tagHow ToPimp Your PCs

Pimp Your PCs


Author's Note: This is NOT a "How-to" pertaining to Kegel exercises for strengthening PC muscles. No, it is a "How-to" regarding how to generate "quality" Public Comments (PCs) on your stories. James R. Scouries, Esq., that esteemed Literotica author who writes under the name "scouries" has indicated that I am "Author of more 100+ comment stories than anyone else" so I feel somewhat qualified to expound upon this subject. I am looking forward to his ALL-TIME 100+ COMMENTED ON STORIES list that he has promised will be soon forthcoming. Refer to "The SCOURIES reader - for both fans and serious scholars" in the Authors Hangout forum for details. I must also thank Mr. Scouries profusely for suggesting to me that I write this "How-to" story for the contest.

* * *

Now, it didn't take me too long after I began to submit stories to figure out that Incest category stories are by far the most popular and generate many more views, votes, PCs, and private feedback, relatively speaking. If you take a look at the Favoritest Stories list, 21 of the top 25 stories are Incest category. No other category has more than one story in the top 25. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, people, to figure out that the number one rule to enhance your stories with pleasing PCs is this:

RULE 1: Write Incest category, at least sometimes.

Notice I said sometimes. You don't want to be labeled as the "Queen of Incest" or some such thing. Loving Wives category stories generate a substantial number of PCs also, but disproportionate to the number of views and votes compared to Incest category. Click, click. My next story will be in the Loving Wives category.

There are certain words that can be used in your story that may prompt incredibly entertaining PCs. Using the word "Daddy" effectively in the story can actually make some readers believe that they are your father. Here are some examples from comments on my stories:

Still Love Daddy's Dick?
03/28/08 by RichardS50 in USA
Hey Baby girl!! Great story and as your father I can attest to the fact that you do LOVE DICK!! You always love to play with my dick and even your brother's! Remember when I caught you playing with his dick in church? Wow, what a laugh that was!! I also used to watch you while I was pretending to be sleeping, as you used to stare and play with my dick!! My dick was the first one you ever sucked and honey, I'll never forget that you swallowed all of my sperm, like a trooper!! Yes, darling Sarah, come home and love daddy's DICK!!!!

Imagination again!?
04/17/08 by RichardS50
Sarah! Either your imagination is running wild, or you've let one of those good-for-nothing college brats knock you up! If anyone if going to get you preggers it's going to be me!!! I would love sucking your breast milk anytime, after and only after I give you a baby, from the same sperm that made you! Ok? Love Daddy, PS.......hurry home for summer break, we've got some fucking to do!!

The first comment by RichardS50 was on "I Love Dick" and the second was on "Breastfeeding My Brother." He has put similar comments on dozens of my stories. Now, RichardS50 certainly seems like a fine fellow, but I can assure you he is not my father.

RULE 2: Use the word "Daddy" frequently in the story.

Most everybody likes a good chuckle, and if you give them one, maybe they will tell you about it in a PC Comment. Like this:

Vastly Entertaining
03/12/08 by Sequinns in US
That was so funny! I was laughing so hard, but I really loved how you phrased everything! That was great. Very well-written, and comical. And I might add, so very true.

Laughed Like a Drain!
01/28/08 by ShinySee in NZ
Funnier than a politician without his talking points! No really. I thought your 'how to' one of the funniest things I've read in ages. Thanx Shiny

These two comments appeared back-to-back near the end of the comments on "How to F*** Your Daddy." Both individuals are Literotica authors themselves. I don't know them, and I do not believe they had posted a comment on any of my stories before. It's nice to hear a few words of praise from fellow authors who aren't your "buddies."

Please note I selected comments from a "How-to" story rather than a "Humor & Satire" category story. The latter are supposed to be funny. I usually try to interject some humor in most of my stories. If the story makes me laugh when I'm writing it, then I'm guessing it will make someone else laugh when he/she is reading it.

Oh, and I love PCs that make me laugh. Here's one from the same story:

Oh, Sarahhh... such a sweet child
05/25/06 by Pro_Ball_Player
Sarah, thank you for this insightful "How To" guide. Cleverly written with the right balance of eroticism and humor, but, still leaving us wondering if you wrote it from experience, or, from your wishful dreams? Maybe it's good that we don't know, but, I can't help but want to know. I know every girl just loves her Daddy, even if it's in that certain [pretend] special way. I guess we'll have to wait and see if this is re-printed in my favorite magazine in the "Advice" column.

