Pictures of Adultery

As I had invited Janet I knew it was up to me to start the conversation. I dreaded it, and it took all my courage to ask my wife. 'Are you going to tell me why you went to London for a week?' I wanted to reach across the table and take hold of her hand. I wanted anything but to hear her answer. I wished I hadn't asked her.

It was a few seconds before she replied. 'I thought by now you would know why.'

Unexpectedly, I didn't want to discuss it. 'You could have sent them to me while you were in Manchester.'

'Where would be the fun in that,' she actually smiled at me. 'You had your six ladies, so I had my six gentlemen.'

Her reply left me with so many questions, for a moment I forgot the seriousness of our situation. 'Where did you find them? How did they treat you? Did you spend the night with any of them?' I just blurted them out.

The look of disgust on my wife's face shut me up. With her next statement, I knew I had lost whatever credibility I thought I had. 'They were all perfect gentlemen escorts, and no, unlike you, I did not sleep with any of them.'

At that moment the first course was placed in front of us. 'Now let's just enjoy the meal,' she said.

It was nearly a minute before I was able to take the first bite of toast and pate. Throughout the meal, neither of us broached the subject again. When the plates were cleared, I asked her about the conference. 'Was your speech a success?'

'Yes, it was. I was complimented upon it several times.'

Another string to her promotional bow was my immediate thought before replying. 'Perhaps another step to your senior partnership,' I suggested.

I saw a flash of anger in her amazing blue eyes. 'Is that all you think about?'

Unfortunately, I replied without thinking. 'It's nearly all I heard you talk about when I kept asking you to make time for us. Or discuss starting a family,' I finally added.

Neither of us had raised our voices but the silence was deafening as we finished our meal.

After the table was cleared I apologized. 'Sorry, darling, I shouldn't have said that.' All I got was a very disdainful look.

After the silence during the main course, neither of us wanted a desert. 'Would you like coffee here or at home,' I asked, knowing the meal had done nothing to improve Janet's opinion of me.

After an equally silent drive home, immediately we arrived I put the coffee on and when two cups were poured I sat opposite my wife at the kitchen table. I didn't know where to start, it felt like the fight had gone out of me.

She looked at me for a long time, perhaps thirty seconds. 'Do you want to know how I found out?' she finally asked me.

I didn't reply immediately. 'No, I don't want to know how you found out. Or your reason for going to London, or anything about the men you were with.' I said. Instead I decided to tell her immediately about the promotion I had been in discussion about all week.

'After spending all week in discussion with the directors, starting Monday, I have been promoted to manager of the Small Tools O.E.M division and that means I will not be travelling anymore.'

I expected an immediate reply, some form of congratulation, some positive response. Instead, my wife looked at me for a long time. 'Margaret was the first I knew of, were there others before her?'

I responded without really thinking. 'Why would you think there were others before her.' I stopped myself from repeating her name.

'I thought we were going to have an honest conversation,' she said.

Now I was definitely on the back foot, and that was the last thing I wanted. 'There were two others before Margaret.' I reluctantly admitted, hoping this admission didn't make my position any worse than it already was. She now knew it was eight months ago when I spent my first night with another woman. Even if my admission didn't confirm that.

Janet stared at me, silently, until I felt forced to say something. 'Why didn't you confront me when you found out about them.' I asked her.

'When I found out about Margaret, you mean.' She stopped abruptly and stared at me for a moment. 'It wasn't until I knew about Olivia that I started making my own plans.'

It took me a few moments to consider that piece of unexpected information. This whole London thing had been in the planning for over four months. 'Didn't you feel you had some responsibility when you found out? After all, I'd been saying for months that I felt your partnership was more important to you than our marriage.' I had to pause for a moment to marshal my thoughts. Before I could say anything more Janet interrupted.

'Margaret, I might have understood but after Olivia, it seemed to me it was you who had abandoned our marriage.'

As we just sat facing each other in silence I realized that Janet had completely ignored my promotion announcement. 'Another coffee?' I asked.

She nodded and pushed her mug toward me. I wanted to reach for her hand but picked the mug up instead. As soon as I sat down with the fresh coffee, she quietly asked me.

'Why did you do it, Steve?'

She sounded so sad, it made me feel wretched. She was looking right at me, totally disconsolate. I felt all the blame in the world on my shoulders. 'All I wanted was my wife back, not someone striving to be a partner in a law firm. So many times, I tried talking to you, so many times. All I got was how important your job was, how much you wanted your partnership. You refused to even consider talking about starting a family.' For a moment I just looked into her eyes. I couldn't say any more. There really wasn't any more to say.

Perhaps all along I had known my wife would be unable to compromise my infidelity with her high moral and ethical standards.

The silence dragged on, even my coffee was tepid when I drank some. I knew I would never get another chance to justify what I had done because it didn't matter anymore. The look on her face told me all I needed to know.

She spoke very softly. 'I'm sorry Stephen, but I can't forgive you. I can't trust you anymore.'

Moments later she left the house and soon after, as I stared at my cold coffee, I heard her car drive away. I knew my wife well enough to know there was nothing else I could say or do to save my marriage.

As I sat in total despair one unexpected thought struck me. Neither of us, not even once, had said anything about ... 'love'.

I expect the divorce papers will arrive very soon.