All Comments on 'Pheasant Construction'

Going along pretty good until you got to the murder. No thanks.

Things rarely go askew all at once. Gumbo25 did an excellent job with following up in full the first impressions the multiple main and supporting characters made as they fully played out their roles as narrator was tested to the utmost.

Ergo the obvious score

Full marks *****

that, the iris relationship is award to me bc of her backstabbing mother. after that shit she pulled on kevin how could he trust her to be an in-law. eh too small to worry about my mind sticks to it though

Good story!

5

Way to many business details, building shit and trivia. The story was about one page without all that irrelevant clutter. Killing his boss was over the top bad. Slow story. Three stars.

A good story, maybe a little too long...And in the end for a joke you ruined the story: ""owww, I forgot you were here while I told this story!"...If she was there she now knew who murdered her uncle...However a ggod effort...3*

Your concern with minutia is offsetting. The reader didn't need to know anything about how the MC met his boss or his wife. I never made it to the conflict, if there was any. Some readers are patient and will wade through pointless detail and extra fluff, but many are not so inclined. You could have omitted the first page and probably half the words that followed.

It was a good story, albeit had too much extraneous stuff about buildings, which I skipped over.

I liked Tracie's story and the explanation.

But, when we get to murder of even a craven jackass, it is no go, but unfortunately I had already read the entire story.

Two wrongs do not make a right, and being a jackass is not a capital offense. We should not be glorifying crimes, particularly murder. So a 2*.

It was great to see Marshall get his due. He screwed Kevin out of his rightful share in the business and seduced the guy's wife. The guy was an evil sociopath and Kevin did the world a favour by taking out that asshole.

The only problem with the story is that it ended a few paragraphs too soon.

Kevin and Iris should've got married and had kids... then he could get his revenge on Claudia. That cold bitch was just as guilty as Marshall in screwing Kevin out of the business, so she needed to suffer too. Never allowing her to even meet her grandchildren would've been appropriate. After all, why would you want expose your kids to someone like that?

Well built, well written and well told tale, thank you Gumbo25 that was very good. 5*

He cut the screw heads of with a Sawzall and nobody investigating noticed the saw marks. Then he wrote it down for the murdered man's niece to read.

Those annonys who didn’t like what happened to Marshall, well what should he have done? Marshall was ruining his life and stole his wife. He was going to pimp her out and destroy her future. I wanted to hate Tracie but she was really a child. The bridge was going to kill someone why not Marshall? When someone gets a gang of thugs and publicly beats you, they have forfeited their living rights.

Very long and didn't need to be that way. Tracie cheats because a flirting older man says he loves her? So what! Say thanks but you are married. I don't mind him killing off the asshole but I disagree with paying for her treatment. I think I missed the divorce part but as soon as I figured out she cheated I would divorce.

You did society and civilization a favor riding us of one more infectious disease. Compassion and charity are lovely. Justice and punishment are critical. Good people don't need law and order, they live by a higher standard. Bad people who won't be restrained need to be eliminated. Civilization belongs to the survivors. Battlefields are full of graves of those who fought fairly.

Tracie was emotionally and mentally dysfunctional, and did not change as she aged. So he got what he married; serves him right. If he had regarded and treated Tracie with the same scrutiny and discernment that he is treating Iris he would have never married Tracie. Lonely is better than betrayed. And good men don't stay lonely long.

Thanks for the effort. Only wish he had visited more pain on the three Texas rattlesnakes. Maybe that's why they left Texas. Snakes who fuck with people don't live long there, where the Yankees haven't infiltrated yet. Some minor diseases just need to be tolerated until they go away, or mutate into something harmless.

An interesting read. Thank you!

Much too long for the storyline to bear. Lots of repetition about Tracie's suspicious behavior but there was no satisfactory confrontation between the MC and Tracie at any point. Tracy was far more than half-responsible for her adultery-she went looking for it-so murder was hopelessly over-the-top.

And the author doesn't understand what paragraphs are for.

