Physically Becoming a Girl

I'm lying in bed on my back late at night wearing a pink baby doll nightie top with large pink panties. My 38D breast implants have comfortably folded back into my body with only a slight bulge and my nipples are pushing against the nylon of my baby doll. In the morning, I will have surgery to remove my two testicles. My prostate was surgically removed three years earlier, permanently stopping any type of ejaculations and shortening the shaft of my already tiny penis to the point I have been forced to sit down to pee. I have not experienced anything close to an erection for almost two years. I am listening to the breathing of my boyfriend, Steve, who is sleeping next to me in bed and is funding my testicle removal surgery. I am also reflecting on the surgeries I have had to bring me to this point and I am thrilled that tomorrow my body will no longer produce testosterone and I can begin to live my life as a girl, and hopefully a wife to the man lying next to me. The story of how I got to this point is an interesting one.

I grew up in a single parent home. It was just my mother and me. I never had a date with a girl in all of high school and when I was 18 years old my mother began to notice my lack of female friends.

"Patrick honey...I've noticed you have never been on a date with a girl. Is that something you would like to do?" Asked my mother.

"I'm not sure...I'm a little bit afraid I will not be able to satisfy the needs and wants of a girl." Was my answer.

"In what way? Are you afraid of having sex?" Said my mother bluntly.

"I'm not afraid of it; it's just that I'm not sure I can do it. I'm 18 and I have never experienced an ejaculation. I don't think I can do it. I've tried, but nothing happens." I answered.

"Oh honey...That's nothing to worry about. Everyone sexually matures at a different pace. Maybe you're a late bloomer." Assured my mother.

"Well maybe...But when I learned about sex in health class I found my body was nothing like what they were describing and I had never experienced any sexual sensations like they said boys my age did."

"Would you have a problem if I helped you find out?" Asked my mom.

"What do you have in mind? You know my penis is very small and not at all thick. I sometimes get erections in the morning when I wake up but that is not often. I don't think my erection would be long enough to insert into a vagina; if that's what you mean."

"I don't want to make things more difficult for you...Putting your penis into my vagina would not really be a good idea for either of us. But maybe if you let me stroke your penis into a full erection we could see if you have the ability to ejaculate." Said mom.

"Well...How would you like to do it?" I asked.

"Why don't you go into your room and take off all your clothes. Then lie on your back on your bed. Call me when you have done that and I'll come into to you and show you what I mean." Said mom.

I did as she asked. I was lying fully nude on my back on my bed with my penis completely limp. I called out to my mom that I was ready and the next thing I knew she was in my bedroom doorway. I was a little surprised to see she was wearing only full cut white nylon panties and a white satin and lace bra. Her panties had lace around the leg openings and three bands of lace across her butt. Her nipples were pushing out inside her bra as she looked at me lying there.

"Oh sweetie...You have very little body hair, and there is no hair on your chest." She said a little surprised.

"I told you...I don't think I'm what you would call a normal boy." I sighed.

"That's okay baby. I'll show you what boys do and I think you will like it and want to do it again."

With that my mother took out a tube of KY jelly and used it on her hands. Next she lifted my still fully limp penis and began to stroke it with just a couple of fingers. She did not get any of the lube on the head of my penis, only on the shaft. It took more than a few minutes for me to show any hint of hardness.

"There you go honey. I can feel you starting your erection. You're going to get harder and longer." Said my mother.

As I did become harder I watched my mother lower her head toward my cock and she licked and kissed the mushroom head that was a bright pink by now. She continued to stroke my shaft up and down in a slowly faster motion. After about four or five minutes of continuous stroking I began to feel something I had never felt before and it came on suddenly.

"Mom...I think I need to pee!" I said in a startled way.

"It's not pee honey...You're about to ejaculate." Said my mom calmly.

"Are you sure? It feels like pee." I gasped.

"Just relax baby and let it happen. Let your body do what it wants to do." Reassured mom.

At that moment there was nothing I could do to hold it back...I began to have muscle convulsions and my four inch long penis began to spew its contents.

