that you will have me to yourself for the rest of the day."

"Hey, take your time. Today is your big day."

She kissed me, "Thank you."

Marianne called down and simply said that we were ready. I went in and poured a cup of coffee and began with the Wall Street Journal. By the time I got through browsing the front section our breakfast arrived.

Marianne thanked the young man by name and came and joined me. "That was quick."

"If you need to go back to the briefing..."

"After breakfast. Right now this is our time."

"Very well. So how are you this morning?"

Marianne put her hand on mine, "So very happy. It was so wonderful snuggling with you."

I nodded, "That was very nice. I'm sorry if I got a little fresh during the night without knowing it."

She smiled, "You may get as fresh as you want. Your freshness may be my fault. I'm the one that placed your hand on my breast and pressed my butt up against your erection. So what's on your mind this morning?"

"Other than you?"

She nodded.

"Well, I'm thinking we should let the hotel have my room back. I don't think I'm going to need it."

"I'll take care of that. What else?"

"Would you like to practice your lecture?"

"That's a good idea."

She retrieved her notes and for the next hour or so, Marianne talked about foreign policy and the present state of affairs. Every so often she would make a note on something to change, but I could tell she was very well prepared. When she was done, I clapped politely.

Marianne leaned back, "You have to be brutally honest with me. What do you think?"

"To get very technical on you, I think you know your shit."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Everything was spot on. It reminded me of some of the guest lecturers that would come to the Naval Postgraduate School."

"Thank you, Pat. That's kind of you to say."

"Hey, just being brutally honest."

_ _ _ _ _

Marianne finished watching the briefing. When she felt she was ready, we cleaned up and got dressed for the day. Marianne's lecture was scheduled for seven that evening, but we had a reception to go to at half past four. The lecture was in the new Brooks School of Public Policy with a reception to follow. In the meantime, she wanted to show me around her old stomping grounds.

The first stop was at the Johnson School of Business. She had asked for a plaque to be installed in the lobby in my honor. It had a large picture of me standing amongst a group of sailors. My mouth was open, running my mouth. The picture was striking because every set of eyes was looking at me. There was a brief rundown of my career. The bottom half had little brass plates with the name of each year's recipient.