Finally, the clincher, insofar as LDS's verbal diarrhea means anything, he thinks it's an obvious '5' (gawdstrewth!). So two stars from me.

Good comprehensive story but a few things could be done better in the future. You let him stay clueless way too long and keep it real. We men are pretty stupid sometimes, but the signals were too strong for a "reasonable" person to ignore. You did do a good job of revealing that their marriage was missing some pieces, I just struggled with the muddling along of it all. Keep focused in the future and keep us engaged throughout. I'm still giving you 5* as it was generally well written. (They don't let me do 4.5)

Could have been 4 pages shorter, but otherwise an OK story

What a waste of time to read 6 pages of senseless dribble waiting for the meat and it NEVER CAME!!!!

A major-construction fatal injury and NO one sees support screws that have been sawed through? GMAFB!

Then we have a guy throwing unanswered punches (that land} until he is worn out and weakened and he gets incapacitated by one punch?

Comments about length that distracts rather than furthering the theme are apt.

Further, there are discontinuities which are odd. How long it takes to find that a bridge collapsed. WHY, days after the murder of Sweetie’s Bull, does Hubby need a pizza delivery-guy to remember he visited a friend? Alibi about how many slices he had? How long was Sweetie back from Cabo before Hubby asks about the sleeping arrangements?

And what was the point of Bull/Boss’s sister being so negative so much of the time? When and why did Bull/Boss go from expecting high-quality work to hiring sloppy workmen from half the USA away? And no indictments from law-enforcement regarding the fatal results of the Terrible Trio workmanship?

Nice addition to you collection of stories here, I think the part that stuck out for me as unique was our LW being an abuse survivor and our hero husband truly being a hero and getting her the help she needed. The evil boss truly exploited both of them but I fail to see the need to hire the three assholes from Texas and why was Marshall so enamored with them, they did shitty work and they dragged the whole business down. At the very least yes Marshall took advantage with the LW in her enhanced state and our main character was a little too stupid in legal areas (I kept thinking his trust of Preston would backfire.....if there is a sequel it still could backfire with Preston taking over the development and getting Kevin arrested for murder, but still fits in with your overall stype. I even went back and scanned through some of the older work and an a few enjoyable re reads. I think what I like about this, while this isn't a perfect story, it shows an overall progression over the older work with a nod towards some ideas we don't read too much here (Namely the abuse survivor and the empathy of Kevin) which made this unique in a good way. Maybe you created a new sub genre in LW, instead of BTB it can be TFTB (Therapy for the Bitch) which I'm sure married couple have dealt with for years. Nice work, keep it up!

way, way too much unneeded info...

Yea there were too many unnecessary words, and trips to Capo. There was however a decent story with good characters.

The story could have been shorter for what we got, it sort of felt like a root canal.

Hubby was seriously brain damaged.

Had some good parts but not enough to make up for its short (or in this case long) comings.

A very interesting story, told in an exciting and very expressive way. I like the ending very much. The way you created the characters, Pheasant deserves its end! In my opinion, his sister deserves a reprimand for her betrayal! Thanks for posting and I hope for more !!

Maybe part of the reason I liked this so much was I'm an Oregonian, and you had Central Oregon down pat. I didn't mind the lengthy story -- enjoyed the way you spun it out. I was bothered by the murder -- didn't seem like something that such an ethical guy would do. But a good solid 4 -- and I'll look forward to more.

What a chump....

He reads through the contract and admits that he does not understand a lot of it and then signs his name without getting his own lawyer?

....to much was said too little was done. Long tale about nothing....but I will give you ***

Had the making of a great story, but too many parts were frustrating.

Zero revenge on Tracie. Not understanding what he's signing.

Come on surely he has SOME backbone and isn't an idiot.

Was also at least a page too long. I don't mind long stories but parts seemed to ramble on and on.

Stay in past tense.

But a long way from perfect. Murder is the ultimate crime and not forgivable. Others have have pointed out faults. This is normal, as are faults. The one I noticed was early on: the fight in the car park where he noticed security cameras. He could have reported an assault, the police examined the film, the supervisor would at least have lost his job.

