Pixie, Katie and Me Ch. 02

"Doug, by 'good money' I mean that so far this year we've already cleared over a million dollars – after taxes."

I was speechless. I started to sputter as I said, "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope," Carl said. "To be more exact, so far this year our little film company has made almost three million dollars on those two films and off an advance to put both films into 'R' rated versions. We will most likely have both versions of those videos featured at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah in January. Being selected means the films will get another jolt of earnings and it paves the way for our future films to be welcomed in more respectable cinematic circles."

I asked numbly, "Where's the other two million?"

Kara gestured to the homes on either side of us and said, "Our partners live next door to us. We are all in this together. If you watched both films you saw everybody in the company at one time or another."

"I'll say I saw everybody," I said, leaning forward again. "I saw all there is to see about everybody too." I started to sputter again, so I shut up.

Kara jumped in and asked me, "So did you watch the two films? What did you think of them?"

I took a big breath and said, "After I got over the shock that my sister was getting fucked on a porno flick, Melissa and I paid more attention. We paid more attention the second time through too ... and the third ... and the fourth. I just couldn't believe it was you."

I looked at Carl and said, "I guess I can say this in front of you given your new profession, and don't take offense, but I got the biggest hard-on I've ever had watching that film. Hell, even as we kept watching Mel and I made love three times that first night; it was some of the hottest sex we've ever had."

Kara smiled warmly and nodded, encouraging me to go on.

"Anyway after we watched it all the way through the first time Mel says, 'put it on again.' So I restart the DVD and I get another hard-on immediately. This is historic. We maneuver so we can both watch the TV and see it again, this time paying even more attention even though we're fucking like rabbits." I looked at both of them and added, "I figure I can use this language around you guys and you won't be offended."

Carl smiled and said, "Go on."

"So we watch the entire film again as we slow fuck right to the end and then we have another round of fireworks together - very nice climaxes. So, yes, I loved your video. But I don't like my sister being in it. What were you thinking?"

"Would you have gotten so hard and paid so much attention to the film if it hadn't been your sister," Kara asked, ignoring my question.

I felt myself blush. "Kara. I love you and I always have, but for the first time in my life you made me see you as a desirable woman and not as my sister. Every time I've watched those films – and I should tell you we've watched one or the other of them at least twice every night since I bought them - I've wanted to make love to you."

"Then why don't you?" Carl suggested in a matter of fact manner. When I looked at him, I could tell he was serious and that his suggestion was genuine.

I sat back like I'd been hit in the chest again. I sputtered, "You ... you ... you ... you mean ... you mean you'd ...I'd ... she'd ..." I couldn't put the whole thought together in one sentence. A long silence ensued. My brain had finally fried all its circuits. Kara went and got us some more beers and some cheese and crackers. I found myself staring at the water in the pool with random sexual thoughts just rushing through my head. Carl and Kara seemed content with the silence between us all.

Suddenly, I heard Kara say, "Oh, look here's Ally."

I turned and a beautiful buxom young woman in her mid-twenties came strolling across the backyard from the equally large house next door.

Kara introduced Ally to me with some words about her assisting on this or that video, and emphasizing that she was now directing the current film they were doing – another film calledLove Strokes. I recognized her immediately. Without thinking, I blurted out, "Oh yes. You were inTrial and Error – towards the end. You fucked Carl and ... and you made love with Kara." The words were out before I realized how inappropriate they probably were.

Ally said, "Right," with a smile and apparent appreciation for my recognition of her role in the video. She delivered passionate kisses to Kara and Carl, then came over to me, pulled me up to a standing position, and proceeded to kiss me passionately, her tongue even darting into my mouth just before we broke our kiss. She said, "If you're Kara's brother, you deserve a big kiss too." She pasted herself against me and we kissed again; this time I got into it.

Ally said to me, "You kiss nice. Maybe later we'll do it again." She pulled up a chair between Carl and me and joined our circle.

