Playing Pretend

AN: Transmasc, disabled erotica by a transmasc cripple in the flesh. There will be no misgendering here. Hope you enjoy.

CW: transmasc x cis male with pregnancy kink, talk of pregnancy/impregnation, brief mention of regrets surrounding top surgery; transmasc bottoms

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Alex and Gil hadn't had a date night out of the house for just the two of them in over a year. It had been before Jack had joined them to form their triad. Alex remembered their last time, though not as vividly as he may have liked to. Gil had taken him to Rocky Horror and gotten a hotel room next to the theater. It used to be a divey joint, they'd stayed there in college and Gil had turned his nose up, but it had been restored to it's original 1890s glory as the neighborhood had gentrified. Alex had slept through most of the show so when they arrived at the hotel he was rested enough to stay up until it was nearly sunrise and they both collapsed in a heap.

Tonight was Alex and Gil's turn for a date night and, with John's blessing, Gil had booked them a room in one of his favorite hotels by the beach. They were going to have to keep things pretty low key, Alex hadn't had much energy lately, so they just planned for dinner in the hotel restaurant then a slow evening in their room.

Alex wanted to save his hips for that evening so he'd spent the day in his wheelchair. At the restaurant he transferred into the booth so he could snuggle Gil's side and the waiter tried to take his chair to put it in the coat room.

"Please leave it," Alex said, "Here, I can fold down the back so it fits under the table."

The waiter watched and thanked him for getting it out of the walk way.

"So," Alex rested a hand on Gil's thigh, "I was thinking you might want to indulge a bit tonight."

Gil looked at the menu but smirked, somewhat pleased that Alex was already being a problem.

"That was the plan, chou," Gil's tongue darted over his upper lip as he perused the steak menu even though he knew he would end up ordering a fish.

"Well," Alex rubbed his lips together, "I was thinking about that thing you like that you haven't had in a while," his fingers applied more pressure to Gil's thigh.

Gil frowned. He was pretty sure he knew what Alex was talking about, though he wasn't sure why this was being framed as though it were for him.

Gil leaned closer and murmured, "You want to top me?"

Alex pulled back a bit, shook his head, "What? No? Did you want me to? I didn't pack for that-"

Gil was shaking his head already, "No, no, I just thought that's what you meant. What did you... what are you talking about?"

Alex's smirk returned and he leaned in, whispered it in Gil's ear. Gil's face was blank for a moment, brows a bit raised, mouth a bit open.

"Really?" Gil whispered.

Alex's smirk had been joined by a furious blush, "I know you must be missing it."

Gil nodded, face and neck warming with a blush to match Alex's, "You want to? Not just for me?"

Alex rested his head on Gil's arm and said, "Well, it is for you, but I do enjoy it too."

That was all Gill needed. His hand clutched Alex's under the table, kept him pressed firmly against his thigh.

"You're perfect," Gil practically growled before returning to the menu, "How much can your stomach handle?"

Alex bit his lip, "I need to be a bit careful but I did plan for this so I'm ready for quite a bit. We should start with salad. Not too heavy on the dressing or else I won't be able to keep going."

Gil nodded knowingly and flipped back to the appetizer section on the front of the menu, "You want the cesar?"

"Mhm, I checked the menu before we came, I think I want to get a pot of hot tea too."

"Good idea," Gil was scanning the menu with a renewed sense of purpose, "How do we feel about the asparagus?"

"Probably too greasy," Alex bit his lip, "I was thinking of the acorn squash. And I'm assuming you want the bass so I was going to nibble on that."

Gil was massaging Alex's hand into his thigh, letting it push toward the crease between his legs.

Gil ordered for them, starting with salads, dressing on the side, and a pot of green tea. The waiter seemed nonplussed by the drink order and didn't try to take their menus as they were clearly still using them.

"I love you," Gil whispered, kissed his head, squeezed his hand.

Alex rested more heavily against Gil's side. He felt safe. Felt wanted.

When the first course came, Gil ordered their next course, an acorn squash salad and a salt bass. Alex ate slowly, chewing meticulously. He let Gil rest a hand on his belly under the table. When the next course came, Gil fed him bites of bass between his salad.

"This is excellent, by the way," Alex gestured to his salad, "You should try, the squash is warm so it melts the cheese a bit and the arugula is a bit wilted. The olive oil is peppery, salted great, really, this is right up your alley."

Gil took a bite and smiled, "Oh, yes, that's beautiful. We could make that at home, couldn't we."