This set the standard of his intelligence and after that everything flowed just fine.

I liked the construction bits as I've worked in this business.

Just got a love a story where the MC lists all the ways it is obvious his wife his cheating on him and he is ruminating whether he just might actually say something to her one of these days.

This gave me a headache.

After 2 paragraphs I thought this was just another btb story. Boy was I wrong it fell short of even that. But at least you made hubby out to be the manly man that those stories often have. Page#1 he takes out a guy that outweighs him by 70 lbs with one punch. Wow awesome. Page#6, I think, he does a rope-a-dope. Takes a beating that would put a lesser man on his ass before he unleashes his whoop ass and puts his attacker down with 3 punches and a nut shot. That's amazing. Also you don't know shit about building. Others here complained about the on and on and on about it. That was annoying too. But 2 guys will never build 2 homes in a year. It takes 100's of tradesmen 9 months or more to build a high end custom home. Or any home for that matter. Iris would not have graduated with a bs in Architecture and then gone straight into designing homes. She would have had to pass several State exams and that takes several years at best. If your going to put this much filler in your story at least do some research first. Lastly the end of Marshall. Any first year CSI student, or anyone who has building experience, can tell the difference between a screw that has been sawed in two to one that failed for being over stressed. Even though she hated her Uncle. I don't think Iris would be ok with being an accessory to murder and thats what you made her. Bad story 1 star

i would say the guy was a little thick , when she stoped enjoying the out doors , and found that the big city life was her cup of tea (new tits) now that really being stupid , she had plans that did not include him. And signing away his shares in the comp. with not having a lawyer look at , one paper work . He must have been one dumb idiot / Did he ever check his wife's money he seemed to be oblivious to her earnings .? weird / what was she spending her money on ? He's bringing in over 3000 a week , and she works did I miss something . What kind of idiot let his wife go on vacation, with her new tits and doesn't say any thing when she shows no tan lines. one major wimp , and stupid to the core. Hard to beleave he was a builder.

An iPhone is normally pinging off cell towers even if it is turned off. The police would see that his iPhone was at the bridge when it failed. So he was there as well! Inspection would find cut screws.

Sorry,but if it was me,I would have left Traci to her fate.

Sorry, call me cold hearted but after she came back the story went down hill. he should've told the bitch to pound sand. Also, the ex partner should've went to jail and watch everything he built burn down instead of dying. Dying makes it seem like he got off easy and so did the ex wife. Otherwise the story had potential..

I truly hate the wronged husband with the biggest heart in the world.

Its actually a bit of veiled sexism and a horrid emotional manipulation ploy.

An interesting plot outline, but the execution is so full of holes that a window screen would be impenetratable by comparison. Not the least problem is a MC who makes a box of rocks look brilliant.

Good writing in need of a good editor. Interesting characters who remain true to form throughout the story. Thanks for the contribution.

Keep 'em comin'.

Tracie still needs to burn!! She got off way too easily...

Quite A Good Effort!

Congratulations on a very well-written story. The novel twist on a familiar plot line, combined with excellent character development and a demonstrated command of the elements of good writing and style, make this a most enjoyable read.

The backstory plot seemed to be ripped from the headlines and, at times, had the ring of more truth than fiction. A tad more attention to the sexual parts of the story would enhance it quite a bit more. Some of the sexual hi=jinks were, unfortunately, rather lightly glossed over in favor of the deepening mystery plot line.

Nonetheless, it deserved 5 stars as an outstanding submission.

Erotikos

Wow! Same no-writing, talentless, psychotic mooks opining on the finer points of plot, action, voice and character development!

Actually........... a FANTASTIC story!!!

Really good story.

You tell good tales with good characters, emphasizing integrity in relationships and work. Then have the likeable protagonists murder the scumbag antagonists. A pattern it seems. An ugly one. This may work for the get-revenge crowd. But why should we believe and trust characters who step so far outside of their own moral universe?

