All Comments on 'Phones Ch. 01'

I enjoyed this but it was incomplete. In a good story each chapter has a setup, transition, and a payoff. This was a prelude to the setup and don't EVER introduce a story with the payoff - it spoils the build-up.

I'm looking forward to chapter 2 but please don't post it until it is complete. Try and resist the urge to post until you have at least 3 pages - it will get you a higher rating. This chapter finished just as it was getting interesting and that is annoying.

Your writing style is very good, but one improvement to make is to limit the length of paragraphs to 4 max 5 lines. On an illuminated screen the eye flicks over long paragraphs. Short paragraphs aid the speed of the read and make it more intense.

Hope this helps with the next chapter.

So many possibilities for future stories

Great story, don't stop, on edge anticipating next few chapters....