by jasliz
After reading the rest of the series, I find this last chapter a bit disappointing. It felt rushed... perhaps you were being nagged to finish it? There was such a huge build-up to Todd's scene with Miranda, and this is all we got?
i totally agree with the other guy before me.
even if the ending wasn't so rushed, it seems out of character for him
Your work stands alone--you capture the urgent, overpowering, driving compulsive all-consuming need of lust so well!
Please write more, start a new series, or just write some short ones, whatever you're up for. You are SO GOOD! Don't ever stop!
While I understand the reason you didn't want to give Todd everything he desired, and threw a wrench in his wishes by making him lose his girlfriend AND Miranda, I don't think it was appropriate for the genre. Yes, it would have been very cliche, but this is fantasy. Jerk-off material. People read this to be aroused. While you're writing is better than most amateur erotica, it is not so good that it can ever be called art.
If you want to branch out to a very romantic, less unrealistic fantasy, go ahead, but be consistent. Suddenly deciding not everything works perfect for Todd seems to me like a manifestation of something that may have been bothering you while you wrote it, that really was called for. To be honest, suddenly screwing over the main character as a sort of artificial plot twist is pretty cliche as well.
That said, you've written some of my favourite amateur erotica, so please only take what I said as constructive criticism.
It was obvious to me from the start that this story could end in many different ways. With an interesting main character, life changing "GIFT",and adolescent fantasies I've had a nice fictional trip. Thank you. For us who can not write fiction but like to read it, thank you.
The ending was disappointing only because I wanted more.
Yet the question I feel compelled to ask is why do you have this listed as Erotic Coupling rather than Humor and Satire?
Funny, eh?
story but very weak ending - gives the impression that you were either tired of writing it or ran out of ideas, shame.
I guess not.
Loved this book. The ending is just an ending all good books come to an end. Would of loved to read more but loved what we got.
The whole story winds itself down in a matter of paragraphs. It feels like you got tired of writing and just ended it. I would have liked to see a little more resolution considering this magical gift given to Todd. You're left with an "ehh..." feeling with the lack of conclusion. He doesn't end up with women any that might feel romantic feelings toward him; he ends up with the only lesbians introduced in the story. Decent writing and storytelling, but the ending needs some serious work.
Well, yes, obviously the perpetual boner/cum addiction is out of there...
... but I must admit I really liked that the characters nevertheless had somewhat realistic reactions. The not-so-happy end is really the icing on the cake.
Great story ruined by a crappy ending. As others have said, you gave us so much damn buildup about Miranda just to have the one scene and have it ruined at that, and it just seemed lackluster. I could handle Suzy breaking up with him but why the fuck did he end up with the stupid cops that essentially raped him and used him like a toy? He had so many people to choose from, he could've easily obtained a porn girlfriend/wife from those around him (I'm sure Bree, Anna, Nikki or Manda would've fought for the chance. I'd include Miranda but she's still new, and you kinda made her lackluster as stated above and she left because of it). Just a shame because most of the story was well written, not sure why you decided to ruin it.
We wrote a different ending before we piblished the book for sale. If anyone is interested in the new last chapter email or message us and we can send it to you.