Playing With Fire in Winter

Snow crunched underfoot as I made my way around the edge of the small village off the highway. Further into town were coffee shops, various businesses, and a small grocery store. That's not why I came here today. My mind wanders over the various fantasies that have plagued my thoughts for years. The cold winter air rushed over my flushed cheeks, the razor sharp cold chafing my skin. I sucked in an icy breath before blowing out a cloud of vapor. There was a dark slithery stirring in my belly and it was hungry. Ducking behind a large oak to shield myself from the wind, I lit up one of the natural menthol cigarettes I had borrowed from one of my roommates. Sheila didn't mind, but at this point I should just buy my own packs. I just didn't want to admit I'd started smoking again.

Breathing in the acrid smoke that burned my lungs, I let myself lean against the tree and check my phone. Nothing. It had been nearly a full week since the last time I'd received a message from him, but I was still holding on to the hope that I hadn't been abandoned. I rested my forehead against the rough bark and sighed. I was so foolish. My lust had made me do something stupid yet again and I now had to accept the consequences.

I started walking again. The light flurry that had been drifting down when I had first parked was now becoming a cloudy white wall that was closing in on me. I could hardly see beyond the treeline where there was a small walking trail. I made a mental note to return when the snow melted and the ground dried. Kicking a chunk of ice down the snowy path, I thought of him. NorthernCryptid. His username was the only thing I knew about him. I called him North. We had met three months ago when my loneliness drove me down to despair and I was desperate for some sort of connection. Normally, while trolling the erotic chat rooms, I would tease and joke with people in the public room before receiving a few chat requests that led to short disappointing conversations. North was different.

North had spoken to me like I was a human and took an interest in me beyond sexuality. We had talked about horror movies, musicals, art, literature, and our mutual interest in body modification. That connection's spark turned into a flame when the conversation had turned sexual. Slowly, and then all at once, I had revealed my true self. I was a starving incubus. My body craved so many dark naughty things that it made my head swim. He studiously took in my list of kinks and probingly explored my fantasies, all the while teasing me with the new information. After a few days of chatting anonymously, we moved to a messaging app. We didn't disclose our names, but began to send pictures back and forth. At first it had been horny memes and screenshots of the erotica I'd been reading. Then, he had sent me a picture of him standing at the edge of a bed wearing only suit pants. The picture was cut off at his neck, but I could see the thickly coiled muscles beneath tan skin that had been wrapped in dark black tattoos that swirled around his biceps and crept down his forearms. His left arm held a black and white rendition of Notre Dame that stretched up to his black-inked shoulder that held little stars and angels. His right arm held a strange rendition of Dante's nine circles of Hell where demons flit between stratems of sins.

"Nice hotel, right? Wish you were here." North's message had instantly flipped my switch. I typed out and then deleted several potential replies. "What? Did you get flustered, cutie?"

"No, the app just glitched out on me." I lied. He replied with a laughing emoji. Rolling my eyes, I bit my lip and opened my camera roll. I periodically took erotic pictures when I was feeling confident. Often they sat unseen in my ever-growing pictures file. I remember holding my breath as I selected one and sent it.

A gray square appeared in the chat box as the image loaded and I felt my heart race. It wasn't anything too out-there. The picture had been taken from behind by propping my phone up on the coffee table. It showed the back of my head, short mop of curly brown hair over an undercut, and the entirety of my bare back and rump as I stood with my back arched and ass presented to the camera. Visible at the nape of my neck was the tattooed sigil of Lilith. The juncture of my thighs was only just covered by the cheap black pvc and faux fur cuffs that joined my wrists together. Based on our conversations and his previous consent, I knew the picture would be okay. Nevertheless, my heart raced as I worried about what he would think of my body. A white dot circled in the middle of the screen before disappearing as the picture loaded. I closed my eyes and waited for the message notification tone.

"Trying to tease me?" North sent a picture in return. A pair of oxblood red leather cuffs dangled by their connecting chain from his fingers. They were of good quality and looked to be specially lined with a silky black material. "I think these would look much better on you."

"Me? Tease you? Only in as much as you've tried to tease me." I cheekily sent an angel emoji.

