All Comments on 'Paying My Rent'

That was pretty good.

Maybe for you next submission find an editor or recheck it before you submit it as there are a few mispellings. :)

It was probably ok, but I couldn't get very far into it. Writing in present tense is only to be done by the experts. It just "feels" wrong. The story would move along perfectly well written in past tense.

Not only misspellings, but errors like there were no sheets on the bed and she grabbed onto the sheets make it a little distracting. Good story all the same. Keep writing and trying to get better.

Keep up the good work, but get some help. You need a editor ,and I mean big time. Thanks for the read.................................

it felt rather robotic. Like you kept using ten words when five would have been enough. Did not feel like real conversation, and the present tense rarely ever works.

Decent story but no need for a second. Take some time and write another. I feel you need more than two pages to get it all out. Editors are super helpful.

Step sister is not true incest... might as well say drunk girl from down the street...same thing, they are not related

I agree with the "robotic" comment. It also sounds sort of translated. Not a bad first attempt though. I don't think you should use a "first time author" disclaimer though. It's pretty much a warning sign saying that the story could suck. Also, if you have more to the story, write it and let the chips fall where they may. Don't solicit comments for that.

I agree with some of the comments. You do need an editor because when you're writing something like this you can be "too close to the forest to see the trees" and miss vital spelling and grammatical errors that distract and detract from the story. Otherwise I thought it was pretty well written especially for a first time. I would consider keeping the story going because you've already created the characters, set the stage, etc, and can continue to refine the your writing until you have it right. Then use your new ideas to write really good stories.

Remember that everybody who creates anything will look back at their first efforts sometime down the track and wonder "how the hell did I write this piece of garbage?" because their perception has shifted with experience and advice.

Hang in there.

Amazing

Ok Story, but the end seemed rushed.