Pro_Ball_Player is also a Literotica author and what made me laugh is that I know what his favorite magazine is.

RULE 3: Make the story funny.

I wrote a dogging story entitled "A Bitch in Heat" where the setting is Scotland. I have never been to Scotland, but the knowledge of all things Scottish reflected in the story impressed readers such that they made comments like this:

Sarahhh Keeps Getting Better
06/28/05 by pard75 in USA
Since I am also of Scottish descent, this story had more than the usual effect (intense erection needing immediate attention). The Glasgow and Edinburgh details seemed all correct, and the dialect was well done. But, readers, please note how much better a writer our Sarah has become. This was her best. Now please excuse me while I attend to an urgent matter.....

Five thumbs up your arse!!!!!
06/24/05 by Anonymous
You have quite the way with words my dear. Fascinating story although I suspect it is more your libidinous fantasy than fact. Your knowledge of Scotland does appear to be authentic. But you need private lessons (from me) regarding the sex. Yours, Carlton.

I have had a Scottish Dick before ;)
06/19/05 by menopawzmomma
I have had a Scottish Dick before;) The dick I had was HUGE! It made me think all Scottish men were huge, until I read your story...they're just like the rest of the schmucks!!! ;) Great work!!

You can ride my tartan anytime!
06/17/05 by prop69 in USA
As a man with Scot heritage, Frazier, I loved the story. I played rugby for 11 years, but dogging is a sport you should bring back to the states. Let me know and "I'll be in Pittsburg afore yee!" Bshell

06/17/05 by psychprof67 in USA
Ahh Sarah, somehow I never pictured you as a travel writer. I see it all now, you writing travel tales and historical fiction, hordes of males, and more than a few females, reading them for the sex and inadvertently learning something as well. Welcome home and it is a provocative thought, picturing you in Scotland, my "homeland" too...Psychprof

sarah rocks the jocks
06/16/05 by Anonymous in Scotland
whit a braw story. did ye get a supersized big mac, hen, and wull ye no come back again?

Now where did I get this knowledge of Scotland? Like I said, I've never been there, but I do have some experience with Scottish dicks. I think menopawzmomma must have "seen" prop69's dick, and that's where she got the HUGE notion. That prop69 is so sweet; he posts a comment on all my stories.

RULE 4: Impress your readers with research/knowledge.

Closely related to Rule 4 is Rule 5. Readers like to learn something new pertaining to sexual matters from a story, and frequently will comment on same, requesting more information and the like. Also, occasionally another reader who considers himself/herself to be an "expert" on the subject will chime in with some advice.

In my story "Size Matters, but a Stiffy . . ." I introduced a drug called sexadone that makes it unnecessary for males to be afflicted with MRP (Male Refractory Period). Thus males can attain a true multi-orgasmic response just as females do. Comments such as these resulted:

sarah does it again!!
09/02/05 by boese_ami in Cumshine State
this one really tickled my fancy! where do i get a dose of this stuff?? I haven't got wood like this for a while (not since the cute little night clerk at the Ramada Inn in Stuart sucked me dry at least)....keep it up honey and i'll name you my heir...adopt you, whetever you want.....PLEASE let me be your daddy!! Marc in Florida.

Sexadone availability and contraindications ...
08/30/05 by Anonymous in USA
Dear author and readers, information about Sexadone(TM) was never intended to be made public until after further testing, marketing prep, and FDA approval. Black market sales of this drug have recently exceed US $500.00 per 100 mg. dosage in the USA, and buyers need to be aware of the inherent dangers of using this drug without professional supervision. Sexadone is actually an injectible cocktail of several medications which include testosterone cyprionate, diazepam, Nubain (nalbufine HCL), and an injectible form of Levitra. It can be administered intravenously, intramuscularly, or directly into the penis to maximize the erectile effect. I'm currently developing a variation of this medication for female sexual enhancement. We're debating names for the female version: Sexadone XX, or Century 21 Spanish Fly, etc. This version of the medication has proven in initial trials to be extremely beneficial for females, and the only difference is that the testosterone dosage in the original Sexadone was reduced by 75% and supplemented by high dosages of estrogen and leutinizing hormone. So far, both these new medications have proven to be extremely promising for treatment of Erectile Dysfuction and to minimize Male Refractory Periods, as well as to enhance enjoyment and sexual performance in females. However, both these drugs are dangerous when over-used or used in higher than recommended dosages. Black market availability of these medications is problematic. Without physician oversight their use is ill advised, especially in males, where Sexadone abuse may lead to serious permanent injury as a result of prolonged erections and necrotic sequalae. One tragic example to consider is a physician who injected his own penis with Sexadone to prolong his "stiffy." This happened a couple years back. He accidentally overdosed himself. After half a day unsuccessfully trying to make his erection relax, he was in great pain and very embarrassed when he had to go to the emergency room for treatment. He had a penile infarction and tissue necrosis which ultimately required amputation of almost two-thirds of his organ. So, it is wise to beware of where you buy and how you use black market sexual enhancing drugs. Sincerely, Dr. B. R. Lang, Dallas, Texas

