All Comments on 'Pawn Among Wolves Ch. 02'

heave ho woman what are u waiting for? this is such a great story, i want to read what else you have in that head of yours. so, please continue, i know this isn't the end of mac and gemma, they'll find a way to be together, and i for one want to see how they do it. so, come on, what r u waiting for? chapter 3's awaiting and so am i!

I enjoyed this chapter with the exception of the joined italics which made it difficult to understand until you really concentrated on them, this kinda removed some of the enjoyment out of it for me. I understand what you were trying to do, with short sharp exclamations it does work but when you have a full sentence it takes away the effect. Italic thoughts seperate the action and are fantastic in the story but cobbled together words don't work too well.

I'm trying to get rid of the joined italics - it seems to be a software compatability problem. I've resubmitted in exactly the same format at Ch1, and hopefully in a few days Ch2 won't be this annoying, Apologies!

I love the it! Can't wait for the unravelling of the rest of the story.

Please more.

I am very much enjoying your story so far and look forward to future chapters.

This chapter seems to end so conclusively that I thought you were finished.

That would be a shame, seeing as how the characters are so intriguing. And so sensual, too. I very much look forward to the next one.

I love this story.Both chapters are great ! I can't wait for the next one .

Thank you .

space the words when she is talking to herself. it will make it so much easyer to read. thank you every much for writting this story i can wait till the next one.

What fool would ask you to stop? Keep writing -- I love what I'm reading here. Can't wait for the next chapter; the end of this one broke my heart.

For a moment I thought you were just going to let this hang. This story line was too interesting to stop.

Enjoying this story very much. Glad you are planning to continue. I hope it doesn't take too long for Mac and Gemma to be reunited. I'm intrigued to see how you plan to address the obstacles that are preventing Mac from exploring his feelings for Gemma.

But all i can say is this was an Excruciating read. Goodluck with the rest of the story.

I'm incline to agree with Anon the read was excruciating. I just didn't like her she was all over the place, wanted to slap her to shut the hell up running hot and cold. I could quite happily see you kill her off with no probs she is absolutely a tedious character .. kill her off, bring Nic back to kill her off and find another heroin that isnt so self centred and goes on and on for paragraphs like thru the fight scene 5 paragraphs on how aroused she was before there was even mention of the fight it was sickening, . Good luck with the rest of the story.

Of course she was all over the place emotionally! She had no way to process what had happened and even less ability to understand what was still happening. Not until Mac began to heal her did her thoughts and emotions morph into something she could understand and could wrap her brain around.

On a side note, I thought it interesting how you left out the spaces between words to illuminate her less than methodical thinking process, jumbled, confused, all over the place. Although it was a tad difficult to read with out spaces, it worked as a physical illustration. I would offer as a compromise that her thoughts be limited to a few words at a time just so my brain doesn't hurt straining to separate the words.

I really enjoy the story, but you HAVE GOT TO make the internal thoughts separate words like they are suppose to be. It really slows the story down to have to figure out the sentence.

write more but please separate the words. I basically skipped any thought segment because it was too much of a pain to get through.

Separate the words as it is most annoying to read these long sentences - and by the way - if you are planning on 12 chapters, reduce 6 of them immediately because they are just about the girl´s foolishness.

And why is HE SUCH an idiot?

but writing her thoughts without spacing is not good. It's extremely annoying to read and takes away from the rest of the story. I'm looking forward to more chapter though!

Can't wait for more. I agree with others about the spacing of internal comments. It almost seems as if they were done so by mistake. If they were intentional, please don't do that anymore. Otherwise, great start. I am intrigued!

please continue, i couldnt believe he left... there has to be more

I wasn't sure what to expect but this story if refreshing and I hope you continue it.

Gemma seems very stubborn and determined and I don't see her idly standing on the sidelines.

Your story is very good so far please continue.

Please keep writing

I was hoping you'd come back and add more to the story. I'm glad you did. Please keep writing!

Hopefully you update soon!

It's been over a month since you updated, where's the next chapter? D: please hurry, i can't wait to see how they figure this whole thing out.

This only gets better.....chapter 3 here I come!!!!!!

I'm not sure if it was Gemma's thoiughts or all the questions she was asking herself but I skimmed this whole chapter coz she was getting on my nerves!

I found his chapter annoying too, I also skimmed it.

And I love it :)

I thought I was the only one who skimmed through this chapter and the first one.. I like this story a lot but I was so freakin annoyed with her questioning/thinking about the same thing over and over again !!!

I found the first page of this chapter so annoying I gave up reading it.

I Like her little internal conversations. she's spunky. remember you can't please everyone because everyone is different. keep writing

I am reading this story a second time and am still hooked on it. I am glad to see that u have added more chapters and am looking forward to the rest of this story. I am also adding this story to my favs..... Please keep up with it and good luck.

I'm intrigued but confused. Gemma isn't making any sense at all - why would she be so ready to forgive him? It doesn't jibe :(

I love this begining of story. Love, friendship, intrigue...

This is just all over the place .Whilst your plot is sound your being way too descriptive and Gemma's inner dialogue is just crazy.She saw he was"worried" whilst he was facing away from her .One minute she's with her brother ,the next she's on her bed .She's begging him to make her a wolf just for sex which previously was painful and injured her .Just doesn't wash at all.

She hasn't asked WHO Ian is or any of the normal questions ???

She just got pretty brutally raped by this guy & now she wants him again? Wtf? Whether or not it was his fault (I don't actually blame him, I blame the other dude) its just weird. I'm still interested, but Gemma is annoying.

I definitely don't see that as rape.she wanted it, she got it. It just was not how she expected het first time till be. But I'm sad that Mac is gone. I'm gonna go read the next chapter so I'm not too sad about him leaving. I hope her getting some of his boss will make her a non feral wolf. Five Stars..

i wish the plot could move along a little faster :) . good balance and writing.

Don't even listen to moving the plot faster, your character development is fantastic. The way you capture her feelings, her thoughts, even when they flutter around incomprehensibly, so realistic. It really reminds me of the way many published authors do. I love how each scene is completely fleshed out. I know I'm coming into this way past the time you wrote it, but I never comment on these things and I'm so into your story!

Still a chore to get through. Tried 4 times now and my feelings have not changed.

I can't wait for this to turn into a book! I just want to be able to hold it in my hands and hug it!!!

Very well written

Great start. I like the fact so far it doesn't sound like every other story on this site. :)

The way you make Gemma think about sex when there is a fight in her bedroog is weird. It is the Classic sweet stupid girl and the strong handsom man. Blehhhh. Not a women a real man would like to date

Of course I realize now that this story is a few years old. It is really great so far. You have really made me feel Gemma’s grief and sadness. Thankyou

WHAT!?! In every story EVERY SINGLE ONE werewolves meet their mates among there own AND HUMANS!!! She’s His MATE! All that Excitement and Safety Security THAT was HER inner Wolf!!! I DON’T understand how this stories going to be a means and unfold when you don’t believe Werewolves and Humans Aren’t Compatible!?! I’m going to continue even Without Understanding I’m Still HOPING you’ll open it back up by uncovering why the Warlords won’t allow it! I call Bu!!shît on the whole they go insane Crap! Somethings NOT RIGHT so I’m continuing I PRAY AND HOPE I’m NOT Disappointed!!!