"Oh sweetie! You're ejaculating and it's really thick and white. You're cumming for mommy like a good boy. Don't stop baby." Cooed my mother.

She was right. I was really cumming. Having never done it before and being over 18 years old I'm sure I had a large need to ejaculate a load the size I was letting loose. My mother kept slowly tugging at my penis and with each tug another spurt of thick hot semen squirted out. I was gasping for air by this time as she continued to milk me of my load.

"Oh my God mom! I can't believe what I am doing!" I gasped.

"You're doing what your body wants you to do. Do you like the way it feels?" Asked mom.

"I'm not really sure. It's very messy. I had trouble catching my breath. Does it happen that way every time I ejaculate?" I asked.

"Well it's not usually so intense, but this is your first time, and mostly when it happens your penis is fully inside the vagina of a girl. When you ejaculate deep inside of a girl it keeps things from being so messy." Was mom's answer.

"I'm not sure my penis is long enough to get deep inside a girl." I responded.

"Sure it is honey." Said mom.

With that she knelt on my bed and swung her leg over my still hard cock. With only her bra and panties on she lowered her panty covered pussy lips down to the head of my penis with the nylon touching my still oozing dick slit.

"You see baby. There is plenty of shaft on your penis to get it inside a girl's vagina. A girl's pussy lips will get wet and open up when she is excited and she will beg for your cock to be inserted." Said mom.

"Are your pussy lips wet and open?" I asked.

"A little bit, but I'm your mother and we need to stop right here before things get out of hand." Answered mom.

I could feel the wet front of her panties on my cock and felt the warm folds of her lips but we never did sexually copulate. I was embarrassed to tell her I found the physically act of my ejaculation to be, for me, revolting. I did not like to see my small penis squirting out thick white cream. And the thought of my penis being inserted inside of a soaking wet vagina held no appeal at all for me. I kept all these thoughts to myself. The one thing I did enjoy about our encounter was looking at my mother's very feminine and pretty bra and panties. She knew how to be a pretty girl and her choice of lingerie was wonderful. My mother swung her leg off of me and got up from my bed.

"So now you know you can ejaculate. You don't need to be afraid of being able to go on a date with a girl." Said mom.

"I'm relieved I was able to do it. Thank you for helping me through things. Your bra and panties are very pretty and you look great wearing them." I responded.

"Thank you baby, I hope I wasn't being too forward." Replied mom.

I did not make any attempt to go on a date with a girl over the next six months. I also did not attempt to ejaculate at all and I did all I could to stop any sign of an erection before it got started. I was making a conscious effort to suppress the few male physical sexual responses I had. It was only six months after my mother had lowered the wet front of her panties onto my naked penis that my life made an abrupt change. My mother was killed by a drunk driver one night as she was driving home. Her sudden death was a severe blow to me and it took several months for me to feel like myself again.

I inherited the fully paid for house we were living in and all of the savings accounts my mother had plus the pay out from her life insurance policy. This allowed me to take my time cleaning out her things. I entered a new phase of my life when I opened her dresser drawers to reveal two drawers filled with beautifully feminine lingerie. Bras, panties, slips, garter belts, stockings and several pretty night gowns were stuffed into the drawers. I was unable to stop myself as I touched the lingerie. I wanted to try it on as if I was always meant to wear it. I quickly stripped myself naked and slowly pulled on a pair of pink full cut panties. The nylon and lace of the panties felt wonderful on my skin and my little penis showed no sign of male sexual response; it remained limp and actually pulled back toward my body. I fit into the panties perfectly. I began a new chapter in my life.

I did not stop at just panties. I also wore her satin and lace bras and her full-slips or half-slips and camisoles. And I wore them full time. I packed all of my male underwear away and I only wore lingerie. One day in the bathroom after my shower I was looking at myself in the mirror as I pulled on my bra and panties and slip. I looked very natural as a girl, except for any trace of make-up. All of my mother's make-up was still in the bathroom and I was drawn to her lipstick which I applied to my lips and instantly saw a big change in my look. I was looking more and more like a girl and I loved it. I followed this up by learning from on-line sites how to apply make-up fully to complete my girlish look. I also shaved off all my body hair. After only two full shavings it stopped growing back. The feel of my lingerie on my fully smooth body was out of this world.