Alex hummed and nodded, swung his legs a bit in anticipation of his next bite of fish. Gil inspected the salad and jotted down notes, then fed Alex another bite.

"Daddy will feed you anything you want," Gil reached to grope Alex's belly again.

He was more or less between flares with his stomach issues but that didn't mean things were working as the would for someone with healthy guts. Even though Alex hadn't had the equivalent of a full sized meal he was heavy and bloated as though he'd just had a feast.

Alex groaned lightly, "I'm already so full. We may have to wrap this up pretty soon."

Gil kissed his head, "That's okay, I can finish the squash for you if you want to save room for dessert. They have that rose ice cream here that you like."

Alex hummed, nodded, and accepted another peppering of kisses. When they were younger Alex would have sucked in his gut, would have batted Gil's hands off of him. Feeling this full would have made him feel so wholly undesirable that it would have been impossible to be intimate that night. But not anymore, not tonight. He relaxed his abdominals and let his stomach bulge freely. Let Gil caress it. Let him whisper sweet things about how beautiful he was, how nice it felt to touch him.

They skipped drinks. Got a slice of peach pie and a scoop of rose ice cream for dessert and ordered a creme brulee to the room, then went up. Alex was excited, but Gil was vibrating. He wouldn't go so far as to say that this was his favorite kink, but he almost never indulged it so when they did it was especially delightful.

In the elevator though, his demeanor sank, he turned to Alex and said, "You aren't going to make me tell Jack about the kink, right?"

Alex shook his head, "No, I wasn't going to push that. I get... I get why you wouldn't want to share that. And I don't think it's particularly bad for our relationship to keep just one secret."

Gil frowned, pushed the feelings of guilt away and told Alex, "I don't want to keep a secret, I just can't have that conversation yet."

"I get it," Alex rotated to face Gil more fully, "We don't have to talk about it anymore either."

"Thank you," Gil visibly relaxed a bit, "May I push you?"

The elevator dinged as they arrived at their floor and Alex hummed, "mhm," so Gil could push him to their room.

Inside they both paused for a moment. The awkwardness of the elevator conversation was still on their minds. Alex pushed himself toward the bed then swiveled in place, back and forth a bit. He paused facing Gil and smirked a bit. He kept his expression soft, his smirk more gentle, more of a suggestion than it usually was.

"Gil," he rested a hand on his belly, "Do you want to undress me or do you want to watch?"

Gil swallowed. He wanted to eat him. He wanted to pull his cock into his throat and take bite after bite out of him until there was nothing left. He wanted to give him anything he wanted, however he wanted it.

"I want," his voice broke, "I want to give you whatever you want."

Alex rubbed his belly, eyed the way Gil licked his lips. Without another word, Alex started unbuttoning his shirt. He was still wearing an open cardigan over it but he'd intentionally skipped the undershirt today so that beneath each button was a fresh expanse of bare skin.

By the second button Gil had realized that he wasn't wearing anything under his shirt. He openly bit his lip and watched Alex undo the third button, revealing most of his sternum right up to the edge of his scars.

"God," Gil leaned on the wall across from the bed, "God, you're beautiful."

"Mm," Alex pushed a hand under his shirt, across his chest.

He let the fabric ripple and pull to reveal his left chest scar. Gil groaned.

Alex undid another button, working from the bottom this time, he caressed the lower part of his belly and watched Gil's pants get tighter.

"Daddy," Alex spoke softly, "Can you help me finish?"

Gil was in front of him in a single breath. He knelt in front of the chair and when Alex splayed his legs to make room he pulled the chair forward, into him as closely as he could with the footplate pressing into his knees.

"You are perfect," Gil whispered, "Daddy loves you so much, I'm going to take such good care of you."

"Here," Alex fingered the next button up from the bottom, "Slow," he instructed.

Gil's throat tightened. He undid the next button and cautiously palmed Alex's belly.

"Oh, baby," Gil growled.

"Yes," Alex leaned into his touch, careful not to apply too much pressure to his already aching belly.

"Can I do another?" Gil was looking up from between Alex's knees, eyes big and doey, lips slightly parted, gaze flitting between Alex's eyes and his belly and his exposed collar bones.

"Uhuh," Alex put a hand on Gil's cheek, stroked the fleshy part of his face above his jaw with the outside of his thumb, "What a sweet Daddy you'll be."

Gil made a sound in the back of his throat, fingers frozen on the next button.

"Sweet, sweet Daddy," Alex elicited another whimper.

