All Comments on 'Payback to Mr. Attorney'

Keep writing you only get better. Thanks for sharing.

Not much of a story. Not sure it fits in any category.

Only laughable!!!

2*

Sorry...This should have been a "Thank you" letter...Why? "Mr. Attorney" prevented him from making a big mistake: To marry a cheating slut!! After all they were just girlfriend/boyfriend and from some time just at weekends!! So why the need for a revenge on "Mr. Attorney"? Was this guy raped at a divorce and began to hate all "Mr. Attorney"s? Just let's suppose that she had gotten pregnant, and that one day "Mr. Attorney" found out who the real father was...Would this man be so happy when he had to pay a lot of money to support his bastard child? And if he was already married and happy with another woman? What would that do to his marriage and family? 1*

your writing will improve when you get to high school..stlcris

go back to school, little dick, your mommy wouldn't want you here.

His punishment will be being married to her, until he can't take the humiliation any more. She'll be fucking one of his attorney partners and then use another associate in a competing firm for her divorce. Yeah, your cock-hold on his wife is the least of his problems.

...has issues.

I can see why she ditched you. Nobody comes out of this story looking good, but you come out of it looking like the biggest asshole of them all.

Nothing else to say

I liked it. Keep fucking her.

Your big prick satisfied her but your personality turn her off. So you went with mr right. To bad your dick got into her head and she needed it for some fantasy orgasim . .makes both of you losers.

... and I mistakenly flushed and lost your story. Sorry!

that two year olds who have temper tantrums could write this well. Not so well done for an adult.

the guy didn't do anything to you, she is a total whore you was lucky to find that out before you got stuck with her you both are total losers her for being a whore and you for being a spoiled little kid who has a really big ego problem, glad you think you are so wonderful in bed, you should fuck yourself lol. you really love yourself.

Assuming you dated for 2 years and she was 1 1/2 years ahead of you, how did you meet? You would have had to been in your first year and wouldn't have had any classes together. As well, did you fuck her during her period? And during the summer when you would have gone back to your home towns to work? And how did you fuck her every day when she was 4 hours away and you still had 1 1/2 years of classes remaining?

And that's just your preamble. You are an idiot and if this were remotely true, she's better off without your stupid ass.

Your only mistake was in not sending the letter after she was married and then screwed you again.

You are a little pussy for wishing revenge but never getting it. No balls!

I hope you just made all this shit up. Cause you all come off like pretty jacked up people:

- Her for being a cheating bitch and stringing you along while she tried on the other dude. Then still fucking you after she dropped you.

- Him, for being stupid enough to knowingly hook up with someone cheating on a serious boy friend.

- You for being a bitch about it, instead of moving on. Okay, be mad. But more importantly know you are lucky you found out who she was before you married her.

what you think it means

literally

Pleasant little bit of fantasy. Lighten up people.

Overlook a couple of poor plot decisions and enjoy the story.

Gave you 3*s williamfuckner. With all the work you put into it you deserve every star I awarded the story, lol.

AMerryman

I'm sure that everything this guy did would have convinced her that the attorney was a much better choice.

I'm thinking this guy either A) Needs meds or B) has never been laid in his life. That's the only way a guy could look at what he wrote and think, "Hey, this is pretty good."

Was this written by one of the anti-BTB ranters under a false username?

Sjoe did that a while ago, got good ratings (it was a laugh out loud FUNNY story though).

This one reeks.

Four stars for what was essentially an eighth grade male virgin's idea of sex; since you're a first timewriter.

English language skills: Four stars. No grammar or syntax error noted. The tense in the letter itself vacillated a little between present and past tense in the letter itself. I admit that this would be quite hard to get down correctly. Generally speaking, present tense should only be used for direct quotes from a person. If you write the letter in the present tense, all should be in that tense except for direct quotations (e.g., [this would be the text of your story]: "She said, 'she had never had an orgasm before she had sex with me.' ". The sentence in single quotes would be your direct quotation of her which should be in double quotes in your story. Then your comment outside the letter would be better in past tense.

Plot: A junior high scool male virgin's idea of sex. You'll get better, you're a good scrivener. The man with the 9 inch monstrously thick cock who makes all women swoon at first thrust is a Literotica or XHamster fantasy. She wasn't marriedtothe protagonist, they weren't engaged, the woman is not a piece of meat that the protagonist owns. Your presenation to the contrary may please the knuckle-dragging, Neanderthal, BTB Taliban who despoil LW, but not the rest of the world.

Tighten up the story line a little. They have sex, then 45 minutes later, she hasn't had sex with him since they broke up.

Finish your story, send out to an editor, or put it down for a day or two and then read again. If you are older than about 25 or 30, print it outbon paper and read the paper. [The millennials and gen-X's may be able to read the wrong way, but for most of us, the written text has appeared on parchment, vellum, or paper for the last thousand years or so in what is now referred to as "portrait" orientation, as opposed to a TV, movie screen, or computer arrangement turning the written word on its side, which those two "a-literate", not illiterate, college drop-out jerks, steve jobs and bill gates, cursed us with.]. At any rate, put it down for a day or two and then come back and read it. As an example: the two have marvelous sex, then

F

Next, your protananist comes across as a misogynistic, out of control sociopath. I first thought that that a frequent commenter here, Betrayed by Love, had finally written his first story. IRL, this guy is a jail sentence just waiting to happen.

Next, in your stories, don't fuck too much with lawyers. They can make your life miserable in ways you can't imagine.

You used it 12 times on page one. Sure sign of a millennial. LOL

That revenge was , like, you know, like awesome bro. You showed him.

Weird little story.

Kind of liked it. Should of had him send it. Would have been more fun..

Wow, some anons are really full of themselves....and shit too.

Just as well you never sent the letter as all it would have achieved would have been to give Mr Attorney the biggest laugh of his life. If I received a letter from someone boasting about the size of his dick and his prodigious sexual prowess I'd assume it was a mischievous prank by a horny teenager who had a crush on my wife. Very poor.

Well it made me smile, more a boys read.

Plenty of description but the character is soooooo floored

Characters have no depth. Sherri is obviously a serial cheater. Why the dude was so upset about losing her is beyond me. Tucker is a douche bag that sounds like he's 14 years old. The Lawyer, who we never actually hear from would probably laugh his ass off at the letter. He'd probably get it on the side also.