All Comments on 'Playing Light Tag with Sis'

A nice story spoiled by the mother father bit

Mom and dad was a bit much. Otherwise a good effort.

It was going so well and then you introduced Mom & Dad...as if...lol....... a promising story spoilt.

I kinda agree with anonymous that the mom and dad thing kinda spoiled it.... If you write another like this keep that escalation for a separate story so the brother and sister have time to develop their own story and feelings and give the audience time to adjust to the current characters before you suddenly thrust in these new characters

The original version of this story ended with the daughter looking up and seeing the parents watching them through the window. In retrospect I should have left it that way. I agree with the criticism that adding in the parents diminished the story. A definite learning point for me. I appreciate the feedback.

Loved the story

You have to feel sorry for circumcised Americans. Here in Europe where we don't practice genital mutilation nobody needs lubricant.