All Comments on 'Patricia and Sandra'

I felt this story was too rushed. There was no description of the girls at all. I felt no connection with the girls and didn't get the chance to fall in love with them. Two pages is too short for a contest entry.

A very sweet love story! Thank you!

I understand what you are saying. There are a couple of reasons why I wrote it like this.

First, I started to describe the girls, but I decided not to. I wanted the story to be about self discovery, uncertainty and acceptance. I wanted what the girls felt to be foremost and appearance shouldn't matter in this particular instance.

Secondly, you are right it is slightly rushed. The reason is that they met at the beginning of the semester, a few months later was Thanksgiving followed 1 month later by Christmas. I honestly was not trying to write a fantasy, but a Love Story, and sometimes things happen so quickly that "rushed" is the only possible description. So again in this case it was about the girls, not about the sex or the pacing of the relationship.

And, again you are correct, most would prefer a contest story to be more involved and of course longer. But in this case, I wanted the message to be short and sweet, that hopefully, we don't have to be alone during the upcoming holidays.

I hope everyone out there either has or will find that special someone who wants to be a part of their lives in some way. 16 years ago (I was 46 yrs old), I was alone and didn't think I would ever find someone to grow old with. 16 years later we still have each other.

Hope that helps with my thought process for this short story.

Ed

Thank you for your kind words.

I really love a good love story, I read this and thought wow this is really good, I liked the part where she went to Sandra's house for one thing and ended up with something very special, but I do have to agree you need to describe the girls more and make it a little longer but other than that it was very good

The story line is very good but like the above comments it needs more developing especially on the girls. I too felt like the story was rushed despite the fact you mentioning the build up to the love making is slow. Don't give up though I think with a little more practice you can be one of the greatest writers on this site.

A very nice PG rated story. Can't say I loved it. Can't say I hated it. It's in the middle. But I appreciate the effort.

I liked it,but like others I think it would work better as a longer story,to let this develop [reading your comment,ed,I understand why it is short]. I woukd encourage you to use this as a basis for a longer story. You could show how patricia and Sandra struggle with their feelings, you can show how it goes with S's parents (it woukd be more involved and difficult then it was here),you could show how being a couple changed them,how the react to others, the campus crusade for christ haters..and their own uncertainties after they express their feelings.A month might not seem long,but when faced with a life changing thing like this,can seem like an eternity! Hopefully you will expand this look forward to it.

Great story, thank you for sharing it with us!

I loved it! I'd like more lesbian stories and also longer love stories please.

To all you folks that have commented. I have a couple more stories under construction including a longer version of this one. Like most of the folks that post their stories here, life gets in the way. I will endeavor to get them finished.

Ed

I've read this story several times and it never gets old. I'm looking forward to the longer version.

As I have stated earlier, I am working on a longer version. I am just having trouble getting it turn out like I want it. Actually, I took a break from it so I could post this note. The biggest problem I am having is keeping it as originally intended as a love story while including the sexual aspects. I honestly don't want a lot of sex in the story, but I know many of you folks out there do. I will also **probably** move it to the Romance category as opposed to lesbian sex.

Again, thank you all for your kind words.

Ed

Great story. I love a good love story. I love romance. It doesn't matter to me if there's not a lot of sex.

a beautifully written story...

I finally finished "Patricia and Sandra ~ How We Came To Be". I still am not completely satisfied with the finished product, but I wanted to publish it anyway. I am really curious to see if you folks agree with me about where the shortcomings are.

I have zero training as a writer so this is still a learning experience for me. Thanks in advance for any useful criticism that will enable me to get better.

Ed

I am very happy with it as a love story. I was also happy with the length. I don't need detailed explanations about the characters even down to the colour of their underwear. But I would like to know how Patricia get off the bus without being seen even though Sandra was looking for her and was disappointed not to see her.