Every story of this guy is the same:

1. Foolish, naïve, delusional easy-to-manipulate female, typical misogynist BTB cliche.

2. Manipulative bad guy the so called "alpha male" who is into humiliating the main character and other males.

3. Honest male with friends ready to help, oblivious to changes in #1 but once he sees the light of day he turns into a smart planner.

Few other characters, some slow to talk, some 100% baddies.

Every single BTB plot is obvious from the very beginning, zippo suspense, only a frustration to read when he goes slow over "first sign, second sign, third sign ..." like we are as stupid as the one-sided characters he develops.

Dude, while you are slightly better than a regular lowly BTB writer on LW, you are constantly repeating the same story with slight variations. Don't you get tired of writing always the same stuff?

If you got a good horse ride it!

Hreat story

Love the way you pack a story with details of setting. I have to say, though, that I hate your wife characters : weak-willed and weak-minded. They're unlovable, but also unhateable. They're just no fun.

@dark2donut2

You know, you can save yourself time and frustration by not reading BTB material. And hang out over there with the ilk of Ohio, ReedRichards, George Anderson and the several others who (I'm wagering) get chubbies licking the soles of their mother's heels.

Put on your big girl panties, make sure you have enough tampons in your purse, and then go pound sand up your ass....

Third reading, still great stuff.

After reading others' comments, nobody has found fault in how you write, only their disagreement in it not being their desired ending. Others are just monotonous.

Thank you for taking the time and energy to provide us hours of free entertainment.

I'd like to know a little more about the tricky roof joints you describe...

Is it Tracy or Tracie? Get an editor.

This is a fine story and I admire the author's talent. His word choices, phraseology and dialog are typically impeccable. His stories tend to be longer than most here but they are always well paced and entertaining. I must take issue, however, with his character construction. He has a recurring pattern of creating characters that exhibit traits and habits that should be mutually exclusive. The end result is characters that are not reflective of any person I have ever met.

As an example, consider the MC in this submission. He is a very hard worker, highly responsible, a stickler for details and is in many ways a perfectionist. I know many highly successful tradesmen who share these qualities. How, then, are we supposed to accept the assertion that he wouid put no effort into understanding the legal documents that define and govern his work? He signs contracts to become a "partner" in the construction company but is said not to understand them. On multiple occasions he readily seeks advice from others who have greater knowledge in particular areas but he makes no such effort here in something so important. The inconsistency is confusing. Equally inexplicable is how little curiosity he has about how a half million dollars suddenly is made avaliable for his use. The lending terms, especially the repayment schedule, of that much debt are of no real concern to him? That's ludicrous. He can't be both a savvy, observant, detail oriented businessman and a lazy, irresponsible dullard in all legal and financial matters. That's not how people are. Yet the plot hinges on this being the nature of his character.

I can offer a similar assessment of Tracie's character. There are few things more damaging to the development of a healthy psyche than sexual abuse during childhood by a primary caregiver. Victims of such a heinous, primal betrayal typically display a common set of deficits in their social adaptation. A fondness for naked hide and go seek is not among those...although it is a sadly charming aspect of the story. Tracie does not exhibit the typical sequelae of sexual abuse during the story. She simply progressively withdraws from the narrative and the marriage and then announces she is moving in with Kevin. Then she announces she is leaving Kevin. More sex, better sex or too much sex at least has something to do with both decisions. <sigh>

Very fun story, but Tracy getting off scot free like that simply isn’t very believable. Not saying BTB, but a lot more animosity would be present in any human.

Overall a nice story. I like carpentry. My main critique is that murdering his ex-partner was not the right thing to do. When you know someone who is incompetent and cutting corners, just be patient and see them fail on their own. Be a better builder, grow your business and watch theirs diminish. That’s the best revenge. I never understood Iris’ cold-hearted mom.

Ouch! I wanted to give it a 5 but there were just too many things that I thought were just wrong. Sorry!

It was good until he cucked out and helped his whore of an ex. Her past trauma does not justify his helping her she needs to leave the area and work her shit out.