Gil undid the button, rested both hands on Alex's belly. He used his elbows to rest his weight on the frame of the chair and leaned forward, then hesitated.

"May I?" he looked between Alex's face and belly.

"Mhm," Alex moved his hand to rest on the back of Gil's head.

Gil kissed his belly. Lightly at first. Then he planted a firm kiss. He used his hands to push the shirt up and kissed further up his belly, finishing just above his belly button.

"You're the most beautiful pregnant boy," Gil palmed up his front, down his legs, "Can I get you in bed?"

"Mm," Alex scratched behind Gil's ear, "I can transfer on my own."

Gil untangled from the wheelchair and offered Alex a hand, which he batted away.

"It's easier for me to just do it," Alex braced against the frame of the chair to push himself up, then stepped over his foot plate and next to the bed.

He leaned against the mattress and looked at Gil, eyes raking up and down his body, "I think you should go next."

Gil made a deep, chesty noise and lifted his hands to his collar. His hands looked heavy as they moved down the line of buttons. He had worn an undershirt, because he was civilized, so there was another beat before he was fully unclothed above the belt.

Alex was drinking him in. He sat back onto the bed and started pulling off his shoes.

"May I?" Gil was back at his knees.

Alex salivated. Spread his legs a bit. Nodded.

Gil took his right foot, pulled it off his heel, then slid it forward. He deposited the shoe next to the wheelchair and moved to remove the other one.

"You're beautiful," he murmured, nuzzling his belly and nudging Alex shirt upward, "Can I do the next one?"

"Mhm," Alex leaned back a bit to give Gil better access to the next button.

His lips followed, warm and soft behind his hands. He fingered the next button. Alex nodded. There was only one left before his shirt would fall open. They held eye contact for a beat before Alex gave one more nod and Gil released his shirt.

"Gil," Alex massaged his shoulders, "I want you naked."

A warm wave washed over Gil and he got up to shuck off his pants. At first he was in a hurry but he caught himself before his belt was off and slowed down. He left his underwear on while he stepped out of his pants and folded them. He knew he he looked nice in this pair, he knew Alex liked this pair in particular, so he lingered folding the pants and brushing out the wrinkles, feeling Alex's eyes on his butt. On his bulge. On his thighs.

Suddenly Alex had a goofy grin, "Oh my gosh," he held a hand to his chest, "You tanned for me, didn't you?"

Gil blushed a bit. He admitted that the night he locked himself in the bathroom for two hours with a bottle of wine was so that he could exfoliate and apply self tanner. He didn't have to explain to Alex that it took so long because he used a makeup brush to contour. That was why his ass look particularly perky and his thighs particularly muscular.

Alex's grin settled into a soft smile, "You know you don't have to do that, right?"

Gil shrugged, "I wanted to. It's nice sometimes. And before I knew about your intentions for the night I was going to try to take you swimming in the middle of the night."

Before Alex could respond, room service knocked on the door and they remembered the creme brulee. It was a bit early. Oops.

Gil shrugged on a robe and made sure Alex was covered, then got the door. He accepted the plate through the door and double checked the lock on his way back to the bed. He left the plate on the bedside table and loitered in front of Alex, nudging his knee between Alex's.

"Where were we," Gil caressed his cheek.

Alex had Gil discard his underwear before they went any further. He let Gil remove his pants and help him into bed. He knew if he let him Gil would carry him anywhere he needed to go. Part of this kink for him was the service aspect of waiting on Alex as much as he'd allow. So he let him lift his legs into bed and help him scoot up against the pillows and when Gil offered to prop up his legs with some pillows he didn't stop him.

"Perfect baby," Gil whispered, rubbing Alex's belly.

Alex was almost certain that every time he indulged Gil in this kink there were moments where Gil forgot that they weren't really pregnant. But Alex wasn't getting ready to ruin that for him. He had no intention of taking anything away from him in those moment.

"Your baby is perfect," Alex affirmed and rested his hand on top of Gil's, letting him drag it around his belly.

"Mhm," Gil wilted into the bed next to him, "My baby," his nose kissed Alex's hip and he shut his eyes, stroking Alex's belly for a few long languid minutes.

"I love you," Gil whispered again, "I know this isn't real. But I... I appreciate you letting me pretend that it is. And I appreciate you not making me feel bad about it. I love you. Thank you, baby."

"Of course," Alex scratched behind Gil's ear, "You're my love bug, of course I want to give you this."