Incidentally, Dr. Rusty Lang is a real person, quite well-known, and not some phony baloney. Go ahead, Google it. Oh my, even famous people like to read porn and write crazy comments! This story generated more private feedback to me than any other I have written. I still get e-mails asking where to get the sexadone.

RULE 5: Make the story sexually informative.

It is my belief that a great majority of readers are male, although quite possibly there is around as many female authors as male authors. What do male readers like? Besides sex, I mean. Sports! I wrote three chapters in the "I Love Dick" series where I wore a Steelers "I Love Dick" T-shirt that led to various erotic adventures. Here are some sports-related comments from my "I Love Dick Ch. 02" story:

thanks babe
09/20/07 by Anonymous
your i love dic story just helped me out like a mother fucker. and since i got to read your story ill tell you mine. i ve been with this girl for about 3 months and she cann't suck a dick to save her life. she started to read the story and said " ya kyle this guy soony is a lot like you , i mean your 6'5 300 lbs, well endowed, you played football in high school and you did some minor mma threw the BBC, so your like the minors version of him, so does that make me the minor verson of her." so i said "well you cant make it to the minors cause for starters your a fucking packer fan, and when it comes to head what can i say". so she she turned away from me and starred at the computer, i thought that she was pissed so i started to get ready for work, then she getts up and walks up to me with a smile. so i ask "what are you smiling about", she grabbes me by the neck starts to kiss me throws me down in the chair andsaids "im ready to try out for the pro team". all i can say is damn, illl spare you the details, but damn, damn damn damn. i oh you one thanks Stoobs

Nice story
09/23/07 by lakeeriemike
My wife loves your writing and was really turned on by this gang bang story. She is too shy to do a gang bang in real life but wanted to recreate this story. So I got to fuck her mouth and cum down her throat. Then she road my cock and I filled up her pussy with another load. Finally, and after a little break, I did her ass and put the final load in her bowels. She was sore, dripping from every hole but loved it. Thanks for the story!!! Mike in Ohio

Stoobs is a Steelers fan I know from MySpace, and lakeeriemike from Cleveland used to be a Browns fan until I turned him. Now what is of prurient interest in their comments is that it sure looks like both of them got sucked and fucked due to the sports element in my story.

And of course there is my latest story until this one entitled "How to Play PUCK" that is much about hockey and pucking that generated many sports-related comments like these:

Sign me up!
05/11/08 by cncsteve in Detroit
Enjoy it while you can, my dear Sarah. The Red Wings cometh!

fluck the flyers, again!
05/10/08 by ShiningAndShannon in usa
can't wait for another fun, fuck-filled game of PUCK after we beat the Flyers again on Mother's Day. I think that Mom might have to play as well, heeheheheh. Can only hope I get invited to play some time!

Yummy....Lets go Flyers!! (this is tetonflyers)
Loved it all and jerked off to it twice. However, I gotta go for my home-town boys, the Fly-guys.

I wanna Puck with you
05/10/08 biggins58
Sarah, great story. I love everything you write. The Steelers references in every story make it even better. Keep the great stories coming. I look forward to reading every one you submit. I wanted to go to the SIN Bin with you after reading this one. Thanks for a great story. Rick.

Rick (biggins58) is really smart because he won a Yinzling83 T-shirt for best prediction on a Steelers game. But then, so did I. Sorry Flyers fans, your team is off on vacation to join the Rangers and Senators at Neverland. That cncsteve dude must mean he won his red wings since he can't possibly be inferring that Detroit (if they make it) can beat Pittsburgh for Lord Stanley's cup.

RULE 6: Refer to sports in the story.

Now what else gets readers all fired up? How about a little religion!

