All Comments on 'Photoshoot'

but there were a few places where I had no idea what you were saying. The words just didn't make sense.

With as many pictures as he took and no mention of changing film I am going to assume the camera was digital, but if it was, and there was no film to advance, why was the camera motorized?

This is a really hot story. The plot and character development was spot on. The whole situation was very believable which made so good.

I like the story, but it needs a major editing for the many errors of grammar, sentence structure, punctuation and things like "Your" - should be "You're" which is a contraction for "You are."

"Thankfully no-one had turned up at the studio yet lol. Shot gun in hand ha ha."

Don't use chat-speak like "lol" in a story or (unless it's dialogue) "ha ha." "Shotgun" is one word. "No one" is two words.

" I caught a vague ecstatic look over her face." Ecstasy is not vague.

Good build up - thanks - keep it going

I agree with the Anon, the grammar at phrasing made it irritable at times. However, overall I absolutely loved the story. The build up is amazing.

My only suggestion is use the free editors on this site. I happen to be one, but there are many others willing to help your story reach full potential.

The following, as well as several other passages made it difficult to enjoy at times:

"Well it's more what I want you want you do as I'm wearing it."

Whew!