Poly - The Way Forward

As my readers know, I have written often about polyamory, primarily polyandry (one woman with two or more men). Mine are not traditional 'reverse harem' romances, mainly because I know from personal experience the complexities of poly. But in these times of crisis, I believe that poly may be the best option.

Why?

At the core of male-female relations, beyond the apparent self-gratification of sex, is procreation.

Yes, there are other factors at work. And as the mother of DINKs (double-income, no kids), I thoroughly endorse the opinion that procreation is NOT for everyone.

Nonetheless, it has historically been a primary societal consideration in formulating family and tribal structures. Historians, anthropologists, and sociologists tell us that the move from hunter-gatherer to farming was the primary cause of the shift to monogamy. Marriage was an institution to ensure that the offspring of landowners/farmers were, in fact, their own. I won't get into the complexities of the subjugation of women and children here.

But it makes me wonder...

In a time of climate crisis, global pandemics, and looming economic, political, and societal instability, might it not be time for another shift?

Poly has historically been about the procreation of children. In polygamy, one man with more than one wife, it is about producing the maximum number of children. Many religions, such as Islam, recognized that by stipulating that a man could have only as many wives as he could financially support.

But the reverse is also true. Though much less common, polyandry has been about keeping limited resources in the family. Nepal is one of the few remaining places where this tradition continued to thrive into modernity. Among its native mountain-dwelling population, brothers often shared a single wife. This inherently limited family size as a woman can only produce one baby per year, and more likely one every two, no matter how many men she copulates with. So, polyandry made economic sense in cultures where the resources were limited.

It also made sense in war-like cultures where men were likely to be killed. Polyandry ensured that the wife and children left behind would continue to be cared for, particularly if the paternity of those children were unknown.

Of course, for much of the world, monogamy was the winner. In particular, heterosexual monogamy. But does it still make sense for our changing world?

With eight billion people on the planet, we are struggling to feed them despite technological advances in agriculture and transportation. That does not even take into account all the other necessities, such as housing, clothing, and educating the young.

On a personal level, few young people can actually afford children. Not merely monetarily but in terms of time and attention as well. Most couples find themselves in a position of having to choose between housing, clothing, and feeding their children or giving them the love and attention they need.

In a poly family, whether that be polygamy, polyandry, or newer forms of mixed polyamory, it is easier to do both. One or two members of the family can afford to stay home and provide all the essentials not only of childrearing but also homemaking while others earn income outside the home. Forget double-income families, triple or more is possible in a poly family without sacrificing the emotional, educational, or physical needs of the offspring to overburdened and underpaid childcare or educational system.

It goes beyond that, though. As the COVID-19 pandemic shows, life is fragile. While it has a disproportionate effect on older and less-abled bodies, this virus has claimed the lives of fathers, mothers, husbands, and wives. With the acceleration of global warming, this virus may be the first of many new pathogens the human race will face. Not all of those may discriminate based upon age or health.

Poly families are inherently more stable and able to absorb the shock of the death of one or more of its members. Yes, that sounds incredibly cloud. But it was at the core of poly from the beginning of time. If one member dies, the others can absorb the children of that union and continue to provide for it.

Of course, poly has other advantages as well, such as a broader base for the emotional and intellectual satisfaction of its members. Being able to turn to someone beyond just the traditional bonds of marriage is something that we all do. But that does sometimes result in jealousies, or worse. Plus, it is not always easy, even in these days of mobile phones, texts, and video chat, to have instant access to the emotional support you need. Not so with poly families where you have more options for hugs, long conversations, or other support.

And since this is Literotica, lets' not forget the sexual aspects of poly. The ability to have multiple partners, guilt fear. Variety is the spice of life.

Though my two personal experiences with poly have shown me that it might be a bit too hot and spicy from some's tastes. Poly also has jealousy, and misunderstandings are more likely the more people are involved.

Both my new husband and I had been in poly relationships before. Initially, we had agreed to poly for ours as well. Then, I suggested that we stick to monogamy, at least for the time being, because I wanted us to focus on our relationship. Four years and a ring later, it is not a decision I regret.

Why we reconsider? I'm not sure. Obviously, at over fifty, the procreation aspect of it is not relevant. Financially, we have been relatively secure, but who knows what tomorrow brings in this scary new world. Sexually, I think we are both satisfied. Emotionally and intellectually, I have never been more stimulated.

But that unknown, that instability and uncertainty of death is a significant weakness. He has faced that dilemma already. I am his second wife, after the death of his first whom he had been married to for twenty-five years. I don't doubt he could get out there again.

I am not so confident that I could, though. It took me thirty-five years, two failed marriages, a disastrous long term relationship, and two-hundred-eighty-nine lovers to find one good man. What are my chances as a fat middle-aged woman of finding another? Indeed, being a poly relationship with already established trust would make that more likely.

But we're not rushing out to look. Nonetheless, these challenging times have reinforced my belief that while poly may not have worked for me, I do believe it is the best long term option for the continuation of the human species, for raising children, and providing a stable, loving home to all its members.