I blubbered out something about my kisses being limited to Melissa these days, really a throwaway comment I didn't expect anyone to pay attention to.

Kara quietly said to me, "You can kiss me that way if you want to." She reached over and squeezed my hand. My brain went into fry-mode again. My sister actually wanted to have a sensual kiss with me.

I sat numbly watching Carl and Ally talking about shooting schedules and holding hands. There was a comfortable air about their being together that I just sort of appreciated for what it was. I felt I should be having some profound thoughts, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what to think about.

Kara pulled her chair closer to me and took my hands in hers. "Doug, you should know some things about us that might make you feel better about all this." She explained about the loving relationships they'd formed across the three families and with Ally, as well as how they got started doing the films almost by accident when four of them were out of jobs, money and hope. I learned that Ally lived with Kara and Carl most of the time. I also got a dose of the group's philosophy about love and relationships. Not surprisingly, they were close to what Mel and I espoused.

Kara said, "It's important that you know that we all love each other. We are not only best friends in every nuance of the word; we are also each other's lovers and confidants. We are also each other's business partners and spiritual advisors. Our lives are inextricably intertwined with each other in every way and on every level you can think of. This is not a swing club or a group grope that we get off on now and again. We are as serious about our relationships as you are about yours and Melissa's. We work at them every day and in every way we can think of."

I asked in a quiet voice of understanding, "So you almost have a group marriage here?"

"Yes," Kara answered. "One where we believe you can love more than one person and that Love is in such short supply around the world that we should share it."

"I know 'Unconditional Love' was the underlying themes in the two films," I said. "See I did do more than just get my rocks off watching them. I got the not so hidden messages in them." I paused and asked, "So you don't care if Ally goes off with Carl?"

"Oh, I care a lot," Kara explained with a smile. "I hope they can find the kind of place they'd like to make love – the ambience. I hope that if they want friends to join them that the others find them at just the right time and in the right way to please them. I hope they have a sensual experience that brings them to new and higher levels of understanding about themselves and each other. I hope their orgasms are mind-blowing and memorable. Yes, I care a great deal. I want them to be happy. In return I know they think of me in the same way."

After a pause, Kara asked me, "What kind of a relationship do you have with Melissa? How would you feel if she had an intimate relationship with someone she cared about? What would she say if you had a relationship with one of us?"

"Oh, those are tough questions to think about. We talk about it sometimes. She'd like to have an affair with a guy she works with a lot. She's told me not to feel threatened and I don't, but I don't like her going off with her friend in that way. She broke it off before it developed into anything."

"Because you owned her?" Kara asked me.

"Because I thought we were committed to each other," I said.

"Does commitment mean ownership and exclusivity?"

I thought a minute and said, "Yea. Mel and I keep bumping up against this point in our relationship. She doesn't want to be owned nor exclusive. She says she's more committed to her own growth and to mine, than even I am. Besides, there's a complicating factor you don't know about."

"What's that?" Kara asked with great curiosity.

I explained, "Well, you know I lived with two gals in college – Mel and Joy, and Joy went off with another guy after graduation. We felt committed to her and her happiness even though it didn't involve us. There was some hurt there when she left. I guess we had wounded egos."

Kara nodded and I went on, "Anyway, a little over a year ago one of Mel's friends had a blow-up with her husband. He kicked her out – very messy. She came and ended up living with us for almost a year. Her name was Katie but now she's left us too. She felt my lack of acceptance of Mel's having a relationship with this guy she works with – Richard – would all have been different if she hadn't been around. She said she changed the 'dynamic'."

I paused and went on, "I didn't feel jealous or any of these things when we forged a relationship with a woman, but I guess I do if it's a guy. Should there be no difference? Am I running a double standard?" I never had these realizations before so just posing the questions made them breakthroughs in my thinking.

Kara looked surprised at my revelation. She thought for a few minutes as I pondered my questions.

