Perfection Vs. Forgiveness

What a lot of these comments tell me is that there are a lot of people with no flexibility in them. Flexibility doesn't me being a pushover, it doesn't mean you just compromise everything you are and give up everything. Flexibility is the ability to move just enough to survive the storm, and to not fail catastrophically. Flexibility means you bend a little bit, instead of breaking completely.

In this context it means acknowledging that every single person in this story is flawed and made mistakes. Every single person in this comments thread is flawed and has made mistakes. How you react to your own mistakes, and to the mistakes of those around you is a choice. It's rarely black and white, there are infinite shades of grey.

For every unforgivable cheater, there are multiple people who do deserve forgiveness, who truly regret their decisions, who want to do everything they can to rebuild their relationships.

Bottom line, try adding a little flexibility into your own construction, so you can survive the storms, and if others grant you a little grace for your mistakes, pass that along when someone wrongs you and is trying to make amends.

The author has a most excellent understanding of the human condition in all its variations. Five well-earned stars

This is a well-written tale. It does indeed have elements of tragedy, and some familiar characters. Steve was definitely controlling. Sarah really screwed up, but she had married to young, had never orgasmed with her husband, and quite possibly lacked the skills to fend off a molester who would go after a married woman.

Yes, Mark sort of got off easily (pun intended). He got what he wanted, and then disappeared. To me, marriage molesters are almost as bad as child molesters . . . not quite, mind you . . . but definitely of the same selfish mindset . . . They go after what they want, and it doesn't matter who gets hurt. And generally, destroying marriages is legal just to get one's jollies is quite legal.

Steve was indeed kind of an unforgiving, obnoxious jerk, but if he'd never gone after a married woman (other than his wife) then he is a MUCH better person than Mark will ever be. I wonder if Fred had ever gone after a married woman. Did she think to ask?

I like that the story creates a lot of mixed feelings. Nobody's a really good person, but only Mark is somewhat of a villain . . . and maybe Sarah a bit, though youth and inexperience often leads to horrendous errors in judgement, with potentially devastating consequences.

This was a good exploration of characters. I really enjoyed it!!

In the last part after Sarah has married Fred, the author makes the serious but common editing mistake of switching the name of her second husband to "Mark", the name of the guy she cheated with. These name switches just leap out at me and completely drop me out of the story. I have to believe these errors would do the same thing to the author if they did a final careful edit reading. I conclude they did no such reading. This shows no respect for the reader, the story, or themself.

Anonymous wrote: "You cheat hes ends up killing himself, and you dont blame yourself?

Unbelievable!!!"

The good news, just for you, is: in real life, nobody died. Though the real-life Steve did have a period of rapid personal growth due to some major emotional turbulence. In real life, both went on to meet others and have had good lives. The two of them are even friends, now. Years later. Shit happens. Life goes on. You can spend the rest of your life pissed off at the entire universe for subjecting you to the same trials as the other 8-billion of us are dealing with. OR, you can try and make a bad situation better. Try and learn something along the way.

Reactions like this to this story continue to amaze me. Second-highest viewed story I have posted, with the lowest rating. With, by far, the most comments. Almost like a literary version of the fabled "Howard Stern Effect": a lot of people who listen to his show hate him, and just listen for the next thing he says that will piss them off. "A lot of us are happier when we're mad," as Kenny White said. I should write a paper on this.

Anyway: "Lighten up, Francis."

You cheat hes ends up killing himself, and you dont blame yourself?

Unbelievable!!!

You made a good case for her infidelity, but I don’t buy it. Steve was absolutely an ass, but she could have divorced him before she cheated. Despite people like Ic69 cheering any instance of cheating, I don’t think cheating is ever justified for any reason. That’s just my opinion.

Oh, one final comment: one anonymous respondent said they thought: "I don't understand infidelity."

How I wish you were correct.

Anonymous, you wrote: "Sarah is acting like she was the victim when she cheated, then got all in upset that Steve asked if it was her first time. Then used the old standby of I well make it up to you Steve. How do you make it up to him?

"Also Sarah already said The sex was far better than with my husband. Steve if he stayed would be competing with her memory of Mark with out knowing it,

"All of this is told from Sarah view, so did Steve act like a jerk or is Sarah trying to look better then the whore she is,

"Sarah cheated because she was unhappy, and did not talk about like an adult with her husband. The nlied about why, if she had told him the truth maybe he would have stayed to work it out. But since she would not say why how can what caused it be fixed.

I wanted to respond because there have been many comments along similar lines. And you stated your points very clearly, so:

1.) Yes, Sarah was the victim. From the moment she met her first husband, Steve, as a very young woman. Her husband never had any interest in a marriage that was an equal partnership. That's why he sought out a girl who was just barely old enough to legally get married. He controlled and manipulated her their entire marriage. And she literally did not know any better. She thought she was happy. But for any man who treats a woman as something to be controlled, guess what is likely to happen? One day, sooner or later, she's going to meet someone who shows a better side of life, even if it is only the briefest glimpse. So, in a very real sense, Sarah absolutely was the victim, and having that affair saved her because for one brief moment she saw life could be much better.

2.) How would she have made it up to Steve? Don't know. Like so many things in their marriage, he shut down any and all further discussion. He filed for the divorce because he realized he no longer controlled her. Her affair was only the excuse he used. Guys like him don't actually care about anyone other than themselves. SO: Sarah was never given any chance to make it up to him. That was his fault.

3.) Yes, the sex was better than with her husband. Steve never did anything for Sarah's pleasure, and again, she didn't know any better. But when she encountered a man who did take the time to find out what his partner liked, BOOM goes the dynamite.

4.) Story is told from Sarh's point of view: well, yeah. It's her story.

5.) Sarah never tried to talk to Steve or get counseling: Again, she was a very young woman, and Steve manipulated and controlled her the entire time. Add to that: do you really think a guy like Steve would ever even seriously consider counseling? I can assure you, he would not even consider it for one moment. And then he's make her feel bad for weeks, using it as a bludgeon to keep her in line.

5.) a.) When she lied, she was in panic mode, not thinking clearly. And it wouldn't have made any difference, anyway, because if she had told him, "He made me feel good. He made me happy. And that was for the whole time before we even had sex!", he would have left.

5.) b.) Steve also never gave her a chance to explain herself.

I tried to make this all apparent in the context of the story, rather than one long info dump that drags on for four pages that do nothing to move the core message of the story forward: which is: People are going to fuck up, and make bad mistakes. You can forgive and move on, or you can die in a tomb made out of your own bitterness.

Sarah is acting like she was the victim when she cheated, then got all in upset that Steve asked if it was her first time. Then used the old standby of I well make it up to you Steve. How do you make it up to him?

Also Sarah already said The sex was far better than with my husband. Steve if he stayed would be competing with her memory of Mark with out knowing it,

All of this is told from Sarah view, so did Steve act like a jerk or is Sarah trying to look better then the whore she is,

Sarah cheated because she was unhappy, and did not talk about like an adult with her husband. The nlied about why, if she had told him the truth maybe he would have stayed to work it out. But since she would not say why how can what caused it be fixed.