Here are comments from "Pussy Saved My Brother's Soul" in which a priest was a character:

Save My Soul Sister Sarah
11/15/07 by Anonymous in USA
Oh please Sister Sarah, give me some of that old time religion. Hot as always. You took a story with two elements I don't usually care for, religion and gay, but turned it around with a nice hunk of incest. Hallelujah Brethern I have seen the holy land (thanks for that Sarah). Your Humble Student, Grampy

Bad habit
11/15/07 by Craiggie501
Sarah, you've out done yourself once again, religion, incest and homosexuality all in one story. Only someone like you can twist three taboos into one story. If you go to hell can I come too ??

Anonymous actually has a user name. It's GrampyWriter and he is a Literotica author. I gave him some writing advice. Even old dogs can learn new tricks. Look at the sweet nothings he whispered to me in his Lit Biography. Now Craiggie, he is down under (in more ways than one), and gave me some information (especially about the beer) on Byron Bay (where he lives) for a story I did.

And then we have "Hell Night" where fallen angels come to earth once again to seduce human women as they did in the days of Genesis, chapter 6. Here are some comments on that one:

Laugh your bible (chapter and verse)
04/11/08 by KOLKORE in USA
As another senior humorist on this site (from Boston I believe) has said it really pays to read good humor here. For one it's very educational, like you get to fill all kinds of gaps in your education, especially in all the classes you have missed (or slept through) in Sunday school. Second, it's very often also very funny too, so you get educated while you are laughing (or vice versa). Next I have some unanswered questions about Jonah and the Arc and how they managed all kinds of issues there.

Ben Gay? O, My!! NO!!
04/12/08 by Fox69 in USA
Hmm..hadn't tried Ben Gay. OUCH! Just discovered...& I won't try it again! Still, you're talented, sweetie, and such clever usage of the Bible, for all those happily full of themselves hypocrites!! Love the name Allison, too, reminded me of my college sweetheart, delicious!

RULE 7: Introduce some aspect of religion into the story.

I do believe that many people are bored at work and read or view erotic material as a means to pass the time until they hear the request for an ambulance while listening to the 911 calls. For some reason people in certain occupations make the most enlightening and entertaining PCs, such as these made on my "How to Play PUCK" story:

You rock!!!
05/08/08 by ToddyBravo in Pittsburgh, PA
Best author on this site. Period. I'm sorry to see it was rejected, but you win in the end. I read several others and, as usual, yours is the most titillating, humorous, and yes, EDUCATIONAL, by far. Since you're my favorite author, and in protest of your treatment, I will limit my reading to your submissions from here on in. Thank you, Sarahhh. You're a treasure.

05/09/08 by Anonymous in Rocky Mountain High, USA
Now if you knew Daisy like I knew Daisy, you'd know the story doesn't end there. Not a chance she'd leave the sin bin without giving you a chance to practice what you had just learned. And with lungs tempered at a mile high, I can only imagine the volume at sea level.

Yes, Toddy Bravo and "Anonymous" are lawyers, and also good buddies. "Anonymous" (Art) made a comment on MySpace that he had a T1 line installed in his office strictly for porn. Oh, and he knows the infamous Daisy from my story in the biblical sense. Here's a comment from yet another lawyer he put on my "How to F*** Your Daddy" tutorial:

Damn girl, how am I supposed to stand up now ???
05/25/06 by Penguinman in USA
When I first read this storyline I knew it wasn't about playing poker:) then I read the story and I knew I couldn't stand up - I'm so glad I'm not your Daddy but I play one on TV - when will your imagination quit? You're definitely improving your writing skills - thank you for putting a smile on my face and a rise in my pants

I think lawyers like to fantasize that they are either defending my honor or suing me for sex.

RULE 8: Find some lawyers who like your stories.

Readers who "get off" on your story will perhaps be grateful and prone to reciprocation via a sweet PC, like this one:

Love u Sarah
01/29/08 by carrollj in Hong Kong
I've followed this woman's writings for years now and I have a special place in my heart, and glans for her. This story is just another example of how a Pittsburgh girl can make an old English professor cum over and over again. Lots of love and Happy VD to my Conneaut Park lover. Lots of girls here in Hong Kong, but none as sweet as my Sarah.

Happy VD refers to Valentine's Day, incidentally, and the above comment appears on my story "Feast of the Virgins." Here are some comments from my story "Hell Night" that reflect a certain amount of seminal success:

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