I was so happy that my body style was so thin and that I fit into my mother's lingerie so perfectly. As my make-up skills progressed I began by buying about a half dozen shoulder length wigs and when I found my correct hair color it was stunning how feminine I looked. I began to finish my look by trying on my mother's dresses and again they fit me just right. I purchased exterior breast forms to fully fill out the bras my mother had worn, and when I had on my complete set of lingerie including panties, bra, garter belt, stockings, and a slip under a very nice knee-length dress I looked beautiful.

The entire time I was experimenting with my female look I never once had a desire to go on a date with a biological female. I never once tried to ejaculate. I never recall any desire to have an erection. I do remember sometimes waking up with a slightly pudgy feeling in my penis when I was in bed in my nylon and lace nightgown, but I was confident my mostly soft little penis could never successfully penetrate female vaginal lips. This was perfect for me as I was training myself to think and live as a girl. I would close my eyes at night and repeat the phrase "I am a girl' over and over.

I was almost 25 years old and had never had sexual intercourse with a biological female and had only ejaculated once my entire life. As it turned out, suppressing my ejaculations caused me to get a very early onset case of prostate cancer for which prostate removal was the only option. As the doctor advised me of the possible side effects of the surgery I hid from him my hope that I got all of them. I would no longer produce semen so ejaculations would be impossible. My penis may shorten by 1 to 2 inches. And it was more than likely that erections would become mostly impossible to have. All things that would help me become the girl I really wanted to be. After my prostate was surgically removed I did lose the ability to have an erection and the shaft of my penis shrank to less than an inch in size. I was well on my way to being the girl I wanted to be.

After I recovered from prostate surgery I had saved just enough money over the years to have breast implants surgically inserted. I spent the money and was thrilled with the final results. I now had very natural looking 38C breasts without any sign of scarring at all.

The money I had inherited was beginning to run low. I had been living as a girl for almost four years and I had assumed the name 'Patricia'; it all felt very normal and natural. It was becoming obvious to me I was going to need to find a male boyfriend to support me going forward.

I took several photos of me wearing some of my most beautiful dresses. I also took several photos of me in my most feminine lingerie and baby doll nighties. I posted photos of me in my dresses in three different cross dresser dating sites. I wanted to save my lingerie photos for anyone I thought I could be a serious girlfriend for. It took me more than two years to find a man I was comfortable going on a date with as his girlfriend.

I was 99% female in my mind when I started dating men. All of my sexual thoughts revolved around pleasing a man. I immediately enjoyed putting a man's erection into my mouth from the first time I did it and I equally enjoyed the taste and feel of their semen when they came in my mouth. I could not stand semen coming out of my tiny penis, but I could not get enough of it when it came from another man's penis. I avoided any anal sex as I was wanting to save learning how to do that for a man who would want me as his wife.

It was through one of these sites that I met the man I am currently in bed with tonight. Steve was a total gentleman from the start and really into my girlish look. We began dating and did not become sexually intimate until our second date despite a very long tongue kiss as he dropped me off the first night we went out.

Steve was very gentle and very romantic with me. I told him I found him very handsome and attractive. I apologized to him for having a tiny penis in my panties and he told me not to be ashamed at all. Steve never put his hands between my legs when we were making love. He did deeply tongue kiss me and he could not get enough of sucking on my nipples which gave me wonderful sexual pleasure. In turn, I could not keep my hands away from between his legs as I stroked and sucked his perfectly straight cock into a long thick erection. It was on our second date when I had his erection deep into my mouth that I felt him ready to ejaculate and I clamped my lips tight on his shaft as he shot five or six ropes of hot semen into my mouth. I swallowed quickly and then kept sucking on his manly shaft as he came twice more. I immediately fell in love with the taste a feel of his ejaculation. I knew I was with a man I wanted to stay with forever.

"I have never cum so hard or ejaculated so much as I did with you Patricia." Said Steve.

