All Comments on 'Pauline's Pumpkins - Day 03'

The language used to describe the lady in the story was incredibly aggressive and it didn't add anything, it just left me wondering if the writer is a guy who hates women or a woman who hates her own body. The use of language became the thing I was interested in.

Sometimes the language nonsensical, at other times it was crass or cliched beyond belief and sometimes it was honestly a bit weird: Comparing her bust to garbage bags?!

It *really* took me out of the story straight away. I skimmed through a bit more of it, but it's not an easy read. I do think, with some *major* guidance, there's a decent story in there somewhere.

Sentences need to be less convoluted. Not everything needs explaining, body parts don't need to be compared to something all the time and people don't have to be insulted at every turn. You're the teller of the story, you give the insults through the characters' words and actions.

Perhaps read some other stories and compare them to this, look at how sentences are formed, how points are separated and how language is used.

Liked the story but the pacing feels way off

Can you please bring back the brothers from day 1

I'm just a little confused by the aggressive language towards the woman feedback. It's likely myself trying to overexplain at different moments coming off as constantly pointing a finger at her when her body's hard to maneuver or unflattering. Reevaluating how I feel rereading would be useful.

As for a lot else I've heard here and other sites: I agree, I rushed it and fluffed it with unnecessary detail; wrote it chunk by chunk and didn't evaluate the whole when the parts had weird structure themselves. I used a bunch of "as she..." and "while..." and other things I thought would paint a better picture not be repetitive. People don't need to be reminded she has breasts, little things can be left up to imagination if they aren't important because somebody being able to imagine the story IS important.

Still learning how to put sexually interesting ideas into words.

When is the next part coming out?