All Comments on 'Perchance to Dream'

Thank you for sharing your work.

A quibble would be the cop having any interest in a guy she met a couple of times. He had been married a few days earlier. Seldom does that happen. The DNA mistake was supposed to be sloppy police work on a murder case? I guess that could happen.

It read like a dozen similar stories where you just changed the names and mixed together a few plot ideas to create a beginning, middle, and end. I felt like I had read almost the exact same parts of this story in other stories.

Wife takes a new job, becomes disrespectful, starts going out weekends with slut friend instead of husband, sex life in the toilet. Check.

Wife appears to be fucking her new boss at her new job, and maybe doing some girl fucking too with her female coworker. Of course boss is smirking and powerful and confident and lesbian coworker is butchy and masculine. Check.

Wife disappears and husband connects with attractive police woman in course of investigation. Check.

Brother turns out to be fucking wife and sets up dumb shit husband to take fall so he can have the business to himself. Check.

The murdered wife and the Ringmaster plot device were new, to me. You probably got those from some stories I'm not familiar with. But all the other plot tropes are taken right off the shelf and plugged in like Legos.

What you left out was retribution for the asshole boss. It would have been a nice twist if the murdered wife was found to be pregnant, and while the semen in her vagina matched his brother, the DNA of the fetus would match her boss. The lesbian lover in jealousy and rage then confesses that the boss was sexually harassing and black mailing his wife for sexual favors for clients, and that her slut friend was actually conspiring with her boss to use his wife as the company slut. Slut friend as well as asshole boss and business goes down the drain.

Now, try it again, but leave out the irrelevant and distracting details and make the story more original. And you don't need to use every plot device available. Just make what you do write more convincing and less cliche'd.

Good luck with future efforts.

Good job! Tried to give you a five star vote, but hit 4 somehow. Don't know WTF happened...Or...maybe I really DO...know...

Must be all the good whiskey I've sipped tonight! Funny thing about holding your drinks to three fingers of whiskey in a small glass, three drinks in one days time! Somehow, the later, (or in my case... earlier in the wee smalls its gets, if your as good a son of Ireland or Highlander Scots as I am, the more good sippin' whiskey you want to drink! :)

So, I hereby give you the five stars I meant to give this story...and you can figure-out how the hell I hit four stars! Yeah...that sounds like a good deal for me, since I can't figure WTF, by now! (Will confess most assuredly, I don't really give a whole big WTF...either! Damn! This is GOOD sippin' whiskey! :)

So, I'll let you detective part of this case, author, and I'll give you a big hearty here...HERE!...and let you have after it!

Me, I've got a fresh new glass of sippin' whiskey to attend too! ;)

You want some great tasting sippin' whiskey, just go buy a fifth of Royal Canadian Small Batch sippin whiskey and set back and enjoy! One helluva good sippin treat, for a real good, low price!

Now, it ain't quite as good as The Macallan single malt 12 year scotch, but, what the hell IS better than The Macallan? I sure as hell have no idea what! Don't rightly think there IS any better whiskey, than the Macallan single malt 12 year!

I have drank them all, many times, and I don't know anything better than a fifth of Macallan 12 year single malt, saving for Macallan 12 year single malt Double Cask, which I think is the best tasting Scotch, on the whole friggin' planet!

But damn! For under twenty bucks US, well under, this fifth of Royal Canadian, is a really smooth as silk, Canadian sippin whiskey, new favorite of mine!

Now...where the hell was I? Oh yeah! Just as I recall now, I were out in the back forty, wanderin' around behind all the little animals!

God bless ole' Jimmy Stafford, for a few words to one of his very amusing songs, of yesteryear! Only a few days old! :) You may not understand about the songs true age, but Jimmy and I, at our ages, sure as hell DO! :)

Damn, this is GOOD whiskey!

And so is this...a good story! Thanks author! I'll watch for other stories here, you've writ! I liked this one!

Who'd a thunk....it was little brother, the whole time?

Thumb-to-kink about it, I really liked this story! Almost as much as the whiskey I'm sippin' on tonight!

Well....maybe not that much! This is DAMN GOOD sippin' whiskey! :)

How'd there get to be two computer monitors in front of me? I sure as hell don;t have two big monitors, like this! Shit! its 0530 already! Maybe its time I down the last couple sips, and get to bed! You thmink?

Great story! Thank you again, author!

This actually was very well written. You have a great feel for the balance of narration and dialogue. I think with a bit of work, this story could be turned into a full fledged novel. Exploring the relationships of the wife with her boss and her assistant, the things the wife got up to on her nights out, the dynamics of the two brothers, and the rise of the family business and the whole downfall of the marriage could all be expanded upon. Good job. I wonder if this story may be better served on a mystery website as opposed to an erotic literature site, but I'm glad it was here for me to read.