Gil hummed and pressed more firmly against Alex's side, "Baby," he rubbed his thighs, "Do you want a massage? Do you want anything?"

Alex stretched, shook his head, "I'm having a nice time like this. Honestly, I'm most looking forward to taking a bath with you after."

"Mm," Gil purred, "You know we don't have to have sex? This is... Just getting to pretend for a bit is the thing I really enjoy. The sex is great, but this is also good alone."

Alex rubbed Gil's chest, "I could go either way. Just, yknow, if we do anything penetrative I need it to be gentle."

"Of course," Gil pouted a bit and ran his knuckle over Alex's belly.

They snuggled a while longer. Alex asked Gil to masturbate and he propped himself up on the pillows a bit more comfortably. Gil interlocked one of his legs with Alex's and rested a hand on Alex's chest just above his belly, palm overlapping with his scars.

"Oh, baby," Alex groped Gil's leg.

Gil palmed over himself and got things going. Alex snuggled him, pet his chest and his abdomen.

"Such a sweet Daddy," Alex whispered, Gil shuddered.

Once Gil had himself hard, Alex slowly rolled on top of him, legs still interlocked so Gil's thigh pressed into him.

"I want you," Alex pawed at his cock.

Gil held Alex's hips, helped him steady himself on top.

"God you're beautiful," Gil was sitting up against the pillows quite a bit so Alex didn't have to lean far to get a kiss.

"Baby, I already want to come in you," Gil held him firmly but didn't dig his fingers in, he knew how to be gentle.

He didn't put any pressure on Alex's stomach and didn't try to pull him onto his cock, just helped him gain his balance on top.

"Mm," Alex stroked Gil's chest, "You're a perfect partner."

"Thank you, love," Gil looked up with those big eyes, those dewy lashes.

Alex rose up to start working Gil's cock into him. He was moving a lot slower and more awkwardly than usual as he tried to keep from causing any unnecessary movement to his stomach.

"I have you," Gil's hands offered some support and balance.

"Thanks," Alex was rocking back onto him, his body weight pulling himself down onto the cock.

It took him a while and by the time he was fully seated back in Gil's lap he was exhausted, "I need a sec," he explained and laid down on Gil's chest, "If you need to move a bit to stay hard please do."

Gil tried not to move but Alex needed more than a sec to rest so he ended up thrusting, slow, gentle, short strokes for a couple of minutes until Alex regained enough strength to sit up and ride Gil. He kept a hand braced on Gil's chest and thanked him for helping hold his hips so he had something to lean on and could just bounce slightly.

"Oh, you're the most beautiful pregnant boy," Gil repeated.

Alex could tell Gil wanted his hands free to touch him so he leaned forward to take off the weight he'd been resting in Gil's hands, "You can touch whatever you want."

Gil's hands were conservative at first, staying on Alex's butt while he rode, but soon they crept closer to some touchier spots. He felt up Alex's butt crack, pulled some of the wetness from his front until his asshole was lubed enough that Gil felt safe rimming him with a finger.

"Good boy," Gil cooed, wiped his hand on the sheets.

Alex whimpered and ground against him.

"Is that your spot?" Gil asked.

"Uhuh," Alex had it just right so that the tip of Gil's dick massaged the part deep inside him in tight circles, "right there," he breathed.

There was a warmth in his belly that competed with the pain from overeating.

"Gil," he breathed again, raking his hands over Gil's chest and grasping a nipple, "Gil, oh my god."

"Mhm," Gil arched into the grip on his nipple until Alex released him, "Do you want anything?"

"No, no," Alex was in a good rhythm now, working Gil's cock into him.

"You don't want anything on your cock?"

Alex shook his head, "Non," he switched to French even though he knew his accent would be sloppy, "This is for you, love. Please don't think of me too much."

"How could I not," Gil responded in French without thinking, then switched to English, "How could I not think of the person carrying my baby. I want whatever you want, I want to give you anything."

Alex groaned, ground on Gil's hips.

"Remember when I had breasts," Alex sounded mournful for a moment and Gil remembered how hard that decision had been on him.

"Yes, love, I remember them. Are you missing them?"

"Mhm," Alex's eyes were a bit watery.

"Oh, poor baby," Gil sat up the rest of the way so he could hold Alex to his chest, "You know you are perfect either way? You are still a beautiful pregnant person?"

Alex's breath was heavy, "Thank you, Gilbert," Alex embraced him back, figured he needed it, then nudged him back into the pillows.