"Oh my God; that was the thickest shot of semen I have ever swallowed. I so hope you enjoyed yourself, because I could do that all day!" I responded.

"I have never had a more intense orgasm. Are you sure you had no trace at all of an erection?" Asked Steve.

"Not at all. I'm fully limp and totally shrunken. Steve honey, there is nothing about me that is a boy sexually. I have never even attempted sex with a biological female with me as a male. I have worn a bra and panties every day from my late teens to this day. I am only sexually stimulated by male erections and ejaculations. It is physically impossible for me to ejaculate. My nipples on my enlarged breasts are my most sexually sensitive areas. I'm a girl, I love wearing feminine clothing and thinking feminine thoughts. I've spent a lot of time making myself comfortable with the natural female I am." I replied softly stroking his manly chest.

"Well baby, you're femininity is off the charts! It really turns me on." Replied Steve.

I turned to Steve and said;

"This may be a little early to ask...But I'm so into you I'm going to ask anyway...Would you consider letting me move in with you as your female partner?" I asked hoping for the best.

"Oh wow. That sounds fun. Can I sleep on it and tell you tomorrow without you being upset?" Said Steve.

"Of course baby. I want whatever you want." Was my reply.

Steve drove me to my apartment that night and we arraigned a date for the next evening. When I got into my bedroom I put on my bridal baby doll nighty and slipped into bed. I dreamed of Steve all night as it was clear I was falling in love. The next evening Steve knocked at the door to pick me up for our date. When I opened the door he asked to come in. We sat together on the sofa. I was wearing a below the knee dress with my most feminine petticoat under it to fluff up the skirt.

"You look wonderful honey!" Said Steve.

"Thank you baby." I replied.

"I thought about what you asked me yesterday and I've decided you can move in with me." Said Steve.

"Oh Sweetheart, I'm so thrilled!" I said as I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"I do have a few conditions you need to meet." Said Steve.

"Anything baby, anything!" I responded eagerly.

"Here is a list I put together:

1. You must keep all of your body hair completely shaved.
2. The only clothes you can move in with are your female clothes. No male clothing of any kind.
3. You must always have on overly feminine lingerie with lots of satin and lace.
4. You are to only wear dresses or skirts and blouses every day.
5. You must wear nylon stockings every day, pantyhose or garter belt and thigh high stockings.
6. You are to wear make-up every day; I want you to always look like the pretty girl you are."

"I can do all of that for you honey! I already do that any way." I responded.

"I'm not through baby;

1. You are never again going to stand up and pee. You will have to always sit down.
2. And I'm going to forbid you to have any kind of an erection. Not even a little plumpness. If you do get an erection I'm going to insist on locking your penis into chastity.
3. You are to immediately go to a doctor and get counseling on physically becoming a female.
4. If things work out for us as a couple I'm going to insist you have surgery to remove your testicles."

Said Steve directly.

"You know I don't want to have erections. I rarely get them and if I even feel one starting to happen I do everything I can to stop it. An erection is not something a girl like me wants to have. As for the other items, it's a lot to ask, but I am very excited about the opportunity to be with you. But now I have one request; I am fully ready to have my scrotum removed. I'm very embarrassed I have it. If I agree to have the surgery you want me to, I want your promise that you and I will have a traditional wedding and be married as husband and wife." I said with a smile.

"I'm sure we will be able to get to that when you have done what I asked, so yes, I would be honored to marry you and make you my wife." Responded Steve as he took me in his arms and kissed me deeply.

I easily fulfilled Steve's request list and moved in with him as his full time girlfriend. I keep our house and cook our meals and fulfill the traditional female roles without a hitch. I quickly began a series of appointments with a doctor who after only three visits told me he had never seen someone who was so naturally ready to become a female. And that brings us back to where my story is today as I am waiting for the surgery that will change my life forever.

Fast forwarding to today, it's been three months now and I am almost fully healed from my surgery. It was much easier than I expected. I arrived at the hospital and was taken into a room where a female nurse prepared me for my life changing surgery.