Engaging story, well done!

There indeed a full-blooded, absorbing story waiting to be told in this author's concept , but the narrative favored expediency over lingering in details . There is no original tale under the sun , but the shared journey by reader and author is what point of separation between cream and dross. Helen had zero shades of gray.

I enjoy this author's penchant for restraint and the action scene with Charlie's last stand was well told . But overall the tale hewed to cliches . Not a horrible read , but this author had done markedly better in past . Maybe next time Charles_Bovary take his time will find the sweet storytelling spot that lies between Shakespeare and Spillane ( Mickey) .

Please start posting your stories again (unless you've slain all your demons, or at least tamed them). You can't hide your light beneath a bushel basket, it burns too brightly.

Really enjoyed this one. Good mystery with who killed the wife. Ringmaster was a good touch, adding another player to the game. I didn't think of Billy until you brought in the DNA evidence. I would have liked to see him get a little personal retribution on the boss. Also, Frankie just disappeared from the narrative. This is one of those rare stories that could have been stretched out a few pages and made even better than it already was. Great effort, a*5 from me. Also, a nod to 27thNC for a thoughtful comment. First time we've agreed on anything.

Good mystery ..... but soon its date time with the detective!

That would be a fitting end to this story.

Until it was his DNA and the brother was the obvious rapist/killer. Nicely done. Best to not wait too long to call the Detective.

Surely the police would have questioned Browder about Helen's disappearance, given that Michael told Nora about his visit to the office?

Liked the reference to Duncan and Burnham (or Birnam) Wood.

We're getting some great stories

from new writers these days.

This story was up there

with the best of LW classics!

Drama, suspense, great plot

and well worked out idea.

My top ratings feel inadequate

but it's the best I can do.

Thanks CB!

His brother fires one shot to kill him, a second to get gun-shot residue on Mickey. Forensics wouldn't wonder why a suicide fires two shots?

After Billy shot the other cop, Nora would have shot Billy immediately, he never would have had a chance to turn towards Nora, or at least would have been shot as soon as he did!

after the nightmares are over, TK U MLJ LV NV

What was the point of this story? I figured that the brother WAS the serial killer, but him killing the wife had no basis in the story before it is revealed. It really doesn't make any sense in the story and so even if you say it is a whodunnit, it still comes out of nowhere. We have no knowledge that he is resentful of his brother or desires his wife or anything. We are just told things instead of them coming into focus. Without a build up, it just falls flat and leaves us with what was this story about? What should we get from the story let alone that it was a brutal end for the wife. It would have been better if his brother was the serial killer and for once he decided to get the ultimate thrill of raping and murdering his brother's wife who he might have been killing in effigy with the other killings and kill the second bird with the same stone as it would help his brother get out of a bad marriage without risking the business (motive!) but because he didn't kill someone he didn't know (what usually makes serial killers hard to catch) he is caught. It could even be played as a twisted gift of brotherly love. (Also the brother couldn't know that his DNA would be sufficient to implicate his brother, I am sure that in RL it wouldn't.) 3* for the otherwise good writing.

I disagree with there not being any hint of the brother's feelings, that's what made it a good twist. Now, if Mickey at the end said something like, "I always knew you were jealous of me," something that we weren't told, that would be a cheat.

I agree on the DNA. I'm certainly no expert, but I believe that any test would immediately show that the person that fucked her had a familial connection with the hubby, i.e. his brother. Obviously that would kill the rest of the story, but if your plot requires not just a suspension of disbelief but altering scientific facts, then maybe the plot has to be changed. Maybe make them twin brothers, or something.

LW cliche of wimp, cuck, obtuse husband who gets "ANGRY" but does nothing. How about she is about to leave to go to club, but angry aware husband sprays short black dress with white spray paint and hands her divorce papers. Ooops! Story over.

I Loved it!

I'm always a sucker for a good mystery. Wish there'd been some more development about the wife, but you had me hooked from the start.

Ringmaster, lol, awesome nickname for a serial killer.

Thanks for writing!

this one included, is that the author has to intentionally misdirect the reader. The dreams that the protagonist has are only included to confuse and make no sense in the greater context of the protagonist's life. Still, not a bad story.

Ah yes, a juicy murder mystery and probably solved in everyone’s mind. Now Little Brother owns the entire company. Well done Sherlock!!!

wished it was longer.