"Touchẻ, naughty boy." North typed. "What else do you want to show me?"

"What do you want to see?" I bit my bottom lip in anticipation. I was giving him the leash, if only for a little while. "All you have to do is ask."

"Dark." He used the nickname from my username; DarkCollector. I waited for what he would say next, ready to obey. "Show me the rest of you."

I'd had the feeling that would be his response. I'd already picked out several more pictures that I wanted to send. The first was a picture of my body from the waist down. I had taken it to show the progress of my hormone therapy. A light trail of curly brown hair trailed down my softly rounded belly, which had flattened and gained muscle from the testosterone, to the waistband of the tight black and white striped boxer-briefs I wore. My leg hair, while still light, had grown darker and curlier in the picture than in any I'd taken previously. I was pleased with how strong my calves looked. The next pic was a cheeky selfie from my bed that I'd intentionally cropped to cut off half my face so he could only see my grin and the many piercings in my ears that were the same surgical steel as my labret. My shirt was off and dark denim jeans undone to reveal a pair of red boxers tented slightly by my packer. My chest held twin scars from my top surgery and the pair of tattooed heart-shaped nipples. I then let him wait before I sent the next picture.

"Teasing again?" North typed. "Dark, I want you to show me everything. Lose the boxers and let me see your eyes."

"Oh? Is that an order?" I continued to tease.

"Do you want it to be?" My heart raced. He knew how much I liked being told what to do in a sexual setting. "If so, then don't make me repeat myself."

The third photo I sent to him was of my strategically placed reflection in a mirror as I straddled it. With my cellphone in one hand, I'd squatted over the mirror and posed so that my body was on display with my pussy fully visible. Still, my shaggy curls had obscured my eyes. I waited till I saw he was typing to send the fourth picture. I was on my back, soft green eyes looking straight into the camera. Between them shone my bridge piercing. Self-conscious of many things about my body, I held my phone tightly as I waited for his response. Doubt filled my head.

"Good boy." Elation filled me. "You're so handsome. Why didn't you share earlier? Were you shy?"

"No!" I had typed back quickly. "We just didn't know each other well enough to send face pics."

"Don't get riled up. I'm glad you decided to share with me. You're so cute that I could just eat you up." North's words made me think of him leaving bite marks all over my pale skin.

"When can I see you?" I waited, hoping he'd send a picture immediately.

"You made me wait, so as a punishment; I'm going to make you wait." I could nearly feel the cocky grin through the text.

After that, we exchanged several more pictures and messages but he'd kept his face hidden from me. It was tantalizing in a way, his anonymity. He could be anyone. North knew that I would always wonder if he was just around the corner. Even if we were to bump into each other I'd think him a stranger, but he would know me. That kind of play exhilarated me. He'd teasingly guess when I was taking a coffee break, but we both knew he'd just picked up on my schedule naturally through conversation. Slowly, our teasing chats turned into roleplay. Our mutual kinks were explored late at night through paragraphs of longing. He perfectly described the ways in which he would touch my skin, restrain me, punish my body for being so damn sexy, and take me as his fuck toy.

Then, about two weeks ago, we spoke on the phone for the first time through the chat apps' calling feature. His low gravelly voice had instantly caused a fluttering arousal in my abdomen. I'd hardly been able to speak clearly as he growled into the phone. North had probably heard just my heavy breathing for a solid quarter of the call. He hadn't seemed to mind and escalated the call to phone sex. It had been intense and the multiple orgasms that had come so easily to me at his gruff orders was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. After having phone sex, and emboldened by the anonymity I felt online, I had revealed more to him. Little things. The first name I went by and my age. I left little snippets of my life, teasingly giving him just too little to be able to find me. Our conversations left me craving his voice so badly that I ended up initiating our next call a week later.

It had been late at night when I decided to send him a message. I was half-hoping he would be asleep and wouldn't answer. I'd been laying back in bed reading some particularly arousing erotica when I'd felt the sudden strong urge to have something in my mouth. I was so horny that I was producing drool. Thinking of one of the recent pictures North had sent me, I'd slipped my middle and ring finger into my mouth and imagined the feeling of his large hands on me, feeding me his cock. Unable to shake him from my mind, I'd sent a picture of my flushed face with my fingers in my open mouth. I was surprised when the message back was nearly instantaneous.