Kara asked, "Would it be different if you were friends with the guy and you all shared the philosophy that I outlined for you a moment ago? That instead of feeling jealous and having your nose out of joint, you wanted her to have a fantastic experience with her guy friend and you even did things to help make it happen in a way that made it wonderful for her?"

She went on with a further question, "How come she didn't feel threatened when she brought Joy or Katie into your relationship?"

I said, "You're right. She wasn't threatened because she was willing to accept whatever the outcome was. She loved me – and them – enough to allow us the freedom to be together in any way we wanted. Besides, Mel is a rebel and I know she took pride in having an unusual relationship at home compared to anyone else we ever knew. Until you guys, that is."

Kara nodded at their unconventional life style yet probed my thoughts further; "Can you feel the same way she apparently did? Can you be more of a rebel?"

I slowly nodded. "Our discussion a few months ago would have been so different. She would have been so happy at my support and I probably would have been too – in the end. Instead I made it an uncomfortable scene with Mel and then Katie blamed herself because she was odd man out and she abruptly left us. She was someone I loved and wish would come back in our lives every day."

"Have you talked about it since then?" Kara asked.

I responded, "Yes. No. Not really. There's so much all tied together and I guess we need to talk. Hearing you talk about your extended family has given me some new perspectives." I gestured to the houses on either side of Kara's. "With this approach it's so much easier to talk about relationships and bring things like this out in the open. Mel is so much better at all this relationship stuff than I am."

Kara said, "No, you're just being cautious and protecting yourself rather than putting the focus out there – on her and her happiness. Take a risk. Turn it all around. One way you know you love someone is when you're willing to let them follow their bliss – even to help them do it – and even when it's risky for you."

Kara paused, leaned in, closed her eyes and kissed me very tenderly on the lips. I felt that kiss echo around inside my body for thirty seconds. I kept evaluating what I felt by the kiss, and then it came to me – I felt Love in every way imaginable.

She pulled away and went on, "Look, why don't you go call your wife? Tell her what you've learned and what you're feeling." She laughed, as it was clear I continued to evaluate her kiss. "She's probably waiting for you to report on our film business anyway, right?"

I grinned and nodded, "I'm going to take a little walk down your street. I need to have a special conversation with my wife." As I stood Kara stood too and gave me another soul searing kiss with her lithe body pressed against me. I got aroused. She finally pulled away from our hug and pushed me towards the side of the house.

As I started to walk around the side of the house, Carl said loudly, "We'll start dinner cooking while you're gone. Let's say it'll hit the table in about forty-five minutes." I waved my Blackberry over my shoulder and disappeared around the corner of the house.

Mel answered the phone on the first ring. I could hear the kids in the background, yet I told her we needed to have a marriage changing conversation. The Pixie gave me her full attention after she situated the kids in front of the television with bowls of Cheerios.

"Mel, I love you. I really love you," I told her. "I've just had a wonderful talk with Kara ... and well, she's infected me with a philosophy of love that's changing how I think about things. It also influences their films and how they interact with their circle of friends. It's also changed how I think about you and Richard, and about us and Katie."

Mel said eagerly, "You've got my full attention. This sounds earth shattering."

"I'll try to pass this on as I heard it from Kara. I'll miss some here and there, but you'll get the gist of it," I said. "She talked about her group – the seven people in the last movie. They're like a big family that takes pleasure in giving to the people they love. They love each other and have learned more about sharing and giving to each other more than anyone we've met. They're their own person first, so they have that self-empowerment to give, empathize and love with others. They're not dependent on other people for love, yet in just giving they get ten fold in return."

"They've reached a realization that they can love more than one person at a time. They don't subscribe to the concept of monogamy, and don't buy in to some blind adherence to a Bible or other religious or social tenet just because it's there. Instead they challenge it with their own thinking, strengths and emotions. I sense they're a very spiritual group. They've all found that each of them has the capacity to give of themselves to a few other people that they deeply care about." I paused and added, "Mel, I feel they've even embraced me into their circle."