Albeit hard one to believe. Mistake in DNA test? Pathological brother without any signs before? Boss bragging about cheating to a husband? Hero gets drugged but could not figure out that happened? Stuff like that, probably most of that needed for a plot to continue but it is not very convincing.

Good plot and story, just wish there was a conclusion on his love life.

Five stars - some of the comments have been somewhat critical. They do understand that it's FICTION they're reading, don't they?

I repeat - I thought the story was excellent!

One big thing missing, is that nothing happened to the scumbag boss, not to mention, Frankie's weird reaction was never explained.

It's the mark of an amateur to not keep track of story threads, and to leave things unfinished.

Would be a good idea to flesh this story out a bit and fix that.

WTF! His marriage was on the rocks before she was murdered. He’s not in mourning. The woman all but asked him out. Don’t keep the card safe too long, jackass!

This time, but then that was the point, didn't start to figure it out till the DNA report came out. In reality they would have spotted the familial match, but who cares, sometimes authors have to take some license for the storyline. Haven't you ever watched a tv show or movie where someone trips a smoke detector in an office and the sprinkler system actives, think the movie Frequency with Dennis Quaid. That is not how it works in real life you don't put a deluge system in an average office, but they did it to advance the plot. Or someone simply opening a box and cutting a wire to disable an alarm system, it's not that easy. This is one story that could have easily been either several pages longer or additional chapters to flesh out some of the characters, like Frankie, her boss and his brother. Not to mention what might be happening with Nora. Good story. Signed: BTW

I had it figured out when his brother had a beer waiting for him. That, plus his name was ‘Micky’. Not bad, worthy of Barnaby Jones. But not Columbo.

I guess this was an ok story, but the guy seemed to be in denial about his wife's cheating.

Five star story but you get two because you let her boss get away!

Too much denial

Boss?

Did I read 'Birnum Woods'? Isn't that a place in MacBeth? ...... ooooohhhh, eerie music, the play that must not be named.

I liked the story. The setup was great, the mud on his boots, the weird dreams, I was all set for it to turn out to be him, and the story written from the insane asylum. Great Twist. Really good story.

Seems more commenters what to rewrite the story than comment on the one posted.

I thought it was good. I enjoyed it. Yes, the Boss should have gotten some grief but hey, it's more a murder mystery than a LW story. Covered a lot of ground in three pages.

A murder mystery and a cheating wife who got what she deserved! BUT - why did asswipe Darren Browder get away scot free??! He really deserved some intimate attention, especially after the most unsatisfactory interview Mickey Duncan had with him! The story seems truncated.Still a good story, though. 5*s.

Another read of this author's best stories. One of few that needed to be twice as long.

The author just like the jury in the OJ murder trial has no understanding of DNA analysis! They can easily tell the difference between sibling DNA. If you google identical triplets DNA test you will find that these women have different DNA due to varying environmental conditions over their lifetimes. They were identical at birth but changed over time. So there was no way that the semen sample would prove the husband raped Helen!

It's rare to find a true suspense story here. This is one. Excellent job, if very disturbing.

This was a Nice Change of pace .. But I Read a Lot of Murder Mysteries and figured out it was Billy early ..

5 Stars. Karma for the slut wife always great!!!!

The author has no idea about DNA. Even identical twins or triples don’t have identical DNA. The scientists can determine the difference. Google it on the internet.

eh idk the MC feels like he is made of granite. should make for a good cop's spouse lol

u hung up on the kill the cheating wife theme huh lol

Nice departure from the rather boring way most writers in this category do their stories.

Hubby, Wifey and Bro all got what they deserved. LP

Nice twist to story, DNA is different in siblings, no one has identical DNA. Still pretty good story

That one was too predictable. As soon as you said “Blackout” and DNA it had to be the “little” brother.

Not interesting.

Birnam Woods! I laughed. The old LW jealous brother, roommate, etc. gig.

Very good. I think I would have hung Browder out to dry some way also.

I liked it very much. The murder segment was a little weak but it is a fiction story, not factual event.

Detective levels 👍👏

Wrong category.

3 stars and yes, there is nothing Loving Wives about this story at all. It is a murder mystery NOT LW.

And nothing with Darren Browder?

Excellent! Loved it!

Well written and a great twist int he plot - 4.7*

Nixrox,

Well, she s having a standing affair with her boss from the look of it... And very likely one night stands to boot. But that wasn't in the end the focus. I'm okay with it in LW...

Pity the arrogant boss didn't get police attention as well.

Great story, among many this author wrote.

It was a good yarn, but it was telegraphed. Think that is due to the fact DNA testing is a very current topic. With a little imagination you could have hidden it a bit[lot] better. Still thanks did enjoy.