"Shove them in deeper." North had typed. I obeyed and pushed my fingers as deep as they could go into my mouth before sending another picture. "That's my sweet obedient boy."

"Did you say 'my'? Thinking of owning me already?" I teased, sending the message without considering how it could be walking into a trap.

"Is that where your mind goes to when you think of me? You want to be owned, claimed, and ordered around by someone you don't even know and who has no hope of enforcing anything? Interesting, but that's not what I'm looking for so you won't get the reaction you want. You missed the mark." I winced as I felt my pride bruise. He was right, of course. I had only been teasing and knew the likelihood of this turning into something more was incredibly low. Of course a long-distance relationship would be impossible. I craved more. I wanted physicality. While North was able to slate my lustful hunger with his dirty words, it wasn't enough to nourish me. Sighing, I wondered if he'd finally gotten sick of my games. Then, I saw that he was typing. "If you were honest with yourself, you'd find you don't want that either."

"What do I want?" I felt a little irritated.

"Tell me what you want." I thought of North and all the dark sexy things I craved. He was luring me and it was working.

"I want to hear your voice." I responded without thinking. Before I could send another message, my phone buzzed in my hand and his profile picture filled my screen. I held my breath then answered. "Hello?"

"Hi, Cypress." His voice rumbled through the speaker. Ever since I'd let it slip, he'd started calling me by my name. "You said you wanted to hear my voice."

"Uh, yes." I bit my lip. "Thank you for giving in to my request."

"Is there anything else you want? I don't mind if you're a little selfish." North chuckled.

"I want..." I closed my eyes and considered the long list of kinks we had in common, many of which had been invading my waking moments as well as my dreams.

"Tell me." It was a low rumbling order. There was nothing forcing me to answer, and yet something pulled me to obey.

"I want to be hunted. I want to be chased down and consumed like prey. Capture me and make me your sex pet. I want to please you and feel the excruciating pleasure that would be your touch. Oh, North, I want you. I want to see you. You drive me mad." The words came out in a rush. I was practically pleading for him. My face felt hot with shame but saying it out loud had felt like a weight lifting off my chest. "I've waited so long for someone like you and I want to do everything you want. Use me and abuse me. I'll be dripping for you."

I heard the sharp intake of breath before a low rumbling chuckle. "Tell me more. I know you've been holding back. Naughty boy. You'll have to be more specific. Tell me your fantasy."

"I want to be greedy and have you only be able to think of me and nothing else. I want to invade your thoughts and have you obsess over me to the point of stalking me down. Piece by piece consume me and take me in." I licked my lips. "We've talked about CNC before, but I don't know if I can express how much I want it. I need to be surprised by your hands around me, manipulating my body and forcing me to acquiesce to your every whim. Bind me. Use me. Humiliate me. Fuck. I want to be taken from behind by you before I even see your face."

I was panting now, unable to hold back the reaction my fantasies were provoking. My hand had already traveled between my thighs and was putting pressure on my clit beneath my boxers. I rubbed against my hand, waiting to hear his response. "You want me to come take control of you? Use you as I see fit? Oh, my darling, teasing, Cypress. Sweet slutty boy. My good boy, Cypress Weston."

I froze. He'd used my last name. I swallowed hard as my heart raced. The adrenaline rush I felt was like an icy bucket of water. Suddenly, the danger wasn't as controlled as before. A lingering quiet stretched between us and I felt goosebumps prickle up along my skin as North chuckled. "What's wrong, baby? Afraid?"

"Yes." I knew he could hear the sound of my rapid breathing. Despite myself, I found this new development intensely arousing. I pressed my thighs together and held back a whimper.

"Good. Do you want more?" His voice was a seductive purr.

"Yes." I said again, my mind feeling numb as I was led to hell by this stranger.

"Yes what?" He barked.

"Yes, Sir! I want more." I, embarrassed, hid my face in my pillow.

"See you soon, Cypress." He chuckled before hanging up the phone.