Hmm. This story seems very familiar. I’ve either read it, or one very very like it before on this same site. A repost maybe?

Anyway, if you’re gonna murder someone in the way that’s described, using tools to physically defeat the bridge fasteners is a giant red flag! Not to mention just plain stupid. Then again, no one would ever confuse our hero in this mess with Einstein either.

3 stars

Oh I love this author's stories.

All of his MCs are real dorks.

In this case, the MC knows how his boss treats people, his reputation.

The MC has his own business and wants to expand it. They are expected to understand the importance of a contract.

But of course not.

The guy understands nothing but he signs what he is told to sign.

Wonderful !

A future Big Boss.

Pathetic cuck still saves the whore.

One of my favorite stories! Hope you keep writing.

Good story, but the conclusion felt really rushed. 4*

Great tale. Thanks for writing it.

Ed

i gave three stars , would have been five but the slut basically got off scot free

Good storyline. Fair conclusion. No problems with Tracie. Story kept my interest and I was not disappointed.

Good story BUT dreadful tense changes!! What was the idea??? Also,were there no divorces? Married people just leaving or getting together with others.A bit sloppy. Loses a 5.

Hah. More beta cuck stories. No wonder your kids can't decide if their gendered as an eggplant or a rock...

The reason why infidelity shouls be struck violently and cleanly is because after a while, it will just produce more of these accepting waste-of-spaces.

Abuse is not an excuse! Once you are an adult, it’s your choice to be messed up, or not.

Well written. The cuckold was warned twice about not satisfying his wife, but did and said nothing?! Plus, he felt protective of his little woman-child, but didn’t protect her.

Same old same old.

Of all the lessons this story taught, I doubt few of the readers got the real message- The quality of everything, has fallen big time, in the last few decades. If you bought an appliance back around 2000, with care it might last 20, or more years. Today, you are lucky to get 7-10 years out of it, and certainly not trouble free. Ac split units with forced air heat- A R-22 system from 2000, can easily last over 20 years. Today, most guys will recommend replacement on anything over 10 years old. Craftsmanship is not as prevalent as it once was. Now... back to the story. I realize that wifey had some mental problems. But she suffered from the same thing most good looking women do- And that is she needed frequent validation from multiple members of the male population. I think some call it “ narcissism “ . Take away her big boobs, and the self confidence that allowed her to push her agenda vanishes. I think that the husband was a little too lenient on her. She basically treated him like crap, and stabbed him in the back. As a consequence, she got free counseling and found another man. I think in reality, this could have still happened, but it wouldn’t have been funded or instigated by her ex. For this reason, I am giving it a “4”.

This story didn't ring any bells. It just moped along and said little. Marshall is like many businessmen these days. They are all fluff and no substance. Kevin might have been a very good builder/craftsman but he basically was a dope. No lawyer involved even though he stated he didn't trust Marshall or his sister. Also I never got the relationship between him and Tracy. She cheated, he threw her out? Divorce or were they not even married? Too little substance and loose ends...

Abuse is not an excuse for what? Not to be forgiven? Not receive treatment for swxual abuse by her father? Not to be treated with some dignity as a human being who suffered terribly as a child? Fine reconciliation is not possible. And they got divorced. He helped her prevent being raped by the three stooges. Marshall found a way to seduce her as per the "games" of her father. Ok yeah she shouldn't have cheated and committed adultery. Big freaking deal. There was a LOT bigger things than her cheating going on with Tracy, and the MC recognized that. People who are abused when young often carry scars throughout their lives especially when sexually abused. For those who of you who were blessed to not be abused, you have no idea what it is like to grow up being abused. So don't pass judgment unless you know what it is really like. Story itself was not one if the author's finest. Cane off a bit listless til the end.

Nice story, just too many holes in it. Cutting screws with a Sawzall leaves physical evidence that any rookie investigator would be able to find; never mentioned a divorce for the wife; just went along with signing legal documents without understanding them or at least having a lawyer of his own look at them. Better than average, but not a five.

What a loser