by arcbound08
definitely need an editor and some premise as to why this is happening would have been nice.
Before you decide to post another story, you should learn how to write a sentence. Hopefully you are aren't too old to learn to recognize a run-on sentence and the difference between past tense and present tense.
Even more basic: remember that fiction and realism are not mutually exclusive. If I were to write a story and describe someone lifting a full-size car over his head, I would make sure the reader knew he was Superman or The Six-Million Dollar Man. Likewise, if you write about an adult man who's mother decides to have sex with him after he tells her he is horny, you normally should try to explain this unusual behavior. Hypnosis? Drugs? Nymphomania?
I'm sure there will be some horny stroke artists who disagree with me and tell you not to bother improving yourself. Unfortunately, those people aren't your co-workers or bosses or perspective employers or anyone else you might want to have a good impression of you.
I couldn't get through the first few paragraphs. The story idea may have well been a good one, but I couldn't get by the poor grammar.
I do suggest you go to school more often, or live in a country where english is the spoken word,
I liked it. Strip poker with mom is a good idea. You really capitalised on it's erotic potential. Don't worry about the grammar, syntax, or spelling. I make those mistakes too. The important thing is the substance. I got what you were aiming for and liked it a lot.
I can't believe I wasn't my time reading this story. The person that wrote this is either twelve years old or lives in a foreign country. Your grammar is TERRIBLE!!!
great story who cares what the others think keep up the good work and maybe for your next story it could be about a sexy aunt if you need to know about an aunt for inspiration let me tell you about mine lol
Keep going . It is good and Erotic. Donot give attention to the distructive comments . Thank you
you know what mate that story is awesome dont listen to these losers.
gramma or bad gramma that is a good story and easy to read
You desperately need an editor. The concept was interesting; the grammar, the verbs, the tenses were all over the place. If you write more, before you submit it, have it edited. It will improve your stories out of sight. But thank you for this. Regards.
i LIKE TO PLAY STRIP POKER WITH SOMEONE MOM OR MINE I DID AND WON
It's funny, creative, and well-written. One strong suggestion, though, dear Author. Give the boy a name. You know, like Kevin or Sean or Bill or whatever. It helps the reader personalize the frisky lad, and, surely, his mother does know her boy's name, right? Probably calls him by it sometimes. Like when he's shoving his big hard cock up his own mother's mommy-hole and unloading his young balls up the best, most loving cunt in the whole world--his own mother's cunt.
poor grammar but I had sex with my mom after we played strip poker. It was the best sex and poker game I ever had. She is now 6 months pregnant with my twin boys. I am happy to be a father to be.
I agree with the comments about proof reader, it is a distraction. The storyline was good , but a bit wordy. I got the impression that English is not your primary language.
I read the other comments, and I agree with D.irtyO.ldM.an. I only made it through the first several paragraphs. It was just terrible, however, I had to laugh when some of the other comments had grammer as bad as the story.
Gina
mom wanted a cock in her pussy but sucked him off, he needed relief after he had already beat off...continuity, dude.
But you need an editor. I would be happy to edit your next story for free. Let me know...
Really needs editing; storyline not bad. Could be longer and really need's to be edited
This young man knows how to treat his mom. But you need a proof reader...any way, nice read. thanks
That are telling you to ignore the naysayers. The naysayers are your friends. They want you to improve yourself. The clownish "yes men" kiss your butt because they want to keep you down at their uneducated level.
Listen to people like D.irtyO.ldM.an. He's giving you good (and free) advice to help you get better.
So it comes down to what you want. Do you want to write at a 6 year old level like the idiot rah rah crowd, ot do you want to join us adults in the grown up world.
I would have given a score of five if not for the changing tenses and bad spelling.
Great story, but consider getting someone to edit for you to make your stories even better!