All Comments on 'Persistence Pays Off Ch. 01'

Story was proceeding well; then it wa stopped; interupted without any continuation to be realized. Left hanging with out any sense of contiuing.

Characters begin to feel real

A little dialogue of the flirt would assist here

End is ok, IF there is to be a chapter2

I do want there to be a Chapter Two, else I wouldn't have ended it this way. And I will take a look at dialogue earlier in the story. I usually don't write long strings of dialogue because I get more involved advancing the plot. But I'm sure I could work it in somehow.

The sex happens much too fast. Needs buildup. Needs teasing. Needs dialogue. Has possibilities.

This is great story I give high marks and await for the next part!