by IntrospectiveWanderer
Pretty good story but the ending seemed rushed. At the end of page 3 they’re leaving Utah heading for Boston and in one paragraph on page 4 they’re in Boston. Just Married.
You tell great stories, but a grammatical editor would be very beneficial.
As always, I do appreciate the feedback and constructive criticism. Hopefully, it will make future stories better and more fun to read.
It's always interesting to read the perspective of others. This one, for instance, has the comment that Beth was an intruder and not very respectful. A valid point. At the same time, I had one reader comment that a sequel could involve her more.
I doubt that I'll write a second chapter to this. But you never know.
Wouldn't Beth's father have turned up for her graduation? Both parents usually attend even if separated, and it would have added some extra tension into the story.
...but you need at least a proof-reader, if not necessarily an editor. Quite a few words that have been spelt incorrectly, or missed out completely - as well as weird uses of tenses.
It certainly doesn't need a sequel, but maybe you could write a story about Beth.
Beth sure don't respect herself or her mother. Patrick is a good guy to both of them. I understand she was trying to tempt Patrick to see if he was loyal to her mom but there are plenty other ways to find out without going after him for sex.
Patrick is too kind to tell Beth to stop. Her mom won't stop her from doing it so I guess Beth will continue to try until Patrick gives in. They need to leave Beth at home when they go on their trip, she will be a third wheel.