by hairyhunny
Seems a bit unbelievable but was a good red regardless.
I do hope that the next chapter is not to far off from reading
I understand this is what it is, but you should really avoid using big words that you clearly don't know the meaning of. You may also want to enlist the assistance of an editor.
For example, "So it was our destiny to be incarnated to the religion of incest", incarnated is clearly not the right word here.
You're trying too hard to prove your literary skills and in the process failing miserably.
Seven years on and we're still waiting patiently..
Well, it is hard to say when I started to dislike it.
- I think it started when they got caught, he didn't fucked his sisters girlfriend, his sister was forced to get the morning-after pill and he just moved out.
- It's also unlikely that he ignored his mother and sister, his mother wanted all of a sudden a baby with him and bought him a new car. I don't like that. He should just have visited and raped her with his sisters help ... like in his sisters fantasy.
- Then ... the doctor game. I don't like that he called his sister the whole time "nurse" without asking her name, I don't like that he stopped "raping" his mother (well, he did nothing. She wasn't completly naked and he didn't fuck her, so where was the rape?), I don't like that they destroyed so much clothes (what was the reason? I don't think doctors cut clothes off. And it wasn't part of the rape game anymore), I don't like that his mother allowed Ben to cum on her pussy so that he might be the father, I don't like that all were watching and I don't like that she forced her son to move back home.
There was so much potential ...
But nevertheless it is well written and I enjoved reading to a certain degree. 3/5 points. [2.7/5.0 if I could be more precise, because there was so much content that was crap. But you could write really good stories!] ;)
That is just plain silly. I won't read the next chapter.
the idea of leaving home to get his own way back fired when his sister and mother conspired to railroad him was great. Please please continue the chapters.
you have to complete 3, 4, 5........... Very erotic Dont lets us down!!!!
Loved it.Very entertaining with a definite twist of humor.
Loved both chapters and am eagerly awaiting #3 and hopefully more. I do agree with the one comment that it was a little overboard to open the window, but it made for some great voyeurism to the plot. Very HOT and well paced writing.
One of the best stories I have read on Literotica. Have to go talk to my sis and have her read the two parts and then we have to fuck the night away. I can hardly wait to put my swollen dick into her gorgeous pussy and then up her ass because I don't want to jerk off tonight......
I loved it one of the best I've read so far ur a great writer where's the third installment I can't wait looking foward to it hope u write it soon
lov the story, after reading this i when an fucked my wife so hard i had black and blue balls and she was smiling for a wk. lov this site. thanks from mr. happy
ps i now going to have a baby girl wow lov this site.
I think it was well written,but the crowd cheering them on would result in cops.But may a friend Ben? and it could be a opener to a 3 rd story where Ben seeks help getting his mom's love.
.... I'll assume Mom caught you & Sis playing (giving you the benefit of the doubt), after that, a very over-active imagination took charge and put the pedal to the metal. It’s an extremely good thing your characters can’t sue you for public abuse, although the level of creativity it took to dream up some of the more outrageous circumstances gets a hat-tip from me. - - - Oh, one other thing before leaving ‘Wonderland’, please get yourself a competent Editor. Lit has a staff if all else fails. The butt-load of syntax errors was like having to walk through a cloud of mosquitoes. I would have given this a 5 just for creativity, but wound up as a 3 for editing problems. Best of luck in your future endeavors. - - - Regards, Kabitzers Anonymous
That was so over the top. I was literally laughing myself to tears.
But, I think you may need them to serve a little time in jail for their lewd public behavior. Just kidding! Actually it was a really imaginative and well written story. I hope you continue the series. Quite impressive for a first submission.
Thanks for the wonderful follow up to a great story line!
I do hope the series continues for a long long time.
I kinda liked the story until he moved out and the mom wigged out. Why wouldn't he go home when his mom sent the picture of his naked sister? It just doesn't sound believable at all. And then the whole thing from the car to the doctors office seemed like you were trying to jam in as many crazy ideas as you could possibly think of. I was a little surprised a circus didn't go by the office window.
Your first of this series was well written. You started off this second part quite well until you got to the point of him coming into the office amd then having his sister opent he windows and blinds so anyone can look in and watch. No doctor is so sex crazed that she would jeopardize her practice and livelyhood. And no son irregardless how perverted he is would subject his mothe and sister to that. I understand this is fantasy but please try to make the posts a little more realistic and believable.