"They don't put demands on each other, nor do they feel the need for exclusivity and couplehood as we were inculcated growing up. They seem to be a fluid group that puts their love, time and attention on the people in the group that seem to need it at the time. They don't own each other and are not possessive; they're committed to each other yet without jealousy. They even taught me a new word – the opposite of jealousy – 'compersion.' It's when you find joy and contentment in watching someone you love find some kind of bliss with another person."

"Kara said she's never felt so satisfied, so loved, so cared for and so supported in her life, and I assure you she had very loving and caring parents growing up." My mind flashed to the happy childhood I'd had in the same household.

"When they have problems and disagreements they invoke lots of communication and seek 'win-win' solutions to settle them. I haven't met them all, but she assures me they have different styles, needs, wishes, wants and desires just the way any group of seven people would; they just see the world differently from others and take delight each day to learn the viewpoints, thinking and traits of their friends."

I went on trying to summarize Kara's and the group's philosophy for Mel. "One sentence Kara said to me that had a lot of impact a few minutes ago was, 'The greatest sin is the unlived life.' She also said, 'This life is too short to allow the people you find you love to pass by with that love unrecognized and unfulfilled.' This really jarred my thinking."

"She summed it up by saying, 'We believe that what you give out comes back to you; if you give love, you get love in return.' That's why their films carry the message of love and sharing, and of joy and a blending of hearts. If all we see of the films is the sex, we've done a great dis-service to my sister, Carl, and all her friends. There's so much more here."

I paused because of the long silence at the other end of the phone. "Mel? Mel, are you still there?"

"Oh, I'm more than still here, Lover," Mel said softly to me. "Can I tell you something, honestly and openly without you getting mad or defensive?"

"I'm open to it," I told her.

"I've been living this philosophy and trying to teach you these messages since the day we met. I'm there and I've been there since I was a teenager and started reading books about this kind of philosophy. It's everywhere in the literature where enlightened people gather."

All I could do was utter one word in that instant, "Wow." After a pause I added, "I'm a slow learner."

We had a comfortable silence, but mostly it was Mel letting me think through a few more things.

Finally, I spoke again, "Oh, one epiphany I had involves you and Richard – the discussion we re-started over a month ago and never finished because I got my ego all involved and didn't see things as clearly as I do now."

Mel cautiously said, "Go on."

I urged, "I want you to feel the freedom to follow your bliss with him – or anyone. If some relationship with him is important to you, then please pursue it with my love and support. I would like to meet him, but that's not a requirement. I'm not giving you 'permission' because that would imply ownership or control, but what I am offering is 'acceptance' without strings."

"Thank you," Mel said. "I don't know where things are between us, but I'll be seeing him tomorrow about some new work. Don't worry about what might happen – I'll keep it low key, and do know that what I do, I do with love in my heart for you."

"I got it," I replied.

Mel said more enthusiastically, "You're in a transformational environment down there. Enjoy every second of it and feel the same freedom and openness to enjoy and participate in the relationships you form. As you said to me, if you can, share them, but don't think of that as a requirement." She paused and added, "Unless I'm wrong, I suspect you're about to have a few more epiphanies tonight; just enjoy them – and I mean in every way possible. I love you."

We talked a few more minutes and then promised to talk more the next day. When I looked at my watch, I was surprised that I'd been on the phone nearly an hour. I also found I had walked almost all the way back to Kara and Carl's house after my extended walk.

Ally welcomed me as I came around to the back of the house. "You've been crying. Is everything OK?" she asked softly as she pulled me into a hug. I rather enjoyed the pressure of her shapely body against me as she held the hug without a trace of reservation.

I pulled away slightly so I could look at her beautiful face; "Yes, better than fine. I just had one of those great conversations with my wife that transcends love and life. Here I am a thousand miles away. Oh, well."

Ally gave me another full body hug. I whispered "Thank you."