My mind had surged through all of the possibilities. I had hid my information online relatively well. The first name that I gave him wasn't even my legal first name. He had probably just found one of my social media pages. Still the dark thoughts of him really coming after me were tempting. Part of me really did want everything I had said, and yet I was terrified. North still hadn't shown me his face or given me his name. The only thing that I knew about him was his skin tone and tattoos. I doubted I could recognize a man by his body alone and certainly not under clothes. It chilled me even as I found myself heating up.

Now, as I turned a corner to head back to my vehicle, I nearly laughed at myself for considering that North would be anything different from the other random people I'd met on the internet. He had been silent for a week and ignored every message that I sent. Even the picture I had sent went unseen. It had been a sudden disappointment. Still, I held out hope that he was just preparing me for the next message. When I looked down at my messaging app, I stopped in my tracks. He was gone along with all the messages. I looked up his username and found nothing. Either North had deleted his account or had blocked me. I stared blankly at my phone screen. What. The. Fuck?

I stuffed my phone into the pocket of my charcoal gray leather jacket. The absolute asshole hadn't even let me know he wasn't interested anymore. I pushed my way angrily through a snowdrift in order to cross the street. I'd been ghosted. For years I'd been waiting for someone to press my buttons like he could and it all fizzled. I tried to shake North out of my head. I considered what I would do now. I could get back online and see if anyone sent messages to my fetish profile. Perhaps I could return to the erotic chat rooms where we had met. Both options were lacking.

In my frustration, I found myself mindlessly walking and now the street in front of me came to a dead end. Growling out my frustration, I kicked a lamp post and heard a metallic clang ring out into the darkening night. I came here for a walk after work to calm myself down and now I was even more riled up. I turned around and looked up the empty street. A wall of white snow obscured the end of the street. I could barely make out the empty church parking lot where I'd left my car. It mostly was hidden by a large factory building and was a few blocks away.

As I crossed the street, I saw the dim headlights of a car in the distance coming down a cross street; the only sign of life in the otherwise silent town. A melodic burst of sound accompanied the buzz of my phone in my pocket. My roommates were probably wondering why I wasn't home yet. I picked it up without looking at the number. "Hello?"

"Hi Cypress." I nearly stumbled as I heard North's voice on the line. I looked at my screen and saw it declare the call as an unknown number. Chills ran down my spine as I walked a little faster. "Did you miss me?"

"H-how did you get my number?" I looked around as I walked past the factory, keeping close to the brick wall.

"Isn't this what you wanted? You've been squirming for days. Didn't you miss me?" North's chuckle elicited that familiar fluttery feeling in my abdomen. I said nothing, but kept trudging through the growing blanket of snow on the sidewalk. I could feel the snow clinging on to my pants and melting against my hot skin to drip into my boots. My toes were going numb from the cold. When I didn't answer, he continued. "Is it a nice evening for a walk?"

I slowed to a stop at the corner of a street. My mind raced, but I clung on to rationality for as long as I could. He must have heard my footsteps crunching in the snow. Feeling uneasy, I lied. "Oh, yeah. It's beautiful here. Just some snow on the ground."

I held my breath, waiting for him to accept the lie. Distantly, in the background of the call, I could hear the slush of tires through snow. Too shocked from his question to realize the light had turned green, it was yellow before I could move. A dirty white car steadily passed me and continued on its way. The sound was like an echo. I once again looked over my shoulder but the roads were clear except for the red brake lights fading in the distance. "Liar."

"W-wait. You're not here. No." I sputtered. "North?"

His chuckle was cut off by the line going dead. Fear gripped me and I felt my body go icily numb. I walked as quickly as I could on the snowy ground, but the sidewalks were slick in some areas and I didn't want to risk falling down. By the time I had reached my car, I was puffing for breath. A layer of undisturbed snow coated my door and the car was locked. I looked around me once more and quickly got into the front seat. My fingers lingered over the lock, trembling. Instead of locking my car door, I pulled out the last cigarette I had on me. My fingers fumbled over the lighter, unable to make it spark. Frustrated, I threw it and the cigarette into the passenger's seat.